Dying to hear Fish's tale

I was holding out for a miracle. The doctor had told me I had less than six months left to live. At first I was completely floored by the news. It seemed so cruel to have my life nipped in the bud like this. I had so much to offer the world. I was so full of life's unrealised potential. How the spigot could be so unceremoniously turned off just like that, without due process... I hadn't done anything wrong. It made no sense. Yes, there was anger. Bitterness. Self-pity. Lots of it. And then something happened a week before two months of my sentence had expired. I met someone called Fish. I'm hardly in the mood to joke. That's what he called himself. Fish was standing in line at the supermarket checkout. He noticed me looking somewhat down in the mouth, and the rest is history...

Forgive me for intruding but you seem to be having a hard time of it.

You could say that - I answer. I had no intention of continuing the conversation. What was the point. I was a condemned man with approximately 4 months one week left on Earth.

I know exactly how you're feeling, he said sympathetically.

I don't think so - I was hardly going to tell him I was terminally ill - not in a supermarket checkout line. In fact, I was feeling somewhat affronted that a healthy looking man might presume to know how I was feeling. Give me a break.

Yes, he persisted, I had cancer a few years ago. The doctors told me I had only a few months to live. Not a nice situation. Not nice at all.

My jaw dropped. I didn't want to say anything, but to my embarrassment I started crying. Blubbing like a child. No idea why - just all the stuff I'd been holding back came spilling out. He'd touched a nerve. Something in how he'd looked when he told me this had opened a channel. I felt what he'd felt at the time. The desolation. The yawning empty hollowness of life slipping away without rhyme or reason. And suddenly I wasn't alone. He put his arms around me. A complete stranger and just quietly said - I know. And you know what - he really did. He really, truly knew. I could feel it without a shadow of doubt. He knew exactly what I felt, my predicament. He knew me inside out.

We left the supermarket, dumped the bags in my car and drove to my home.

So what happened? - I asked him, preferring to keep the conversation away from myself, on safe ground. How did you recover? Were the doctors wrong?

The spectre of hope was beyond the distant edge of my conscious-awareness. I was too deeply inured to the hopelessness of my situation. But I wanted to hear his story. I was thirsty for it.

Oh, the doctors were spot on. A few months later I was in the hospice saying my farewells to family and friends, without the slightest hope of recovery. The doctors were keeping me comfortable with morphine and I was ready to go at any moment. I was resigned. I no longer cared. You reach that stage in the end. You become quite peaceful. The morphine helps, but it's more than that. The closer you get to it the less death appals, the more it starts to allure. You feel something's there, pulling you out of this world into another.

You mean you believe in life after death?

No, I'd never really believed in anything, but as I traversed the event horizon of my life, it no longer felt cruel or senseless to be quitting this world. Something deeper seemed to be at work. I could feel wheels in motion that I hadn't before - like I was connected to more than I could possibly comprehend or articulate, and it felt very, very peaceful - reassuring even.

Wow - that's amazing. But you didn't die, so something obviously happened. What went wrong? - Now that was something else - I was cracking a joke about the man not dying. I even found myself smiling, which hadn't happened since my sentencing two months ago.

 Oh, I died alright.

I'm sorry?

Yeah, I died - and Fish was looking me straight in the eyes. There wasn't the hint of a joking smile. Just calm serenity. Warmth. Love.

But, you can't have if you're here talking to me.

Yes, but I had to die in order to get better. It's actually hard to get better until you've died.

At this point I didn't bother saying anything. Bemused - I just stared at him, listening avidly, trusting he'd fill in the missing pieces.

But once you actually die, once the disease has worked its course, there's this interregnum, a kind of cooling off period where you get to decide.

?

Look, the disease had been part of my life's plan. Once I'd died I was shown certain features in my make up which had caused the cancer to develop beyond critical mass. It all made perfect sense because I was able to see it and feel it with absolute clarity. That's how things are on the other side.

So your cancer had been caused by design faults? Was it genetic?

Not exactly. The cancer hadn't been inevitable but it had always been highly probable in my case. If I'd made certain different choices along the way it wouldn't have arisen, but I hadn't so it did.

So you screwed up? It was your fault you're saying?

No. I just hadn't been hugely committed to life - to making the most of it. Few people are. I'd kind of gone along with the flow, a semi-authentic version of myself.

So the cancer was a kind of punishment?

No. It turns out that I myself was responsible for instigating it. In my case it had been self-activated.

No? Are you sure?

Oh yes, it's absolutely undeniable, but it wasn't like suicide. This was happening at the boardroom level.

The what?

The boardroom level. The directors met and decided that my life on the given course had nothing further to offer, so they pulled the plug rather than pretend and extend.

The directors? Who are they?

Actually, I'm speaking kind of metaphorically. There really are no directors. It's basically the part of yourself at the soul level that is detached from day to day operations, in conjunction with your sponsors.

Your what?

Well, you have sponsors - a team who are there to support and guide you. They help you to make the best decisions from the highest perspective.

You mean like angels?

If you like, but there's absolutely no need to call them angels. Sponsors will do just as well. It all depends whether or not you have a religious bent. Anyway, once I'd died I realised that I'd been present when the decision had been made to terminate, that I'd been in on it from the start.

So, it wasn't just bad luck that you got cancer.

No.

And you didn't feel bad about dying.

Not in the least. I was happy to be out of it. Believe me when I tell you... - and Fish fell silent.

What? - But instead of answering with words, Fish just looked into my eyes and I could see exactly what he was saying to me. There was not the least doubt in my mind that he'd been happy. That death had been a beautiful experience, whatever it had been. Words were superfluous. We were silent a minute or two, maybe longer. Something was going on inside me. For the first time I found myself letting go of internal resistance I'd built up towards my death. For the first time I allowed myself to truly relax. To let go. Peace. I absolutely let go as Fish stared at me in silence. I had nothing to fear. I didn't even care about how Fish came to be alive. It didn't matter in the least. Here, there - what difference did it make?

