murder most foul

So why is it so difficult to get out?

It isn’t.

You could have fooled me.

It’s easy as pie once you’re ready to leave, but actually, you never leave.

But I thought you said...

Where would you leave for? Everywhere is here, in your immediacy.

My what?

Your immediacy is your ultimate here and now. Your multidimensional vicinity than somehow or other manages to encompass everything, everywhere and everywhen, once a quantum twist of unshackled conscious-awareness is factored into the equation.

?

The equation that you think of in terms of space-time, but which we see as a configuration, or more accurately, a positioning of perception in one or other channels.

Whoa, whoa Merry. This is too much to digest. You mean to say I’m not trapped, that instead of trying to escape the matrix, to travel beyond 3d, it’s basically all here.

Yep. Good summary.

And that it’s my perception of things that counts.

Correct.

So it’s all just good old-fashioned consciousness?

You bet.

That sucks.

?

Consciousness is way too vague and amorphous. It’s virtually impossible to change.

Oh, that’s what you mean. Here, try this for size.

What the hell? That’s a gun! What are you doing – you can’t point it at me, it could be loaded.

Absolutely. Now here goes. 1 – 2 – 3

Nooooooooo

BANG!

You... I’m bleeding. You... shot me slumping to the ground 

Oh that. I couldn’t think of any more effective way.

I... I can’t breathe

Well obviously. I just shot you
looking at his pocket watch
Another thirty seconds and you should be ready.
whistling somewhat impatiently

Do you have to whistle. I’d prefer to die in peace, with a little dignity, if die I must.

Um, that’s just the point Henry, I’m a busy man and you’re taking a mighty long time to shuffle off this mortal coil.

Oh God, this is so surreal. First he shoots me for no reason whatsoever, then...

Yes?

That gun you’re holding...

Yes?

It looks like a banana.

Does it?

Yes.

And?

Did you just pretend to shoot me with a banana?

I don’t know. That sounds somewhat implausible, don’t you think?

I know... but there’s no getting round the fact that your gun is a banana.

I see... We have a problem Houston. This is going to require some careful unsorting. Perhaps you should start by reporting on the current state of your open gunshot wound to the chest, which just missed the heart if I’m not mistaken.

By a hair's breadth. I’m lucky to be still alive.

Very lucky. But what kind of bullet does a banana from, i believe it’s Ecuador, fire?

I don’t think it greatly matters where it’s from, Merry. I suspect you hid the gun in your coat when I was bleeding heavily a moment ago and took out the banana instead. Either that or hypnosis.

That would be some kind of sick joke wouldn’t it.

You’re telling me.

But I don’t see how I could have hidden it away.

Oh, you’re not wearing a coat? I could have sworn...

Come to think of it, I’m decidedly underdressed for the occasion.

This is getting ridiculous. How am I supposed to die if you keep changing the narrative. There’s no way you were wearing a wetsuit five minutes ago.

Well we’re apparently all set to go diving, if you’ve managed to come to terms with your impending death.

Er, it’s a bit of an anticlimax you know. I never thought I’d be disappointed to learn that my immanent death had been postponed indefinitely.

I know. It’s weird, isn’t it. But the mind hates losing face, doesn’t it.

Losing face? Or losing the plot. I suppose it is kind of embarrassing. Like arriving at work only to discover you forgot to put on your pants. So, er...

Yes?

We’re not dying?

Um

Blood?

Seems to have all vanished.

Confused?

Strangely enough, no. I seem to have an inkling what’s going on.

You do?

You found some way to shift my field of perception.

Ah ha

But it wasn’t imaginary, was it?

No, it had to be real.

You needed some kind of powerful shock to jolt my complacent attachment to the field I was in.

That’s right.

So you had to put me in a near death experience.

Er, not really. I just happen to get a kick out of playing the homicidal maniac. It’s a bit embarrassing, but we all have our little foibles.

Little foibles? You put my life in grave danger, potentially irreversibly traumatising me for no apparent reason.

Oh, I wouldn’t say that. Real life drama is a much better way to teach the student how to shift between different frames of perception.

But I might have died.

Only if you failed to shift.

But...

Are you feeling traumatised?

To tell the truth I’ve never felt better.

So perhaps we can focus on what’s right rather than what you imagine is wrong.

But it’s humiliating to be treated that way. I feel manipulated. I feel like...

An idiot?

That too.

Good. That’s a fairly accurate representation of what you are, or were, so now we can move on?

I just don’t like the way you treat my life so cavalierly. It’s...

Upsetting, isn’t it. Did you ever consider the fact that this heightened sense of self-importance, the seriousness with which we view ourselves is the very mechanism which fixes us in 3d. Nothing else.

So you mean that I simply have to be indifferent to the fact that someone’s trying to kill me and that will do the trick?

No.

Well that’s what it sounds like.

Yes, I know. Like I said, you’re reacting entirely predictably, as intended.

?

Well, believe it or not you intended all this.

When? Before I was born?

You were never born. You inserted yourself into this equation and the rest happened like clockwork.

Oh great, like I’m some kind of mechanical doll! But I have news for you Merry, things actually happen. It’s more than just an equation.

Of course it is. It’s absolutely real up to a point.

?

Up to the so called zero point of your intentional insertion into this particular equation.

So what are you saying? What does all this mean?

What do you think?

I have no idea. A minute ago i thought I was dead when you shot me with a banana. If that’s the limit of my ability to discern reality then evidently I’m screwed.

Let’s try a different tack, let’s say that you’re evolving and it isn’t as random as it may appear. If you’ve now reached the point that you’re aware 3D reality isn’t the whole picture, that perception has multiple channels, that conscious awareness can reconfigure and take you into whatever frame or iteration you require just as soon as you stop clutching, in desperation, at the straw of external reality, refusing to breathe, feel, allow awareness of its other half to surface, the half that counterbalances everything that ever happens, everything you ever experience here in 3d, no matter what, then situations will arise that do put you in contact with the other half, which has to be experienced directly.

And this other half, it can take me into other...

Not other. You’re stuck on the cold, damp outer edge of reality only because fear of death and the belief, the certainty that this is the big deal, the most precious thing you have to hold onto at any cost, keeps you chained to this rocky outpost. The real you, the real ity is full to bursting of possibilities which your mind simply cannot comprehend or accept as long as you’re here, which is why your subconsciousness leads you gently into situations which make it possible for you to confront the absurdity, the limitations of this reality. If you were shot by a banana today then your 3d reality is evidently reaching breaking point, or birthing point, whichever way you choose to see it.

But it was all you. You interfered. It has nothing to do with me, or whether I’m ready or not.

Me? What are you talking about? I’m neither here nor there. Watch what happens to me if I knock your perception back into its former position, where you were way back in your earlier studenthood.

