A fish called Wonder

Look, I'm sorry to be like this but I need to know what's going on.

Oh, that's fine. I understand. It's hardly surprising you're feeling a bit confused.

Well yes... it's hardly normal, is it?

No, it's not what you'd normally consider normal, far from it in fact. So how can I help?

Well you just disappeared... What do you mean by that? Is this some kind of hypnosis or illusion? You can't just disappear in broad daylight for no apparent reason.

Hum... I see the problem. What exactly is it that you find upsetting?

Well it's illogical. Human beings don't just vanish into thin air - or at least they're not supposed to.

But did I really vanish? Are you quite sure?

Of course you vanished. I spent 15 minutes running around at wit's end looking for you, imagining something terrible had happened.

And you're positive you didn't see me or notice anything else that might have given a clue to my whereabouts?

Of course I didn't see you. If I'd seen you I'd hardly have panicked like that. One minute you were there, the next - nothing.

What about the fish?

What fish?

You didn't notice a fish in any of this ballyhoo?

A fish? - Geoff pauses a minute, somewhat bemused, eyes on the ceiling, scanning his memories.

...Now that you mention it, there was a fish.

Ah ha! Where?

Well, in the fish tank of course.

What kind of fish tank?

Er... it was an aquarium, about a metre in length with a little castle, some rocks, plants and a stream of bubbles. Yes - I see it quite clearly now. The fish was orange and white. It was doing this...er, like a dance really. You know, synchronised swimming. I remember being quite absorbed by it for a moment of two.

Or perhaps longer?

Er... difficult to say - but I was definitely absorbed. Actually, it was getting dark when I stopped observing it so it must have been longer than a moment or two.

More like an hour or two.

My God! That long? Well I never.

You spent an hour or two observing a fish performing a special kind of...

Well yes - I suppose I did, but what of it?

Well, haven't you asked yourself where the fishtank is?

Now that's a thought. No. That's odd. I just took it for granted. The fishtank - where is it?

Do you have a fishtank here in your house?

Of course not. You know I'm not greatly interested in fish.

But you watched it for an hour or two, while the shadows lengthened and it grew dark.

Well yes, but that was different.

How so?

Er... I don't really know... It seemed to mean something, or matter in some way. I wouldn't have wasted my time otherwise.

So you spent an hour or two gazing at a fish tank that you cannot locate, while at the same time you're accusing me of disappearing?

Er... yes, the plot thickens. It makes no sense.

But how long did I disappear for?

I already said - approximately fifteen minutes.

And all that time you were running around looking for me.

Yes. Do I need to repeat myself?

But you remember observing a fish for an hour or two while I was away.

Oh God, this is making me ill.

You see the problem we have?

You're not accusing me of going insane.

No, not at all. Everything you're saying is technically accurate.

But it can't be.

Whyever not?

Because the time doesn't add up.

Yes, there's a problem there I concede, but let's just assume that the two events were happening in parallel, but not necessarily at the same time and place.

In parallel? How can things happen in parallel?

Well, I'm trying to make sense of this by deduction regardless of what seems probable - so instead of accusing you of lying or being insane, it would appear that these two events must have happened in parallel. In one you were here, running around like a headless chicken looking for me, while in the other you were deeply peaceful, observing a clown fish, I believe, performing acrobatics in a large fishtank... which wasn't in your house. Any idea where it was?

None at all.

You have no recollection of what the house looked like?

I told you - I was mesmerised by the fish.

Not even the colours of the walls?

Beige... no, orange... no, green...

So it appears the answer is no.

No, that's odd...

What is?

The walls. I was sort of aware of their colour - but it was certainly different as time passed. At first they were beige...

Then orange?

Then green. How bizarre.

Indeed. So we have walls changing colour, an acrobatic fish and me disappearing.

Oh God, this is beginning to look hopeless.

Not at all. We simply need to use our powers of deduction. There's sure to be a perfectly simple explanation.

You can't be serious... Hang on, you still haven't answered my question.

Ah, I thought you'd forgotten.

No. In spite of your attempts to distract me.

So?

So where were you all that time?

Where am I now?

Do you never give a straight answer? You're talking to me here in my conservatory. Must you be so disingenuous?

Disingenuous? I assure you I'm trying to be entirely up front and above board with you.

Then why do you keep dodging the question?

Believe me Geoff, I'm as interested as you are in arriving at the answer, but it's a two way process.

It is?

Yes, I can only go as far as you're willing to go yourself. It's understandable that you're feeling not a little suspicious, but this is a thought process that needs scrupulous attention to detail. So I repeat: where are we now?

And I repeat - in my conservatory - exactly where we've been the last half hour or so.

Then where are the plants? The large glass windows? The garden outside?

Oh my God. It's dark out there.

Out where? Do you see a window?