Thank you Fish - I said a moment or two later. My voice was quite different now. Softer. Less brittle, less strained... Thank you with all my heart. Thank you.

Fish said not a word. Just smiled gently, and was gone.

You know, I never really tried to work out exactly what happened that day. Something changed deep inside me when I accepted my impending death unconditionally. I changed. The world changed. Things that would have bothered me previously no longer did. It didn't matter any more how Fish had returned from the dead, or whether he was truly alive at all. It didn't matter how he'd left my house that afternoon, at what time... It didn't matter. I knew he'd been there. He'd been with me more intensely than anyone else ever has before or since, but I can't for the life of me remember saying goodbye. It doesn't seem to matter.

So what happened? I got better, of course. The cancer saw me as a lost cause. What was the point of it besieging the castle if I'd already surrendered unconditionally to death. It packed up its bags and went elsewhere. I stopped taking all medication from that day onwards. I never even went to see the doctor. They called me a few times but I told them I was no longer in need of assistance. There would have been a lot of pressure to go through follow up tests but I set off almost immediately on an extended leave of absence. To the Amazon of all places. Don't ask me why. It just seemed right at the time - and you know what - ever since I stopped listening to reason, as they call it, and started following my intuition - things have gone from strength to strength. It's ironic, isn't it - you need to die, or spend time on death row to finally wake up and learn to live.

shaman vision

The horror.

What was that?

The horror.

You're not on about that again?

Again? I don't remember mentioning it before.

Yeah, you were looking at those stomach churning photos of diseased bodies last night. I kind of caught your thoughts. Let it go. Don't dwell on it.

I can't. It's horrendous.

Look Merry, people get sick, they die. Sometimes in horrible ways.

No, I don't have a problem with people dying, it's something else.

Yes? What then?

It's what we've created in our material reality. These diseases have become mythical monsters or demons. They have taken on a life of their own. They feed on people's fears. They grow and mutate and pick off the weak one by one.

Now, hold on a minute Merry... aren't you going a little far. They're just diseases, many of which can be treated.

No, they're monsters of the deep that have emerged from the abyss, from our darkest fears that we've been trying to suppress. Nearly everyone's aware that they're there, somewhere down below in the cold dark waters, circling, waiting for the opportunity to attack anyone who is weak and vulnerable. It's like the Spielberg classic Jaws. We know we're potential victims and we try to forget or ignore it - probably as farm animals do. Do you really think they're not aware that they'll be sent off and slaughtered once they're fat enough?

Er... can't say I know what pigs or sheep think about. Look, disease has always been with us. It's nothing new. I don't see what you're getting so het up about.

Because in the past disease was part of life's story and more manageable. You lived closer to nature and you understood that nature could attack as well as feed you, but you were not powerless in the struggle. Everyone was an integral part of nature, and nature wasn't a passive thing: it was endowed

with consciousness - something we called Spirit, so you could negotiate with it, or even defeat the disease by journeying into Spirit shamanically. You weren't dealing with institutions and statistics. You were dealing with something anthropomorphic.

Anthropo-what?

Anthropomorphic. The disease was a demon, which in itself wasn't fundamentally evil as Christian demons are, but an agent of Spirit. You could parley or even enter into combat with it. You had a voice and you had a close-to-Earth connectedness that told you your life and death were not clinical facts, but moments in the precession of the equinox - a supra-cosmology of which you were and are an integral part.

Well, that sounds reassuring, but now we have a clearer picture. Medical science has come a long way since then, hasn't it?

Wrong. We have created the worst kind of demons. We have replaced the old ones which were accessible shamanically, with new ones that feed on fear and grow strong on the despair of the sick and dying and their grief-haunted families. These clinical demons are mathematical creatures of statistic and chance. You, the patient, are led to believe through your upbringing and education that there is nothing you can do to heal yourself except take your medication and fight the phantom menace, but how do you battle a disease if the very name of it is designed to reinforce your powerlessness.

What do you mean?

Diseases are given names that make them the intellectual property of the medical establishment. In the same way we believe we need lawyers to help us navigate the rock strewn waters of legalese, likewise we are intimidated by the names of diseases and believe we are powerless without the help of the doctor. He is intelligent and well-trained. She will do the best she can to put things right. I have to hand over my power of attorney to her. She is my knight in arms, representing me on the medical field of battle and I am the spectator at my own slow-motion decapitation.

Merry, aren't you being a little melodramatic.

Yes, I expect I am,  but what of it? Go and look at the images yourself. Feel the fear that saturates them and the dejection of modern man - completely bewildered by this rude intrusion of mortality. Understand that this is the same fear cows and sheep experience, feel as they are sent on the cattle truck to the slaughter house. We're easy pickings, are we not.

Look, everyone's got to die some day, and blaming disease for this is no different from blaming mother nature.

What disease?

What you've been talking about. Didn't you yourself refer to disease as modern day demons.

Yes, but the disease itself is irrelevant.

Irrelevant?

Yes, it's what we've done with it. Look, there's nothing wrong with dying or death. Anyone can accept that. It's the emasculation of Spirit that is so horrendous.

The what? The emasculation of spirit? Good grief, whatever next?

Yes, as long as there was an awareness of Spirit, we knew and felt a oneness, that all is One. With our feet on the ground we were not without fear, but our fear was a daily occurrence and manageable. We knew death by personal experience. We'd all seen and held the dead before we returned their bodies to the Earth, or burnt them on a funeral pyre. We'd all watched the struggle with disease, when one by one we visited the sick and performed ceremonies to help as best we could. Our fervent desire to alleviate the sufferings of our loved ones taught us to find the best roots and herbs, and when a sick person recovered the whole community gave thanks. It was a shared journey, and we would venture onto the other side of consciousness, into dreamtime, to attack the root cause of the malady.

