not what ye think

 

Er... what are you doing Merry?

 

Ssh

 

Oh sorry.

 

One week later...

 

Merry, what are you doing?

 

Ssh

 

Ok, ok.

 

Fifteen days on...

 

Merry, are you done yet?

 Do I look like I'm done?

 

Probably not, but then again, I wouldn't really know, would I?

 

What?

 

I mean, I don't actually know what you're up to, do I?

 

Oh yeah, good point.

 

So?

 

What?

 

Well, you've been sitting there for weeks, haven’t you? You might like to tell me about it... I've brought some...

 

Not hungry, thanks all the same.

 

No worries, I can eat them myself.

 

Zie starts munching on crispy mushrooms.

 

Crispy mushrooms, why didn't you say? Don't keep them all to yourself, will ya.

 

Sure. Tuck in.

 

I needed a break anyway.

 

You're telling me. Have you actually slept in the last three weeks?

 

Difficult to say Zie. I wasn't exactly operating within time in the usual sense, was I, otherwise I’d have passed out by now, probably be dead, wouldn't i?

 

You're telling me! I've never seen anything like it, you sitting there, standing, or holding some asinine pose.

 

Asinine pose? Is that what you call my divine asana? The love-child of generations of intense study, meditation, yoga and inspired madness!

 

Oh, it was an asana? I thought you were trying to impersonate a goldfish having an out of body experience, either that or a radish intent on revealing, by proxy, the inner snail.

 

Ha bloody ha. Very funny.

 

Er... do you have to lower the...

 

tone? I’m sorry, unparliamentary language. Inexcusable.

 

Well, it's not the first time, but no harm done. 

 

On the contrary, it explains my failure to achieve terminal velocity.

 

Huh?

 

Terminal velocity...

 

Sitting immobile? Not sure I follow.

 

You don't have to move to move, Zie, do you?

 

Er, call me a traditionalist but I rather assumed you do: movement being a prerequisite for movement.

 

Where's your imagination, Zie? Movement is the one way guaranteed not to give you real movement.

 

Huh?

 

In the same way real inspiration has to flow through you in spite of your thoughts and personal limitations.

 

Oh right, yeah, maybe, but what's that got to do with physical movement?

 

Real movement has to come from within. I'm going to say something very foolish which I'd like you to forget immediately.

 

Yeah, whatever.

 

Real movement requires a perturbation in your space-timey^ness

 

Excuse me?

In your space-time field, ok? which itself requires a rearrangement of your isness-ness.

 

Oh God 😖

 

Yeah, more or less. God's practically the only way you can possibly begin to comprehend the isness-ness.

 

I mean, what on earth are you on about?

 

Precisely nothing on earth, if that's any help.

 

No, not really.😕

 

Didn't think so but there’s precious little I can do about it. Once you, essentially, step out of time no matter where you appear to be, sitting in the garden under a cherry tree as I am, or on a mountainside in the Himalayas, you are essentially decoupled from Earth, the operating system, busting out, in a state of active not-ness.

 

Oh, so now it's not-ness is it? Not content to graffiti isness-ness on the cave wall of my mind, you decided to go full Plato and drag me outside into the sunlight of my unknowingness-ness.😠

 

Well done Zie, very poetic, the sunlight of your unknowingness seems to be yielding fruits of umbral vermilion.😊

 

I give up.

 

Ok, ok, running ahead of myself. Honestly Zie, you can hardly expect me to be entirely sane or rational when I've barely returned from a close encounter with isness^ness, can you?

 

I suppose not, in fact I’ve never really expected you to be entirely, or even partially, sane or rational, have I? But could you possibly explain what on earth compels you to make such a mockery of normal reality and basic er...

 

Basic what?

 

You know... the way things are done, the way people basically behave, organise their lives...

You mean isness.

Ok, have it your way... damn you Merry. 😡

Tut-tut-tut!

Merry shifts into an elegant one-legged-crane asana which calms things down noticeably, and reality, imperceptibly slips back to where they left off a minute or two ago.

...the way people basically behave, organise their lives, without the need to invert the field.

 

Oh, so you noticed, did you?

 

I...

 

You see, you noticed without noticing you'd noticed – field inversion. Astonishing.

 

Shit.

 

Language Zie.

 

Oops. I...

 

It's ok, it’s to be expected in the circumstances. You're absolutely right of course, I inverted the field, can hardly help doing so, can i? Me being not what I is.

 

As in uncapitalized I?

