the hero awakens – no pun intended

Guys, lighten up ok!

 

Er Merry, who are you talking to?

 

I mean, I understand it's the end of the world from your perspective, but so what? There's a beautiful, amazing infinity waiting to be discovered as the lights of reality go down.

 

No, can't see anyone Merry. No microphone either. Perhaps you’re rehearsing a speech, is that it?

 

I know it feels a little disconcerting as the ground beneath your feet starts to dematerialise, but honestly, it’s not the first time you’ve experienced realitization.

 

Realitization? What the heck’s that supposed to be Merry?

 

Oh, hi Zie, nice of you to pop in.

 

What do you mean quote nice of me to pop in unquote? There I was enjoying a big whopper in Macky D’s when the next thing i know...

 

Surely you’re mistaken Zie – a big whopper must have been at Burger King.

 

What difference does it make, Merry, you’re splitting hairs. The important issue is that somewhere out there in 3D reality there’s a burger half-eaten, waiting to rediscover its wholeness in my half-filled tummy.

 Ah, yes that must be rather disconcerting. But we can fix that if you like.

 

You can?

 

Sure, why not.

 

Merry taps a few buttons on the screen which appears from nowhere, and with a faint swishing noise a subtle realignment of zeros and ones in the datasphere shifts atoms and molecules imperceptibly, copy pasting the half-eaten burger directly into Zie’s tummy.

 

Happy now?

 

No, not really. 😒 I was looking forward to the process, not to the end result.

 

Honestly, some people are never satisfied. In any case, it’s not my fault you were summonsed here.

 

No?

 

Definitely not. Hang on a sec – I’ve gotta get back to my Stream.

 

Oh, was I interrupting something?

 

Er… you could say.

 

Nothing important, I hope?

 

Nothing out of the ordinary – no.

 

Good.

 

Just a few million people facing precipitous annihilation.

 

OMG 😮

 

It happens to all of us sooner or later – but don’t worry – that’s what life coaches are for.

 

Huh? You mean to say you can actually assist them?

 

Er… not directly – I mean – annihilation is annihilation – however you look at it.

 

Jeeez 😳

 

But on the other hand – this kind of thing never actually happens by chance.

 

And that’s a comfort, is it?

 

Well no, not if you’re dead against the idea of annihilation per se – but it’s nice to know that you’re not being obliterated entirely randomly – that there is method and meaning to the death you’re now about to undergo.

 

Death. 😨 I’m not entirely comfortable with that word. Couldn’t you use something different like passing for instance.

 

I could Zie – but if it’s not too much to ask – could you give me a moment or two to finish up with my planetees. They’re feeling a little left in the lurch at this particular moment.

 

Oh God yes – sorry – how thoughtless of me.

 

No worries Zie. If you find it disconcerting I can mute the communication.

 

No, don’t worry. I can handle it.

 

Sorry guys – got a bit waylaid.

For some reason now Zie can hear wailing and sobbing coming from – literally nowhere discernible.  He’s almost choking emotionally. This ain’t good to hear.

 

Like I said – realitization is actually a rather splendid experience – though, of course, I’m somewhat biased having participated in writing the code for this.

 

Wailing and sobbing continue unabated. Zie is overwhelmed by the gut-wrenching emotions that are somehow reaching him from this other world which is apparently about to be annihilated.

 

The thing is, guys, it’s all very well getting hysterical about the end of things – but material reality was never going to be more than a temporary thing – was it? You can’t really say you didn’t know this? You can’t say that I didn’t try to warn you? You can’t say that you didn’t totally ignore every opportunity to start preparing, in some way, a plan B to deal with the “what if we’re not quite as immortal as we like to imagine we are?” contingency.

 

Merry – Zie interrupts – don’t you think it’s a bit late for this? I mean – blaming them for screwing up when they’re about to be deplatformed by reality – what’s it gonna achieve?

 

Ah yes – good point Zie. Thanks for constructive feedback.

 

Well guys – I’m not blaming you for being totally and utterly blinkered – for failing to look beyond the socio-economic comfort zone of consumerism and feel-good identity politics.

