creating me

You seem to be lost.

Er... I’m not sure. I don’t seem to know.

What don’t you know?

I don’t know. Why don’t you ask me something, that might help.

Who are you?

I don’t know. That’s bizarre, isn’t it? I seem to have misplaced my self.

Where are you from?

I don’t know. Really – I don’t remember.

Where are you going to?

Nope. Don’t know. I seem to be in limbo.

Do you know why you’re here?

Ah... I seem to remember... er... something I was doing... something er...

Something?

Can’t quite put my finger on it.

Me – any idea who I am?

Er... not... really. No, No idea. But you seem to be familiar. Strangely er... familiar. Er... very familiar in fact. Any clues?

Or where we are? Have you glanced around? Any idea where you might be?

Oh – I... you know, I don’t seem to have given it much thought – in fact – I can’t really describe where I am at all, which is rather unusual now that I come to think of it. You’d expect I’d have a clear image – that I could accurately describe where I’m now... er... not sure if I’m sitting, standing or what – which is definitely less than should be expected, unless...

Yes?

Unless, er... I don’t want to be melodramatic or anything, but...

Yes?

Unless I’m er... actually er...

Er?

Dead?

Ah – you think you might be dead?

Might be – I mean, it’s a consideration isn’t it – with me not being able to describe who or where I am. Come to think of it – that puts dead somewhere near the top of the list of things that I might now be. I could test the hypothesis, of course, by examining my body, if I have one.

If you have one? You’re not er... sure?

Strangely enough – I haven’t yet figured out if I have a body or not.

What seems to be the difficulty determining whether or not you have a body?

Well, I’m not able to discern any body as such at the present moment – but there might be some perfectly rational explanation for why this is the case.

Like what, for example?

Oh, you know, I could be unconscious and having an out of body experience. Or I could be...

Yes?

Sleeping. I could certainly be sleeping. This could all be a dream.

Ok. Anything else?

Oh yes – I’m sure there are others, I just haven’t yet managed to get them straight in my mind. For example, I might be sitting here, or standing, with my eyes closed.

Your eyes closed? Well, in that case perhaps you could open them?

That’s just the thing, God, I’m er... not sure I want to... not sure I’m ready. It might be a shock.

A shock. Is that it?

Or possibly disappointing. It might be terribly disappointing, and I wouldn’t want that – shattering precious illusions – that kind of thing. I’d have nothing else to fall back on, would I?

I, er, don’t know.

But I can’t just...

What?

I can’t just – for ever, can I?

For ever what?

Without checking my status. Sooner or later I’m going to have to grab the bull by the horns.

You mean open your eyes?

If I have them.

If you have them. Or you could try asking me, if you like, what I can see. That might throw a little light on things.

Oh no, no, no, that wouldn’t be a good idea at all.

No?

No, that would be like opening my eyes. I might hear too much, and then I’d be in a quandary.

Ok, well you’re welcome to take as long as you like to make up your mind. I’m not in any particular sort of rush. I can just get on with some stuff while you think things through.

Oh.

Make yourself at home.

Er... thanks, I’ll put the kettle on if that’s alright.

Absolutely. Go right ahead. Tea’s in the cupboard over the sink on the left. Sugar’s in the jar by the breadbin.

Right. I’ll feel my way in the dark.

Or you could try using your third eye for a change. That would be fun wouldn’t it?

No, don’t believe in that kind of thing. I’m a more down to earth regular eyes kind of fella, you know.

Yes, I had a hunch, but you know, you’re welcome to be whoever you choose. My job as your host is to provide you with various options.

Much appreciated, but I’m not a fan of all that esoteric spirity stuff.

No. Well, I won’t keep you.

You off are you God? It’s been nice talking to you. I expect you have a lot to keep you busy.

I suppose I do – but it all seems to keep getting done miraculously, in the nick of time.

Fixing problems around the universe – plugging interstellar leaks, correcting galactic rates of spin or incline, adjusting planetary weather systems...

Surprisingly the universe seems to take care of itself – it’s the people on Earth, or its surrogates, that seem to take up most of my time.

Really? A troublesome bunch, aren’t we.

No trouble really. It’s a process – it’s all part and parcel of creation.

It is? I thought we were the spanner in the works.

Huh?

The ones who are messing everything up – destroying the planet, killing off species, polluting the oceans...

