Chapter 20 – in which we return to Chapter 1 and wysiwyg

“0=1” mutters Josh the Jubilant... trying to figure it out for once and for all.

“What was that?” Gill enquires.

“0=1... I’m sure it has to be incredibly obvious, I just can’t for the life of me seem to get it clear in my mind.”

“No, of course not Josh. You were never supposed to get it clear in your mind.”

“Then how am I supposed to Be? How can I change everything and fix the mess I see around me?”

Gill laughs affectionately. “Why on Earth would you want to “fix the mess” as you put it?”

“Well isn’t that the whole point? Isn’t that what we’re doing here at g-nome portal?”

Gill laughs and laughs till tears run down her face, and strange to say it but Josh doesn’t feel annoyed. Her laughter seems to lift something in his heart. He joins in the merriment laughing too.

“So you see,” Gill says in a lull in the laughter, “how could we fix what isn’t broken – what is working perfectly? It was the good intentions of the Story Strategy Council and most of humanity’s attempts to “sort things out” that have taken us deeper into the confusion and chaos of I-mind/it matters. All of our fixings and sorting and correctings only removed us further from the moment Now, from the isness of Be... only got in the way of the narrative which has to constantly oscillate between darkness and light, male – female, between its two poles of north and south in order to remain unified, to be One.”

“Well isn’t that just it, Gill. You’re talking about it being One – so then it would be One equals One, as opposed to zero.”

“Of course it would, and thus it is – One indeed equals One – for what it’s worth.”

“Which goes to show that everything I’ve learnt at g-nome portal has been wrong.”

“Yes, indeed.”

Josh receives this like a heavy blow. He’d not realised it but the strange, mystical formula 0=1 however outlandish it had seemed, had nonetheless offered hope – for how else was the circle to be squared, how else were things to be put right? It had to be something so fundamental, so simple, so clear that it cut through all else, all of matter and what not... but now even Gill, how was it possible, even Gill had admitted it was false, and somewhere deep within he felt a loathing – a hate – I knew I couldn’t trust her, I knew she couldn’t really have the answer, or Dorothy, or Nerys even... they don’t think the way we do, these women, they don’t really understand the nature of things...”

“The nature of things?” Gill interrupts his angry thoughts – “No, we don’t need to understand the nature of things, for “nature” and “things” are far apart. We understand nature, and know what matters.”

“You know what matters? How can you say that? You’ve just admitted that one in fact equals one, that everything I’ve learnt at g-nome has been wrong...”

“And in doing so I’ve helped you find the last level of your defences – the deepest antagonism – the belief that the woman, the female is your enemy – that she stands between you and what matters, that she prevents you from knowing and understanding what is.”

“Well, if she’s going to be illogical and change her tune midway through the argument, then obviously it’s impossible to speak with her as an equal. You can’t reason with the devil.”

And again Gill erupts in more of this inexplicably light, crystal bell-like laughter. “How is possible she can laugh at such a moment,” Josh thinks to himself, and carries on thinking until his malice and anger is fully dissolved by her lighthearted mirth... and he joins her once more in laughter and merriment.

“There is no thing to explain, dear Josh,” says Gill jubilantly. “Nothing has ever been explained or proven that way, for the mind is like a dog that’s got a bone between its teeth and just won’t let go. Only when you’re back in spirits, back in joy can you see the wood from the tree, can you feel, can you know...”

A pause... as Josh feels what she’s saying, before involuntarily he lets slip:

“Know what?” and then he too starts laughing, knowing the absurdity of it all.

“So “zero equals one”, paradoxically, in no way contradicts one equals one, nor zero equals zero.”

“I don’t get it Gill, for the first time I’m able to feel what you’re saying but my mind is...paralysed.”

“Mercifully, it’s finally come to accept its limits – thanks to the deeper truth that you’re feeling and allowing through.”

“But I can’t live without knowing – it’ll drive me mad.”

“Who said anything about living without knowing? Knowing, however, is first and foremost a feeling, a female thing – it’s deep intuition and it harbours no doubt because it comes from the isness and our oneness with all that is.”

“Ok. I can feel that now. But what about understanding – is there any way I can explain it to myself?”

“Yes, of course there is, just as soon as you’ve recognised the real obstacle standing between you and knowing what is...”

“Which is?”

“As we’ve seen – a deep suspicion of the other side – of the female if you’re male, of the male if you’re female – a suspicion that we don’t like to admit to ourselves, that we hide in logic and rationality... which provokes all our emotional remonstrances...”

“Strange... I can’t for the life of me see why I should have been so angry with you – and accused you like I did of not being able to know. I can accept rationally that women can see things differently, but a moment ago it was like...”

“Like I was the anti-Christ, the devil coming between you and completely knowing – that if only you crushed me, eliminated me from the equation, you’d have finally got the long sought after answer to all that is.”

“... yes, ... er, how did you know?”

“Been there Josh already. We’re all the same you know, it’s just women are on one side of the life-matter curve,”

“And we’re on the other? So which of us are the goblins?”