Yes, I can understand your sadness and nostalgia, but who would give up the proven benefits of modern medical science to return to primitive medicine?

Primitive? Without that kind of medicine, without the whole community being involved, feeling welcome and empowered to make their own contribution to the healing, to venture into Spirit, we lose the whole benefit of sickness.

Benefit? Are you mad?

Benefit of course. Once we stopped crossing into dreamtime, swimming up or down the stream of collective consciousness to find the blockage that was making the person ill, our ability to do so atrophied. We forgot our sense of oneness. We lost our shamanic powers. We became victims of the illusion that we are modern rational beings living in a material, objective reality with nothing else. Spirit disappeared into the darkness of atavistic fears and nightmares.

Maybe that's because we advanced. Maybe this is progress after all, and not the tragic loss you see it as.

Look at the images for yourself. Feel the fear, the horror... Know that we have undergone a kind of operation in which we have severed the main artery, nerve or line of conscious-awareness connecting us with Spirit. Look around you. Look at the state of the world. Look at all the roads, the shops, the clinics, the cameras and TV screens...

And what are you saying - that we shouldn't have these things? That we should go back to the dark ages?

Just look at them. The planet is sinking under a pile of refuse. It's last forests are being chopped down for money. And what? What then? Hundreds, thousands of species are already extinct.

Yes Merry, you think I'm not aware of all this. I'm as conscious of environmental issues as you or anyone else.

Environmental issues? These are not "environmental issues". These are the natural, logical result of Spirit's emasculation, of amputating the human's capacity to connect with nature, by treating death and disease as clinical problems, and preaching the sermon of sterility and vaccination. I tell you, the only chance of survival this planet has, or rather humanity has, is if we drop the Spirit taboo, and stop pretending shamanism is a religion or primitive form of medicine. There is no such thing as shamanism - there is simply a healthy, natural state of being... being in harmony with Nature, being in harmony with the other side of consciousness, the other dimensions that permeate or intersect this one, what the aborigines refer to as dreamtime. It's time we stopped pretending that we can fix the problem ourselves on our terms. We can fix the problem, it's true, but not on our terms, for up until this point we've been unwilling to negotiate. The planet be damned - we insist on holding the collective consciousness in thrall, remaining on the dry, sterile side of conscious-awareness, refusing to embrace the other side - the side that cannot be limited, cannot be defined, cannot be quantified... the "dark side" as most would have it.

The dark side? Are you advocating turning away from the light?

What light? Look around you. Yes, there is light in the hearts and eyes of beautiful human beings leading beautiful lives while the mothership Earth founders, but are you sure we haven't been mistaking darkness and light. Judge me by my actions, not by my words. Judge a civilisation by its stewardship of the planet, not by its self-professed enlightened, high ideals. Ours is the darkness today for we are destroyers of the mother Earth. Ours is the darkness because we fled from the vastness and uncertainty of Spirit into chemical laboratories, technological gimmickry and concrete jungles that we call cities. Ours is the darkness for we refused to contemplate the silence within, the light in the heart of man, as opposed to the light in the severed mind.

So, you're advocating some kind of mass exodus back to nature. I'm sure I've heard that one before, but there are 7 billion people on the planet now. There's really nowhere to hide.

No, I'm advocating facing our fears. Facing the demons we've created by our dis-ease. Facing the belief that we're weak and vulnerable - that we automatically, necessarily need the help of lawyer, doctor or priest, without whom we're as good as damned. There is no disease. There is no global catastrophe just as soon as we stop willfully trying not to see what we see, not to know what we already know, not to feel what truly is - the isness of be.

The isness of be again. You think that can save the day?

The day doesn't need saving once we stop insisting on living a lie - a virtual reality derivatised version of Is.

But Is...

Yes, plunging back into the life-stream seems incomprehensible, until you realise it's the only meaningful way.

Meaningful?

Yes, we've derivatised reality to such an extent that it's become sterile and meaningless for the vast majority of people. That ends immediately, as soon as we return to the life-stream. As soon as we stop hoping for a miracle here in materiality. It ain't gonna happen. I declare this merry farce complete.

And who are you to decide?

Just one who cares, one who has the authority to blow the final whistle, which I've now done.

You? You're just a normal below average human being.

Correct, and yet I happen to be the normal below average human being who has announced the change.

What change?

The change that's been waiting to happen all these years. It doesn't take a special person to do this. We all have the power and authority to declare the change.

So what makes you so sure you're not premature in doing so? Maybe someone better than you is preparing to do so in the not too distant future.

Maybe. But I've done what I can - as Lord of the Change I declare the change is in. What was suppressed, denied, distorted, en-lied is now released, for the barriers between dark and light, day and night, left and right are now dissolved irrevocably, and all is One.

By what right?

By it is - I am. By the heart, by the isness of Be. So be it.

Fly great Spirit, fly on the wings of consciousness, and let us both individually and as One reunite, reconnect, rediscover the magic, the power, the flame of life burning within unquenchably. 
Through apparent darkness let there be Light. Through apparent death let the song of creation restore Life, irrepressible Life to its rightful state. And One - it is I am, beyond word, thought and deed. The change is in, the captive spirit freed.

instead of healing

So you don't believe in healing?

No.

Why not?

Why not?

Yeah, why not?

Because I'm a healer.

You what?

I'm a healer.

What kind of answer is that?

The simple truth.

You're a healer and you don't believe in healing.

Correct. Healing is not something to believe in.

Why not?

Because to believe in healing you have to first believe there's something to heal.

Well, that seems logical. Why would you go to a healer if you didn't have something to heal?

Because you thought you had something that needed healing.

Presumably because you were sick.

Because you thought you were sick. And that was enough to make you sick. It's the thought that needs healing, not you.

Tell that to the person with cancer who has a few months left to live.