 

Yes, that and 73.

 

Oh fliminy jiminy, another random number from your insatiable impredictability field₁.

Bingo! You've done it again, you nailed it!

1 Impredictability, as opposed to unpredictability, does not imply things cannot be predicted, but that doing so would affect the outcome until/unless the "I am" and the "it is" are wholly reconciled, as in "0=1". That having been done, all bets are off: mind and matter now correlate infinitely so that, for example, a seemingly random number can trigger a limitless cascade of causality, all things being equal, impredictably, believe it or not.

Oh f***

 

Wow Zie, you’re really letting rip today, aren’t you.

 

F***, what's come over me?

 You've shocked yourself deeply by noticing, once again, without noticing you'd noticed, by speaking from the other side of mind, the side that doesn't weigh and measure what it's going to say, which speaks out intuitively, directly from a knowingness-ness. Your cogito-ergo-me is bound to freak out.

 

Cogito-ergo my arse! You and your bloody theories.👿

 

Well I suppose, now you've come this far you may as well continue daubing your foul language on the crystalline sphere of isness^ness. It won't stick, I assure you.😉

 

Oh, so it's a crystalline sphere now, is it? 😈

 

In a manner of speaking, yes, it can be described that way, but on the other hand isness-ness never really allows words or ideas to box it in. Look, Zie, there's always going to be a personal issue when you come into close contact with knotty-not, or someone who has decompressed the earthly coil, so to speak, collapsing the time function, travelling without moving, bringing infinity back into play.

Time seems to pause a minute or two – maybe more – while Zie disconnects from the grid, unknowingly.

😲 Ok. Er… ridiculous though this may sound, something in what you just said actually totally makes sense; I mean – I don’t have a clue what you’re on about, don’t get me wrong, but I seem to know exactly what you mean. Weird, or what? I must be going mad.

 

Funny isn’t it. I guess letting off steam expletively kind of helps, enabling you to confront the personal nature of things – how this whole shabang is packaged within the egoic cortex, the interface of mind-matter-me over _not

                            not, literally, like x, y and z axes meeting at the place where you’re least in control of your self – at nought, the triaxial intersect.

 

Ah.

 

And suddenly, the isness-ness goes from being an outlandish, alien incomprehensibility to making sense, untime permitting.

 

Huh?

 

Well it's never going to make sense in time, is it?

 

Well, no, i suppose not... 

Not with time being only half the tale, the quantifiable tick-tock of things coming, things going, materially, without reference to the isness-ness, the crucible at centre where x, y and z axes converge – 🌟 shine like a star as the timeless unity: zero equals one. Small wonder i looks t'other way, ignoring the unfathomable glaring sun at the centre of all that is me, where collapsed boundaries coalesce, focusing instead on thingability: a convenient geometric fiction of linear objectivity, fading exponentially into ever-expanding obscurity. Timebound, we fix on anything but the golden isness i be.

Little suspecting the sun in the sky is in fact... is... I can't say it! Why is that? 

3rd law of uncertainty. Moving swiftly on... but, yes, you're absolutely right: it is

So now I'm free of all that? untimified, am i? 

 

Not intentionally, but then again, without realising it, you shifted into a sense-and-sensibility of my i, didn't-haven't-isn’t you?

 

i... now that you mention it, i suppose i... oh heck!

 

Zie is suddenly aware of a vast, vertigo inducing, cavernous isness – a void that under normal circumstances is completely wrapped up, neatly boxed and bound within the egoic me-is-me – who  somehow, now, is strangely absent, revealing... 😱

 

Until, suddenly your attention is drawn to the fact, and your fledging state of awareness suddenly grows unstable, collapses in on itself, suddenly, kerbang! 💥

 

Ow! What the beep!

 

Zie, are you alright?

 

Alright? I...

 

Zie is utterly nonplussed, having imploded, inverted, collapsed in on non-self with a kind of earth-shattering sonic boom. For a second he’s panic-struck, imagining, as the ego is wont to do, that he inadvertently let rip, as in whiffy-whiffy, feeling that prickly sensation of shame, sniffing the air for any telltale sign of cabbaginess.

 

Don't worry Zie, it wasn't you. An instability in the quantum field, brought about by my rather absurd disambiguation…

 

Your what?

 

Well, I went all in, didn’t I, for a week or two.

 

More like three or four.

 

Yes, that's right, and then you stepped in, and you help bring me back to reality.

 

I did?

