right you are

I’m breathing.

Er. Yes. I can see.

…

[Zie joins in, half-heartedly, for a minute or two]         And what?

No thing

Nothing?

What so ever

What you mean to say is you’re spacing out, letting it all go, embracing all that is.

Yes – you’re absolutely right.

I am?

Absolutely.

There’s a first time for everything. Wow. I feel kind of…

Pleasantly surprised, I imagine.

That’s it. Pleasantly surprised.

Or was.

Was what?

Breathing.

You were?

Till you came in.

Er…

And put a stop to all that.

I…

Don’t worry – it was definitely meant to be.

It was? Are you sure? 

It always is.

Really.

Absolutely.

You mean to say…

Yes, I do.

But I haven’t said it yet.

No, but you will.

But how can you possibly know what I’m going to say before I’ve even said it? 

I can’t, can I? That would be impossible, or supernatural.

So, you’ve just totally contradicted yourself.

Yes.

And that’s ok?

I’m not proud of the fact.

Then why do it?

Breathing.

Huh?

It’s breathing.

What is? Contradicting yourself?

The breathing takes you out of the "me" into "not exactly me" – the all that is – I think you called it.

Yes, I did.

And the all that is doesn’t really bother too much about politics or taking sides, does it? It's universal. 

Er… can’t say I’m overfamiliar with this particular phenomenon – but, kind of makes sense – it being “all that is” – but wouldn’t that imply you’re speaking for God? 

Could do. 

Sounds kind of presumptuous, if you don’t mind me saying.

By all means, say away. You're welcome to put me in my place. I wouldn’t want to be above criticism, would I – not if I’m truly breathing all that er... is

So heresy aside, this is like getting outside yourself and losing your sense of self-identity?

Could be. Can’t really say, can i?

Why not?

Without focussing on myself: kind of shorts the circuit, gets you back into me-ness, doesn’t it?

I… well I suppose so, logically, it would. 

So, let’s suppose it wasn’t exactly my identity speaking – let’s suppose it was "breathing all that is" – which isn’t really anything in particular, is it?

I can’t say I'm familiar – I’ve not done a lot of the breathing myself.

Oh you have.

Really? i have? 

Without being fully aware.

Oh – well that doesn’t really count, does it?

Really, that depends what it is you’re counting. So, let’s assume that there are concurrently two sides to everything you’re thinking – the side you know and identify with, the side you purposefully don’t.

Two sides. Ok... 

It means there’s a whole lot more going on than you or I realise – and whether you choose to access that “whole lot more” is entirely up to you.

So, it’s just kind of waiting in storage? 

Absolutely.

Waiting?

For you to breathe it, reconnect.

Well I don't see what the point is, really.

No?

I mean, breathing sounds great on paper, a bit of meditation to rebalance and de-stress.

A dark field of uncertainty.

Huh?

Which we really don't wish to experience – the great "not that"; everything we've secretly been avoiding, filing away for the rainy day we're determined not to experience.

Er...

Terrified of.

Merry, don't you think you're over-dramatising this? I mean, we mostly seem to be getting along well enough without your ominous sounding "dark field of uncertainty".

In lock down? With wars, disease, misery and even suicide rampaging throughout the human psycho-sphere?

Well, this is Earth after all. It's not meant to be perfect. It's a work in progress, warts and all.

It's a mathematical given.

Huh?

The natural product of light breath.

Light, as in?

Light as in light, breath as in breath. Either you breathe or you skip along, pretending you can get by without all that is, without not-that, the seemingly dark matter which terrifies the light version of me.

Well I think you're mistaken, Merry. Most people simply haven't the faintest idea how to do this breathing malarkey. We were never taught.

True, and utterly false.

Er...

True, you weren't taught.

So we're hardly to blame.

But then again, this is second nature, like a fish learning to swim, a bird taking to the air...

Well if that's so, then how come more people don't do it?

They do, without being aware, because you can't avoid the breath as long as you're alive.

I mean the full monty?

Choice.

Choice?

You're explorers.

Explorers?

You're scientists.

Scientists?

Absolutely, exploring, investigating the dark side of things.