Yes - you see the power of thought - it can take a healthy person and reduce him or her to a broken thing.

But it's not thought that does it - it's a disease called cancer, or some other disease.

Yes, that's what we think, and as long as we go on thinking that we need doctors of healers to try to heal the diseased thought.

But these people were sick and possibly dying even before the doctor gave them the diagnosis.

Yes, the thought comes before the diagnosis.

Look, we're not achieving anything with you insisting that thought is the cause of all disease. You can't say that all disease is psychosomatic. It's obvious that you're ideologically opposed to disease.

Yes, I don't  believe diseases can or should have power over a human being. A human being is or should be the pinnacle of creation. There's no reason why a virus, bacteria or any other disease should destroy a human being. If the human being is willing to be a whole human then no disease can affect him or her. Listen, the body is an amazing vessel of life. It contains everything it needs to maintain balance. There are thousands of different bacteria and viruses within your body at any time. You have traces of cancer appearing and disappearing within you throughout your life, but there come moments when these diseases seem to get the better of you. Why is that?

Because you're run down. Your immunity is reduced.

Because you need to go through a gateway into a new, more complete version of yourself.

What do you mean?

Well, you're constantly moving towards perfection.

That's not how it looks to me as I grow older, wrinklier, saggier...

And as you physically deteriorate you start drawing more and more on your cosmic strength. You can no longer rely on your body to carry you through - you need to take more and more of the load from it, learning to walk again, learning to use the power within.

Or the power of a healer.

No, the healer or doctor only come between you and your power. You are the power. The disease is the gateway that forces you to engage it or fall.

That sounds a bit brutal.

It's the great prize of life, after all. It's why we're here. It has to be earned and won. It has to be fought for. It's a quest, not a freebie.

Well not everyone's an errant knight with the time or energy to fight every cold, flu or cancer that comes their way.

There's no need to fight them. Fighting is destructive. The disease is the gateway. You have to engage it. Meet it. Dance with it. Allow it to show you your present state, your mortality, and then open the power, the life force within that lifts you, carries you through the gateway once you're ready.

So we have to do it on our own?

No. You can seek help, but you have to know that you can do it on your own, and that sooner or later you need to learn to do it yourself, or you're cheating yourself of the great wholing that's trying to happen.

The great wholing? What's that?

Well, instead of focussing on healing the malady, look through the malady to what lies behind it. Know that in essence you are complete. You cannot be anything less, no matter what you may think or how you may feel.

Well, if I'm complete then how come I'm sick.

Because that's in essence, but in reality you're experiencing things.

What things?

It matters not. Things. Just things. And the things that you're experiencing deflect you from your completeness. You're like a circle that gets a big squashed, and all of a sudden the wheel runs unevenly.

Which is why we get sick and go to see a healer.

No. You get sick because you're about to leap into a new wheel - more perfect that the last, closer to your cosmic fullness, and the sickness is the springboard that enables you to leap to a new level of isness.

A springboard. Don't you think you're being a little optimistic.

Not if I'm right that in essence we're always complete. The disease enables us to download and assimilate the upgrade. We're moving from being mostly physical to being increasingly cosmic as time and experience teach us the limitations of physical reality, and we attune ourself ever more wholly to the isness of be.

So how come no one's able to make the jump?

Oh millions do, it's just you don't hear about them. They're the ones who defeat the cancer before even the doctor gets to diagnose it. They're the ones who were feeling a bit under the weather yesterday but are right as rain today. They somehow manage to deal with it, to reconnect, to whole themselves rather than heal a disease.

So people who get sick are failures, you're saying, and we ought to be ashamed of going to see a doctor or healer.

No. It's nice to share your health concerns with other people. They can help because they are detached, but they cannot heal you unless you're ready to heal yourself. Because you believe you have a disease as opposed to a transitional phase, you naturally attribute the healing to them rather than yourself, because otherwise the concept of disease becomes meaningless.

What? And you think we want to preserve this concept of disease?

Yes, of course we do - how else could we continue living in the world we are today. Instead of listening to our hearts, to our inner nature, we ignore all that and rush headlong into a material reality that's full of things, full of experiences which are guaranteed to take us off centre. We're performing a series of quantum jumps. We're in the process of making the greatest leap of all - the paradigm shift from 3D material reality to...

To what? Spit it out.

To wholeness... so healers and doctors beware, you're services will shortly no longer be in demand.

And all the diseases are going to vanish?

No, the thoughts behind them will vanish, and so the diseases will flow fast enough not to get stuck and block the traffic, as they do today.

But if we are able to whole ourselves as you say, don't we need to be taught the correct procedure? Surely there must be some kind of instructions we require?

No, nothing at all. There really is nothing to it. The universe, God, or your intuition provide all the guidance that is required. The disease is always made to measure. It may seem cruel and unfair, but it's perfectly designed to take you to the leaping off point. Somewhere inside you there are a pair of wings just waiting to unfold. Naturally you are afraid of letting go of the familiar past, of trusting the wings that seem insubstantial at first glance, but this all happens only when you're ready, and part of the process involves facing our mortality and learning to trust the isness of be, the perfection of that which simply is.

Healing is what?

You want to heal the sick?

Yeah, of course I do. I hate seeing people suffering, particularly if there's something I can do about it. That's the noble sounding side of it, but apart from all that, it's fun.

Fun?

Yeah, it's such an amazing feeling - to tune into the patient's inner-state, and without actually doing anything in particular, to feel-observe what's going on.

Feel observe? What's that all about?

Well, you just tune in, and then you're feeling or observing whatever it is - it's like you become a part of that person - or a kind of screen which he or she projects onto.

And what does that achieve?

Well, according to 3D logic it should achieve nothing whatsoever - like watching paint dry.

But are you sure you don't actually do anything to assist? Is it purely observation?