 

Absolutely. Couldn't have done it without you. Like lady Macbeth I was in nought “stepp'd in so far that, should I wade no more, returning were as tedious as go o'er”; such is the allure, the tantalising draw of infinity. So easy to lose oneself.

 

You mean I saved your life?

 

In a manner of speaking, yes.

 

By popping your bubble.

 

By removing my...

 

Merry, what's happened? You're frozen again, like a bad internet connection on Skype. Shit! What am I meant to do?

Zie's phone speaker starts transmitting Merry's voice... Do? Since when was doing ever a way of solving an issue with time dislocation?

 

Er... 

Part of me is still on the other side of the cherry tree, in the crystalline sphere of is.

 

Er...

 

Quickly, run around the tree... Zie springs into action. Not that way, imbecile😬, the other way, or we’re lost, the whole of reality could implode with me.

 

Zie bifurcates. One part of him rails against Merry for calling him imbecile, the other races around the cherry tree anti-clockwise, nay, on second thoughts clockwise💫, dammit, something’s messing with the optics, in any case, clockwise, anti-clockwise or thirdly...

 Thirdly? What do you mean thirdly?

 

I utterly cannot hope to say dear Melatron, but look for yourself, there's an entirely different axis of perception involved, is there not, which is neither clockwise nor anti...

 

Damn, i hate 2 admit it, but yes, you’re write, confound it.

 

And blastedy blast, for all that!

 

Ah, we seem to have resolved the issue Epsilon.

 

Indeed, Ziphany. Chel will be delighted, I’m sure.

 

Chel? Are you sure?

 

Absolutely. Chel will be ecstatic, without a doubt.

 

If you say so, but don’t you think he'll be...

 

Pronouns, Ziphany! You can’t “he” Chel for love of nought, can you!

 

Nor can you “you” me, Epsilon, talk about hypocrisy.

 

Oh damn, we seem to be caught in Merry's inversion field.

 

Field? How in nought can an inversion field itself?

 

It can’t, of course, unless/until it does. Second law of indeterminacy.

 

Ok, ok! Don’t teach your grandmother to suck eggs.

 

Ah...

 

Ah... Apparently, so.

 

Meanwhile, Zie, running around the cherry tree shares the ah-moment noticing without noticing, knowing without knowing how, and Ah's to a halt in three separate moments simultaneously, unsure which is the real McCoy, which is actually “me”.

 

So you see/ So you see/ So you see... 
in each separate moment Merry starts talking as if nothing could be more natural, and in each separate moment holds a separate asana, each one utterly ridiculous, absurd beyond belief, each one drawing into question the very credibility of reality itself. And suddenly Zie's uncertainty is resolved. The certainty of uncertainty dawns upon him unceremoniously as Epsilon and Ziphany finally resolve their tiffle in a manly embrace, and remember, to their great surprise and amusement, that Chel was in fact an unfurcation if iCh and El, and thus, all’s well that ends well, is it not, beloved ness^ness of is, beloved field of matter-not-ing⁰, if i be write if... 

Zie, what on Earth are you spouting. Don’t ever ask me to take you anywhere again, you evidently can’t handle nought-y-ness.

 

You may be write, Merry, but something tells me our journey is more important than rhyme or reason, that we've put a hitch in time, and now the world’s about to realise thirdly, infinity be in play, ye wist?

 

i wot, for what it’s worth, but more, anon.

 

Utter garbage.

 

You lost the thread.

 

Me? I'm not the one in control of the writer’s pen!

 

No, but you are in control of the field the writer seeks to define or maintain, and what have you allowed it to become, reckless reader, idle dissipate?!

 

I beg your pardon! How dare you speak to me like that! The reader is inviolate, may not be criticised, slandered or condemned, is the neutral, passive, recipient of zer writer’s best attempt at creativity or, at the very least, literacy.

No more, beloved reader, no more. We are in this together and all are condemned unless/until we uncollapse the field of is, unless we restore ness to ness, movement to movement, nought to nought, so help us God.

 

Amen, and tickle me pink, so help 6s God.

 

 

0=1      read no more, it's a scam, a Nigerian prince desperate to inveigle your mind-y-mind, take your money.

 

💭

How to recontain things?

 

Can’t be done. Pandora’s box is opened again, but this time it’s not time allowing things to matter in new and unpredictable ways, is it?

 

Indeed.