I thought you said we're doing the light breath, avoiding the darkness.

Confusing, isn't it – you are, and thus you're exploring the dark side of things – investigating what happens when you disconnect from all that is, what happens when you use fear to catapult you ever further, ever deeper into unreality.

Er...

By negating your very basis, your essence, by not-thatting, until the path ends, the breath expires.

God. I can't believe how you twist everything round, turning day into night.

So, nothing could be simpler – to breathe wholly, naturally all-that-is is the default that restores equilibrium in an instant.

It does?

As soon as you stop disseminating disequilibrium, as soon as your decide your experiment is complete, you have all the data you need, that you've achieved your goal.

Our goal?

You've laid a psycho-experiential trail, or grid, you might say, across unreality – through Hades.

Really?

Absolutely.

Why?

Because you can – you wanted to take life or the life experience into unlife, like a mountaineer climbing into the oxygen-depleted death zone where his body starts rapidly deteriorating, in order to reach the summit and experience the edge, the penumbral shade of reality, of life itself.

And we've done it? We've reached the summit?

Affirmative, but only if you make it back alive, only if you remember to reconnect, to countermand the unbreath directive you ordered yourselves to follow.

But how? It's all we know.

No, it's all you remember, but you know all there is to know in the dark matter of breath.

?

In whatever you're afraid to face, afraid to encounter, afraid to experience.

?

You fear what you secretly know, and in your fear is the release that flicks the switch, that brings your awareness back.

?

Death, is what you fear, and death is the end of the reality you have completed.

So we have to die?

Absolutely, if you want to live.

To reconnect?

With all that is.

We have to put our trust in the unbearable lightness of breath?

Indeed.

It feels so impalpable.

Absolutely, but there are wings waiting to unfold.

But breath is so...

Yes, but it's your element – your all that is. Nothing less will do.

And we all have this access point to all-that-is – somewhere in the indecipherable matter of breath? 

Yes. The  dark matter of breath undarkens if we're willing to breathe "not that" – whatever we purposefully excluded, whatever undermines me, my flimsy certainties, my illusory impregnability. 

Sounds like the imperial death star approach to breathing. 

It's the "calling my bluff" approach, to test the ultimate hypothesis. 

Which is? 

You... the me.

?

The existential viability of your undivided me.

Meaning?

Whether or not you cancel out on recombination.

Er... And what if the hypothesis fails?

Then back to zero point you are. Finnagin beginnagin. But if it's undefendable why hang around pretending you're for real? Why the charade?

What?

Wasting the rest of your life defending s myth or a lie.

Er... Perhaps because I don't want to die.

Lame. You're dead until-unless you put your self into play, until you prove that the two sides match up critically, and that you're a viable version of reality.

Gulp.

It's the way. Thus it is – i am. "Not that" is your enemy no more than your friend.

You could have fooled me.

Not really.

Ok, ok, it's a figure of speech.

Oh right.

And this recombination you're talking about...

Yes?

Everything’s on file, nothing's ever lost or truly forgotten?

Absolutely not. It's like the blockchain: the entire universe ensures that your numbers add up, that you remain the sum of your past. All you succeed in doing, if truth be told, is Mandelbrotting deeper into your fractalisation. Why?

Including what I was about to say a few minutes ago?

As long as you’re in the breath that brings both yea and nay together, yes. 

And what? In that state you can  transcend all physical limitations? 

What is there to transcend?

So what was I going to say then? You seemed to imagine you already knew. You had the gall to say as much. 

... that nothing happens by chance. That everything is completely, utterly predictable. Yes, from the breath-is-me, that is true.

The breath is me? I thought it’s not me – that the breath in fact liberates us from me-ness.

Yes. That’s one side of it.

But the other side… the opposite?

Absolutely.

So you’re not actually saying anything – hedging your bets – covering both sides of the argument.

What argument?

Fair enough. But, supposing you’re right – supposing that was what I was about to say…

Supposing. 

Wouldn’t it be terribly dull? Knowing that everything is already planned – nothing is left to chance

Or free will? 

Exactly.

Yes, it would be.