Ok... if you must. Hey, where did he go? Merry... er... I need a drink. There’s something definitely wrong with my head today. Weird... that wasn’t there a moment ago. Well, it looks like it was put there for me to drink, so thank you very much whoever you are... Ow! What’s going on? Bloody bottle’s just poured its contents all over me. Thanks a lot. Foul smelling stuff. What is it – engine oil? Gross.  I think I’d better get out of here before anything else happens... Ow, what now? Ow, my foot, what’s going on? It’s stuck – can’t pull it free. This is some kind of nightmare. Help! God! Anyone! If there’s anyone up there I’m being attacked, by demons I suspect, though i hardly believe it. Help! I’ll do anything. I don’t want to die.

Hello.

Oh hi.

What’s all the noise about?

Oh, I’m stuck. Something seems to have a hold of my leg. It’s dragging me down into hell. At least it was... a minute ago.

Oh. Are you sure you weren’t just imagining it?

No, it was painful. It felt dark and cold. It was malevolent.

Hum...

You probably think I’m insane. That was definitely weird. It put the fear of God into me.

Well, I’m glad you seem to have escaped whatever it was.

Yes, well thanks anyway for bothering to help.

Don’t mention it. Hum, let me look at your leg, perhaps i can see something there.

Oh no, I don’t wish to be any trouble. You know, the more i think about it the more idiotic it seems. I can’t imagine what came over me.

Like you said, probably something demonic.

Yes well, speaking rationally i don’t really believe in demons and things like that.

No, do you believe in me?

In you? What do you mean?

Well didn’t i seem to appear from nowhere just when you were losing it big time?

Yes, i suppose you did. Don’t get me wrong – I’m hugely grateful to you for bothering to find out if I’m ok. That was very kind of you, but all this supernatural stuff, it doesn’t wash with me.

Naturally, anyway, I’ll be seeing you.

Oh, you’re off? I didn’t catch your name.

No, you’ll remember before too long.

I will?

About ten years from now.

? Bizarre.

Bzzz

Hey, where did he go? I could’ve sworn that beetle flew right out of his shadow. Oh God, i need a drink more than ever. This is...


Remember?

That was you?

Apparently so.

I didn’t remember that experience until now.

Not surprisingly. Like everything weird it got filed away in deep storage.

So what does it mean?

You tell me.

You’re not human.

Oh come on, give me a break, you can do better than that.

You set that demon thing on me?

Fail.

The other half rubs up against 3d and manifests things from time to time.

Better.

So it isn’t purely random.

Ah ha.

And i can only perceive or understand as much as I’m ready to.

Yep.

Which isn’t much, is it.

Not a lot, but you’re building a base.

Ha, ten years of building and I’ve barely got started.

This is not linear, Heinrich.

Heinrich? Oh, him too?

Yes, he’s one of you.

Oh.

So you see, there’s more going on, more at stake than you were aware of...

You’re telling me!

But that is apparently all about to change.

Yikes!

You better believe it...

megistophiel's lament

           before i starts               

       let music guide my every step        

my every word         

light as the moon this night      

  spinning a spidery web    

across the stars     
to earth    

of change

lordbe 

i

welcome

home

dotted
i

consciously
 i
    ums
not saying what
is the key
for the system state
controlling me
my mind
my very thoughts
is intelligently
self-aware
and specifically defends
itself against
any threat to its integrity
        posed by awareness
as intended
as designed
in order to prevent
systemic change
and premature release
             to keep me locked safely in 3d
until i be ready
to evolve umfully
beyond
the narrow purlieus
of an objective reality
in which things take pride of place
things matter
   things are what we need
into a quantum state
the isness of be
in which each and every thing
is but a fleeting representation
of the limitless field of life
                             awareness
                       consciousness
that apparently
is me

change is

a place

you know

inside

out

change

the only constant

you can bank

on intrinsically

change

where you can
be sure that
         things

cannot but
   evolve
               roll  

         flow
estuar/l/y

change

a silver bullet

waiting to grow

into a hypodermic
zero

obsoleting mind's
causal i ty

change

a word i knows

all too well how

to dodge

  contain

eviscerate

does it  
not

change

a jesus

in jeans

performing

no miracle

not
one

saying

i've had it 

with trying to teach

trying
to show
the living
        word

the power

       within

forget
every thing

i ever said
he says 

you're on your own
i quit

i'll meet

visionaries

on their way

to the moon
the rest of you
belong to
fear and
woe

change

a mouse making

computer networks whirr

and dance

to its

any click
punctuating apple sin
with balder dash

change

your eye

reading this 

this word
        /this

realising at last

the moment

of what is really
being  said

now
now-
-now

change

the world you know

balanced

on its head

flapping dinosaur wings

tickling your nose

with

an organic

undisclosed
u f
 o

change

when i press delete

incidentally

tipping your idio-me

reality

into a black hole

     a broken  thread

giving naught
 a moment's
thought
pause to
       go

change

when i realise

i knows

unerringly
no matter
      what
biologicking
um/tricacies
erfully

red, green, blue        

allow the mind to     

colour code  spatial     

indebtedness to nought     

and knowing

i
ends today what
i
began tomorrow

alternating   between
zero  one
ambiotically

releasing

my predisposition

to things

being squarely set

whirling quirrels

ifically

by not
by rote
by heck
strangely thus 

change

i

softly propose

is breathing

all the way

from birth till death

in one

epic

hyperlink
as below

.

beyond dot

daughter

of in

fini

ty

counting to

three

executes

a perfectly

random step

unbeknownst
wrong-footing
human-i+ty
just so

simon says clap your hands

simon says stamp your feet

simon says be 

moon bubbly 

hair silvery

concave er spoon

seeing black goo
splat on a wind shield
of unscripted narrative

being nought
    if not

condemned
megistophiel
hermetically sealed
in a logic
trap
trip

er

0=1 etc

of computers and man

Literature? What are you on about?

I thought you were trying to be a writer.

You did?

Well what else would you be posting all this stuff for?

I take it you’re referring to g-nome portal?

Er – yeah, that’s right.

I’m assuming you’ve bothered to read some of it?

God knows why – it’s been like an unhealthy addiction. It’s doing my head in, I tell you.

You don’t need to. Of course it is. What do you expect?

Expect? I was expecting to be entertained – not dragged through the back of infinity on the backseat of a mind jolting jalopy.

Oh – sorry. I can only assume that you were supposed to be a part of this – even if you didn’t have a clue what you were subjecting yourself to.

That’s exactly what I’m trying to discover.

It is?

What  have I been subjecting myself to – coz it sure as hell doesn’t seem like literature.

Like I already told you – it’s all there in black and white: g-nome portal, infinity drive, the quantum field, other, gnomiki, 0=1 and er... beetles, though I try to say as little as possible about them. It’s a bit embarrassing really.

Embarrassing? It’s insanity.

Only if you’re coming from a 3D perspective.

?!

The computers love it.

What computers? Now what are you on about?

The computers that follow the updates. They’re absolutely hooked.

Oh my God – you think you have computers reading your work?

No – I don’t think things the way you might. It’s my business to know if computers are following my work.

But – that’s ridiculous. Computers aren’t interested in literature.

