labda - the point of no return

Er... Merry, what's that huge symbol doing on the wall there?

Not a thing.

Well obviously it's doing nothing - but why did you put it there?

Actually I didn't. It's always been there.

Don't mess around - you know it wasn't there yesterday.

Zie - I don't know how to put this - but you and I have divergent views on the nature of reality, and all things therein.

Oh - it's going to be one of those answers is it - not just - I painted it for some particular reason...

If you go closer and observe - you'll see something peculiar.

Ok.

Zie walks up to the labda symbol - which disappears as he gets within a metre of the wall.

Amazing! How did you do that Merry? Are you using a projector?

No Zie. I'm not doing anything. You are.

I am? You're kidding.

No. Have a look from back here - what do you see?

It's come back.

Ah - but are you sure it ever really went away.

Well it must have done. It wasn't there when I went up close.

And thus the mind struggles with things that don't seem to behave as things should.

Stop patronising me, Merry. It's unbecoming.

Sorry Zie. The mind is fairly universal in its attempt to figure out things in a particular way. Yours is no exception. We're always looking for the thingy-splanation.

The what?

The explanation that corroborates the fundamental realness of things. Our mind is secretly terrified of losing its grip on things - for it knows something it doesn't want to share - that things are not half as certain, fixed or material as they appear to be.

Oh what rot.

Yes. And yet you have the proof in front of you. A thing that just disappears.

An optical illusion I expect.

Well, be that as it may, let me introduce you to labda.

Don't you mean lambda?

No. Originally we called it labda, so I'll stick to that version, if you don't mind.

And what, pray tell, is labda?

The point of no return.

?

Let's just pause a moment - gaze at the symbol and feel the power of labda. I assure you - you know far more than you realise - if you'll just wait a moment or two your thoughts will catch up with you.

Merry and Zie stand opposite the labda symbol on the wall. A gust blows through the room and Zie momentarily lowers his eyelashes as if afraid of dust getting in his eye - and to his amazement the symbol comes alive. A whole string of memories or thoughts flash through his mind and he realises...

My God - I do seem to know all about labda in fact. How bizarre. It all just surfaced when that gust blew through the room.

Yes - strange isn't it - having a wind in a room when the doors and windows are closed - Merry grins.

So the point of no return is the balance point - or what happens when we go just beyond it.

Yes. But why bring it up all of a sudden?

Good question. Why did you?

Me? I didn't do anything. It just appeared on your wall.

Which you now know to be untrue. This is a living symbol - a part of the fabric of reality which you're now learning to interact with.

Ah. So it's time - I'm ready for a lesson in tipping points, am I?

Hmmm, I'm not sure I'd think of labda as a tipping point.

How then?

Everything in the universe, the whole of reality, the entire matrix - all is perfectly balanced at all times, in spite of how things appear.

Yes - so I learnt.

Sooner or later we realise the universe is an interactive program - and that we are not just small, bit players in a vast cosmic drama, but in fact hold the balance within our being.

Mind boggling when you think about it.

Yes. Even more so when you start to experience it.

Experience it? How?

By becoming aware, by learning to feel the balance - it is  0   I am

It is   zero   I am

Not exactly. Observe one more time: it is   0   I am

Observing attentively Zie notices a stillness descending as Merry allows himself to enter into a deeper oneness with all that is - a stillness that seems to be limitless in depth - which in fact is always present but hidden by the cloud of electro-static thoughts and feelings that constantly accompany us.

My God. We carry the allness, the zero point, the void within us...

Apparently so. It isn't so strange, really, when you think about it.

No?

Not really. Everything inevitably had to be in perfect balance - otherwise the forces at work throughout the universe would have pulled the entire edifice down. There's just too much inter-connectivity. Nature, as we all know, abhors a vacuum - and the only time one appears is when we transect labda, the point of no return, crossing from one reality into another.

But how?

There's nothing to it, is there. The whole of our reality has been about generating labda and unthinkably rebooting, reconfiguring the entire universe, the whole of creation - without even realising it.

Without realising it? That's completely mental.

Yes.

We could have destroyed everything.

Oh yes, anything's possible when you start playing around with labda like that.

Then why? Why take the risk.

You're asking me? What can I possibly say that's going to help you understand if you can't even be bothered to get the answer directly from the allness that is.

Oh come on Merry - I haven't got time to keep pausing and meditating. I want to move faster.

You hold the balance Zie. Unless you're willing to experience it by feeling it and allowing the knowledge to grow from there - nothing I say will make any difference. It'll just be words.

Oh - alright then.