No, but I see it's dark.

There you are. You were assuming we're in your conservatory because that's where the conversation started, but evidently we're not there now.

Oh Jesus... I'm going mad.

Easy Geoff. Easy now. No one's going mad.

Then what the hell's happening to me? Answer me for once and for all, are you using some kind of hypnosis?

No.

Then what?

I'm allowing things to shift around.

You're what?

Allowing things to shift around.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, people usually keep things rigidly fixed in position. Adults do it without thinking, automatically. They've even forgotten that we don't have to lock our position in space and time, that we can go with the flow, so to speak... If things start drifting people tend to panic - quite literally, or they fall asleep and just assume it was all a dream.

And you're saying it's not? That things can move if we don't keep them locked in position.

Yes, of course.

Of course?

Yes. Nothing is completely fixed. Ultimately nothing is set in stone. Things are in a constant state of flux. They oscillate... and shift in and out of phase.

This sounds like some kind of weird science experiment.

Yes, like quantum physics, but let me assure you it's really very simple. Child'splay even.

What do you mean?

Well, children when they play allow themselves to start shifting the connection point from which they perceive reality, to the extent that they can go beyond the normal 3D space-time we inhabit.

Like in the Narnia stories?

Like in any children's stories. Yes, and Narnia too.

But they're just stories.

For most adults, yes, because we're rigidly fixed in 3D. Anything beyond its perimeter is blank and taboo. With a kind of Pavlovian conditioning we avoid going beyond the boundary of this virtual cage, fearing madness or annihilation. Inside, life is a carefully controlled, some might say contrived version of reality, and we're mostly not even aware of everything that's missing. We even deny the very notion of such a possibility, insisting this is all there is.

Then what happened to me?

Simple, I just allowed myself to gently slide sideways beyond 3D, and as your attention was focussed on me, on what I was saying at the time, you didn't prevent yourself from crossing into story.

Story?

Well, beyond the usual perimeter of normality.

Er?

Normal reality,  Geoff, 3D. They're synonyms.

Right, but I must have done...

Done what?

Prevented myself from traversing the boundary, as I was running around looking for you all that time.

Yes, one part of you was - but that's the part your mind has filled in since, to make up for the missing moments. The mind, like nature, abhors a vacuum, so it tends to fill in the missing gaps with hindsight.

I don't believe it.

No need to. You can check for yourself.

I can?

Yes, we need to be test the hypothesis scientifically. The last thing we need is to take it on trust. We need to make sure this isn't just some kind of delusion.

But how?

Well, if you were there for two hours observing a fish, then you must have spent more time there than passed here.

Yes. That would make sense.

Do you wear a watch.

Yes, don't you?

No, can't stand the things. What time does it say?

4.14 - the correct time.

It's not known to gain or lose time?

No... but

But it did on that day.

My God - I remember looking at it that evening and realising it was two hours fast.

Fairly good evidence.

Yes, it is, but you could have tampered with it.

If I really wanted to waste my time sowing confusion in your mind, but it's hardly credible is it?

No... I don't know. I'm confused. Why can't you just explain for once and for all?

You have to work it out for yourself - otherwise it'll not make any sense whatsoever. Relax, you're doing fine.

So I was really there, but where was there? Whose house was it? And where were you if I followed you there?

You want me to demonstrate?

Yes, why not.

I'm going to slide a bit further sideways into a realm that most adults would call fantasy.

You want to take me to a fantasy world?

I didn't say that.

Ok

Most adults would call it fantasy because that's all it amounts to if you're locked in a 3D fix - if you don't allow yourself any leeway.

And if you're not?

Then it's just another part of reality.

But is it real?

I'll let you be the judge of that?

But how can I tell?

Give it some thought. How could you test whether it's real or not - where you were the other day?

I guess if you could die there - that would give some indication.

Yes.

So can you?

Yes. But that's not empirical testing - you're just relying on my bald assertion.

Can you take things back to our normal reality?

Good question. Did you bring back anything?

Not that I can remember.

Yes, but are you sure?

I don't know. I wouldn't know where to look.

Well, you've already recalled the fish - which was hard at first to remember because it was outside your linear memory sequence. Now see if you have any objects that have appeared lately which don't seem to have normal provenance.

Normal provenance? Like a work of art you mean?

Like, you can't really explain where they came from - but never gave it much thought - your mind just seemed to unaccountably gloss over the issue. That's what it does. It tries to avoid drawing attention to these things.

Why?

Oh, it likes to keep everything looking as normal as possible. That's its primary function. To create the illusion of normal, seamless reality.

...The tongs.

What tongs?

Some tongs in the drawing room.

What of them?

I can't for the life of me recollect where they came from. I just assumed they were a family heirloom, but the more that I think of it, the more sure I am that they weren't there before I went and saw the fish.