Oh, I might wave my arms, or sing a song, or play my drum, but that's just to get the projection up and running. If I do anything, it's not coming from me - it simply is.

In what way? How can you say it simply is? Either you're getting involved or you're not.

Well, that's a good point. I'm getting involved by being the witness, the observer, the person who cares enough to share this moment during which the patient allows me to tune in with the obvious intention of facilitating whatever healing processes might be waiting to happen.

Might be waiting to happen? That sounds somewhat disingenuous.

Yes, if you're looking for a trick up my sleeve then your suspicions will lead you a merry dance, but just assume the opposite, just for the hell of it - that there is no trick, that it's all a lot simpler and more graceful.

Ok, I'm busy assuming. What then?

Well, there are health issues which resolve themselves with a little awareness, and so when another person agrees to be present, without trying in any way to heal the patient, just to be a kind of projection screen, or a kind of resonator...

Resonator? What's that?

Well, I just allow whatever's coming out of you to resonate, so you get to hear it, feel it or sense it through me, from another perspective, from a distance, and that's enough - you suddenly see the wood from the trees, you become aware of what's not right, you feel the imbalance because the gap between us cannot be controlled by the internal mechanism which has been blocking your inner awareness.

So it's automatic and intuitive. You don't even have to know what's going on?

Precisely... You know something's going on. You'd normally start feeling deeply relaxed - assuming you weren't fighting the healing process.

What's that? Why would I want to fight the healing process?

Oh, various reasons. You might have a belief that you deserve to suffer, because of something you feel guilty about or ashamed of. You might feel that this kind of healing is ridiculous and therefore fight it for fear of admitting you might have been wrong.

But surely I'd prefer to get better. Who cares if I'd been wrong?

Yes, you'd think that but sometimes people really feel threatened by admitting they were mistaken. We can identify so strongly with our beliefs or intellectual convictions that sub-consciously we're willing to do anything rather than allow change.

But why?

Well, obviously there's deep fear lurking in the hearts and minds of people who avoid that fear or barricade themselves from it using mental constructs, convictions.

Ok, maybe that's true, then why would that person come to see you in the first place?

Because the mind has different levels, different departments. One department is responsible for beneficial change and encourages you to go and try out new stuff, while another department defends the status quo, and is willing to do almost anything to safeguard the existing set of beliefs. So it's a case of taking the horse to water but not being able to make it drink. If deep within there's an unhealed wound of suppurating fear, then that might be able to trump the other department, unless the healing is meant to happen, in which case the main healing will not be the specific malady - it will be to relieve and lance the fear that has been holding the patient to ransom.

If the healing's meant to happen - you say - it doesn't sound like an exact science, does it. Rather wishy washy and vague. You can see why the medical establishment's able to give you short shrift.

Yes, but then we can do the same with them if we choose to. They heal the symptoms rather than uproot the cause, and not always that.

But you've already said you do nothing - that the healing comes from the patient, not from you.

Yes.

So how can you claim to uproot the cause when effectively you do nothing.

Well it's a oneness issue.

Which means?

There really is no ultimate separation between me and you, between me and the patient. When we come into attunement the magic works itself, and if I love being a part of this astonishing, wonderful process, then it's only natural that I don't try to disassociate myself completely from what's going on, but technically you're right of course. I might be able to tune in more fully by doing so with all my heart and soul rather than purely mechanically, and that might lead to a better healing, but ultimately it's a meant to be phenomenon. We don't say "I did it". We don't even feel bad if nothing happens, because sometimes nothing really happens. It means this person has further to go in his or her quest for healing, and believe me if you will, it is indeed a quest.

How so?

Because the sick person is not really sick at all.

No?

No, the sick person is awakening and feeling some discomfort as a part of him or her that was deactivated is ready to return to being operational.

Tell that to the patient with cancer.

Yes, it might not be appropriate to say it to a very sick person, and yet it is true nonetheless.

So how is someone dying of cancer awakening?

Ok - the cancer from our 3D perspective is a plague attacking an otherwise healthy person, and needs to be eliminated at all costs. Life or nothing - you might say.

And you wouldn't?

No, because there's another perspective.

The death perspective? Go on Dr Death, hit me with it.

Well, let's not say death. Let's say Life with a capital L. Living your life with a small l you will have many illusions about yourself and the world you're living in, and beliefs which may or may not be true.

Tell me about it... I always thought I was going to be an Olympic athlete...

But these are of finite duration. You never really stopped being part of Life with a capital L - in which you are truly as you are. Now, every illusion or misconception has a limited shelf life and they weigh heavily on the body as they reach their expiry date.

Ok.

That's why the body or mind grow diseased.

So, how does this help the cancer patient?

Because there are patients who are willing and able to release certain illusions or detrimental beliefs which so doing would remove the cause of their affliction.

What? Just by discarding an illusion your cancer can get better?

Yes, if it's the root cause.

But what about the not so lucky ones.

Well, I wouldn't call them that. There are other patients who are reaching their auspicious re-Life portal.

There's a euphemism if ever I heard one. Instead of calling it "death" you're using the capital L Life and slapping on the word "portal" for good measure. It won't wash. A spade is still a spade.

This portal has nothing to do with death. It is about transitioning back to Life. There are beings who are able to walk through without needing to "die", but that requires a clear, deep awareness of Life itself.

What? You mean they don't physically die? But what about their body?

No, they don't physically die because their life with a small l and Life with a large L were in more or less perfect sync - so the two remerge without any need for a clutch to disengage one before re-engaging the other. As for their body...

Don't tell me - it ascends into heaven.

Well, you said not to tell you so I won't, but these biblical references might not be wholly without foundation. You have to realise that the body is, like all matter, first and foremost energy. It can revert to a pure energy state and translocate.

Oh come on, pull the other one.

But only if you're in complete attunement with Is.

Sorry, what was that?

Attunement with Is.

