there's the rub – Shakespeare and plate tectonics

 

The rub.

 

The what?

 

Rub... the rub.

 

Not sure i follow what you’re trying to say.

 

Oh, you follow alright Zanzi-bar.

 

I do?

 

Oh yes.

 

I...

 

Zanzibar’s lip starts to tremble, ever so slightly.

 

Oh, you follow alright, Zanussi... always did, despite your protestations to the contrary.

 

I...

 

Zanzibar dabs his face with a handkerchief – wiping beads of perspiration.

 

I...

 

Ay, there's the rub... Hamlet pronounces

 

For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause...

 

Correct. You know.

 

But what came over me, Merry?

 

Merry?

 

eM. What came over me? Why did i break out in a cold sweat. Why did my face start convulsing like...

 

Infinity, Zan, is no laughing matter.

 

But – I’m confused. The rub is not the same as infinity, is it?

 

No two things are never exactly the same, are they.

 

Er... I guess not.

 

The rub is where the passive side of infinity comes into the action zone, comes online, so to speak.

 

Oh.

 

“The rub” is the point of contention – like the strand where the sea and the land meet in a long line of active contact; friction.

 

Oh.

 

The vast preponderance of infinity, or rather all that is, simply is, upsetting no apple carts, existing undramatically as a left or right leg does, self-contained and largely complete.

 

Er...

 

But somewhere the left and right side have to come together. Have to, i repeat, for they could never ultimately grow or exist in isolation.

 

No?

 

No, of course not.

 

But...

 

One is curving slightly away ad infinitum on one side, the other, ever so slightly on the other side, complementing, counteracting each other.

 

But why?

 

Why?

 

Yes, why?

 

Because infinity is, ultimately, neither.

 

Huh?

 

Lacking form or substance.

 

What?

 

Not being finite... but just removed, in the zone alongside you have form and substance which sandwich what might perhaps be infinity, apparently containing that which can’t really be contained... Enabling the rub.

 

It sounds like plate tectonics, you know. You have a subduction zone like the west coast of America where the Pacific plate goes beneath the continental plate.

 

Or so they say.

 

And then you have mid-ocean an upwelling where the ocean plate expands east and west, 3D printing itself with rising magma on both sides of the mid-ocean ridge.

 

Yes, the theory is illuminating even if it isn’t necessarily correct.

 

So there’s the rub, is it eM?

 

Yes, pick your analogy. It’s where the two sides come together in some kind of contact to reconcile or balance their differences except, of course, that they’re never really going to succeed.

 

No? Why not? Why so pessimistic?

 

Pessimistic? I wouldn’t say that.

 

But you said they’ll never succeed.

 

Well, these are words you know. The rub is a process, like a game or a business enterprise. It isn’t necessarily supposed to achieve a final outcome.

 

No?

 

No. It’s more a point or line of contact between opposing forces, which exist, as all things do, in opposition to one another.

 

But why?

 

Why what?

 

Why opposition? Why not harmony?

 

The harmony is there if you want it.

 

It is?

 

Yes. But not in the things per se.

 

No, then where?

 

In you.

 

In me?

 

You, your mind, your heart or your soul. Somewhere in you.

 

But why me?

 

Why? Do you imagine things can exist independently of you?

 

Well yes. They do, don’t they? This chair, that table, the ground beneath us – they’re just there.

 

Yes, they are, as long as you’re holding the other end of reality, as long as you’re closing the loop.

 

Loop? What loop?

 

Things can’t just exist in a vacuum, can they?

 

What vacuum? Physical reality is nothing like a vacuum unless you’re up in space.

 

Correct, Zanzi-bub. Physical reality is nothing like a vacuum as long as it is enclosed or contained.

 

Contained? What need is there for containment? There’s an entire Earth that seems to do the job well enough.

 

Yes, it does, I agree, yet that’s only as long as you’re taking things at face value.

 

How else would I take them if not at face value?

 

That’s a good question, Zanzi-bop. You can take them however you like but there’s still the rub to consider, like it or not.

 

What bloody rub?! I don’t see any effing rub other than in your frankly unhinged philosophical speculations.

 

Yes, that’s understandable. We all have our limitations, you know. There’s no shame in that, but a concept that was simple and obvious to William Shakespeare can’t just vanish without a trace. In Shakespeare’s day they still felt, still saw, still knew that things out there in so called “objective reality” have to be part of a living system – a biology, so to speak.

 

How do you mean?

 

The same way your physical body, including external parts of it such as your hair, teeth, nails or skin, also needs to be part of a living system, a biology. Somewhere in all that congealed stuff there has to be a spirit or intelligence, or if you prefer we can call it a “conscious-ness” holding it all together.

 

Yes, eM, but it doesn’t have to be floating amorphously in the stuff of various body parts.

 

No?

