Robin's anatomic chair

We have a problem, Merry.

We do?

Yes. Robin was reading the latest post… the one about thargy tharg and the atomic chair. 

Right, is that the Robin I think it is?

Affirmative, the librarian.

And what?

Well he seems to have triggered some kind of quantum field anomaly.

Yes? How interesting. Tell me more.

Apparently he took the atomic chair thing a little too seriously.

Don’t tell me – he focused his attention on a surrogate atom thingfully, and succeeded in jamming the temporal stream?

Yes, and seems to have merged with a particularly comfortable leather chair in the library where he works.

Amazing. Did anyone see this happen?

No, but his wife Phoebe went in to look for him when he failed to come home after work, and sensed the anomaly almost immediately. 

Have you spoken to her?

Not exactly – it seems Eps has linked me in empathically. I kind of saw all this a moment ago.

Ok, that was nice of him. So what's Phoebe up to?

Trying to move the chair which is lying on its side, to no avail.

Oh dear! Hee hee hee…

Hey, this isn’t a laughing matter Merry. We’ve got to do something – and right away. Poor Phoebe’s beside herself with worry.

Sorry Zie – I didn’t mean to be insensitive – but I did warn you that 3D reality is growing increasingly unstable… Robin’s obviously better attuned to the higher dimensions than the rest of you. Fancy that – he didn’t require so much as a nudge from me to partially tharg a chair. 

Well, now he's stuck so what are we going to do about it? This is all very worrying. I for one am going to take down that last blog post – I had no idea it might trigger spontaneous quantum events. I could be sued for failing to provide adequate warning of the health risks involved in attempting this at home. 

You’ll do nothing of the sort Zie.

Excuse me? This is out of your hands, Merry. There, I already have.

I wouldn’t be so sure.

What do you mean. I've removed it. Deleted it entirely. I’m dreadfully upset about poor Robin. I wish I’d been more circumspect.

Yes, I understand, but it isn’t that simple Zie.

Huh?

I mean that the field has changed. Deleting it here ain’t going to alter the fact that you and I redefined things atomically. It's been incorporated anatomically into the body of things by thargy tharg where it's recorded in a kind of unfalsifiable blockchain, and clicking a mouse ain't gonna alter anything. 

You mean…

It can’t be deleted. Go back to the blog – have a look – what do you see?

Oh my God – you’re right. It’s still there. What am I going to do?

First things first – you could try panicking.

Merry – I hardly think this is the time for an insensitive  crass attempt at humour.

Alternatively, if you’re not in the mood to panic, you could try not-panicking for size.

I meant, what can we do practically to resolve the quantum anomaly with the chair? 

Oh that – why didn’t you say so?

Are you deliberately being obtuse, Merry?

I’m afraid I am – more’s the pity.

But why? Surely you’re not indifferent to the seriousness of this situation.

Er…

That’s it – I’ve had enough.

Finally – I thought you’d never get round to it.

I’m taking things into my own hands.

So you don’t need a gentle nudge?

Gentle – you call it gentle?

Well I certainly try to be gentle.

No – I don’t. I’ll damn well do it myself – and you can go and find someone else to prey on with your unsolicited dismal definitions. 

Ok – cheerio! 

Good – he’s actually gone. Now what am I going to do about this? I suppose I have no choice. It’s now or never. Three  two  one, about turn... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarg

That wasn’t too bad. Now, where am I? No way! The library, England! Impossible.

I do wonder at your ability to doubt your own eyes Zie.

Ah, Eps, is that you?

Yes, who else could it be in the purple spectrum.

Good point. For a moment I thought it might be thargy tharg.

Ah yes – well I can’t say I’m altogether surprised. The relationship is a close one.

You mean to say…

I’d rather not be too specific at this precise moment in time – if you don’t mind. Shouldn’t we be focussing on the matter in hand, after all, you just gave Merry an earful for not being sufficiently concerned about poor Robin’s current state of affairs. You too seem to have lost interest in putting things right.

Indeed you’re right Eps. I’m terribly sorry. How thoughtless of me.

Well, what do you propose to do?

Do? I barely know. One minute I was at home in Moscow, the next minute I’m here in Shrewsbury, in England. It’s a bit much to take in really.

Yes. Well – have you taken it in yet?

Er… so that must be the very chair over there. My, it does look odd.

Evidently you’re able to see some of the strangeness of the quantum anomaly superimposed onto the chair. 

Let me start by picking it up. 

You're wasting your time. It won't budge. 

Oh, in that case I'd better dive in

and observe how the three atoms have become entangled temporally 

The alpha, omega and zie

Yes, that’s correct.

But why would this happen? It makes no sense. Why would Robin get stuck?

Make nothing of it Zie. It's a glitch in the temporal field. 

The... 

3D time stream. A crease, if you like. Once you've observed it it should self-correct. 

So I need to repeat that gut wrenching jump into the ghastly void once more?