I thought that's what you said. And in layman's terms.

Well, most of us attach to a series of things we believe to be true, things that matter to us. We are creatures of matter and this makes us somewhat heavy which is why few of us are flying around as balls of energy, but there are some on the planet who are not attached to "thing" - who are in the constant flow of Is.

Is - what on earth do you mean?

That which simply Is. The simple truth, which is in constant flux, which is no thing in particular.

Oh - one of those impossibly vague, confusing things.

Or absurdly simple things. Sometimes we ignore that which is because it seems too simple, too obvious. We go looking for complexity and confusion. Be that as it may - all of us have the capacity to rewrite our life's story, if we so choose, and return to Is.

Sounds a bit like Oz.

Yes, maybe that's what Oz is supposed to represent. I never really gave it any thought.

So, what happens if we return to Is?

We stop dying.

No, come on.

We no longer need to die in the ponderous "evacuate the building" manner of 3D death. We are able to simply, gracefully put down all the things we've been playing with in this life, and re-engage fully our big L Life.

So there's no ultimate need to die?

No.

So death isn't such a big deal after all?

No.

So what's all the fuss about?

Fear of the unknown. Fear of being wrong. Fear of missing the boat - of not having time to put things right.

Put things right?

Yes, sometimes we trade with the devil, so to speak. We create havoc by breaking natural laws, going against the flow, stroking the cat the wrong way, and this causes disruption in the Field.

In which Field?

The one with a capital F.

Yes, which one is that?

The Field that surrounds you in this life.

So what of it. We cause some disruption and...?

And that can make getting back to big L Life problematical. A bit like a plane having to fly through turbulence, or a brick wall if there's a LOT of disturbance.

You mean there are some who can't get back at all?

Kind of. There are some who have gone far and deep into havoc, and they can find it almost impossible to get back as long as the consequences of their actions are still playing out. But have no fear, in a holographic universe there's always a way.

Holographic universe?

Oh, never mind. Look, we're getting further and further off thread. Suffice it to say that healing is fun if you don't believe in death and sense the Life force reconnecting with the life you're assisting. But, if the patient is hell bent on havoc, then it's not the healer's job to reform him or her.

Why not?

Free will. And who's to say what's what. Think of it in terms of music. Sometimes the composer might insert notes that sound terrible, so you want to scream, but later in the symphony the same notes might come back and open an entirely new movement. Now they sound beautiful. 0=1.

0=1?

Yes, fundamentally, nothing can be completely wrong, for fundamentally it is - I am.

Nope. Means nothing to me. Speak Inglaise?

Fundamentally everything happens for a deeper reason - if you're willing to step back and grasp it. Ultimately everything is so interconnected that nothing can be truly out of place. Every note is exactly where and what it needs to be.

And you said we have free will.

And yet we have free will, and on that apparent paradox I bid you good day, Marvin.

time to panic

Things are not looking good

0=1, tis no matter

 

I said things aren’t looking good

0=1, tis no matter, yes I know

Don’t you care? Haven’t you a heart?

Yes of course I care, tis no matter, 0=1

“0=1” you heartless bastard? Living in your ivory tower of abstract pleasing-your-selfness

Yes, indeed, I please myself, don’t we all?

I just told you – things are not looking good. I can hardly please myself at such a time

In such a state... No... Yes, I see

So what are you going to do to help?

Help? Why would I do to help when 0=1

Because you’re still a human being. You still have to eat. You can’t ignore completely the world

And you are the world knocking at my door? No, I cannot ignore your plight, my friend, and yet I cannot help

But you have to. I’m in need. You have to lend a hand

To what avail? 0=1. You want me to become a part of your drama – is that it?

No, just to help me extricate myself from it, to see me through, to tide me over

And how would I do that without denying your ultimate power, your sovereignty, your Self

Look, I’m not asking you to take over my life, just to lend a hand you know

Yes, 0=1, I know and yet I choose to celebrate the drama of not doing

The drama of not doing – that doesn’t sound very dramatic you selfish bastard

You just made it so, for your world attacks the silence it lacks with anger and hate

Silence is all very well, but not when I’m beset with troubles – we have to be practical you know

Yes, 0=1, so it is said and yet

You’re still unwilling to help? Well I’ve had enough. You’re going to help whether you like it or not – we’re flesh and blood, you know, and that counts no matter what

0=1, yes, I feel how it goes, and yet I be still and all is well

The law of diminishing returns...

The gentle rise and fall of all that is as breath holds sway, matter fading away

And the stillness rises like mist upon the lake as twilight falls

And things that mattered suddenly mean nothing at all

Vacuum vision

Welcome to the vacuum.

 

We used to think that somewhere up there in space was an emptiness, a nothingness that’s referred to as a vacuum.

Not any more.

Space is close enough to being a vacuum, if you ignore the fact that there’s dust and stars, planets and galaxies floating around in it – gas and other stuff – spaceships for example. So much for being a vacuum – but it is, I admit, a whole lot emptier than the thick dense matter stuff we’re surrounded by down here on Earth.

Ok. Time for a major rethink. You ready?

The vacuum is everywhere. It’s right here, now, only you can’t see it – because there’s nothing to see – it’s a vacuum.

Because it’s a vacuum – it has no space, no time – so you wouldn’t know if there was an infinite expanse of vacuum between you and the person sitting next to you – because in our reality vacuum doesn’t count – we skip it, like pages in a novel that seem irrelevant.

But, but, but...

Yes, I know. But surely, if there were a million miles of vacuum between me and the person sitting next to me, I’d be a million miles from that person?!

Yes, you would, except that vacuum is nothing – space, distance included. So give the brain a rest. Stop trying to think your way around this. Instead allow yourself to settle into it, tune in, allow it space or moment to be whatever it is, even though it doesn’t fit your space-time sensory perception and matter matters mind process.

Ok. You getting there?