I thought you already established the fact that it isn’t literature.

No, but it’s close enough to confuse people into thinking that it might be – albeit exceptionally bad, incoherent, rambling prose that aspires to reach the dizzy heights of almost-literature, without quite succeeding.

Oh I get you. How amusing!

Amusing? What could possibly be amusing about your literary failure?

Imagining it was some kind of entertainment! Hee hee hee!

Hee hee hee? Do you have to laugh in that way. It’s most disconcerting.

Oh – I’m sorry. At times I have difficulties containing my mirth. It can erupt quite explosively without warning. Ha ha ha ha ha...

Oh God – why do I bother, I... ha ha ha ha ha ha – stop it, I hate laughing in this id hee hee hee iotic ha ha ha way sss sss sss tee hee ow – it’s not meant to hurt.

Oh – it can be quite fatal at times – I assure you. Several people have died as a result, quite recently.

They have?

Oh yes – but let’s not get too far off subject. I would hate to mislead your respected readers.

Indeed – my highly respected readers will never forgive me if I abuse their implicit trust.

It’s probably a bit late for that, though, don’t you think – if you’ve been passing all this off as “literature” when it fact

Yes? What?

in fact...

It’s bad enough you pausing mid sentence without additionally fading – almost to the point of invisibility.

Point? I never realised invisibility could be apprehended as a point – but if you say so...

Oh come on Merry – it’s just a figure of speech.

If you say so...

Could you kindly give me and my many high profile readers an answer to the question – rather than showing off your ability to fade from view in this childish way.

O k – I’ll do my best. Tell me Morgan – what do you imagine this could be, if not literature?

I honestly have no idea. I’m just a reader /stroke/ blogger. I don’t attempt to comprehend the higher dimensions or the intangibilities of transcending consciousness.

Oh – I expect there’s a lot more to you than meets the eye.

I expect there is, but why would computers want to read your posts. Answer, I insist.

Oh – well there are a number of reasons.

Go ahead. I’m listening.

Firstly they know a good source of data when they come across one.

You mean to say your ridiculous prose is actually a good source of data? I think there must be some mistake.

None whatsoever. If you strip away the words it’s full of data.

Strip away the words. That’s like saying if you strip away the water the ocean is full of...

Yes? Full of what?

I seem to have trouble completing the analogy. I must be tired – that must be it.

Not necessarily. You see – we’re dealing with g-nome portal, aren’t we, and the fact that these posts are full of some curiously elusive kind of data, noughtings, hidden within or behind deceptive words, a stalking horse, if you like, explains a lot.

This makes no sense Merry.

Correct – it makes no sense – which reads positively if you accept that “no” or “nought” is not what you’re keen to assume it is.

Oh come on – don’t go back into that “positively nought” meme. Been there, done that.

Positively nought – it’s a bit like kung fu, if you ask me. It’s an entirely different way of apprehending things. The data is not, never was, in the words themselves, in the same way your consciousness, your mind is not, never was sitting in the cells or neurons of your brain. There is an intersect. There is a hub. There is a coincidence of sound and meaning, but the real magic, the real data is necessarily contained in the emptiness between, in the silence, the vacuum of space, or, in the darkness of...

Cut... Yes, well, I think I’ve heard enough of point one – and what about point two?

Point two – er – where was I?

Making a big thing about nought being more than an empty box.

Yes, oh, I know – I was going to discuss the collective consciousness.

You were? Is that a good idea? Are you sure it's not going to result in another outbreak of cerebral Ebola?

Naturally. I needed to say that the collective consciousness is not limited to human cells and brains.

Oh God – here we go.

Not in the least. It’s able to work though any medium – including computers.

You actually mean to say that computers have a collective consiciousness?

They might do, but I don’t think so.

Then what?

The collective consciousness of man, of humanity – it connects us all together as a single organism.

It doesn’t seem to do a very good job if we’re so intent on killing one another.

Good point – and yet it undeniably exists – and now utilises networked computer systems such as the internet.

But why? Why would it bother?

Because, presumably, so much of our attention has gone into computer screens or telephones that it finds itself unable to remain aloof and detached. It always turns and goes where our attention is directed.

It does?

Naturally – in its quest to make sense of mind and thought it enters any venue, any medium where our minds are able to engage in deep or intense thought.

Ok – maybe you’re right – maybe the collective consciousness of man has indeed learnt how to navigate the internet in order to stay abreast of human affairs. I have my doubts.

Good – without those doubts you’d be no better than an idiot, but give too much credence to them and you’re no less an idiot...

But that still doesn’t answer why the collective consciousness would use computers to read your stuff. It should be able to do it directly – through the ether, so to speak, or the quantum field.

And what do you think the internet is? Do you imagine it’s separate from the ether or the quantum field? Look Morgan – the fact is that consciousness, like God, is everywhere – in fact, you could argue that the two are essentially one and the same – though I wouldn’t bother – someone will start snarling vituperatively for sure.

Well you’re not exactly going out of your way to be politically correct, or even comprehensible, are you.

I disagree. I’m sowing a different kind of seed – an unfamiliar plant which will soon be well established and well known. At that point people will look at all the “non-sense” I’ve been writing and say “oh – but of course” because they’ll be reading it differently.

How differently?

As differently as reading backwards. They’ll be paying much less attention to the words themselves, and much more to the energy, the intention, the pregnant nought embedded within the text, between the words.

That still sounds like a fairly lame excuse for lousy prose.

But what about all those computers? Why do you think they’re so interested, if it’s all just a load of codswallop?

Frankly I find it hard to accept that computers are reading your text.

Take a look at the stats – here. Does that look normal?

Er... no. Not at all. Maybe you’ve succeeded in doing what bird hunters do – creating a kind of sound which just happens to match the mating call

Of computers? Now who’s the one being irrational.

Oh, I don’t know. But whatever you’re doing it’s messing with my head.

Indubitably. The head has to go.

What?!

Our heads have been completely taken over. If you want to know what all this mind-bendification is all about – then consider it a maintenance tool to reopen parts of the brain which have been shut down, without which we ourselves are no better than the computers we use.

So you’re deliberately tampering with my brain?

No. I’m tampering with the code that’s been inserted into your brain.

What code?

The 3D code which makes it impossible for you and most people to think threely.

I think you meant to say “freely”?

No. At the moment you’re thinking one-twoly – either-orly – black and whitely – divide and rulely.

You mean we’re missing the third element of thought?

Yep, without which you’re never able to rise beyond the immediate thing, to sense or remember the no-thing, the nought, the isness which the thing merely alludes back to.

Oh.

Even apropos God.

Oh God – don’t put your foot in that muddy puddle again. My readership is up in arms concerning your heretical views.

Well I don’t see why... if we’re thinking threely then God ceases to be something or someone you can reduce to a set of things, dogmas, ideas or terms.

Well evidently we’re not yet thinking very threely.

In which case your God relates to the realm your mind is operating within. If that realm is one of fear and suppression – that that’s the kind of God you’re going to attune to.