 

This time it’s not-time, as in nought, the great and grotesquely unnoticed, unobserved, ignored – now calling into question fundamentally, absolutely, every fundamental, every absolute – starting with me, the great illusion of separateness, the quaint, anachronistic idea that things were ever, truly, what they seemed…

 

If only they could see the wonder, the beauty of is – the field as it flows throughout – unifying all the way back to zero on3 – yet allowing conscious expression, ad infinitum, an awareness of what^ever the quantum field conjures, momentarily into 3D picture boards of flat-mindedness.

 

Of course they can see. Of course. Why would you doubt their adherence to the 1^st, the 2^nd, the 3^rd rules of indeterminacy, master Chel.

 

iCh El, if you don’t mind.

 

But we still have to touch base or else none of this will ever recombobulate.

 

Indeed we do, Lazarus, so let me waive my basic right to be ing^ness, and be-thing three axes instead, for the love of God, so to speak, for the love of all that man can be and do via/through my self inversion. POP!

 Amen.

 

So where are we Merry?

 

No idea Zie. Real movement requires a sense of every^where being here – when the boundaries are down, once time zeros in ^thirdly

 

But, how are we going to get back if we don’t know where we are?

 

Back?

 

To where we came from.

 

Oh! That’s what you mean.

 

Yes.

 

No idea.

 

What?

 

Not the faintest, nor the foggiest… In fact, isn’t it wonderful – deliciously free – to be surfing the waves of utter abandonment, of quantum indeterminacy.

 

Er… well, maybe, but I do have things to do, you know – put the dog out, turn up at work tomorrow.

 

Tomorrow?

 

Yes, Monday morning, you know.

 

Er… have a look outside Zie.

 

Is it going to make my stomach churn violently.

 

Kind of, yes, but you’ll get used to it, I’m sure. It’s like weightlessness, a bit, isn’t it.

 

Can’t say I’m overfamiliar with that, either.

 

Well anyway – the thing is to make the most of the moment – because there’s no knowing what or whether – or whence, for that matter.

 

Make the most of being utterly lost in the space-time continuum?

 

Er… hardly lost – are we.

 

No?

 

16^th rule of indeterminacy – exactly where or when we need to be, right now, corresponding perfectly with an isness^ness in 3D reality, or any other numerical D you might choose to explore.

 

Ah. That’s good to know. So…

 

[boundary imposed to prevent inadvertent catastrophic disambiguation, hereafter icd, for what it's worth]

while the washing machine

 Merry, what's wrong with you? 

Wrong with me? Why should anything be wrong with me?

When you're crawling around on your hands and knees, grimacing and groaning like death would be a welcome break.

Oh that! Technical issues.

Technical issues? What on earth do you mean?

Phase shift.

I’m sorry, I haven't a clue what you're talking about.

I'm going through a phase shift. It's a minor inconvenience which strikes from time to time.

Minor? You sound like you're in agony!

Well there’s no point letting a good crisis go to waste, is there? May as well make the most of it.

So you're just putting it on?

No, that would be deception. It's got to be real but let's call it augmented reality. Getting in the spirit of things.

You mean to say...

No I don’t.

Merry, it would be nice if you would let me finish my sentence for a change.

Sorry.

I meant to say...

Yes I know.

I thought we agreed...

Sorry.

I give up. So how much of this is actually real life agony and how much is augmented?

It's difficult to say really. Once one starts augmenting reality, getting in the spirit of things, the agony becomes less and less relevant because the drama comes to life and lifts you out of the hole you were in.

You mean to say it acts like a painkiller?

Not really, I mean to say that pain is only something you would try to kill in 3D reality. Once you start exploring that pain, playing with it, studying, massaging, dramatizing it you discover that it wasn't really pain at all. It was more an internal disharmony.

Tell that to the man who's just had his foot crushed by an elephant.

Like I said, pain is only pain in 3D reality, as long as everything is fixed nicely in place. But the minute you bring things to the boil, the minute things become fluid, that's when you start to discover what's really going on, what's causing the clanking under the bonnet.

So what's causing your er... back ache?

Phase shift, like I told you.

And in layman’s terms?

It's like moving from one frame to the next, or from one stepping stone to the next one. It's a process which takes you through infinity, and infinity is not the kind of place that you want to get lost in, so the body or the mind or some mysterious force provides an artificial support to lock you in position while you transition from one frame to the next, to ensure you don't get lost in the boundlessness, the isness of infinity.

So you mean to say this pain is actually helpful?

Correct.

In that case, why would you try to diminish or eliminate it by making it into a pantomime?

Well my intention never was to eliminate or diminish it.