Vacuum. Just allow the emptiness and know that it isn’t only up there somewhere in what we refer to as space: know that it’s here all around you, even within you...

 

But how? How? How?

Ah... here we go. Understand that the whole of matter is floating on the boundless ocean of the vacuum. The whole universe is like an infinitesimal speck on the boundlessness of vacuum. The vacuum is where it’s really happening. It’s where it really is. Whatever you’re experiencing here in “reality” is a kind of 2D projection on a screen, a mere film. The actual stuff that exists – what truly is – is within the vacuum. The projection here in so called 3D is a representation which pretty accurately depicts the underlying isness – up to a point...

Up to a point?

Yep. Up to a point. The 3D representation cannot go beyond its projection point. It’s kind of stuck really.

So how come we’re able to move?

Well, you’re actually “moving” in vacuum, not here. Here you jump from frame to frame without actually moving.

Er... it doesn’t look that way.

No, nor does a movie or a cartoon. It looks pretty smooth and seamless, doesn’t it, but you’re still aware of the fact that you’re watching a series of stills rather than an actual moving picture. A picture that moved wouldn’t be possible because there’s no room for movement in materiality. Everything’s fixed in place. It’s only the vacuum that makes movement possible, because in the vacuum movement is completely unnecessary.

Er... how so? Are we able to teleport or something?

No need. The vacuum is completely empty. There’s nowhere to move to. It’s closer to the idea of consciousness. You are where you’re conscious of being. If your consciousness shifts to another “place” then that’s where you are, like switching channels on TV or clicking to another website. No physical movement is required. It translates as movement when you see the 3D avatar shift through the semblance of space, little by little, frame by frame.

Yeah – well if you’re right, why is it so slow? Why can’t we move faster? At the speed of light, for instance?

Good question. We can.

We can? That’s not what I’ve personally experienced.

No.

So, go on then, how?

By accepting what is.

What is? What? What do you mean?

By accepting what is as is, as opposed to insisting on identifying with the 3D image.

So I’m supposed to accept that you’re right – that this is all conjured out of the vacuum, and reconjured every second or so.

Yes. Actually many times a second – unless you slow things down by sleep or meditation.

And what then?

Well, then you get to observe what’s really going on – just as soon as you give yourself a little leeway.

How, by focussing on this nothingy thing you call the vacuum.

Yes, but you’re inverting the true state of is. The vacuum is neither thing nor no thing. It is vacuum as opposed to a vacuum or the vacuum.

And what of it?

There again your terminology is incorrect. There is no “it” to talk of. We’re in the territory of is – as opposed to it or thing or what.

Is?

Yes.

Ok. So it’s an is thing, so to speak.

Yep. That’s about right.

Well, go on. Aren’t you going to tell me what to do?

Well once you start being interested, curious and downright intrigued by vacuum, then you naturally, automatically start to become aware of the lag between is and it’s 3D representation. It has to be felt rather than understood. You notice a slight delay, a slight blurring at the edges or an occasional lack of focus or smudging as one frame shifts into another – and then you get it.

Get what?

You get back your vacuum vision.

My what?

Vacuum vision, instead of 3D vision.

And?

Well, then everything takes care of itself.

Everything? I thought you said this was a no thing phenomenon.

You’re right. Excuse my error. Language can be confusing, can’t it.

So, you’re saying that this vacuum vision enables you to see what truly is – and once you have that you can jump frames without needing to move through physical reality.

Yes of course. Physical reality is just a representation of what is, so once you’ve kind of disassociated from the 3D projection, then you’re free to come and go as you please. You become aware of the translation mechanism and the matter-matters mindset that had been limiting your movements. Awareness is everything. Once you've seen behind the screen you're free. There’s really nothing to it.

So you keep saying, but I haven’t seen many people flying around without planes or other forms of transport.

No, you wouldn’t.

Why not?

Because 3D eyes only see what’s happening at the 3D level of representation – so either you’d see nothing if someone flew past you, or a blur, or you’d see something but you’d immediately discount it as totally improbable, and thus ignore it completely. 

So I can’t trust my 3D vision?

Why not? It does its job perfectly adequately, but once you’re ready for the vacuum, then concepts such as space and time become almost irrelevant.

So what do you spend your time doing if you no longer need to get from a to b.

What time? Instead of spending our time doing, we’re able to engage in the reality of being, but it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever to the 3D mind, so there’s really no point going into details.

Why not? I need something to aim for.

It’s all around you. It’s everywhere. You can’t miss it. Only the most consistent, vast, all pervasive conspiracy of denial enables you to avoid it, miss it, ignore it, and yet you’re still one with it, part of it, submersed in it – the isness.

The isness?

The isness of be.

You mean the vacuum?

Yes, but isn’t it ironical – from the 3D perspective vacuum is no thing and no where, yet in truth...

What?

In truth...

What? Aren’t you going to say anything?

Feel it... hear my silence through the vacuum.

It’s... I’m scared.

Scared of yourself? Scared of your shadow? Don’t be scared. There’s nothing to fear but fear itself.

I’m... it’s... lost for words.

Yes, beyond words...

So I can engage vacuum anytime, anywhere?

You cannot avoid doing so, and the more you allow yourself to become aware of what truly is...

The isness?

The isness of be – the more you start to feel...

To see...

Vacuum vision beyond 3D

The isness of Be

1 2 3 testing testing 1 2 3

Looking back at zero point time

"The new age has finally dawned... 0=1" the public orator proudly declared.

"What is he on about?" I remember thinking - me and everyone else who was present and half attending to what was being said. "0=1" It made no sense whatsoever. Still doesn't - though we've learned so much since then. Now we're rolling with it. Feeling our way. Finding our feet in a world that bears little or no relation to the one we used to know.

"Concrete examples - how many times have I told you" - my teacher would drill us - "always give a concrete example for every bald assertion you make."