“E-n-b.”

“Either – neither – both... Yes, I see. But really, in all seriousness, how can a woman’s mental inconstancy be of any service in the quest for truth?”

“Do you have any idea how many enemies you’ve just made by stereotyping us in that way Josh? Most women today think the same way men do – they’ve been educated that way. They’re not going to take kindly to you effectively saying they aren’t educated! But polemic aside – the female side of the equation can be cyclical like the moon, and that would certainly appear to the male sun to be inconstant with its waxing and waning, it’s lightening and darkening. The women for their part, especially the wise ones of old – the witches, as you called them, were at a complete loss to see how men could be so blind to the obvious secrets of nature – the truths as opposed to the monolithic truth. They saw and still do see everything in terms of ebb and flow, birth, death and rebirth. They didn’t need to talk about “reincarnation” they just felt and knew that nothing is created or destroyed, and they learnt how to interact beautifully, magically, elegantly with the cycles of nature, and their own inner cycles. They would, at times, allow themselves to go into what appears to be madness, the dark side, to replenish themselves, to emerge with new wisdom and strength, until the men prevented this by imposing a new story and burying the old.”

“So men persecuted the divine feminine you mean?”

“Men persecuted the divine masculine no less than the divine feminine – for both are ultimately one... 0=1”

“But I thought...”

“Yes, you thought, but I’m not bound by your rules of non-contradiction. Let’s allow paradox free rein to work its magic. The wind is unconstrained to blow from West and from East. The moon to rise in the day and in the night... to wax and to wane, but instead of focussing on the words themselves, isn’t it time you expanded beyond the what of word and felt the breath instead?”

“How do you mean the breath?”

“Well, how do you breathe?”

“Like everyone else – in and out.”

“And which is more important?”

“...er, does there have to be a more important side to breathing? Surely they’re equal.”

“That’s what you think rationally, while being objective, but in your driver’s seat of prejudice, the part of your mind that identifies with your masculinity, you inevitably think something different.”

“I do?”

“Yes, give it a moment – feel it and you’ll see.”

Josh takes a moment to feel his breath – to feel which side is more important.

“It’s strange Gill. Objectively I know you can’t have one without the other, that breathing in and breathing out must be equal, yet in my mind I notice there’s this leaning to one side – that breathing in is somehow more.”

“Correct.”

“But why?”

“Think on it – tell me yourself.”

Again Josh breathes in and out – getting himself balanced and calm till the answer comes of itself.

“Because breathing in is more a doing – and I’m more a doing person, as a man.”

“Yes, that’s right – and a woman can be too – no less.”

“And also because breath is bringing life into me – like the word “inspire” whereas breathing out is more like “expire”.“

“Correct, correct. So you see how the mind leans one way.”

“But isn’t that natural – I mean – shouldn’t we be on the side of life as opposed to death, or good as opposed to evil.”

“You should if you’re part of the I-mind/it matters game of life, in which case you’ll spend the whole of your life, every minute of every day learning what the consequences of your only too natural human bias are.”

“You don’t mean to say that being positive about breathing in causes suffering or harm?”

“I don’t mean to say anything. If you come back into the natural rhythm of your breath, the natural rhythm of your heart beat, the natural rhythm of the moon, or the seasons or the ages of man, you’ll see that there are not two sides in fact – there is a wave that rises and falls, and preferring the front side of the rising wave to the back side of the descending wave merely pulls you from centre and ensures you come out of isness into “itness of what”. Welcome to 3D reality. It’s yours to enjoy – should you so choose – or yours to destroy – or yours to...”

“To what, Gill?”

“Dot dot dot...” the third – neither creating nor destroying – just experiencing wholeheartedly, fully.”

“But how?”

“How what?”

“How can we experience life wholeheartedly when it’s so obviously skewed one way – and so bloody painful too?”

Gill tries her best, really she tries to keep a straight face – she does – I know, for I do too – but a curve creeps into her lips, a smile into her eyes, a chuckle, a laugh, and then once again full bellied irrepressible laughter.

Admittedly, at first Josh doesn’t get it – can’t see what’s so funny as he’s caught up in his thoughts, maudlin, which have inevitably strayed to one side... but laugher, as they say, is infectious, and laughter heals, and laughter lifts Josh lightly, gaily, effortlessly back onto curve, back into breath and equanimity and...

Dot dot dot

Why not try it best beloved g-nomers (bbgs)?

“What... try laughing?” they ask, wiping their eyes after joining Gill and Josh in their latest bout of laughter yoga, laughter therapy...

The chat rooms are truly a happy place and a happy face, with the sound stream enabling our bbgs to hear as well as read. Those of you who have missed out on the infectious laughter may be feeling a little in the dark, but if you try the magic of breath I guarantee you’ll be able to breathe in the infectious golden gaiety of laughter that’s nestling between the words on this page.

“Between the words? Isn’t that what Gill was referring to when inviting Josh to go beyond “the what of word”?”