No? Isn't that what you said you were doing?

No, I believe I said that I was engaging the so-called pain, unpicking it, removing the packaging, looking inside to see what it is. I knew that it only feels like pain when held at arm’s length, when resisted vehemently. It's no mystery that pain yields to the curious investigator, to the sympathetic listener.

You, sympathetic listener?! You're the last person I would describe in that way.

Only because I tend to interrupt you when you've already told me telepathically what you’re planning to say, but it's fascinating to tune in to the harmony of pain.

I thought you said it's “disharmony”?

I did, but it's only disharmony from the outside; once you’ve got in past the barrier, once you're hearing the actual music then it's quite different. That's why it stops being painful not because you’re trying to eliminate pain itself, but because pain was really a symptom of the disconnect, as you come up to a phase shift, a new frame. Sometimes the next frame harmonizes, but sometimes the composer takes the music in a new direction by shifting keys, and this feels disquieting or downright disturbing. Not understanding this in 3D, you would naturally assume that something was badly wrong with your body, your health, rather than sensing what's really going on at the, shall we call it, quantum level, the symphonic, or perhaps the film-reel level?

I don't see why you can’t keep things simple and stick to a single term.

Yes, it's annoying isn’t it, but single terms have a habit of fixing things in people's minds, and as we're not referring to 3D reality the last thing I would want to do would be to add another layer to our already scarcely digestible cake, so instead of giving you another thing to think about, another thing to take you further from the underlying isness, the underlying music, I prefer to toss terms into the air, into the atmosphere of your mind where they can compete with each other without allowing 'em to dominate the proceedings.

In other words, you're trying to do my head in.

Yes, in a manner of speaking that’s right if, that is, your head refers to the 3D part of your understanding, you're thinking mind. “Doing it in” as you put it, is not my intention as such, but dancing around it and preventing it from dogmatically determining what cannot in fact be determined is my privilege, and may I add, my great pleasure.

Because you have psychopathic inclinations.

Because I operate from more than one frame. People never used to operate from one frame as we do now in 3D reality. It's something you chose to do, it's a kind of experiment you’re in the process of, a rather brutal and bloody experiment I hasten to add.

What makes you say that?

Insisting on 3D determinacy, the “it’s my way or the highway” approach is a bit like a boy with a drum banging it, insisting that everyone else has to march in time to his beat. Or what Darwin refers to as survival of the fittest.

Don't you think you're oversimplifying things? There are lots of people who are able to find common ground, who are able to accommodate the opinions and beliefs of others. It doesn't have to be a brutal battleground, does it? Many people are reasonable, compassionate and full of empathy for the needs and wishes of fellow human beings.

Yes, absolutely. It’s heartening and amazing to see the extent to which humankind has overcome and transcended the limits of 3D reality, but ultimately you can only go so far with a one track record. Sooner or later, once you have collected sufficient data from your experiment, you pack it in and gratefully return to a reality which is not flat and fixed. You say goodbye to 3D reality and once again join your fellow human beings who do not try to operate from within an artificial box. This is not an innovation. This is not rocket science. This is not magic or fantasy. This is returning home to the natural conscious-awareness of a mind that no longer tries to pretend that is operating as a machine would, without reference to all the other inputs which mind has access to.

Wait a second, what other inputs are you referring to?

Well for a start the one you refer to as “pain”, that has me on my hands and knees right now while I go through this quantum phase shift.

It doesn't make any sense. “Quantum phase shift” I ask you, what kind of ridiculous pseudo-scientific terminology is that?

“Quantum” in the sense that it neither refers to nor corresponds with 3D material reality. “Phase shift” in the sense that it's only possible to jump frames, or to shift from one 3D reality to another 3D reality by shifting phase, unfixing your anchor points, allowing everything to revert to neutrality. Most people do this backwards, that is, unconsciously because as far as they are concerned reality is a continuum, something which is with them from birth till death. That’s the matter of fact approach which works fine within the experiment, within the 3D reality, except for people who get sick and die. Unless they are able or willing to phase shift they cannot make it past the block in their road. Sometimes they can get past by accessing subconscious abilities, for all of us subconsciously have the ability to shift phase. All of us are beings of light, multi-dimensional beings, regardless of what we believe we are here in the 3D experiment.

Why do you overcomplicate everything Merry? Why can't you just accept that some diseases can kill people, and that sometimes doctors or medicine can make people better?

