Poker faced

The story is in the picture so here's an interactive story co-write. Pens at the ready, g-nomers. Marks, set, go!

0=1

explaing things impeccably

 

So g-nomeportal isn’t, primarily, a club for interdimensional movers and shakers.

 

 

Correct.

 

Then what exactly is it – or are you not at liberty to say?

 

I can say anything I like, you know, but the problem is that almost anything I say of any significance will fly either straight past your head, or straight through it, faster than you’re able to comprehend what you’ve just utterly failed to grasp.

 

Bacause you think I’m dumb?

 

Bacause?

 

Because, ok – look who’s the dumb one!

 

Like I said – no one’s accusing you of being dumb.

 

~Then what?

 

Nice wiggle.

 

It’s just another typo.

 

Curios, isn’t it – the nimber of typos we encounter when we start talking about g-nomeportal’s ins and outs.

 

Curious indeed. Do you think we’re being lskaj?

 

Iskaj-ed? No, I expect it’s just pure coincidence, though who knows.

 

So, you can say anything you like, just so long as you don’t start talking about the fundamentals of who or what g-nomeportal is or is not – is that right?

 

Yep. Who or what – interesting – you think there might be a “who” involved?

 

I can’t exclude the possibility, can I?

 

True, but I never really thought of her as a “who”.

 

Her?

 

G-nomeportal. But be she it, he or hey – I was going to say that…

 

Hush – did you hear that?

 

The wolves howling?

 

Those are wolves.

 

No?

 

Wolverines.

 

Wolverines? What the heck are wolverines?

 

Oh – fierce little creatures.

 

That howl?

 

Well no, not exactly.

 

Then – you’ve lost me again.

 

Only at the speed of prose, or thought… g-nomeportal works at a different, higher frequency.

 

It does?

 

Absolutely.

 

And what?

 

It means that whatever I say or write tends to get lost in translation when it’s relayed down to the 3D reality level of things and matter.

 

Ah. So this is basially an insurmountable problem.

 

Basially, yes – which is why you need to activate a different part of your mind if you want to get the actual transmission.

 

A different part of my mind? Which part is thtat?

 

If I said the hypothalamus – it might sound impressive but it wouldn’t be true – not strictly speaking.

 

Then why did you say it?

 

Like I said – there’s no traction. Your mind has been designed to work within the box – only to hear or recognise things that are things – whereas we at g-nome pride ourselves on being poets, on being inspired mystics and seers.

 

Tummy rot.

 

Ok – we pride ourselves on keeping a channel open.

 

Ah – a channel – you say?

 

Yep – a lowly, insignicant little channel which just happens to give anyone with interdimensional feelers…

 

Feelers? Creepy. Makes you sound like a locust.

 

I don’t know why I bother, Travis, you’re blind or deaf to all poetry, I fear.

 

I just know you’re forever trying to inflate your self-importance, Mthdrgnm.

 

Yes, you’ve got a point there. I can’t deny this devilish little foible of mine, but…

 

What?

 

Importance or not – this is not, ultimately, about me.

 

No? You could have fooled me.

 

It’s the message.

 

What flummin message?

 

I’m merely a messenger, on a text steed I ride.

 

Is that so? And perhaps you’re wanted, wanted, dead or alive?

 

You could say.

 

Well, your would be captors

 

Or assassins

 

Or assassins – aren’t doing very well, are they?

 

They’re doing the best they can, Travis – but it’s tricky to catch me if the multi-dimensions I’m referring to are alive and strong in me.

 

I don’t see why.

 

Yes, I know.

 

I mean –

 

Yes, I know.

 

Would you quit interrupting me, and

 

Being so darn condescending?

 

That’s riht.

 

Ok. It’s just you’re making it a little too easy for me, insisting on playing this at face value – as if things are still just things, as if…

 

Hey – what the hecks that?

 

What?

That gimongous opening in the ksy over there?

 

Oh that? I believe it’s the ltter b – written backwards.

 

I beg your pardon?!

 

Or perhaps a z. I do sometimes confuse my letters.

 

You don’t fool me Mthdrgnm, not for a minute.

 

Oh – call me 7 – you’re giving the readers squiffy eyes with that ridiculous rendition of my name.

 

7?

 

7 will do.

 

Er… So, is it true to say that this entire conversation was intended

 

Or designed

 

Who cares – was intended to open that rather outrageous hole in the sky over there which appears to be connecting our reality with – ow – what was that?