A pair of tongs? Brass ones?

Yes, that's right.

But didn't you always have some tongs?

Yes, but these ones are different. Ornamental. Almost Japanese if that makes any sense.

Not really, but I'll take your word for it. So where exactly did they come from. Allow yourself to remember if you would. Don't struggle with the memory, just take a deep breath... let it surface. Feel it bubbling up, like methane rising from the ocean bed...

...It's my house... I didn't steal them... I deliberately took them to jog my memory. Oh my God - I have a house with walls that change colour and a fishtank? How bizarre.

Yes indeed. Nothing is quite what it seems.

So how come I only get to go there when you're around.

Not true. You go there all the time, in fact, you're there right now.

Impossible.

Yes indeed, if you're 3D coupling is rigidly locked in position, but not at all impossible when you allow yourself to Be

To be what?

Just to be, wherever, whatever is

So, I can be there and here simultaneously?

Yes, in a manner of speaking, but you'll only really be aware of one or the other, with rare exceptions.

And I can go there on my own if I want to?

Of course. Now that you've remembered being there the gateway's open. And there is not one single place. Think of it like the colour spectrum or a music octave. You can shift into other bands. Each is another complete expression of whatever is

Oh!

Oh indeed

And that's all you did to make yourself vanish?

I never really vanished. That's just how you see it from this fixed 3D perspective. I was right in front of you the whole time

When I was there?

When you were there

The fish?

Yes, you're close

You turned into a fish?

Not exactly, no

Then what?

I can't explain

Why not? Try me.

Ok. In this reality I'm Merry, master of confusion and oddity, cuckoo la la!

Cuckoo la la! You're telling me, but I want a real explanation - not a smokescreen or mirror.

Well, have you ever before seen a fish moving like that one did?

No. It was too...

Contrived. Geometric.

Engrossing.

It was a performance designed to give you something to remember - a point of reference you could bring back to this world, to what you consider normal reality

Yeah, but how did you do that?

I didn't. I was simply present

But where were you?

You didn't see me because you were absolutely focussed on the fish, and the fish was moving like that because you went into deep resonance with it. It was actually dancing with you, responding to the pulsing oscillations of your conscious-awareness. I simply helped to set up the meeting and gaily played on my fiddle creating the right ambience, but you were actually doing it all yourself, contrary to what you currently believe

Hold on... um... Fiddle? That's it. I think I can remember what happened. It's finally becoming clear... I was so intent on following you when I felt you shifting beyond the periphery of my conscious-awareness. I was afraid of getting lost if I didn't stick to you like glue, and there I am - staring at this fish, wondering how on earth I am ever going to get back. That's when it started performing its quadrille and I knew that you...

Yes?

I see what you mean.

What?

It's hard to put in words what I'm experiencing at the time. But your fiddle has jogged my memory. You were playing on the strings of my perception.

Precisely

But why? Why should it be so hard to remember all this until now? I'm watching the fish and you're somehow a part of the performance though I can't for a moment tear my eyes off it - I might never get back home. In any case - I don't really want to look away - it's so absorbing... lost in wonder, and I'm kind of searching for you in the fish.

In the fish?

Or in how it's moving. I know you're a part of it - and I'm intent on breaking the code - puzzling it out.

And you do?

Yes, I think I do. I feel the connection - that you and the fish are neither here nor there, two sides of one coin. I realise there's no great difficulty getting home because I've not in fact come anywhere - I'm just seeing things differently. It's simply a shift in my perception.

Very good - though a shift in your perception correlates to a vast distance when projected onto the fabric of 3D space-time

Yes, it would do.

So, you solve the puzzle and return home?

No, I never return.

No? You choose to stay in fishtank reality for all time?

No, that was just a temporary fix - a stitch in time - a notch on the post of more or less limitless perception. I simply come back to zero point.

Zero point?

From which all is perceived - regardless of where or when...

Or how

Yes.

And you're comfortable with that?

Yes, aren't you?

As comfortable as a clown fish dancing a quadrille ever could be

Nice one. I've still got work to do back in 3D. I'm beginning to see how it all ties together - all the various threads.

Or strings... ever hear of string theory?

I have a notion that your version is somewhat different from theirs.

Yes, but it matters not. The conscious-awareness will out, sooner or later, and all those highfalutin, convolutin theories bandied about by scientists are merely preliminary stirrings in the gentle process of waking up

String theory you say - like drawing a bow across the fiddle? Is that what you're getting at?

That's right. And lo, from silence there is sound. You're going to have a lot of fun back in 3D now that the pieces are clicking into place

Fun? Yes, I am, now that your clown fish has given me back my sense of wonder.

Ah, the irony of it all! A fish and a fiddle

With a hey diddle diddle...