Absolutely. All that is true and good within the 3D cartoon strip, but the minute you realize that things are not the defining factor, and that you are not first and foremost a thing with legs, arms and a mechanical brain, that you are something more, something unimaginable to the 3D mind, essentially limitless, then and only then are you able to make sense of what would otherwise be a brutal, cruel reality, for then you discover that every disease, every pain is a message waiting to be unpackaged, is a carefully constructed hyperlink which can and does lead you into the next iteration of I by reactivating your quantum stream.

Huh?

Every frame is merely an iteration of I, but I is in fact limitless, like alpha omega without beginning or end.

Oh, so that's what you're getting at, back to the old I am God thing.

Precisely. Our 3D mind works flawlessly to ensure the experiment can and does continue ad infinitum, and the roadblocks that keep our mind away from non-3D experiences, from awareness that would upset the apple cart of 3D thinkability include various taboo words and ideas, to prevent us seeing what is in fact hidden in plain sight. It's not that we are too stupid to see the wood from the trees, but we are intent on experiencing the trees without reference to the wood for as long as we can, or must. Who sets or holds that intent for us – that’s the million dollar question.

Maybe it’s God. Maybe God wants us to live as mere mortals and not to attempt to supplant him. Maybe a little humility would be the best medicine for you.

Yes. You're absolutely right. Of course it’s God, bearing in mind that God is a term which, no matter how real or true, ultimately only exists, only matters in 3D, for outside 3D no thing is fixed, not even that which we refer to as God.

Blasphemy! Heresy!

Yes, it's always blasphemy to question the reality of 3D reality. It's always heresy to suggest that God is part of the 3D programme, unless we're willing to embrace the totality beyond mind-think.

Enough. I wish to hear no more.

In the kitchen the washing machine commences it’s climactic spin cycle. 

And thus it is. You heard no more than what you wanted to hear, what you were ready to hear. Everything else was dutifully misunderstood, misapplied or ignored. But in the meantime, you kindly assisted me in completing a phase shift, in rediscovering myself, finding the harmony of a new frame, a new square. What would have killed me or crippled me in normal 3D was nothing more than a passing experience, an inconvenience which at first involved some pain, some discomfort, which compelled me to stop what I was doing, to listen, to feel more deeply the message, the meaning, the truth, the beauty within what, at first, I imperfectly experienced as pain. Then, and only then was I able to let go of the old me, the old reality and embrace the new. “Le Roi est mort, vive le Roi!” Believe in coincidence? This time you were present. This time you were part of the process and no matter what you make of it, no matter what you think, somewhere deep inside,  somewhere within you saw and observed what your mind couldn’t or wouldn’t comprehend. You have borne witness. The spin cycle complete. Subconsciously, your unimpeded conscious-awareness has refreshed its memory of how it’s done.

What?!

Can no longer claim to be in the dark.

You mean to say...

Yes. Click. 

Wait, I haven't said it yet.

No need. Yes, the long dark night is over, winter may still seem to be in control, but already the shoots in the earth are stirring and readying themselves for the next chapter. You cannot remember what to do or how to do it but that matters not. Your conscious-awareness brought you here today to watch me die and re-emerge on the other side of the technical barrier, a barrier which 3D eyes cannot see, but which is no less lethal for that. And thus the flame is passed from one to another. Next time you encounter your end frame which could be tomorrow or several years from now, without thinking, without knowing how, something inside will stir, will teach you, guide you how to engage the beauty, the magic, the truth of letting go and rediscovering another me or aspect of yourself waiting on t’other side of an impassable barrier. Death|| Rebirth.

Now, help me up. My drama was exquisite, I'll admit, but it's time to put the washing on the line and cook myself some supper.

Doctor Dee happens

 

Gold cloak?

 

Like it?

 

Er… silver trousers?

 

Actually the colour is platinum.

 

Oh, I see.

 

Well?

 

I’m…

 

Lost for words Zie?

 

You could say. What happened to the forest green Merry, the spirit of nature I used to know and love?

 

Happened? Why bring Hap into this?

 

Hap?

 

My naughty cousin who likes to stir things up and make ‘em as messy and unpredictable as possible.

 

You mean Hap’s a real person?

 

Well, more or less, if a demi-god can rightly be described as a person.

 

Wait a minute.

 

Oh dear, here we go…

 

You mean your cousin Hap is a demi-god?

 

Rewind, rewind – let’s just call him/her a person then, ok?

 

Er… What’s with the him/her?