 

Whistling innocently…

 

Cut it out 7

 

I was mistaken – 7’s already been taken.

 

Ok – 7a?

 

Also taken.

 

7b?

 

Likewise.

 

Er… 7.2f*gK@W9

 

Will do perfectly.

 

And that’s not going to make the readers squiffy eyed?

 

No, on the contrary.

 

?!

 

It will sing to their benighted souls.

 

I wish you would quit dissing them like that. They’re a good bunch – worhty of your undying respect.

 

Er… chaba ti

 

Chaba ti?

 

Yes – no – I can’t exactly translate it into regular English – but the b/z in the ksy overhead seems to have accepted my declaration and your heart arrhythmia has apparently vanished inexplicably – has it not?

 

It was just a slight chest pain, but yes – the sky’s looking a bit less weird – I’ll hand that to you.

 

So all’s well that ends well.

 

But we haven’t even cleared 100o words.

 

I kennow. Tis nine matter.

 

Nine matter… I hate to think what this is doing to the ggooggly algorhyhms

 

Oh – just introudcing a much needed salmon of doubt

 

Duggie A – eat your heart out.

 

And allow the possibility – unspoken, fo course, unstated and undeclared

 

Neeldess repetition.

 

Enough to bing r elements of songs unsung, words unspoken, thoughts

 

Unthought?

 

Addaboy – just succifent to allow nature to work her magick and weave a new version of…

 

939

 

940

 

Alsways one word behind – but fast approaching our maximum.

 

By the way – how did you fix my arrhythmia?

 

By the by – as they say – and none the wiser were.

 

No story, no punchline – no substance

 

Sadly not. A tlae

 

Tale – show more care.

 

0=1

 

No, I refuse to go quietly into the night

give me anoher page I999------

Tiffle and Speck

 

So have you actually seen any of these gnomiki, James?

 

Of course, I see them all the time.

 

In flowers? – asked Alyona.

 

In flowers, yes, trees, with small children… Actually, there’s one, no, two of them right beside you now.

 

Alyona gave a start.

 

Next to me? Where – I can’t say anything.

 

That’s not surprising.

 

Why’s that?

 

Because you need to know how. It’s like reading, isn’t it. When you were little you could look at a page in a book but it was meaningless – you weren’t able to read. It’s the same with gnomiki.

 

But they’re real creatures if I understand you rightly, not symbols or letters that I need to learn.

 

Yes, they’re real creatures all right – but you can’t see them the normal way.

 

Whyever not?

 

Because you’re using the wrong eyes.

 

The wrong eyes?

 

Or the right eyes but the wrong part of your brain.

 

But I can see everything else, so why not gnomiki?

 

Everything else?! You’re joking, Alyona, aren’t you?

 

No, why do you say that?

 

Because you can only see things in what I call the cube.

 

Huh?

 

The cube is where all regular things are arranged in a particular order – a bit like alphabetical or chronological order.

 

But I can see everything there is to see – unless it’s too small or too far away.

 

No, Alyona, my dear. You only see what you know how to see. In this case you only see things that are divisible by one, though sometimes you can feel other things.

 

Divisible by one? Everything’s divisible by one, isn’t it.

 

You’re right – everything you can see is divisible by one – and anything else that isn’t you can’t. Capiche?

 

Er… I think you’re pulling my leg.

 

I could be, but the thing is Alyona, what if I’m not.

 

Huh?

 

What if I’m actually telling the truth?

 

Fat chance of that.

 

What if there are millions of things that you’ve never learnt to see, either because you didn’t know, or perhaps because you were too lazy.

 

Hey – I’m not lazy. Don’t be mean.

 

Ok – then let’s see if you can spot Tiffle and Speck.

 

Tiffle and Speck?

 

The gnomiki that are with you right now.

 

But there’s no one here.

 

You see – you just said no “one” and I already told you there are other creatures or things which are perfectly real, it’s just they’re not divisible by one.

 

Then what am I supposed to do?

 

Well, first of all, try being a little less sure that you have all the answers. Try and question your assumption that you’re fully aware of who or what is in your vicinity.

 

Ok. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt – though I’m sure you’re winding me up.

 

There you go again – doubting everything. Still, I can’t blame you – I was the same.

 

You were?