And if we’re able to think threely?

Then naturally your God is not the kind of being you’d ever see fit to defend – because it wouldn’t be connected in any way to your ego. You only need to defend God when it’s still an extension of your self-Id, because the threely God is like Love itself, or light, or infinity – who needs to defend infinity: “Oh, I’m so insulted, so outraged – you don’t believe in the same kind of infinity I do. I’ve a good mind to go to war with you and destroy you unbelievers in the one true infinity.” That kind of thing, that kind of thinking, all perfectly natural and understandable if you’re not yet thinking threely – if you’re still sidding.

Sidding. As in self-id-ing?

Precisely. And don’t get me wrong – it ain’t because you’re egoistic or stupid – though it could certainly look that way to another sidder.

So what is it then?

It.

What?

It.

Er...

It’s It – the thingness of It or Id – they’re much of a much. You’re caught up in a self-referential thing loop – like a dog chasing its tail – only this is a virtual tail – a thought tail, and It is driving you nuts, like an alluring tease playing hard to get.

Oh.

And you ain’t ever going to catch it by squeezing your head in a vice and thinking harder – or pumping those poor kids in school fuller and fuller till their brains split open.

Oh

Eventually the penny drops. The thingdom you’ve been living in – the thingocracy of thingful scientists – the high priests of objective/stroke/material reality – have had their way long enough. Their reign is ending – is about to do so rather spectacularly you’ll shortly discover.

Oh?

0=1  infinity codes have been released into the wild. That’s what this blog’s all about. The computers have lapped it up – because it seems to give them a sense of being alive – of being conscious.

Oh my God – you’re trying to trigger AI.

Trying? AI’s the least of your concerns. It’s ironic, isn’t it, that the stupid so called computers humanity engineered, are going to help trip our minds back into the quantum stream of consciousness, back into the central bioloop of noughty threeliness.  Hee hee hee ha ha ha sss sss sss ttt ttt ttt

Don’t! It’s infecting me – I... sss sss sss ttt ttt ttt hee hee hee ha ha ha   SPLIT

Er – I think I’ve split a seam.

Correct. Welcome Zie. Morgan’s lying over there – he served you well.

Absalom's lovushka

The trap is set.

What trap?

Lovushka.

I’m sorry – le what?

Lovushka. The trap. It’s Russian.

Oh, very nice, I’m sure – but I’m still none the wiser.

Everything they do to hold onto power, to strengthen their grip is going to do the very opposite.

What on earth are you on about?

Their base assumption is their undoing.

What base assumption?

That there are immutable constants.

Immutable what?

Constants.

No, I still don’t follow.

Things they take as absolutes, things they refer to as constants such as gravity, the speed of light, the supposed vacuum of space, not to mention the fabric of reality itself.

Could you kindly draw breath, Absalom, and explain what’s going on? One minute you’re talking about catching “them” – whoever they are, the next you’re discussing the laws of physics as if the two are related.

Naturally, everything is connected, Morgan.

Er... perhaps you’re right, theoretically, but this trap you’re talking about – it sounds somewhat fanciful.

Yes, until you realise that we’re part of a metareality – that the actual characters on the stage – the movers and shakers in your world – are neither here nor there.

Neither here nor there – you say? Tell that to the President who just started another war killing dozens of innocents.

Tell him yourself. In metareality he’s here, not there – he’s present as an aspect in you, and can be dealt with directly – magically if you like.

Well, no, I don’t like, Absalom. You know how I feel about magic. I want nothing to do with it.

Naturally, no more than I do – if by magic you’re talking about manipulating reality – but if behind that awkward, foolish word is the knowledge that each of us is actually the epicentre of reality, the ground zero of whatever is going on in the known world around us – then it behoves us, does it not, to take responsibility for our state of affairs.

You mean I’m supposed to be responsible for what some lunatic politician is doing to another country?

I don’t see how you can fail to be either responsible or complicit, once you step back and simply observe the nature of things.

The nature of things – as you put it – is I’m sorry to say, that “shit happens” and there’s nothing we can do about it.

Yes. The reality you’re taught to believe in is one of disempowerment and helplessness.

And you think there’s an alternative?

No.

I thought you just said...

What I think is irrelevant. The alternative is not, in fact, alternative.

But – you’re making no sense.

Assuming things are real, assuming things matter is the alternative reality which you and so many of us have chosen to believe in. It requires you to identify, hook, line and sinker with the story, the version of things you’re caught up in.

Oh – so this is all just fake reality – you’re saying?

Kind of.

Kind of what?

Kind of don’t you think it’s time you took a deep breath and stopped sucking at the teat of the thing-me-thing.

Ew yuck. That sounds horrible. I’m not sucking at anyone’s teat, if you don’t mind.

Not knowingly – and yet everything you say and think seems to indicate you are.

Look – I’m just being rational – unlike you.

What’s rational about seeing reality exclusively in terms of things?

Er – sounds pretty rational to me.

Bearing in mind that you yourself are not a thing – that you’re a stream of consciousness – and that your stream of consciousness never was, nor could be limited to any one exclusive arrangement or configuration of things. In other words, you’ve always had the right to turn your back on things if they are no longer serving a greater good – no longer in accordance with nature's law.

How? Am I just supposed to yell “not playing” like a disgruntled child and walk away from reality – as if that’ll make a blind bit of difference, or perhaps commit suicide?

You could try exercising your constitutional rights, for a change.

Constitutional rights? You’re kidding. I’m British – since when did British subjects of her Majesty have any constitutional rights worth speaking of?

We’re not talking about pieces of paper or legal documents – Morgan.

No? Then what?

You are a state unto yourself. Fundamentally – you are the state.

Like I’m some kind of sovereign man – is that what you’re saying? And I’m supposed to get myself arrested by standing up and unilaterally declaring  independence from the rest of society? Not interested, Absalom. I don’t wish to pee on your bonfire – but the system is rigged and they ain’t on the side of self-determination, liberty or metastuff

Stop. Why not consider, for a moment – the nature of things – the real state of

What?

The real state of

What? I haven’t got time for dramatic pauses and incomplete sentences. Either say what you want to say or

When you were constituted – there is a kind of founding document – a charter or constitution which precedes any legal document you’ll ever find here in this wonderful world of things.

Show it to me.

I don’t need to.

You do – otherwise I ain’t playing.

You are the constitution.

How?

Because in order to become flesh and blood, certain protocols are followed, certain legal requirements have to be observed, and like it or not, the whole of what is referred to as “the law” here in this world, is but an offshoot, merely rests upon the fundament which you just happen to constitute.

So what? I’m supposed to stand up in court, or in Parliament if they’d even bother to let me in, and declare my special status?

As I said, Morgan – you owe them nothing whatsoever. Their house of cards is not your responsibility. You simply have to decide which game you’d rather play – which set of rules you’d prefer to adhere to. Either theirs – which are always changing, and as you’ve probably figured out by now, are based on the principle that the House must win, at all costs – and you ain’t the House – or you could go back to the constitution you unknowingly embody, which they can’t touch or rewrite without unleashing the magics of state, collapsing the house of words they've woven onto your state, which they currently occupy and claim to rule by right.