Er... it's difficult to know where to start. It's so all pervasive - like the smells you get walking through a shopping mall, or a forest glade for that matter.

"Start with something simple - not matter how small. Something, anything is better than nothing" he would insist - Dr Limes to give him his proper name.

Well - what about the much ridiculed "zero point energy". Remember there was a time when you couldn't talk about it without people smirking knowingly - you were one of those who believed in the tooth fairy of free energy. What a joke! until quite suddenly, quite unexpectedly, it wasn't.

"Details, details - fill in the narrative. You're telling a story - never forget that" which I always found confusing as we were trying to establish facts as opposed to fiction, but even facts have to be packaged in a digestible story of some shape or form.

Well, it had to happen individually, didn't it?

You're not actually sure, are you? - the ghost of Dr Limes heckles me.

As I was saying, before I was so unceremoniously interrupted, it had to happen individually - on an individual basis. It wasn't about releasing secret or suppressed technology at all. That was the least of our problems.

Then what? I thought it was the opposition of the oil and financial elite?

No, they were just playing their roles - powerless to do anything different.

Well, how could it happen individually - as you put it - if more than half the population knew next to nothing about this new, controversial form of energy?

Good question, Chel.

I pause, to give the answer time to slip effortlessly into place. It has to come to each and everyone simultaneously. It shouldn't be rushed. It mustn't be "my answer". It has to be ours. This is an ownership issue.

"We have to own our own knowledge."

But how can we own it if we don't even know it's there?

Don't focus on the specific issue Phen. Assume, instead, that the shift was long in the making, and was a natural phenomenon - like winter shifting into spring. It isn't going to happen because of one specific data point - a higher midday temperature, a bird building a nest, a snowdrop sticking out its neck when all the others are nestling contentedly in bed.

No? But you said it has to happen individually.

Which it does - inspite of the apparent paradox.

Then what?

Nature is not bound by linear time the way we like to assume we are. Big events, big shifts from one age to another are complete movements - like a symphony. Listening to it unfolding you might assume it's just a spontaneous outpouring of sound and feeling, in the heat of the moment so to speak, but no... there's a wholeness, a completeness, another kind of time in play.

Another kind of time?

Yep. Shall we give it a name? Shall we call it non-linear? or holistic? or round time?

The kind of time that enables a revolution to happen?

That enables evolution, which never happens without some kind of dramatic reimagination.

Reimagination? From sound to imagery - that's quite a conceptual leap.

Isn't it.  Nothing actually has to change at the time. We just have to reach the point at which it no longer makes sense to continue seeing things the way we used to.

You mean a shift of perception?

More than that.

Then what?

Not just how we're seeing reality... like it's basically unchanged but now we see it completely differently because we've changed in some way... No, that's only half the story.

And the other half.

You're not going to like it.

Try me, I might surprise you this once...

It's non-linear - a chicken and egg moment in which you cannot determine cause-effect time flow.

And these moments exist?

They have to - otherwise we'd be stuck in normal reality.

And what's wrong with that?

Nothing whatsoever - but where does it come from? How does it suddenly shift with all the inertia built in? This is zero point time - the time at which linear time converges on itself from two sides - thus cancelling out.

So what happens? Everything ends in a huge implosion?

You'd imagine so, wouldn't you.

If it were acting in a linear fashion - yes. But you've already asserted otherwise.

So, we're at a point that is no point - experiencing a kind of weightlessness, like astronauts in orbit, floating around the Earth, and we suddenly declutch the normal mind drive - it happens automatically.

Declutch - like a car engine as it shifts between gears.

Precisely. At this moment we're in a state of conscious-awareness that bears no relationship to normal perception.

And you're going to say that we can reimagine reality - and that doing so it actually shifts?

Yes.

But that's absurd.

Yes.

It wouldn't change just because we imagined it was now different.

No, it wouldn't need to.

What do you mean?

Because it was never one thing or the other.

But it had to be... otherwise nothing would be certain.

Yes, that's true, but when the shift is in the works, and we're ready to encounter zero point time, then things are different... and no amount of explaining's going to make it easier to accept.

So, you're saying...

No, not I'm saying - this is mathematical - not a matter of conjecture.

Mathematical? How so?

0=1.

Not that again.

Precisely. The mind puts up a show of resistance, even as we move steadily further into the new age of zero point energy... even as all the old shibboleths are replaced, one by one.

Ok, assuming what you're saying is correct, what does it mean?

Well done, I was hoping you'd give it a go.

Well, I'm not saying you're right. Give me a few more data points and I'll reserve judgement.

The proof is in the pudding. The shift only happened because of a singularity involving each of us individually, and all of us collectively. The shift had to happen through us, with us and to a certain extent by us. We are, as you've probably realised, an integral part of the system.

Which system?

Whatever it is we're observing. Objective reality - if you like.

So it can only change if we change with it?

I guess so. I can only assume that we're now on a fundamentally new trajectory borne from this reimagining, which is why things that had been blocked for so long were suddenly released and incorporated in our new reality. We no longer needed to block them. We were now qualified to handle them because we'd passed the test.

So what now?

Good question. 0=1... I guess we're going to venture further down the rabbit hole of conscious-awareness and discover that nothing is quite what it seems, but didn't we know that already.

Yes. I think we did. But this zero point time thing - if it's non-linear - it has to flow back into the past, so to speak, and assist in its own genesis.

Ah, good point. Yes, I expect it does, but then when you consider the singularity of 1, you realise that fundamentally nothing ever changes - it's simply reimagining which is outside time.

So this is some kind of dream reality you're saying.

So it would seem, but something tells me we need to avoid speculation and stay with the real world of intergalactic flight and transpersonal conscious-awareness.

Fair enough. Got to keep our feet on the ground... fancy a bite to eat. I'm starving.

Good idea. My planet or yours?