You don’t need to do anything if you wish to let things stand as they are.

And leave Robin between a rock and a hard place? Never. He’s the not the kind of man who’d fail me in a situation like this. I’m just feeling a strange kind of apathy. What could it be?

Well, up until now you’ve been dealing with your own quantum field, with a little help from Merry. Now you’re going into another’s, and this is defended by shields – which either make you feel apathetic, or simply fail to notice what’s going on. The mistake you’re making is to focus too much on the chair itself. That won’t do. 

No? What should I be doing instead?

Think it through – I’m not your nanny the way Merry seems to be.

Merry? My nanny? Don’t make me laugh.

Well, he does tend to take you by the hand and molly coddle you.

What? You’ve gotta be kidding. He’s a demon. He derives the greatest pleasure from casting me into the void when I least expect it. He didn’t even seem to care about Robin being stuck in this anatomic nightmare when I informed him.

Ah! That might have been deliberate.

How do you mean?

He might have been teaching you not to be too serious – not to focus excessively on what seems to be the matter, or on what in general.

Oh! But I thought I had to focus on the matter in order to connect.

Well, there’s focussing and focussing, isn’t there? This is, after all, the quantum field – so observations evidently matter. The question is – do you want to observe the particle or the wave? Do you want to be part of the problem, or the solution?

Ah – good point. In my heavy-minded seriousness I’ve been weighing the particle down instead of riding the wave.

Correct.

Does that mean that Robin isn’t in fact trapped at all?

Let it go, Zie – stop trying to rationalise everything. There’s always a bit of both  either or neither where the quantum field is concerned. If you want to be of assistance – you’ll need to come in lightly at an angle – not the hypotenuse – something gentler – 33° would probably work well.

33° – that sounds kind of masonic.

Can you keep your mind on the ball Zie. We don’t have time for that kind of thing, you know.

Sorry Eps. 33° it is.

Now you should be able to sense or see the alpha and omega – top down and bottom up chair – two wildly different vantage points which essentially split your mind right open, but remember – this is happening inside you – not in Robin’s personal space.

Ok, Here goes... three  two  one – aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee

Excellent.

Wow! That’s a whole different way of falling. Much lighter! Ah Robin – my man – there you are!

Zie – what are you doing here? I thought you were in Moscow.

I er… dropped in.

Well, fantastic. Make yourself at home. Look, I’ve got some interesting books I was meaning to show you. Tea?

Er… yes, thanks.

Break the spell Zie. Let yourself be guided by thargy tharg - whatever form he's taken in this particular scene.

What form - I don't see, unless...

Sorry Zie – what did you say?

Oh nothing Robin – I was talking to Eps.

Eps? – you were looking at the sofa. I don’t see anyone sitting there.

I know – this is all a little confusing Robin – but as you’ve already realised – our 3D reality is shifting into something er…

Now Zie – we don’t have time – kindly exit Robin's temporal space.

Ok – bye Robin

But what about your tea?

Next time –  three   two   one   home again...  

Bizarre – where on earth did he go – I could have sworn he fell into that sofa… wait a minute…

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee

Yes – it’s worked

Oh dear, oh dear – what’s happening to me? Where did that sofa go?

Robin!

Phoebe! What are you doing here?

I was looking for you. You’ve been gone since yesterday.

I have?

Look at the time – it 7.41 pm.

Good God! So it is. Well, come on then – let's go home. 

But where were you? I looked everywhere?

It’s a bit difficult to explain dear… I was reading James’ somewhat undigestible blog post about thargy tharg and anatomic chairs when the next thing I knew – wait a minute – I was just speaking to the miscreant – he was here – a moment ago – did you see him?

Who – James?

No, Zie.

Zie?

Oh – I don’t know – it was James or Zie. Anyway, we were about to have a cup of tea when he leapt over there – to where that old sofa was standing – which then er… I know this sounds bizarre Phoebe – it disappeared along with James.

Disappeared? Well, the main thing is you’re back safely, Robin. You can email James later and ask if he popped in for tea, or got home safely.

Better not – he’ll probably imagine I’m losing it.

Don’t be so sure. Something tells me he’s had a hand to play in all this. I'm not sure I trust him entirely.

Why do you say that?

Oh you know – female intuition.

Tsk! Come on Phoebe, I’m ravenous.

I’m not surprised. What about that chair. Are you just going to leave it lying on the floor?

Oh! I completely forgot… No, don't touch it – that wouldn't be right. Let me see if I can fix it anatomically.

Atomically? What do you mean?

Well, apparently, these things are like a convergence of three lines of sight – alpha, omega and the third one – zieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! 

My God, Robin! Was that you?

I er… I believe it was.

You mean to say you made it leap over there into the corner?

Not exactly – I…

Yes?

I merely joined the dots threely – I believe thargy tharg did the rest.

Thargy tharg? I think that’s quite enough of that. I’m going to be having words with James or Zie, or whoever it is that’s been filling your head with all this…