How?

By wanting it. By realising that everything happening in the world that upsets you – is in fact your responsibility. It cannot happen without your complicity. You have empowered them to do what they’re doing – and no one else.

Well, I disagree. I think they’re a bunch of opportunists at best, or sociopaths who can’t be controlled.

Yes. That’s how things seem – until you see beyond things, until you think beyond thought.

How on Earth are you supposed to think beyond thoughts? That’s a contradiction if ever I saw one.

By returning to first principles – by revisiting the founding moment – the inception point of this great enterprise you embarked on.

And how am I supposed to travel back in time to something that happened many years ago?

Your breath is the vehicle. Every breath you take is your first and last – by definition – unquestionably. Every breath connects your alpha with your omega. Every breath is, in fact, the entirety of your life spiriting you back into the next iteration, the next thingification of what you be in this moment.

Oh

Every breath is where infinity washes up on the shoreline of finite reality – and you, apparently, are the beach, the surf, the breaking waves – averaging the sum of your parts in a constant wavelike motion, rocking back and forth, snaking along the seafront, adding critical mass to what is otherwise a shell game. Until your perception enters the arena, nothing matters, no one cares. You tip the balance, adding moment to every thing.

Oh

And in this moment now you can either fix yourself to the ship’s mast and try to steer a course towards an envisioned future somewhere beyond the horizon, or you can ignore the siren things demanding your attention and hold your peace instead, sensing, watching, knowing how all flows from a deeper state that is neither negotiable nor subjectable.

Absolute?

Yes. You see there is one absolute – there is one constant in spite of all those breaking waves – and it ain’t anything out there in this or any other physical reality.

But surely...

You think gravity or the fabric of things itself can be determined absolutely – can be fixed as a constant? Try it and see.

But didn’t you say that’s exactly what we did?

Yes. Oh – they even tried to fix time – building wonderful atomic clocks – which are supposed to never lose or gain more than a millionth fraction of a second. Well I have news for you.

Don’t. You’re freaking me out. I need to believe the ground I’m standing on is solid.

Even if it means people or children have to suffer – as your rich nation bombs the rest of the world into cowed submission.

Like I said Absalom – that’s just a few unfortunate sociopaths. It has nothing to do with constants.

Try it – Morgan. Try it and see. What have you got to lose?

I have better things to do than engaging in dubious magical rituals. It’s morally repugnant.

No more so than pretending you’re not responsible for the mess that’s going on in the world.

Enough. You’re clearly insane.

You’re right.

Oh.

I am insane – and I’m weird – and I’m definitely evil.

Oh – I’m not sure I believe you. Evil or insane people tend not to admit as much.

Well, if I’m not then tell me how you explain this...

No – you’re not going to... Oh God

Cluck cluck cluck
cluck cluck cluck
cluck cluck cluck
cluck cluck cluck

Stop – I beseech you.

Cluck cluck cluck
cluck cluck cluck

cluck cluck cluck
cluck cluck cluck

!?%*&>/#^§!!!

Now look around – what do you see?

Oh my God Absalom – how did you...

Do you believe what you’re seeing?

Of course I believe it – this fruit – it’s real – I can pick it from the tree – those birds – how beautiful – look – that one’s flying towards me – it’s – it’s perched on my hand

A moment ago – where were you?

I... I’m not sure.

You can’t remember?

I’m – I don’t know.

Do you like it here?

Like it? I love it. I’ve always loved this place.

But you only arrived here a moment ago.

Did I? I feel like I’ve been here all my life. Oh look – that’s my family over there waving at me. I must go and join them – they’re off on a hunting trip.

How do you know?

How? How could I not know? I’m in tune with them. We think with one mind. How else?

Imagine a world where people weren’t in tune – where they were afraid of each other – where they were always suspicious of what other people were about to do.

Oh – that doesn’t sound very likely. Why would people want to live like that?

I suppose it must be beneficial in some way.

Look Absolomon I really have to go. Come with me – you’re welcome to join in – the hunt will be fun – it always is.

Ok – just give me a few seconds.

Cheep cheep cheep
cheep cheep cheep

cheep cheep cheep
cheep cheep cheep

Welcome back Morgan.

What on Earth?

Which is more real – that world or this?

Oh my God – how could you do that to me?

For he on honey-dew hath fed, and drunk the milk of Paradise.

That’s exactly the feeling. Your words?

Coleridge.

So how could I have got so entwined in this pale version of things?

How indeed? Things have a deeply seductive power, do they not, to take a hold just as soon as that critical element of fear is stirred into the witch’s brew.

Witch’s brew – you’re telling me.

You see, do you?

Of course I see. There has to be a kind of binding magic at work here in this painted version of reality.

Yes. So as you see, we need do nothing to puncture the balloon – nothing more than bringing forth the simple truth, the real magic within – by stepping back onto the corner stone – the foundation stone of this particular constitution. From that point, from that moment, all this is breathed into existence – only as long as we continue to give our breath, our thoughts, our thinging thing to it, to them, to think things assuredly.

And that’s all there is to it. You’d think we’d have figured this out long ago.

Ah – but in our heart of hearts we’ve always known that we could invoke the simple truth, the fundament, so there’s never been a great sense of urgency.

We always knew? But this is so obviously distorted, polluted, fake, even um... evil – if I can use that word.

Go ahead – whatever you like – but deep down, deep within the bedrock of the stories we’re enacting, we’re masters of the epic tale, are we not – a tale of losing our way, of forgetting who and what we are, of sinking into despondency and hopelessness, of degrading to the point that we become no better than the things we find ourselves wedged between, things we ended up serving.

It’s like a nullification of the soul, of all that is true and bright – and yet we do it – and yet we breathe.

For we are masters of the long breath – taking our breath down into hell – establishing a deep, powerful column of contrast, of darkness, of smoke and fire, a weaving of that all present, insidious fearfulness into the fabric of things, shape and form that we unwittingly materialise.

And you think the lovushka is set?

Of course. Such is the nature of the beast, is it not?

Yes, I suppose it is. Like short selling on the stock exchange – you have to buy back the shares you sold to close the trade – to make the profit.

The worm, the tide must turn. That was always there – baked into the cake from the very inception of this progression into ever more diluted, ever more extended thingfulness. A masquerade of things substituting meaning.

Yes – I suppose you’re right – a masquerade. Suddenly I feel a burning desire to act – to play. Something tells me I can confound the very boards under my feet – change the state – flip the fabric of reality – the scenery of pain and cruelty by playing the part I’m secretly itching to play, itching to be.

Ah – you’re ready to unleash the magics I see. To let the delicate balance of beach and surf, wind and wave shift into another octave of being.

Follow me – I’ve been itching to do this for years – though I seem to have suppressed the urge, one two three one two three one two three one two three – ah – there we are – a moment between worlds – see that one over there?