 

Yes, in my past life.

 

Your what?!

 

When I used to live in England.

 

Oh, that past life.

 

Precisely.

 

Ok – I’m not going to be a spoilsport. I really do accept there might be things, or even creatures, nearby which I can’t see.

 

Like angels?

 

Yes, like angels.

 

Or demons.

 

Yikes – let’s not think about that.

 

Ok.

 

But I still can’t see anything more than I did a moment ago.

 

Impatient, aren’t you?

 

Yes, a little bit, but really – what do you expect?

 

Ok – now your eyes have become a little softer, a little more receptive, but still that isn’t enough.

 

What more is needed?

 

You need to condescend, to make contact. To come down from your pedestal and talk to ‘em.

 

Now you’re really having me on.

 

No, not at all.

 

What am I supposed to do – talk to the air?

 

Not the air – you need to talk to them. I even told you their names.

 

So you did – but how did you get their names?

 

Oh, that’s easy – the same way they got mine.

 

Well?

 

As soon as you can see gnomiki you can hear them and likewise, they can hear you.

 

But why couldn’t I hear them if they were talking to you?

 

Because you weren’t seeing them. Isn’t it obvious?

 

Er… Not sure I understand.

 

Well, seeing them you’ve activated a different part of your brain – and that part of the brain is rather special.

 

Yes? In what way?

 

It can see creatures or things not divisible by one, outside the cube.

 

Not divisible by one... But divisible by what?

 

By nought.

 

By what?

 

By nought.

 

But nothing is divisible by nought.

 

Correct. Nothing in the cube is divisible by nought.

 

No, James, not just inside the cube – it’s mathematically impossible. Nothing whatsoever is divisible by nought.

 

Funny that.

 

Funny?

 

Yes, very funny.

 

What?

 

I thought we agreed that you weren’t going to be so dogmatic.

 

Dogmatic? Me?

 

That you would agree to suspend your disbelief – to play along in order to see if you could see ‘em.

 

I did – but playing along is one thing, while suspending my reason and swallowing crazy mathematics is another thing entirely.

 

Ah – but there’s nothing crazy about my mathematics.

 

James – trust me – we can go to the Russian academy of sciences and ask them if there are any numbers divisible by nought and you know perfectly well what the answer will be.

 

Yes, Alyona, I know what the answer will be – but only if the mathematician is able to switch on the part of his brain which is able to see gnomiki. As soon as he does that he’ll accept that he’s now able to see things that are not divisible by one – which are divisible by nought – but it won’t seem so strange to him.

 

No? Why not?

 

Because seeing is believing. Once he’s able to see gnomiki, and hear ‘em too – he’ll no longer think as most people do, that nought is just nought.

 

Oh.

 

Precisely. “Oh!” He’ll realise that nought is the zero point through which we access Oh – the other side of our mind – the side of our mind that can take us into Narnia, or anywhere else we might need to go.

 

So…

 

Yes.

 

But I didn’t say anything.

 

I know – but in Oh – on the other side of your mind – you did – you were already thinking along the right lines.

 

Was I? What are the right lines?

 

Now you’re trying too hard to understand – to get back into your comfortable cube.

 

You mean to say we climb out of the cube without even being aware of it?

 

Yes, all the time.

 

When?

 

When you’re happy and humming a song like Winnie the Pooh does, or suddenly have a daydream, or remember someone out of the blue, or when you see something like just now.

 

Huh? What did I see just now? I didn’t see a thing.

 

Yes, you did.

 

Did I? What?

 

You saw Tiffle and Speck.

 

What?! You must be mistaken.

 

Impossible. You looked straight at them and for a second you connected with them.

 

But I’d know if I saw them. I’d remember.

 

Not yet, you wouldn’t.

 

Why not?

 

Because you immediately forget what just happened, the same way people often forget a dream or anything outside the cube that they experience in daily life.

 

So I saw them, you’re saying – but I’m still none the wiser?

 

Correct – except you’ve made a step forward because they gave you a gift and you accepted it.

 

What?!!! Are you serious?

 

Yep.

 

But I don’t have a gift. There’s nothing here.

 

Correct. Nothing. But that is merely because it isn’t divisible by one.

 

Oh come on, James, don’t be ridiculous. If a gift is divisible by nought then it’s nothing at all.

 

Absolutely, until you allow yourself to see it.