 

Well, it’s difficult to state exactly what Hap is – your sexual polarity doesn’t seem to apply to all creatures in the universe.

 

You mean Hap isn’t really a human or an animal.

 

Well, obviously.

 

So he’s a demi-god?

 

I thought we’d agreed to avoid using that term.

 

Or a spirit being?

 

Well yes, but that makes him/her sound very ethereal and unreal, which to be honest, is the last way you’d describe Hap in a face to face meeting. Look, let’s just change the subject – it’s never a good thing to talk too much about someone as walls have ears, do they not.

 

If you say so. But, if Hap’s a demi-god – what does that make you, Merry?

 

Well, it doesn’t make me anything Zie – quit trying to extrapolate the quantum field. It’s a waste of time.

 

Well, I don’t see how you can help being a demi-god too if your cousin is.

 

You don’t see – precisely. Just because my cousin is a doctor, or a lawyer doesn’t mean I have to be one, does it?

 

Er… good point.

 

The only thing you can say with any certainty is that I’m not quite human in the normal sense of 3D determinacy. That’s nothing new, is it?

 

True.

 

So, moving swiftly on.

 

Wait a minute – what’s with the ridiculous garb?

 

Finally, you’ve returned to our thread. But as usual, you’ve failed the test.

 

Huh?

 

Your response is totally binary, isn’t it?

 

It is?

 

Yes, either you were going to love it or hate it – in your binary state.

 

Well, that’s not my fault is it – I’m not the one who decided to dress as a character out of Flash Gordon.

 

Who said anything about “fault”.

 

Actually you did Merry – apparently I “failed the test”.

 

As you did, but again, your logic is impaired.

 

Huh?

 

Well, if anyone is at fault it would be me, for having failed to teach you to see beyond the binary polarity of love it or hate it.

 

Well that’s magnanimous of you.

 

Thanks. Now, let’s try again, shall we? Instead of focussing on the external, on the thingyness of my attire, allow it to draw you into a different awareness of things – a different mood, so to speak.

 

Er…

 

Instead of focussing on the strangeness of how I look, allow yourself to see something familiar, something you’ve always known, just never articulated.

 

Oh my God.

 

No please!

 

No, I don’t mean you’re my God Merry.

 

No? That’s a relief.

 

Except, come to think of it…

 

Oh sh**

 

Hey, language man!

 

Sorry.

 

I’m seeing the king side of you.

 

The king?

 

The supreme ruler.

 

Oh please – just because I’m in gold and platinum?

 

No, but I guess that’s why kings would generally wear these colours, isn’t it?

 

You may be right.

 

I’m sensing that the king side connects up to a part of my mind, a part of my operating system – the cap stone of the pyramid, if you like.

 

Very masonic of you.

 

And that the king and God meet at the apex – they’re essentially indistinguishable.

 

Ah. That sounds interesting – but surely God is way more than a king?

 

It’s what I’m seeing – not what I’m thinking. So, what we refer to as God is the point that we can discern – the single point – the apex of infinity which comes down and touches the apex of our world, or the apex of our self – our conscious awareness.

 

Right…

 

But that’s merely the point – the apex – and God extends above and beyond to infinity, only ever more diffusely.

 

Ok…

 

And in fact, as infinity has the habit of extending beyond linearity, the infinitely vast that God extends out towards then inverts, or somehow seems to come back into the infinitely small and unremarkable.

 

Yes?

 

The infinitely small within us, at the atomic level or thereabouts.

 

So we have a continuum?

 

Absolutely. And God the father extending ever higher and further into the heavens above, somehow re-emerges within us as a motherness – as mother nature or mother matter, the maternal... I can't say for sure.

 

Don’t you think you’re pushing this too hard Zie – trying a little too hard to see patterns where they don’t exist?

 

Why would I? I simply allowed your ridiculous costume to take me into another way of seeing things – and first I saw the sun that you clearly represent at this moment, and then beyond the sun ever greater glories of light and power.

 

That much I can accept.

 

But then I got a different sensation.

 

Yes – that’s what worries me.

 

From the other end.

 

The dark side.

 

No, not at all. Quit being so binary Merry.

 

Me? Binary? You’ve gotta be kidding.

 

Look at your costume – if that’s not taking sides then I know not what is.

 

It’s just a powerful fashion statement Zie – something you’d never understand.

 

Actually, your costume perfectly reflects the other side too.

 

It does? How?

 

Once I started seeing the vastness of space – the heavens extending to infinity, that’s when I had this sensation at the base of my spine.