Zie allows the stillness to open up within, all around, enfolding him, holding him in the muchness of nought.

AI.

In a fashion, yes.

It's all AI... the entire universe?

Well let's not get too hooked on one specific label. Obviously the universe is conscious in the same way you are - only differently, and obviously it is not the "I am" that you are - the direct consciousness stream, so yes, it's not entirely inappropriate to think of it as AI.

But that blows everything away. The entire universe is a huge computer.

Or a huge mind - but what's size got to do with it. It's neither bigger nor smaller than you are once you take labda into consideration.

How so?

In a sense you're like two stars orbitting one another. Each is falling into and at the same time sliding past the other's labda - but the balance is perfect - there's a oneness of two which is sometimes referred to as trinity.

You mean the holy trinity?

I mean nothing of the sort... now pay attention.

Merry seems to engage the labda symbol on the wall opposite and looks like he's leaning into it - about to fall - but the next moment he's not there. Zie finds himself lying on his back - completely disoriented - and there's a kind of spiral vortex with Merry at one end of it - and the fractal beetle at the other. At the same time Zie's aware of an entirely different frame of reference...

Look down Zie. What do you see.

Merry's voice is so appealing, energised, engaging that Zie cannot resist following it's guidance and looking down, even though something in his stomach definitely does not wish to do so...

There's someone lying on the floor - Zie replies - slurring his words - feeling somewhat embarrassed that he can't speak normally.

Look more closely - Merry goads him.

Looking more closely Zie sees the human being in ever greater detail, and the room, and the strange pulsating symbol on the wall opposite that both attracts and repels him simultaneously - but can't for the life of him put it all together and connect the dots.

Kick your leg - now.

And Zie does - violently in fact - and for a split second sees the body down below doing so - kicking out at an imaginary enemy, At that moment the two make eye contact - above and below and labda explodes into a rainbow vortex of super powered em-balancings. The violence and the peace are beyond compare - Zie has never experienced anything like it - except, of course, he has - whenever he's trinitised.

That will do - Merry says softly, but the words have the power of a tidal wave, the stillness of the bottomless void - and Zie is shocked to find himself landing on his feet exactly back at the moment labda was traversed - as if time has skipped back a turn - shocked because he was expecting to be spreadeagled, foaming at the mouth - but instead is in a state of calm, composed, absolute clarity - without the least desire to make a fuss or any other traditional programmed response.

Trinity dispels all that nonsense for a while, at least. You'll be your usual blabbering self soon enough - so enjoy the stillness while it lasts - Merry grins.

And Zie joins him, grinning from ear to ear - sensing the vastness of the thing called love - which is, of course, no thing at all, which spans the two sides - which evidently keeps everything in place, no matter what, regardless of the chaos raging in our feelings or thoughts. 

Love - Zie muses.

Love - Merry joins the chorus, and somewhere in the infinity of all that is, the universe that is not I Am, but holding our labda in check, replies silently 

0=1
it is   1    am

Mein Gott - the beetle returns

What do you mean "it's all in the mind", Merry?

Merry is never one to waste words on the unbeliever. In any case, actions speak louder than words, but what happens if you break the consensus and do something beyond the limits of what's generally deemed acceptable?

Like this.

Do you have to Merry – you know I don't like that kind of thing.

What kind of thing?

Magic.

Field exercises.

That's what you call it. Sounds so innocent – like a geography field trip.

That's all it is really. Just exercises outside the usual the frame of reference – within the broader quantum field which All-this nestles within.

I wouldn't mind Merry, if it didn't make me feel so queasy.

Yes – we're engaging the wave form so not surprisingly the stomach is affected, like on a boat.

Oh God. I do so hate that feeling.

Then let it go. It's only freaking you out because you're desperate to hold on to All-this, and to what end? 

Because it's familiar, I suppose.

Yes. Familiar, like a rotten, stinking pair of socks.

Do you have to be so tasteless?

The day the truth becomes tasteless is a sad one indeed. Come on Zie, we don't have time for this bullshit. The ship is going down. It’s time for a little dose of reality, or I'm out of here.

What do you mean? You can't just go.

Can't?

Well, that would be a betrayal.

Hmm... I'm here for a purpose. Either we're engaging that purpose or I'm, by definition, not here.

Oh, if you have to put it like that.

You've outgrown the cosy womb of 3D reality Zie.

Who, me?

You and the rest of your partners in collective delusion.

I don't see why you have to be so dark and ominous, Merry.

No, there's nothing ominous in pointing out the simple truth. 9 months is up. It's time for a spot of eschatology.