 

And what? It’ll still be nothing.

 

Really? You’re very sure of yourself, young lady, are you not?

 

I…

 

I thought we agreed to suspend judgement for a minute or two. After all, Tiffle and Speck were kind enough to give you a wonderful gift. It’s the very least you could do.

 

Oh, I apologise Tiffle. And Speck, I apologise. Do excuse me for being so thoughtless.

 

Think nothing of it.

 

Think nothing of it, at all.

 

Did you say something, James?

 

Nothing whatsoever – James looks surprised.

 

Just I thought I heard… I must be imagining things.

 

Imagining things? Poppycock.

 

Imagining things? What a lark.

 

A lark? Well, I suppose it might be a lark, as long as it didn’t go too far.

 

Or get out of hand.

 

Precisely. There’s no knowing what might happen.

 

But on the other hand…

 

On the other hand – yes – I see what you mean.

 

Do you?

 

Does she?

 

Yes, nothing ventured, nothing gained – Alyona sighs, wistfully, as she realizes how much has been blocked and curtailed.

 

I beg your pardon, Alyona? Is everything alright?

 

Oh, yes, I suppose so. But about that gift…

 

Take it if you want it.

 

James said I already did.

 

Of course you did – but you don’t remember, do you?

 

No, I don’t seem to remember. I remember nothing at all though, wait a minute, I can remember a tinkling bell, which is strange, or was that a tickly feeling somewhere at the back of my mind which I then mistook for a bell?

 

In fact, you don’t even remember seeing me, Alyona…

 

Or me, Alyona, do you?

 

No… You know I feel terribly bad about it. It seems dreadfully rude not to remember seeing someone I’ve just seen.

 

Someone?

 

I mean two of you, of course. Excuse me, Tiffle, if you will.

 

I might do. If you’d have the courtesy to open your eyes.

 

But my eyes – I thought they were open already.

 

You thought?

 

She thought? Honestly, thinking things is rather problematic at times, is it not?

 

Yes Speck, you’re right.

 

On the count of three then… One

 

Two

 

Three.

 

Alyona’s eyes suddenly open in a way they never have before – like a door in the other side of her mind.

 

There, that wasn’t so bad.

There, that wasn’t so bad  – in unison – was it?

 

Not at all. Not at all. I can see you both though truth be told –

 

You were seeing us all along

 

Without realizing it, weren’t you?

 

Feeding it all to the voracious cube.

 

Making the cube master of all.

 

Tinkle tinkle – a bell rings at the back of her mind and Alyona sees the gift she’s been holding all this time.

 

Oh wow! Thank you Tiffle, thank you Speck – what a wonderful pair of slippers.

 

You’re welcome Alyona. They’re for dancing.

 

Dancing? But I don’t really dance. I mean – they’re very nice. I love them.

 

Why don’t you try them on?

 

Oh – yes, I think I will – she does – oh, they fit perfectly!

 

They should do. We made them specially.

 

But how do you know my size?

 

How do we know?

How do we know?

 

Oh – silly question, really. Yes. Funny how I’m still thinking that way even though I can see you both.

 

Funny.

Funny, isn’t it?

 

Why don’t you try them out?

Take them for a whirl?

 

You mean have a dance?

 

Yes.

Yes.

 

I’d love to, but…

 

You’d love to?

 

What’s stopping you?

 

Alyona was going to say “there’s no music” but realizes she doesn’t need to.

 

The music is waiting for you

 

but you need to take the initiative, do you not?

 

Oh, I see.

 

Alyona starts dancing – or perhaps the slippers start dancing and she allows them to lead her feet – and no sooner does she start than the music fills her soul with light and something indescribable – something unforgettable – something which normally, in the cube, would be nothing at all, more’s the pity, something complete and o’erflowing.

 

I say, Alyona.

 

Oh, there you are James. I must have… she was about to say fallen asleep – but something pops in her head and she knows that would be completely untrue – remembering everything that just happened outside the cube with a squeal of delight.

 

I danced. It was wonderful. Tiffle and Speck gave me the most amazing slippers. I never knew it was possible to dance like that.

 

You’re welcome Alyona.

Alyona, you’re welcome.

 

And for a noughtieth of a second both sides are brought together – and the rational mind realizes that things are merely things, and nothing will ever be the same again, thankfully.

 

 

0=1

the endieth end

or so it would seem

if things were so