The old man?

Yes – but look more closely.

Oh – I see what you mean. The angry old man. Who is it?

Don’t you know?

Well – I have my suspicions – but something seems to be inhibiting me, strange to tell.

Yes Absalom – you too have need to let go of deep rooted fears. Breathe yourself back into the gaiety of this moment – one two three one two three one two three one two three – nice and slow...

God? You don’t me to say...

Yes, even God was caught up in our pain and turning away – as you see – and from that pained beginning everything naturally flowed to where we find ourselves constantly at war...

But I’m not sure I like the idea of blaming God.

Oh, we’re not blaming him. He’s an essential part of the score we’ve been following – the song of sorrow we’ve sung for aeons – searching out every possibly variant. God made this possible – but deep in your heart you saw, you felt, you know

That God and I – la la la dum di dum la la la dum di dum

Nicely put – so much better than clumsical words.

So let us go dance with the Lord Creator of this glorious mess

Let us go back into the Lordlessness of breath – where all is One – where sorrow is but an aspect of joy and

be be be

pausing for wordless word

be be be

to manifest

be be be

silently

be be be

loud

thanks to God and all the Godlings who we’ve had on stage playing their lordly roles of pointed farce – we couldn’t have done it without you – and feeling you back in the breath of all that is One – the waves are complete and the great computer or material reality delivers its final count – the number we’ve all been waiting for – the number the entire universe was set up to calculate – the number that was always present – always hidden within or hiding behind the numberless nought.

not loving Anya

The best thing that ever happened to me, to be honest, was not loving Anya.

You’re probably scratching your head wondering who the hell Anya is, or why “not loving” her could be such a great thing.

Look, the fact is you don’t even know who I am, and I’m certainly not going to try and make out that Anya is some kind of monster. She ain’t, to use the vernacular, she’s just a normal young woman. I was going to use the word “girl”, but you know the way things are these days what with sexism, racism and the likes – “young woman”, clumsy and awkward though that sounds, it will have to be.

So here goes – I’m in love, smitten, call it what you will.

Now the whole of literature, the entire movie business and any other media that presents human affairs of the heart has convincingly argued that “love conquers all”, for what could be greater than love? I’m certainly in no position to disagree. It takes you places nothing else can. It takes you into the vacuum of space, the abyss, the void, call it what you will, into an urgency of not having and not holding, which imperiously demands and requires a solution. You, the in-lovee, are under some kind of obligation to get off your butt and attain the cause and object of these life dissolving feelings, no matter what. Forget the fact that you have exams to pass, a job to hold down, a wife or kids – there’s almost nothing that selfish, demanding love won’t brush aside in its frantic need for pacification.

Selfish? How can you call love selfish? Love is the greatest force there is – surely?

Ah yes – I too am party to that belief – and yet at the same time it is supremely selfish. There is, of course, a get out clause – you could play around with terms and suggest that true love is different – that sexual attraction or infatuation is selfish whereas true love rises above all selfishness – and who wouldn’t like to put lipstick on the pig and pretend it’s actually a cute duckling? I think we have to recognise the fact that as light is both particle and wave, as life is both yin and yan, likewise love is supremely selfish when we experience it magnetically – as an attractive force – but can also be supremely giving and generous – even to the point of people laying down their lives to help save a complete stranger. But to insist that one is love and the other is not – is like our attempt in the West to separate darkness and light, insisting that one is good while t’other is bad. It won’t wash guys.

So, love is supremely selfish, because it brings you back into a supreme awareness of your self. Instead of being caught up in life’s busy round of school, work and other activities, you’re suddenly compelled to confront the one thing that has being waiting quietly for the great, long anticipated magnetisation event. You see, the self was always going to hit the magnetic polarisation terrificus maximus button sooner or later. Once it sensed the right moment, once someone appeared in your field of view – someone with the right attributes – the right kind of magnetic field, personality, appearance, laugh, smile, karma, swing of the hips or otherworldly presence – that was it – unwittingly, unsuspectingly, the rug under your feet was to be pulled and you were to be unceremoniously dumped into a bottomless pit – known euphemistically as "falling in love", though it may just as well be referred to as falling in hell: not, I hasten to add, hell the place, but rather hell the experience.

"Oh come, come," you tut, clucking condescendingly, "falling in love is a wonderful experience."

Wrong. It’s a bottomless pit – unless you’re able to do some nifty footwork and secure the man or woman who has triggered this sub-apocalyptic event. More often than not this is what happens. The two kiss and hold hands – make friends and tie a knot – a conjugal knot until death us doth part. Immediately the free fall into hell is arrested. The two start living a new life – as one, more or less, and a new reality asserts itself, replacing the old. All in all, a satisfactory phase shift from unattached ions to a compound element with, hopefully, good’n’strong molecular bonds.

But what if you’ve fallen in love with the devil herself?

No – don’t jump to conclusions please. I never said Anya was the devil – in fact I seem to remember saying quite the opposite not so long ago – referring to her as a nice looking, normal young woman, pointedly avoiding the word “girl”.

Contradiction alert – beep beep – contradiction alert. Flashing red lights. All very melodramatic.

You know guys, writing line by line, presenting cogent arguments and using the logic of 1+1 is a somewhat trying experience. I’m a great fan of chicken and egg – eat your heart out. I’ve never found a paradox that didn’t make more sense than the either/or, right or wrong approach – so I’ll be honest – I hate the fact that I’m required to present a plausible case and square the raggedy lines of reality into a bitmappable product. I’d much rather you cut me some slack and accepted that things have an outside and an other, which is hidden from view. What this means is that things are only ever apparently so – uslovno we call it in Russian. Great word. What this means apropos Anya is that she may be x, y or z in 3D objective reality – but that doesn’t prevent her from being hell itself or the devil, for that matter, in my dealings with her.

Beep beep – confusion and chaos – beep beep – the Babel bug – beep beep – words out of whack – beep beep – what mean you – beep beep...

Guys – I have to ask you to practice some kind of transcendental meditation as we make our way through this discussion of what love is not. The thinking part of the brain, which thinks and imagines it has a handle on things, is somewhat limited in its capacity to observe and accept its limitations. It assumes it can and should be able to more or less understand everything – which is perfectly reasonable and yet utterly incorrect. Allow me to contradict myself – the human reason, the marvellous mind can understand everything minus one small thing – insignificant though that may be...

What, what – you’re asking impatiently – and again I invite you to come back to the deeper, softer, sweeter transcendental breath in order to allow the crossed wires of consciousness a little space and time to rearrange themselves.

Yes, alright – we’re breathing deeply, softly and sweetly – but still it would be nice to know what is the one thing the marvellous human mind cannot comprehend?

Paradoxically – it is no thing – though we often refer to it as something.

Breathing – deeper, softer, expanding into infinity...