Correct, for between the words is a space, no less important than the outbreath, no less pregnant and full of meaning than the 9 month gestation period before giving birth. We have tended to focus on the “it”, the thing, and ignored the silence, the space, the darkness between, and then we try to rectify that by starting a new thing, a new “it” such as meditating.

“What have you got against meditating? Isn’t that a good way to connect with the other side?”

Yes and no.

“What do you mean?”

Precisely that – yes and no. Yes, it’s a good way – no it isn’t.

“But that doesn’t help me...” you seem to frown.

No, not until you breathe it and feel it for what it’s worth, for what it is... then you see, then you know.

And bbgs do just this – breathing my “yes and no” and again, as before, the pause, the space, the moment out of time, the little darkness allows the light to shine through. You get it effortlessly, and doing so, reconnect with curve.

“So meditation can be as much a doing thing as anything else – especially when it’s like a king making a minor concession to his people rather than hearing them in the spirit of equality and oneness.”

Yes, and to be honest – if the king did start listening and responding in the spirit of equality and oneness, he would not remain king for long – there would be no point.

“The people would take advantage of him you mean, or overthrow him?”

No, we’d come back to the natural state of being, where the very notion of a king is sufficiently absurd to split your sides in full bellied laughter... and once again, your patient forbearance beloved readers, we find ourselves dissolving in laughter – this time led by the narrator of this blog, Theophilus I-be-Merry, who somewhat fails in his task of remaining inconspicuous; but let the walls come tumbling down.

Chumba Wumba looks over his shoulder – which almost stops Theophilus in his tracks, but laughter is infectious even to trolls, and the chandeliers in Theophilus’ office start swaying to and fro as Chumba bellows forth his own spluttering, basso version.

Josh, by this point is looking somewhat indignant – “what’s the point having an editorial team and narrator if they keep butting into the story...” he thinks aloud, as we all do, whether we’re aware of it or not.

Gill has neither the desire nor the need to answer – because Josh almost immediately gets the flipside of this and every other thought – the outbreath to the in... “0=1” he murmurs to himself, and settles back into the narrative, back into story which sees him returning to a world, the same world where he started so many years ago... if you’re willing, that is, to accept that 1,300 years have passed.

He’s sitting in his room watching this beetle flying around, banging into the window. Instead of worrying about helping it get out, or considering it a distraction from all the so much more important things he has to think about and get on with, he allows himself to settle into his breath of the moment – feeling the waves of space and time gently undulating throughout, picking us up, ever so slightly, dropping us down...

A moment passes – or maybe more – tis no matter – and the next thing he knows he’s calling out “Roger, I’m coming,” though he can’t for the life of him work out who Roger is, and or where he might be going.

Now Josh puts down the pen he was holding and does something he almost never normally does – he starts breathing magically, as if his breath is connecting him to the beetle that’s flying around, to the room and the dot dot dot – what is not, between.

It feels – so good, so natural, so completely Now... From a vantage point high on the wall Gill observes Josh holding up his arms, not exactly flapping them, not exactly doing anything at all – but in some way using his arms with his breathing to complete the oneness, the connectedness with nought.

“With nought?” – yes – even now, even here our bbgs have the right to ask questions, to dispute or doubt – but the answer is best received through the breath, through the space between words, the inherent beauty, power and poetry of life itself – the isness of be.

From our perspective, Josh seems to completely mould into the moment and without quite knowing how or what or why or anything for that matter – he seems to melt into the fully present moment – the 27^th if you’re a goblin.

“You mean he dematerialises?” asks Applemac74 from the chatroom.

Difficult to say, for allowing myself to stay in the moment, to breathe Story I see something different unfold, but had I remained shallow of breath and on one side of my life-matter curve – yes – he’d definitely have dematerialised.

“So what do you see?”

Ah, best beloved g-nomer – you know I adhere strictly to the wysiwyg protocol.

“The what?”

“What you see is what you get”. So any readers who are following Josh in breathing are now with him in... whereas those who have remained in I-mind/what matters are able to observe the empty room, and are free to wander around, checking every possible place where he could be hiding, reconsidering every possible explanation for what has just, without a shadow of doubt, happened.

This seems to be a kind of a hundred^th monkey moment – as one by one the many bbgs in the chatrooms switch to 0=1 and allow the isness to reassert its natural primacy over seem. And now the chatrooms are almost empty as one by one our many beloved g-nomers find themselves in continuation of story.

Patricia is still holding out, hoping against hope that something rational will happen, and Bluebottle likewise, but as the ether remains hauntingly quiet, yet charged with moment, they too seem to catch the bug.

Patricia: “What do you think Bluebottle – these guys seem to be onto something.”

Bluebottle: “You know – I’d be the last to admit it – but I’ve a gut feeling that this is for real. What do you say we give it a go?”

Patricia: “I will if you will...”

And the two of them effortlessly join the gentle, barely perceptible 0=1 space of...