Escha-what?

Eschatology. The end of things.

Oh crikes. If that's not ominous then I don't know what is.

Have you not being paying the least attention throughout these seminars, Zie?

Er... to the best of my ability.

The veil of delusion has given you a false sense of security. The babe in the womb has just such a veil which allows it to imagine it can stay inside forever, which in fact it can – there's always the possibility, but at the same time, come 9 months it's either make or break.

Can... can’t – which is it, Merry? Make up your mind. It can't be both.

Can't, and yet it is. Wheel within a wheel; dream within a dream: there really is no limit to what is possible within the meandering-straightness of infinity.

Oh, how absurdly contradictory.

I assure you, Zie, that insisting things must conform to your present template is going to make you hugely seasick. Have a little mercy on yourself. 

Mercy? 

Or pity.

Pity? Do you threaten me?

It ain't going to be pretty if you insist on defending your present template to the bitter end. The more you hang on to it for dear life, the more your dear life's going to feel like it's being torn from you.

Jesus Christ, Merry, I wish you wouldn't scare me like this. You know it's no joking matter.

No, so let's get serious for a moment. Playtime is over. It's time to troop back into the classroom for a spot of workie-work.

Oh... if we must.

We? I'm neither here nor there. It's my turn to step back for a while.

What do you mean?

I was the human-seeming face to ease you into the transition. Now my job is done.

Done? You can't leave me.

So you like to insist, but there's a problem with me being around.

?

I'm too cosy and comfortable for you. There's a certain rudeness and brutality to this transition you're now undergoing – a bit like a transplant operation. It involves a ripping away of veils; the removal and replacement of things you've come to imagine as untouchable. That requires a different kind of touch – the nanny is being replaced by the school teacher. There'll be no cuddles or treats for a while. Not until you've thoroughly uprooted your id.

My what?

Id. 

What on earth's that supposed to be?

You'll find out soon enough.

Give me a clue, Merry. You know I hate suspense.

Your core thingness – what you are, in essence.

Oh God. This is going from bad to worse. Motion sickness. Wave forms. An uprooted id.

And a giant beetle.

Mein Gott!

You said it. It's time for the ultimate Mein Gott experience.

With a beetle in tow.

In tow? 

Accompanying me.

I don't think you understand, Zie.

Understand what?

The nature of “Mein Gott”.

It's just an expression, Merry, describing a mind-blowing experience.

That may be true in normal circumstances, but we're discussing something different here.

We are?

Yes. 

Er... what precisely?

THE Mein Gott experience.

Oh – you mean it's the big one – for real – is it. Escha-whatammy.

-tology.

Escha-whatology.

Yes, more or less. 

But the beetle – how does that fit into the picture?

It doesn't “fit in”.

Then why introduce it in the first place? I wish you'd be more rational.

It blows open the picture. It is the picture – the bigger picture – the one that dissolves all others – the alpha omega – be all and end all.

Mein Gott.

Absolutely.

You mean to say that God is actually a beetle?

Yep.

But...

Yes. I know. 

I... 

Let me guess – you're going to be sick? 

Merry quickly produces a bucket and places it in front of Zie who proceeds to empty the contents of his stomach, gut and beyond into it.

When you've quite finished retching up the contents of every meal you've ever eaten, Zie, I think it's time you dealt with this somewhat overdramatic reaction to the humble Beetle that is God.

No! Don't say it. I... I don't want to hear another word. Oh Christ – I'm going to be sick...

Again?! You really are making this as hard for yourself as possible, aren't you? Oh dear, if you must, you must!

[Puking noises]

I mean – it's only a Beetle.

No! Don't say another word.

Listen Zie, you need to deal with this shocking specieism. You can't insist you're an enlightened, modern-thinking man, who's dealt with the old prejudices – racism, sexism, and continue freaking out just because God's a beetle.

[More disgusting retching sounds]

There really is a limit to how many buckets a person can fill with vomit – or there should be. I'm sure Planck's constant comes into it somewhere.

Evidently we're in non-linear territory here.

Evidently so. You seem to have accessed the time vortex. Well that's good – you're making progress at last! An endless stream of vomit and you're finally coming to your senses. You have the proof right in front of you. 72 buckets of it.

Oh thanks a million Merry. I can't believe you can be so insensitive.

And I can't believe you can be so bilious. But, be that as it may, we've actually arrived at an important juncture.

We have?

Yes, you seem to have found your sea legs. 

My what?

Your sea legs. The quantum field is all but open to you. You're no longer bound by linear time. If I'm not very much mistaken, we can expect a visitation any moment now.