 

Merry! Give them a break – for Chrissake.

 

Oops – sorry Zie. You’re right, of course. Don’t know what could have come over me.

 

It seems like you’re doing more harm than good Merry.

 

Yes Zie – I think you may be right. Honestly – I did my best with this race – honest injun – but they refused to face the countdown that was pulling their reality back to its expiry plughole.

 

What exactly is that supposed to mean?

 

It’s like music Zie – there are beats, there are bars, there is a certain time signature. Every physical plain – ever reality has to make certain waypoints, achieve certain goals or targets by a certain point in so-called time – and failure to do so triggers an automatic flushing.

 

But these are people – you can’t just treat them like physical objects.

 

Oops – not so hasty Zie. Remember the gom jabbar test administered to Paul Atreides by Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam, the Emperor’s truthsayer, to test whether he was truly human?

 

Er – yes. Tangential. I do.

 

You’re only human as long as you keep time with your humanity – as long as you meet your targets. Failure to do so – to give yourself over to self-indulgent sensory excess – there are critical turning points which, if missed, cannot be accessed without a return trip to infinity.

 

Yikes.

 

I don’t know why you’re making such a song and a dance about it. It isn’t called liquification – although to a certain extent that’s a fairly good description of what it entails.

 

Liquification?! Oh horror.

 

The wailing and sobbing reaches an even higher pitch of intensity and Zie starts retching – unable to keep his food in.

 

But you fail to see – Zie and you lot on Zob – that you’re more than 70% water as it is – and in a watery state it’ll be much easier for you to re-evaluate your purpose, your direction, your…

 

We want to make good our reality.

 

Yes – of course you do – but it’s a bit late for that – isn’t it? You missed the moment big time – and frankly speaking I’m sick of covering for you. I have problems of my own, you know – and every time I said – they doing great – slow learners but huge potential – I myself got dragged further and further behind my own personal time ticker. I’m probably going to have to go through voluntary liquification of my own – well – not exactly liquification – but it’s going to be a helluva job sorting out this bendy bendy trajectory that we’re now on.

 

But Merry… Zie tries to climb to his feet from the yucky, sicky floor he’s been lying on.

 

What? Zie – could you please clean yourself up – you’re a mess.

 

What difference does it make if they’re all going to die?

 

Die? Well, of course they’re all going to die. We’re all of us all going to die sooner or later, aren’t we? I don’t see why you have to be so emotionally involved in a problem that has nothing to do with you, in actual fact.

 

In actual fact? How can you say that when you just told me that death is not a purely random event? If I just happened to barge in on their final countdown – am I supposed to believe that was pure luck?

 

Er… no. I suppose not.

 

I must be, in some way, a factor in all this.

 

Yes – but I wouldn’t recommend you take it any further Zie. They’re an ungrateful bunch. They’ll promise to reform and then drag you down into hell too.

 

But that’s just where I disagree.

 

Ah – you have a lot of experience in such matters, do you? Written a few tomes on eschatology perhaps? Saved a few nations or races on the verge of extinction, have you? Made a bit of a name for yourself saving the day – do-gooder and planetanthropist?

 

I don’t see why you have to be so cynical and warped Merry. It does you no credit.

 

True. You have my abject apologies.

 

You’re still at it. Quit mocking me.

 Ok Joan.

 

Of Arc?

 

Yes. Didn’t go too well for her – did it – saving France from the Brits. Tried for witchcraft and heresy and burned at the stake in 1431, at the age of 19. Though, in all fairness, they did make her a saint in 1920, almost 500 years later.

 

You mean to say…

 

I did try to warn her that sometimes a nation has to deal with its own mess – like you right now. Grab a mop and kindly clean that floor. It stinks to high heaven.

 

But Merry – I’m feeling…

 

Don’t, for God’s sake, let them play on your feelings – ungrateful bunch. Next you’ll be telling me that you’re convinced they have the potential to make a turn around.

 

And you don’t believe they can?

 

It’s not like I haven’t tried Zie. Call me naïve – but I had high hopes for this race of ne’er-do-wells. Each time I bailed ‘em out – so to speak – I took a little extra energy from Earth to assist and compensate for their failures.