Yes, you do like to push the limits, that’s for sure. But that’s how it’s meant to be.

You mean you designed us to be a bunch of system breakers?

Kind of – yes. You might say that you’re the ultimate hack – a kind of virus which either makes or breaks the system. Otherwise it couldn’t evolve as intended.

So you think there’s still a chance that we might pull this off before the entire system crashes?

I don’t know. That depends on you.

On us?

No, just you.

Who – me?

Precisely.

What do you mean? What have I got to do with how things work out on Earth?

On Earth? Not just on Earth... the entire universe is at stake.

You’re kidding.

Do I look like I’m kidding?

Ah – you’re trying to trick me, I feel. Want to get me to open my eyes and take a peek.

I must confess that the thought had crossed my mind – but no – I’m not actually allowed to trick you.

Huh? What do you mean “not allowed”? You’re God – you can do anything! That’s what it means to be God.

Well, I’m not going to disagree with you – that would be the height of folly – but there’s a difference between being able to do anything and being able to do some thing or certain things.

I’m not sure I follow.

Well, I can do anything I like – I can, for example, create an entirely new universe, or planet or species but once it’s already been created – once the wheel has been set in motion, I can’t just doing anything at all.

Why not?

Well, because to create the universe, or you for that matter – I didn’t exactly pull a rabbit out of the hat. It wasn’t a trick as such.

No? Then how?

How does one create anything? You yourself create things, don’t you – or you did when you had your eyes open not so long ago.

Yes,  but that’s different.

Is it? Don’t be so sure. What did you create?

I made a boat.

Oh yes – that was very nice. Now how did you make it?

Wood. Glue. A saw. It took ages to do. You could do it in no time at all, I expect, and yours wouldn’t have sprung a leak as mine did.

Ok – so I’ve got the process a little more refined – but it’s still basically the same.

It is?

Absolutely.

I find that hard to believe.

Yes, you’re in the habit of distrusting me – but I’m was trying to explain that I’m not actually allowed to deceive you – not because I’m any better than you –

Oh come on – you’re God – of course you’re better. It goes without saying.

Not when you understand the nature of creation.

Huh?

That everything I created was and is part of me.

Part of you?

Yes – I had no other materials to use – so naturally I used myself.

Oh. Very er...

Lost for words – I know the feeling. But I didn’t just use myself.

No, what else did you use?

I used my wildest passion, my deepest inspiration, my utmost creativity.

Goes without saying, doesn’t it.

And in doing so I managed to exceed the limits of what is physically possible.

You mean you created something from nothing.

No, that would be impossible.

Not for you – you’re God – you can do anything.

Like I said – when you’re on the job you need to be practical, and it’s not enough for me to announce I’m God and expect everything to just happen spontaneously.

No? I rather thought...

Yes, you’ve already told me.

So, what’s the big secret then?

Well, I was obviously working with something, wasn’t I?

How could you be – you hadn’t yet created anything.

Ah – that’s just it, isn’t it. I hadn’t created anything but I already existed, in a manner of speaking – but I had to work with something didn’t I, so what was it?

You’re asking me? You’re God – you should know, if anyone does?

You see the word “create”, like the word “sing” or “jump” has a specific meaning – and that meaning is not, in fact, to make something from nothing.

No?

No – it’s about harnessing the powers or power of creativity – which exists – out there – which is all around – and which can be harnessed, can be brought to bear, if and only if I hold nothing back – if I put my heart and soul into the process.

So you have a heart and soul then?

Well, in a manner of speaking yes, I do – but what this really means is that it wasn’t just a case of waving a wand and uttering wingardium leviosa.

Don’t you mean “lumos”?

Oh yes, I suppose I do.

So you had to kind of nail yourself to the cross of your own creation.

Er... not sure I like the idea of nailing myself to anything – but I certainly had to become an integral part of what I was creating – which means that I have to be absolutely straight with that creation at all times – because otherwise I’d not have been able to have created it in the first place.

Deep. Very deep – but I think I get what you’re saying.

When you do that – when you participate in the ecstasy of creation, you seem to get more out than you put in.

Ah! That’s the secret that every alchemist and modern day businessman has been attempting to puzzle out.

When all along they were living in it, breathing it, being it.

You mean we’re all part of that something more – so we should be able to figure it out?

Naturally – if you’d observe nature – for example. She has little difficulty keeping herself rich and abundant. Just consider the variety of habitats, ecosystems, species and even languages or computer programmes.