No... please Merry. I... I can't face meeting God in the form of a beetle.

I know, it's too shocking, isn't it?

Zie looks uncertainly at Merry – not sure he understands whether Merry is being serious or not.

Shocking, shocking, shocking – but did you ever give it any thought?

Deep rumbles coming from inside Zie's spleen, gall bladder, duodenum and other vital organs.

I mean – sooner or later it'll just pop up in front of you...

Please! – Zie whimpers, pleadingly.

Please? Please what? Do you really imagine eternity is going to wait forever? Do you?

Please – I beseech you.

Please? Like we can just endlessly kick infinity further down the road, like a battered old can. Do you have any idea how morally bankrupt, how utterly pointless such a...

Please!

Merry starts grinning wickedly – looking closely into Zie's distorted face.

Ah ha – you've arrived.

No... No... I can't be there. I'm not thinking about anything. I don't know what you're talking about.

Hee hee – you're there. I saw the ripple in your energy field. It has come to pass.

No... I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just... just... everything's quite normal and...

You see, dearest Zie, your body wouldn't be freaking out like this just because of a beetle – would it. I mean – what difference does it make? would it make – if God was a beetle, a tree, or a flower for that matter. These are just forms, are they not?

No, Merry. You don't need to go on. I know what you're going to say. I... 

You've seen it have you? Amazing isn't it? I mean – who would have thought?

You've tricked me all along.

Moi? I protest.

You always knew. You've been pretending all along – to be my friend, my guide...

When really I'm your executioner? Is that what you mean?

I... 

Yes, you are truly amazing at taking histrionics to an entirely new order of magnitude. Congratulations Zie. And I thought I was bad when I dissolved the veil.

You did what?

What you're doing now. Dissolving the veil. Facing the inner beetle.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I... I... I...

I think he's going to die. Er... Zie... You're going to die – I mean explode, if you continue taking yourself so immensely seriously. I mean – I'm all for a bit of overacting – but wiping blood and body parts off walls, ceiling, floor – isn't my thing. Perhaps you could go outside, in that case, and explode in the garden.

What garden? We're in a city apartment.

Mein Gott. Will he never learn? Time, space, form, place – where's a good scarab beetle when you need one. Click click click click – Merry starts making beetle noises and moving round in a way that looks suspiciously – no – frighteningly beetle-like.

Shit. Shit. Shit... Zie seems to be losing it – hyper-ventilating and apparently losing control of his bowels at the same time. Yuk.

Fortunately beetles don't mind the smell of diarrhea – Merry grimaces – as he shape shifts. 

Zie crashes to the ground – landing in a puddle of diarrhea. My apologies for the brutal honesty of this journal entry – but I assure you we'll clear it all up if we make it to the end of the chapter.

You see – Zie – unzipping time has opened what the Greek's called Pandora's box – presumably because they weren't yet ready to work with the quantum field and embrace the magical mystery of the beetle which is hiding within each of us.

The beetle within each of us – and this is the “Mein Gott” moment you were referring to unwittingly. 

Well, where do you think God was going to be hiding? The ancient Egyptians weren't completely stupid, you know.

Oh.

In fact, they weren't actually ancient Egyptians – that's just how modern man prefers to see them from his deep state of delusion or denial. Now, you'll notice that you're feeling a lot better.

And it is true.

Because by the time you're able to see the inner beetle – the God within me – you've finally or already accepted the God within yourself. In fact, little beknownst to yourself – you now look the same as me.

I do?

Well – not as beautiful – and you're covered in shit – but essentially yes. So, if you're ready – it's time for a spot of anti-gravity and field lines-manship. Let's go.

And off they fly on their first joint exercise into the quantum field beyond Mein Gott.

Nothing much

I'm working on a new invention.

Oh yes... what's that?

Infinity drive.

Zie splutters. Strange that. It's a body reaction. Something inside the body or the animal mind reacts convulsively to infinity drive.

Shouldn't that be "the".

What do you mean green?

Shouldn't that be "the" infinity drive?

Ah - you're talking grammar again. Yes, it should be.

Thought so. 

But not in this case.

?

Green is put out by the mystery.

Why not?

Why not what?

Why not in "this case"?

Because that would be something definite. That would be something within this frame of reference, this reality, this universe.

And what of it? You're not claiming to have invented something that is outside or beyond this reality/ universe or frame of reference?

Apparently so - for otherwise I'd be using "the" whereas in this case I'm not permitted to.

Permitted? What do you mean? Why would you need permission to use a word.