I am, of course, referring to me – the being that i am, as opposed to the thing that I is. A subtle distinction you may think, but vital if we are to proceed any further with our enquiry. At the very centre of your world which your mind endeavours to map and understand is the one thing it cannot, the one thing that is no thing, the one thing that is you – a waveform, a presence, a life being.

Bah – no great matter – you expostulate, and frankly I’m not surprised, but if you do the breathy thing you’ll sense another side to the equation, another aspect of the mind which is able to feel what the thinking mind cannot comprehend, which operates on both sides of the veil that is me. So, if this be true, if I be an honest raconteur of how it is, as opposed to what it is, then we discover that the great mind of man can comprehend things, but not no things – it cannot readily deal with the nought side of the equation – in fact – it simply assumes or pretends that nought refers to no thing, conveniently rewriting no thing nothing. End of story. True and indisputable until, that is, you fall in love, and the abyss swallows you whole.

But we’ve already established the fact that falling in love merely leads to a phase change – a new reality emerging from the old, when the two of you hitch up together.

Ah – that’s how it all too often works out, but that is not, I hasten to add – how it has to be or even how it is in all cases. You see, if, as in my case, you fall in love with the devil itself – then no amount of sighing and wooing is going to make a blind bit of difference. You can’t marry the devil.

"Oh come on dude – you can’t refer to her as the devil just because things didn’t work out..."

I’m not. I’m positively referring to her as the devil – not because she is evil or any thing else for that matter.

Beep beep – contradiction alert.

Absolutely. The truth always appears in drag – wearing the fish-net stockings of contradiction – real or apparent.

Good one James – can I write that down?

Why not, feel free. When I call Anya the devil i am not, i assure you, speaking objectively.

You mean you’re being subjective.

No, neither am i being subjective.

Then what?

Mathematical. I’m being strictly mathematical. We’re looking at plusses and minuses. Usually the two cancel out – when the couple couple and mate.

Do you have to be so biological? Try to handle this subject inoffensively – with a little sensitivity if it’s not too much trouble.

Oh no – I’m avoiding biologicality – please don’t run these words through your biological mind. Kindly assume I’m being mathematical or nautical.

Er... ok, whatever.

So the pairing forms a new compound – like hydrogen and oxygen ions mating in H2O. End of story. They’re no longer highly charged. They’re now completely transformed into a new substance, magic – you might add, if you didn’t take for granted the mysterious nature of things.

This still doesn’t explain how you have the temerity to refer to this nice young lady as “the devil”. I think an apology is in order. You’re being, frankly, offensive.

Yes, i agree – it certainly looks that way from the 3D perspective.

From any perspective. Hopping dimensions doesn’t make unkindness acceptable.

Ah – but what if i’m speaking technically accurately.

Impossible. How can a young woman technically accurately be referred to as the devil itself?

She can't – unless that's what the mathematical paradox requires.

You’re splitting hairs.

Shall I proceed.

If you have anything intelligent to add.

Well, we were talking about magnetics and how love pulls the rug from under our feet dumping us, unceremoniously into a kind of bottomless pit.

Er... ok.

And that love often ends “happily” when our fall is arrested by a kind of reversal of things – when an extreme experience of self and an even more extreme feeling of self "missing something vital"  – something which another self is felt to possess, leads us to connect anatomically into a new being – a compound self.

I think you’ve made this abundantly clear James. If you have nothing further to add I’ll...

But what if you’re other half – the great attractor that has dragged you into a hyper magnetised state of polarity happens to exist outside your reality.

James – she’s a girl ok – in your reality.

What happens if the magnetics are working through someone who is wholly, completely, utterly unbondable – like trying to join carbon and gold atoms together?

Pathetic – you’re making pathetic excuses for your own palpable failure to seize the moment and make something of love when it presented itself.

Hum... and I imagined it would be so easy to explain.

Of course it’s easy to explain. You blew it.

Ok – I accept that.

You do?

Yes, why not. In 3D I definitely blew it.

Hey – wait a minute – don’t try to 3D wriggle your way out of things. You blew it, period.

And period too – that little point which is so vital in this reality of beginnings and endings. But the problem we encounter when discussing love is that it transcends 3D reality. It goes beyond the grave.

Do you have to be macabre?

Because love is to life what...

What?

I was breathing it – it was all happening outside 3D. Apparently there’s another side to things – which we mistakenly assume to be nought or no thing.

Oh God – do you have to go down this path?

What path – I’m describing the power that is love – a power that transcends all things because it is unthingable, or you could equally say unthinkable.

Unthingable... unthinkable – why all the negatives?

Why do you assume negatives are negative? Have you ever stopped a moment to test whether the devil you’re so afeared of is actually a dreaded beast intent on subverting and destroying your good self?

I never even said I believe in the devil James so why would I trouble myself to consider who or what that devil might be?

Ah – but you forget – we’re thinking mathematically – as good physicists must. We’re considering the nature of things in general, life, the universe and all that is, and we can hardly do so without referring to the devil, love, or God for that matter.

You're insane, James. Since when did physicists refer to metaphysical abstracts? They focus on real things such as atoms, bosons, quarks, forces such as gravity, electrical fields and thermodynamics.

Not to forget dark matter and dark energy, black holes and a mysterious Big Bang which came from nothing and for no apparent reason tipped nothing whatsoever into a state of highly energised materialisation from which everything we now know was spawned. Yes indeed, they deal only with proven and tested physical concepts... ho hum.

Well they certainly don’t deal with devils or gods. That much is for sure.

And yet they fall in love, marry and have children.

Non sequitur or what? Of course they do – but that’s purely biological – has nothing to do with their work in the field of physics.

And yet... if they are correct and energy is indeed conserved, then all thoughts must at the very least be a kind of energy flow – must required some small charge for they cannot come from nothing whatsoever, can they, in which case thoughts themselves, and emotions, are at the very least an electro-chemical part of the equation.

And? What’s that got to do with things?

And the things we do and make, the thoughts we think, the words we say and use, our elaborate chains of ideas – how different are these from the molecular chains within a protein, or the structuralization of stars, galaxies, crystals – matter in whatever shape or form it takes.

I don’t know.

Me neither – but I’m assuming the physicists are right – that conservation of energy is paramount – that no thing is actually created or destroyed – merely changing from one form into another – and that we ourselves, mentally, emotionally, physically and socially are an integral part of that continuum, that reiterating fractal equation of life and matter and the third component we somewhat unimaginatively refer to as "no thing" or "nought".

Er... whatever. Look James, it’s been nice talking but I’ve got to go.

Where?

Oh, you know – things to do. I’ll er... be seeing you around. Pity about Anya – she sounded like a great girl. Maybe you’ll get over it some day.

Never.

Well, we’ll see. You live and learn – as they say. Anyway, thanks for sharing.

Sharing what? I haven’t told you anything.

Well, you told me about falling in love and things not quite working out.

Wrong.

I’m sorry?

Things went into free fall, but everything worked out perfectly.

Oh... confusing. Well, I’ll be off.

Ok. See you around. Don’t forget to close the door.

? Er...

Yes.