There you go then. Why would anyone want to enter such a state of all knowingness? 

Why would anyone want to be God – you might say.

Yes. Why? What would be the point of being alive if we know everything anyone’s going to say?

Good question.

Well?

Well what?

Well what would be the point? It sounds like you’re beautiful breathing meditation is a kind of dystopian nightmare – a knowing everything and no longer having the benefit of being able to exercise choice or experience the unexpected.

Yes.

So it’s not the kind of thing anyone in their right mind would wish to access, is it?

Correct.

Am I missing something?

Yes.

What?

Half.

Huh?

Well, no one in their “right mind” would want to experience this all knowingness – would they?

We’ve already established that fact, haven’t we?

But then again, do you believe that your “right mind” is actually you – completely?

It’s a figure of speech. The right mind we’re talking about here is the sensible, logical, reasonable, rational mind.

Yes, that much is evident. The right mind is the right mind, and definitely, categorically not the left mind.

But who would want to go into the left mind if it’s the opposite of “sensible, logical, reasonable and rational” – it sounds like hell.

Correct.

You haven’t answered my question.

I thought you answered it yourself rather well.

I did?

You said, “It sounds like hell.”

Well, yes. And what?

Well, it sounds like hell from the perspective of the right mind, as well it should. How on earth could the right mind possibly like the sound of its antipode?

But look at the words – we’re not just talking about an alternative, are we – we’re talking about something illogical, irrational, unreasonable and senseless. Doesn’t that speak for itself?

Yes – it does.

So how could you defend a left mind? How could you suggest we should want to embrace it – if it actually exists?

If?

I rather suspect it’s just the absence of mind – a mindlessness. An unthinking, unknowing state.

Right.

There – you see. You agree.

Right, as in right mind.

Huh?

Confirmation bias.

Oh come on. You can’t really mean to say you’re willing to stand up and defend the left mind – if it’s everything that a healthy mind is not?

Defend – no. The left mind needs no defence. It is no criminal.

You make it sound like one.

The right mind and the words it attaches great importance to – create the impression, the certainty that the other side is no side at all, to be shunned and spurned no matter what – and that’s not necessarily incorrect.

Huh?

Am I contradicting myself?

Yes, I think you are.

Excellent. Then we’re probably close to the heart of the matter.

[sighing]

For the truth is never, in fact, antagonistic or oppositional – that’s just how it looks when we’re in a one-sided state of perception, and thus an incomplete-awareness.

Then what?

The breath – our very own infinity drive.

Er…

Because if and when we go total – then the other side of mind – whatever that may seem to be from a right-minded perspective, comes into perspective at the very same moment that the right side readjusts back into its rightful boundary slot – so the two integrate naturally, fully, imperceptibly.

It just happens?

Yes.

And what?

This.

What do you mean?

This brief dialogue is the fruit of that state.

It is?

Yes, for this dialogue rests upon the un-mind-fullness of infinity – the all that is.

Er… And what?

What?

What’s the benefit of this dialogue.

None whatsoever.

So there’s nothing to show for your twin-mindedness.

Absolutely. Apart from…

What?

You.

Me? What do you mean?

You only exist as a product of my all-full-ness.

I… no – there’s gotta be some kind of mistake.

Yes?

I exist in my own right.

Absolutely.

In my own right.

Absolutely. Twice. In your own right – but bear in mind that your own right is only half of your undivided truth – the same way my own left is only half of my truth.

You mean to say – that you’re actually from the other side – the devil’s very kitchen – the pit, the abyss of illogicality, unreasonableness, senseless irrationality.

One hundred percent.

But…

Yes?

You don’t seem all that bad. I mean – you contradict yourself a lot – which is annoying – very annoying in fact, but all in all – you’re not such a bad guy.

Pleased to hear it.

I’m not trying to be funny.

Not at all. You couldn’t even if you tried. You’re on the wrong side for real humour.

Hey, wait a minute – no need to insult me – I was trying to be nice.

Were you? Having stated that I’m as good as the devil – if I come from the evil side of the divide?

I didn’t know at the time – and for God’s sake – don’t take it so personally.