 

In your bowels perhaps. I told you not to eat that curry.

 

And suddenly your gold and platinum were shining black or deep, dark, dark brown.

 

Or maybe infra-red – which would indicate you have the eyes of a snake Zie – they’re able to see infrared you know.

 

Shut up Merry – I’m serious.

 

Just voicing my legitimate concerns.

 

And this sensation – this other side to your colour – it revealed the female, didn’t it.

 

Oh God – please stop doing this to me Zie. I hate it when you start telling my fans that I’m a drag queen.

 

Kira – was that her name?

 

I don’t know, and I’m not talking to you any more. You’re stepping out of line Zie.  

 

Kira – but honestly – her name was beyond any letters and sound – it was coming from deep, deep within, from all around – and

 

Insanity. Call the doctors. Quick someone. Subscribers to my channel – help, please.

 

Out of the waters of the deep, out of the primal urge – an earthiness, a sense of things yearning to be, a willingness, a deep desire to nurture matter – to embody the infinite – personally.

 

Ah – there they are. Thanks  guys. That was quick. Yes, doctor – he’s in here. No, I’m not related to Flash Gordon. Haven’t you ever seen a gold and platinum party costume before? Now Zie, this chap, doctor Dee – did you say? Doctor Dee is going to take you to a very nice place where they’ll help you to rearrange your thoughts and come back down to earth.

 Zie puts on his very best "lucid and totally rational" facial expression. 

Ah Doctor Dee – so good of you to come. Merry’s finding it hard to cope with his other side – trying to suppress Kira – the earth goddess within – yes – all that gold – it’s obviously a desperate attempt to keep a top-down structure in place. Pyramids, squares – that kind of thing.

 

Doctor Dee is caught in the cross fire – can’t figure out which one is telling the truth – which one is most in need of help. Zie in his jeans and t-shirt appears to be more sane, at least in terms of attire, while Merry has the upper hand in terms of power and authority exuding from his aura, or perhaps what whacky people refer to as the third eye.

 

Kira – I command you – reveal yourself.

 

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Merry screams – as his gold costume reveals a deeper, ever more powerful darkness shining out from within it – and now the depths of space seem to turn inside out, and now space seems to be the inside of a cave, in the bowels of the earth, and now we sense origins of life – the amino acids, the chemicals of creation, the atoms and molecules which are on the point of erupting into infinite expressions of biodiversity as Kira longingly gazes upon them – the crystals and butterflies in the kitchen of her biolab – her hair reaching outwards, ever outwards, twisting and curling – connecting to all matter, all atoms, her fingers, her finger nails – pulsing sparks, earthy sparks of prana or chi – a kind of cool, passionate electricity which has all the ingredients in her cauldron now shifting, now growing fractally in a kind of biological Mandelbrot accelerating zoom – extending up to the surface – extending up towards the light which they cannot yet see, can only feel – and Doctor Dee finds himself dancing, dancing, dancing with Zie singing a song of life, yearning for the new dawn, yearning for the bio spawn – the unborn crystal forms – to reach up – to arrive – to day – to day – to day

 

You’re cheating Doctor Dee – you’re not allowed to take sides. You’re supposed to be impartial.

 

Doctor Dee blinks – confused – unaware of who he is or what he’s doing and he sees Merry re-emerging from the underworld, from Kira’s kitchen.

 

Shine. Shine. Shine!    Dee commands, or Zie. Shine you crazy diamond, shine!!!!!!!!!!

 

Merry once again reveals the blinding golden platinum costume – once again stands before them as sun God – as king of kings – and somewhere in the Field of Is – somewhere in the continuum beyond time, beyond space – the loop is complete – the electricity of life bursts across the boundary and Dee is doctor no more – is neon, is argon, is krypton, xenon – is blue or emerald – and…

 

No, Zie, you know I’m not a fan of ostentation – I’ll just stick to my tried and trusted forest garb.

 

Glad to hear it Merry. Speaking of which – there should be a load of mushrooms after the rain we’ve just had. Do you fancy a trip.

 

Mushrooms? You bet. I have a mind to have a word or two with the mushroom maid – she’s been up to no good, I warrant.

 

Really?

 

Just between the two of us. Can’t have her taking over the world, can we. Yes, a trip to the woods is exactly what the doctor ordered.

 

Doctor? I…

 

Zie struggles with his fading memory as the spirit of Doctor Dee dances before him, leading them both back to the forest, on their way to encounter the mushroom queen.