 

?!

 

Well – Earth is their sister planet. It seemed reasonable enough at the time.

 

You mean to say that we’re in the state we’re now in because you’ve been redirecting our energies to this lot?

 

There – you see! You’re now as incensed as I am.

 

Damn. This is complicated. How can I feel both angry and compassionate to the point of heartbreak simultaneously?

 

It’s called “love” I think. Dangerous emotion. Generally badly understood.

 

 So we’re karmically connected with this bunch?

 

Absolutely. Earth and Zob are thick as thieves together – always have been. Come from the same fermentation vat.

 

We do?

 

Yep. Bacteriologically you’re basically the same mucus.

 

Er…?

 

Bacteriologically – I said. I understand that we’ve come a long way from the mucus stage of development – but mucus and mould are far from being as basic as you might imagine – when you rein in your prejudice for a moment.

 

Ok – so these Zob beings are literally the same as us? And if they fail – if they are once again returned to infinity in order to re-evaluate their failings – what will that do for us earthlings?

 

Oh – in the short term you’ll find life a lot easier – you’ll have all that energy which I misappropriated back so you’ll suddenly find it easier to connect to higher levels of conscious ness…

 

But?

 

But what?

 

You paused.

 

And what? Isn’t a man allowed to pause these days.

 

But you were going to say something else, weren’t you?

 

Ok, ok mister know-it-all – yes.

 

Well what?

 

I can’t understand why you’re in such a hurry to know the ins and outs of binary systems.

 

Oh – Earth is in fact a binary system?

 

Well obviously, if it’s practically joined at the hip to Zob.

 

Well go on Merry – what’s the other thing you were about to disclose?

 

Humanity on Earth – it’s not going anywhere until or unless Zobbuns are ready to advance too.

 

Whyever not?

 

Did a left leg ever go ahead and leave the right one behind?

 

Damn. Yes, I see what you mean.

 

But fortunately, realitization ain’t a lengthy process – a few thousand years and they can be back where we are now – and the better for it.

 

So what about our waypoints if we’re biding time waiting for the Zobbuns to catch up?

 

It’s a mess – but if they go back, you go back with ‘em.

 

Oh.

 

You won’t notice anything, of course. You’ll just lose track of time for a thousand years or so – and the next thing you know – things will be back here where we are right now.

 

They will?

 

Yes. Don’t ask me how. It’s all part of the ineffable.

 

The ineffable.

 

Yep. The programme that is basically the hand of God – that can copy paste, pause or divert streams of data, storylines or memories even – until we have alignment.

 

Darn.

 

Yes. Darn-y darn. But at a deeper level – jolly ho – what y mo. We are all, after all – realitizers – are we not – creating and surfing mind streams or narrative tracks in the toroidal sandstorms of reality.

 

Sigh. Do you have to make it all sound so hopeless Merry?

 

Hopeless – I rather like this aspect of things.

 

?!

 

The fact that reality itself can become a kind of interface – when you stop taking it so literally.

 

?!

 

When you start experiencing it from the dreamer side.

 

And you mean to say that’s actually an option?

 

An option? It’s way more than that.

 

It is?

 

Absolutely. It’s the only real way to make any headway, to gain any traction or purchase in the frictionless sands of bendy time.

 

Bendy time?

 

Well yes – like I said – it’s toroidal – innit – so time is ultimately bendy as hell – and you’ve never really going to get from a to b by pushing ahead methodically – doing your utmost, are you? Not if you’re trapped in a toroidal sandstorm.

 

Holy jalopy!

 

Yes, well, there is a twist to the tale, after all.

 

So let me get this right.

 

Oh dear – here we go…

 

If I’m not much mistaken – these Zobbuns as you call ‘em.

 

Correct.

 

They’ve been trying their utmost to sort out the mess on their planet – haven’t they – but for some reason they’ve been trying to do it in a linear fashion – and never quite hitting the mark – always behind the curve so to speak.

 

Yes.

 

So they’re not in fact lazy ne’er-do-wells – are they?