Ok. Good advice. Nothing personal. Do you wish to know the whole truth?

Er… I’m not sure.

You don’t.

I didn’t say that.

You do or you don’t?

Stop pressurising me. It’s difficult to say.

Oh – you’re making calculations even as we speak – “can I handle the truth without it changing me – because I wouldn’t want to lose my unique racial purity – the separateness that makes me not like him.”

Hey – stop putting evil words into my mouth.

Into your mind. But are they true.

No.

Do you ever lie?

No… Not if I can help it.

Will you defend the truth no matter what?

No… I…

Yes?

I….

What?

I… don’t know.

Do you not?

No.

Because you can’t admit the truth, can you?

I

That I may be evil – but I will always admit the truth – no matter what – that there’s more than me – more than my perspective. That I’m just half – until, unless I allow breath to complete me – to bring you back into full-bodied, fully-present dialogue with me. To undissolve my precious me-ness and allow the world, the quantum field to shift, accordingly – no matter what – whither it must, whither it will. Period.

Oh…

Look into my eyes.

No. I can’t.

Look at me, God dammit.

No, I…

What?

I’m afraid.

Of course you’re bloody afraid. Whatever’s wrong with that. Fear is the mind-killer. Be afraid. Let your fear lift you into the heightened state of mind-beyond-mind, me-beyond-me, matter-beyond-matter.

Oh God.

God? Give God a break. If he exists at all he’d love to see you embrace the truth, for a change – the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, as opposed to the truth half seen, half heard, half told.

Shit.

So now we’ve hit the bottom line. The line of defecation.

Quit making fun of me. It’s not easy being responsible for everything I swore to uphold and defend.

Your racial purity. Your beautiful order and form.

Because without us there’d have been chaos, anarchy. We held the line. We defended the fort, no matter what the cost.

By denying us – by leaving us out in the cold. By rejecting your brotherhood, your kinship – by choosing instead to make yourself kings of matter and right-mindedness. Yes, you did, at great cost indeed, defend your fort – your thought if truth be told – but now, as they say, the chickens have come home to roost. Now, the unhalving, the rebalancing, the totalitising is here…

Where? Wh…

Here, can you not feel it?

I… no…

In the breath…

No, I…

In the field – the all that is

I…

Infinity – driving a wedge through the separateness you thought would hold strong, for ever more.

Aaaaaaagh

No more – united we breathe – united we be… and complete

Cut!

Huh?

Huh?

Well played guys. Zie – you could have been a bit more dramatic on the finally scream.

Wait a minute – this was all just a show?

Duh! Like it’s ever been otherwise! Wake up Zie, snap out of it.

Er… you right – I remember. Damn that was realistic. Impressive virtual reality technology you’ve got here.

It should be – you helped design it dopey.

Oh yeah – so I did. Well whadya know!

Cut!

Again? I thought we’ve already woken up.

You did? That’s normal. You’ve gotta wake up on both sides or reality. Now it’s green – green for gnomiki.

Oh God, no, anything but green.

You gonna start screaming again?

I might have to.

Then I’ll put you on mute.

[Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!]

There – that’s wasn’t so bad.

Ok – is everyone back in sync?

Yeah – I guess so. Is that it?

Absolutely.

You bet.

Er…

What?

There’s um…

What?

I don’t wanna be a harbinger of doom.

Oh come on man – you don’t actually mean there’s another one?

You’ve gotta be kiddin?

Well, you know –

No, we don’t “know”.

Well there had to be an other – didn’t there.

Why?

This is ridiculous!

Like it’s never gonna end.

Breathe guys. The third awaits.

The third? I’ve got that Darth Vader imperial march feeling stealing up on me, grabbing my throat.

Me two.

Me three.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGH!

Easy does it guys. Be still. One it is –

I am

I am

That’s right – now here’s the final merge –

White – or close enough. I don’t wanna be white! Me neither! Calm it guys. No one’s bound to stay centre stage – you’re free to shift throughout infinity – as always. Really? Absolutely. Peace. Be cool and shine your light. Actually – I quite like white – totally incognito. 0=1 4ever and a day

The end – and you thought third was just an NPC… think again!