Wait a second – you’re talking about nature and human inventions as if they’re the same.

And what did you imagine? Some great divide?

Well, yes, as a matter of fact I did.

And yet it’s all about creativity isn’t it, and those languages, some of which are now going extinct, like endangered species – how do you think they all emerged?

To be honest I never gave it a lot of thought – but it seems absurd to say that i-phone apps are the same as daffodils or dung beetles.

Yes, and yet it seems equally absurd to insist they’re not, particularly when you consider how I started the ball rolling in the first place...

Er...

Yes?

Er... you seem to have fallen into reverie God. I’m not in a great hurry either, but I’ve waited an hour or more to hear you complete the sentence.

An hour you say?

I think so.

And how did you measure the time?

Well, there was a long pause and I was thinking about all kinds of things, and then I started getting bored, the way I do after I’ve been doing nothing for an hour or so.

Were you breathing?

I...

Hello?

...

Anyone there?

...

Er... did I say anything wrong?

...

Knock, knock, I’m getting bored.

You can’t get bored – you’re God.

I love the way you keep telling me what I can or can’t do – as if being God is all about being part of your control structure.

Well, I don’t think you should be affected by my shortcomings, if you’re indeed the supreme creator of all that is.

Ah – so perhaps I’m not.

Doubt – you’re infecting me with doubt no less. This is a test – isn’t it.

...

You’re testing my faith.

Actually I want to know what happened to you for 72 days when I asked you if you were breathing or not.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You’re kidding, right!?

Sighing wearily – I hate to sound like an old record – but I’m not really at liberty to deceive any part of my creation in any way whatsoever, so the answer is, apologetically, no, I’m not.

72 days? I can’t have been out for the count that long.

No, it seemed rather unreasonable to me – but being God enables me to put up with things and trust there’s a deeper reason for your insensitivity.

Oh – I didn’t mean to offend you in any way – in fact I didn’t even know I was lost in thought for more than a minute or two.

As I suspected.

72 days? That beggars belief.

Actually 72 days, 14 hours and 34 minutes. I won’t bother you with the number of seconds or you’ll justifiably accuse me of splitting hairs.

Wow! I mean – my apologies for such thoughtlessness, but as you’ve probably realised – I had no idea.

Yes. No hard feelings – but I’d still appreciate an answer to the question.

Oh, yes – I

Not again! This is beginning to grate my nerves. I wonder what would happen if I started experiencing annoyance or anger? Would that be the end of my creation? Would that be the end of me? Is it even possible for God to experience annoyance or anger – I wonder. Or perhaps – perhaps sooner or later I revert to being part of someone else’s story – someone else’s creation – if...

No, I don’t think I was breathing God. Actually I’m certain I wasn’t – which certainly throws an interesting light on things, does it not?

...zzz

Huh?

...zzz

Er – God, I...

...zzz

Please don’t weird me out like this. I was just beginning to get comfortable with the fact that I seem to be having a massive out of body experience and now it looks like something terrible’s just happened to the one person I thought I could rely on. This isn’t fair. This isn’t FAIR. I can’t believe it’s happening to me.

...zzz

God, would you cut that out. You are NOT a beetle.

...zzz

NOT, you’re NOT a beetle ok, you’re NOT, you’re

NOT – I think I got the message

...zzz

You’ve gotta laugh, either it’s me or it’s you weirding out. Look – I’m not going to try and fix this, because that’s never been the way I do things. “You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.” Isn’t that what the part of the creation known as Buckminster Fuller said?

Yes, I believe he did.

So, all I do when I reach an impasse is go back to...

What?

No, the other way.

What other way?

The other way – there’s only one – back to the moment of all being nought, of nought being one – the moment when I sensed her presence.

Whose presence are you talking about?

Hers. But I can’t say who, because she’s the other side of all this – the other side of consciousness, the other side of awareness, of space, of time, of God or anything whatsoever, no matter how big or small.

Oh.

She’s what makes all things equal – including you and me.

No.

For every part of the creation – include the supreme creator you call God... dot dot dot

Dot dot dot? That’s not the kind of clarification I was hoping for.

Open your eyes Zie.

Zie? Oh my God – I’m Zie – oh my God – oh my God – I can see – I can see – I’m Zie – I’m... who’s she... who’s

...

are you?