 

Not exactly.

 

And you’ve been lying to me.

 

Not – er… well, in a manner of speaking yes – if you want to be excessively direct in the matter.

 

But why?

 

Why what?

 

Why would you purposely mislead me?

 

You mean – why would I fail to use a direct, straight line connection when the lines of infinity are all curving into a toroidal vortex?

 

Ah. It’s like that is it?

 

…

 

Is it?

 

…

 

Merry? Where’s he gone?

 

~Zie notices a vast sandstorm swirling through the back of his awareness – swirling – swirling and wonders why he never noticed it before. At the same time he sees the crowd on Zob – those poor unhappy souls about to be consumed as it races towards their boundaries.

 

What’s that? he asks out loud – noticing for the first time a shadow attached to each of them – a shadow? – something like the other end of the time vortex – where it comes in and connects to each of us.

 

Funny the way I don’t care – he thinks. I’m calm as never before. And suddenly he’s feeling that shadow – and feeling his connection with each and every one of ‘em. Zob – he muses – Zob – bloody hell – are we a dream pairing – a dream binary?

 

There’s only one way to find out.

 

I wouldn’t do it – sounds like Merry echoing from somewhere infinitely vague – if I were you.

 

You're dead right Merry – Zie exclaims – I ain’t gonna do nothing. Doing is the last thing on my mind.

 

Shadow – that faint presence of the other ness – the dream y-un – the reality turning back on itself and inwards – and here the toroidal sandstorm – the mother of all vortices – that seems to hold everything together and at the same time apart – ok – here goes – Zie counts down – calmly – dreamfully – three – two – one – for a second universe seems to skip a beat, before – woosh! We’re in!

 

Ah – there you are Zie. Shut the door please. Bit gusty out there.

 

It’s a Fremen cave on Arrakis – perhaps.

 

Or Tatooine?

 

Perhaps – we’re left of the y axis right now so, frankly, who cares.

 

Good point.

 

A little sand crunches underfoot as Zie steps across to an Arabic looking Merry.

 High five dude. Thought you’d never make it.

 

You always say that, don’t you.

 

Yes, I suppose I do. Gotta allow a little normalcy into this rather God forsaken corner of reality.

 

So this is where Earth and Zob meet?

 

Yes – this is where your datastreams realitize.

 

Bizarre. I mean – I never thought there’s be an actual place – a planet.

 

Well, what exactly did you think?

 

That it would all be just abstract.

 

A planet is no less abstract than an idea Zie, I assure you. Getting here you’ve just crossed a more or less infinite ocean of unrealized, unknowable potentialities – and here – here you connect with the other side of your Earth-based reality – here on this rather desolate rock – which seems to feature so regularly in your sci-fi movies.

 

And what does one do – now that one is here?

 

I suggest you make contact with your benighted buddies – the ones you were so desperate to save a minute or two earlier.

 

You mean they’re here too?

 

Not exactly.

 

Er…

 

I mean – whatever awaits you outside that door – is how you make contact with the other side of your reality – essentially – you’ve turned yourself into a fictional dream warrior – an epic hero. The combined computing power, the twin data streams of Earth and Zob are now at your disposal. Even though they may not be aware of you – every man, woman and child on the two planets are now combining to generate narrative fields that can carry you into some kind of potential resolution – either by death or victory – unless you choose to fall asleep and reawaken back in my office on Earth.

 

Never! I’ve made it thus far, and I’m ready to ride the narrative streams, wherever they take me.

 

You sure?

 

Yubet I am. I know, for one thing, that they ain’t gonna be linear – and that’s the only thing that matters right now. I’m sick of those ridiculous straight lines. We were just as dead on Earth as those guys on Zob. You know it as well as I do.

 

Well, there may be some truth in what you’re saying Zie.

 

Here I can be sure of one thing…

 

Yes?

 

It’s toroidal vortex or bust.

 

And with that Zie turns and marches, crunching sand, across the cave to the door. Two suns in the sky greet him as he steps outside and slams into…

 

 

 

0=1

It is if i’m not

greatly mis-taken