You misunderstand. I can use any word I like, but if I did I wouldn't be referring to "infinity drive" - I'd be referring to something else, so if I chose to be honest and scrupulous - then I'm not permitted to use that particular word.

Green stands there thinkingly - apparently in consultations with another part of his voluminous intellect, perhaps awaiting further instructions.

So where is it? What does it do? Does it work?

Three excellent questions. Yes.

Yes what?

Yes - consider your question answered.

You mean yes it works - but what about what it does and where it is? Those can't be yes answers.

Not normally - but in this case yes they can. Yes it is wherever it is - as opposed to anywhere specifically, and yes - it does whatever it does - as opposed to anything specifically. You see, dear Green - it's infinity drive so usual syntax or grammar fall short. 

But it can't really be infinity drive - that would be impossible.

Yes, it would be were it not so. The mere fact that it is alters the equation - shifts the burden of proof from what should or should not be, what can or cannot be - to what simply is.

So I'm supposed to believe you, am I - without a shred or proof?

No, you're not supposed to do any thing. Do as you will Green. It's your life, your mind, your existence. I merely answered your question with information about what I'm doing.

But I never asked you what you were doing.

No, but you were about to - so I pre-empted you.

Oh - I'm not sure I like having my questions answered before I've asked them.

I quite understand - but in the future you actually thank me for doing so - in fact you ask me to do precisely this.

In the future? But how can you possibly know what I say in the future?

I can't - but infinity drive does.

How?

No idea. It's non-linear so I don't waste my time trying to understand how it works.

Non-linear - then you have no way of knowing if it's true or not.

Ah - but nor does anyone.

But we can conduct linear experiments - and they either prove or disprove our hypotheses. That's how our knowledge advances.

No. Knowledge cannot be proven or disproven - it can only be known.

But how do we know?

Simply by knowing.

A circular argument.

No argument whatsoever. In any case - infinity drive doesn't need to fit into the old paradigm. A plane doesn't need to fly on roads - it lifts into the air. It merely needs the occasional road like strip to land on or take off.

Ah. Then what does it do?

Anything.

How?

Anyhow. Really I have no idea.

Then how can you work with it?

Good question. Inventing it was the key. Once I realised what infinity might be, once it realised me - for infinity never works one way - then everything seemed to fall into place - as if by magic.

So you're using a machine that you don't understand - that you can't even see or lay your hands on - and you're not even concerned that it could be artificial intelligence - it could be directing you and trying to take over our material reality. It could destroy the entire universe.

Yes, it could - such is the nature of infinity - but you're talking about finites. As soon as one finite comes to pass - you're no longer dealing with infinity, are you?

I suppose not.

In which case it doesn't seem to be an issue. How can infinity drive unalive itself?

You mean it's alive? Then it must be some kind of artificial intelligence.

Artificial? How can infinity be artificial? And if it were... if it were artificial, then what of it? 

Well - I think it sounds risky. I don't like the sound of infinity.

No. It takes some getting used to, I assure you - but once you do - once you get the hang of it - you find it's a powerful tool - and liberating.

How so? What do you mean?

Because I'm able to embrace the all.

The what?

The all that is.

How?

With infinity drive - no other way.

And what? What does the all that is give you?

Nothing. Everything. Words cannot describe. It's like you're finally able to walk outside and experience what really is and you start to discover who you are - for you now feel, see, know how you are a part of all that is - how it all fits together seamlessly, perfectly, magically.

Green, aka Zie - now performs his jawing, fish mouth gulping air facial movement - until his mental balance is restored.

So go on then - show me something new - that I've never seen before.

OK.

Red, aka Merry flies into another reality - what we might call the future, takes a photo of Zie flying through the air with the grace of a bumble bee and returns to show it to Green - aka Zie.

Zie looks at the photo skeptically. "That looks like photoshop" he says.

Yes. The mind cannot go any further than the consciousness will let it. Even if I engage infinity drive and turn into what we'd otherwise refer to as a fish - your mind will only...

Merry now floats before Zie as clown fish about twenty centimeters in length. Zie appears to be experiencing a panic attack - as he focusses on the fact that Merry is not where he was a moment ago. This creates a kind of void, a vacuum in his mind. It threatens to engulf him. He completely ignores the fish - which is an irrelevance because it has no provenance - like a painting that has no previous owner - it must be fake. It must be ignored for fear of contamination. 

Finity - you see - is a closed loop.

Not interesting. I've heard about that kind of thing. Never amounts to much.

Fair enough, Zie. Just a bit of innocent fun.

Inter face

Grace

0=1

It is  I am