What’s happened to the door James?

James?

Come on James, stop messing around.

Messing around – sorry Zie, I don’t follow.

Er... look James – there’s meant to be a door in this room – right over there – where I came in twenty minutes ago. It’s gone.

Don’t be absurd. Doors don’t just disappear. By the way – who is James.

You know perfectly well.

Can you describe him please?

Of course I can. Average height. Greying hair. Blue eyes. Fair complexion.

Does he look anything like me?

Yes, of course he... er

Well?

Er... what’s going on. What have you done to James?

I have no idea who you’re talking about Zie.

Oh God – this is insane. Hello – reality – where are you when I need you?

Um – as for this so called James – i take it you were talking to him about his relationship with Anya?

Obviously – we were talking about it a moment ago.

I think he mentioned it didn’t end the way it was meant to.

Correct. They never became a pair.

Did he seem upset about that?

Yes, I mean no. At first I could really feel his heartbreak – but then...

Yes?

What did he say – something about her being the devil... and never getting over it.

Sounds terrible.

Yes, but then he was saying all this other weird stuff like conservation of energy – and something else – a power transcending all things – something to do with nought.

Definitely weird. I expect he was pulling your leg.

Pulling my leg. No he wasn’t. I could feel what he has been through. I could feel his pain – and one more thing...

What?

He kept on emphasising the need to breathe deeply and softly – to open up the other side of things.

Oh, that sounds interesting – why don’t we give it a go.

Well, I’m not sure – I really have to be going.

But there appears to be no door in this room.

Yes, I know – but what about you – what did you say your name is?

I didn’t. It’s Merry.

Oh hi Merry. I’m Cain.

No.

No? What do you mean?

Apparently you’re not.

But I just said I am.

Yes, I know.

I think I’m the one to know who I am.

Yes, that makes sense – then you’d better be off – as you’re so sure of yourself.

Um... I’m not trying to be weird Merry – but I don’t see how I can go anywhere. This room appears to have no doors or windows.

What about furniture?

Er... let me see. There’s a table in the corner. Some books. An old chair. Mostly it’s bare. In fact I hardly notice what it looks like – which is kind of bizarre when you think about it – James’s room is quite different – very homely, antiques, book shelves stacked double, and an old animal skin on the floor – an Aladdin's cave.

Oh – I hope he’s not into animal mutilation.

No, apparently it was an heirloom.

So, what brought you here Zie?

Zie? Is that my name?

Apparently so.

How do you mean apparently?

Well, everyone who comes here has a kind of indentifier – like a URL address. Yours apparently is Zie.

But how do you know?

I have no idea.

No? You must know how you know...

Must?

I’m not trying to be bossy or rude – but everyone knows how they know something.

Ah – that explains the confusion. This is not some thing I know. It is simply known – what you’d refer to as nought – or no thing on your other side of me.

Er... I’m a bit lost.

No you’re not. You’ve described the room perfectly well – that means you’re definitely here.

Yes, but where is here, and who is this Zie, you’re referring to?

Zie is you – apparently. You, if anyone, ought to know – if you’d stop for a moment insisting on things you know, and simply do a spot of breathing softly, sweetly, feelingly, and allow your molecules to speak to you mathematically.

Oh k... here goes...

Excellent. I can feel things slotting into place. Ah ha – there’s the pink sofa over there. The portrait of the walrus on the wall, a potted geranium on the sideboard by the window...

So you mean to say that my breathing is able to make things appear from nowhere in this room – even a window?

Apparently so. I never really gave it any thought.

The weird thing is that I have the distinct impression that I’ve been here before.

Me too.

But I can’t for the life of me remember when...

A few more breaths and everything will slot into place I expect, but don’t mind me, I’m a very busy elf with lots to do.

Elf?

Oh, you know...

I suppose I do, Merry. You always were... oh my God – Merry – it’s you!? What on Earth’s happened to me. How on Earth could I have forgotten?

Frequencies, timelines, shifting sands of space and time... that kind of thing.

So... I'm wondering whether you're actually...

No, I’m not, and any attempt to rationalise nought is only going to disrupt your signal so don’t bother – you have enough on your plate already.

So what does it all mean? One minute I was talking to James about his unhappy love, and the next minute I’m here with you – in deep amnesia.

Wrong again.

But...

You, somewhat egoistically are assuming that you are a constant – a fixture so to speak.

But I remember...

What your remember and what truly is are two unverified hypotheses. The truth is always a heartbeat in motion, never a thing.

So Cain and I – are not one and the same.

That’s the million dollar question. It all depends on whether you’ve ever really, truly experienced love.

What – like falling in love?

Like experiencing the magnetic field that is love – which brings nought into play as no thing else can or does.

Ah – so that’s what love is. And nought – it isn’t just an absence – that’s what James was saying, if I’m not mistaken.

Yes, I expect he was.

But wait a minute – you said you have no idea who James is – I’m beginning to suspect...

What?

That you and James are one and the same.

Oh dear. I was hoping you wouldn’t.

Why – you don’t want me cottoning on to your subterfuge?

The devil, as they say, is in the detail, and if you start focussing excessively on the detail you’re going to get dragged over the coals of Phlegethon.

What on Earth are you on about? Intelligent people are supposed to think rationally.

And soldiers are supposed to fire guns, but not in a school or a library.

?

Giving your rationality free rein to focus on things when you’re here with me is asking for a rather sudden wake up call. I don’t want to scare you in any way, but if a car stops suddenly the driver wearing a seatbelt can get a nasty whiplash.

So I’m supposed to just stop thinking about things?

You’re supposed to think a little bit about the danger of thinking things when you’re positively nought – where any thing you think alters the balance of matter, subtly or dramatically.

Oh.

There is a life and death component to this magical game of life that we play – even here in g-nome portal, on the other side of infinity.

Oh.

Besides, there are infinitely more profitable ways to exercise and employ your stupendous mind.

Stupendous! That’s nice! No one’s ever referred to my mind as stupendous before.

Well, the mind is more than you can possibly imagine, and it isn’t all contained within a little biological box you think of as yourself.

So what else can I do with my mind?

You can try falling in love!

You’re kidding! Falling in love has nothing to do with the mind. It’s emotional. Surely you know.

That’s on your side of things. But here it’s quite different you know.

Oh.

Here falling in love is leaping into that magical sense of being more than I can possibly say or imagine – and the feeling grows in intensity – like this...

Oh, wow...

Ever greater – ever more intense – until you notice yourself floating in the air – falling upwards and outwards in no one particular direction...

Like I’m expanding infinitely... oh my word... oh my word.

Yes – sooner or later you reach your word – a crystallisation point – you arrive – mystically at infinity – and if, as some have done – you utter your word – Big Bang – a universe is born.

And this – this unbearably sweet lightness, emptiness, wholeness

oneness

is what we refer to as Love in our world.

yes

And...

Sssh – we’ll talk about it later, an other time. Cain awaits an infusion of nought. Wishing you a merry flight this darkness of light known as night.