 

No, it can be in the brain which is a kind of law unto itself, a separate seat of consciousness, or a connection to the cosmic ethereal consciousness, if you prefer that theory.

 

Yep. It can be the brain if you like.

 

In which case the skin and hair, teeth and nails – the whole body, bar the brain – are merely things or connected components which neither generate nor experience directly consciousness.

 

Yep, that’s how the mind prefers to describe it.

 

And you don’t?

 

There’s the rub, Zanzi-san. Beyond whatever I think is something else which can’t really be thought, can’t really be described.

 

Er...

 

A pure conscious-ness.

 

And?

 

And the rub is the interface between the two.

 

It is?

 

Yep. You can deny it. You can ignore it. You can do whatever you like, but then you end up squashing things into or onto a conveniently flat or conveniently static plain. You end up positioning yourself on one side and turning your mind’s back to the rub, which has to be felt as a friction between opposing states rather than thought into this or that form.

 

Felt?

 

Inside you.

 

In my brain?

 

Not exactly.

 

No?

 

Nope, though the brain can participate, for sure.

 

Phew, that’s a relief.

 

Just as long as it doesn’t attempt to control, to dominate the proceedings.

 

So, I have to feel the rub with all my body?

 

Body, heart, soul, energy field, that kind of thing.

 

How?

 

The same way you feel a mood.

 

A mood?

 

Or a sensation... a vibration... even a pain.

 

Something vague and unintelligent, you mean.

 

Yes, that’s right, though it can be specific like a toothache, or more vague like a depression.

 

Oh.

 

But first you need to feel it, to become aware. Otherwise you’ll spend your entire life trapped in  phenomenonity.

 

Phenomenony-tea?

 

Nearly, Zanz, nearly. Phenomenon-ity which is focusing on what materialises just “downstream” on either side of the mid-ocean ridge.

 

On something real.

 

Yes, something real, and something you can get your mental teeth into, so to speak, with a definite shape and form.

 

Sounds eminently practical, eM.

 

As indeed it is... eminently.

 

But?

 

The phenomena we prefer to experience and study are, ultimately, no substitute for the rub itself.

 

No? Why not?

 

In the same way sex is no substitute for love.

 

Er...

 

Actually, the two are supposed to exist or function in tandem.

 

In tandem?

 

Or in parallel.

 

Hey, make up your mind!

 

That’s the rub, Zanzi-man.

 

It is?

 

Yes, at the rub, at the coalface of conscious-ness, so you speak, there’s no mind to be made up.

 

No mind?! Are you insane.

 

Do I detect resistance to the infinite, Zanzi-took? No surprise there, is there!

 

But you can’t always have it both ways, eM: either it’s fish or foul, either tandem or parallel.

 

Correct. Either your on the east side of the mid-ocean ridge heading eastwards towards California and bust, or you’re on t’other side etc, unless you decide to consciously cultivate your awareness of the ridge itself, or the place deep below the ridge from whence...

 

“From whence” eM – surely it should be simply whence they come?

 

Or whence they originate?

 

Yes.

 

Yes, it should, it phenomenonity such things matter, as things congealed, things hard boiled, but at the subduction or expansion zone, or even on the beachy strand, such things are yet ill-decided, ill-determined, up for grabs, as long as your at the, in the, of the rub.

 

Well, I personally disagree.

 

As well you should, your “person” belonging to the jurisdiction, the realm of phenomenonity. Obliged you are to identify it, to take sides, to emperson. Yet consider the following as food for rub...

 

Let them be whipp'd through every market town till they come to Berwick, from whence they came. — Shakespeare, Henry VI, part 2, 1592

 

… Sittingbourne, from whence we had a famous pair of horses … — Jane Austen, letter, 24 Oct. 1798

 

… addressed to this place, from whence it will be forwarded to me … — Lord Byron, letter, 31 Aug. 1809

 

Er...

 

Even Samuel Johnson himself, the renowned lexicographer who referred to the practice of from-whencing as, I quote, a vitious mode of speech, himself wrote, if you dare trust his biographer:

 

There is nothing served about there; neither tea, nor coffee, nor lemonade, nor anything whatever; and depend upon it, Sir, a man does not love to go to a place from whence he comes out exactly as he went in — Samuel Johnson, quoted in Boswell’s “The Life of Samuel Johnson”, 1791. _{(merriam-webster.com)}

 

And if I don’t? If I think it was Boswell’s error?

 

Then you’re doing what any thinking person does and, in truth, should do...

 

Namely?

 

Thinking. Phenomenonning.

 

Double n?

 

British English yes. American English one should suffice.

 

Damn you eM!

 

Yes, it’s bound to happen on one side, but at least I know that on t’other side I’ll be redeemed, or understood.

 

There’s the rub, but at the core you’ll just be a dull sensation like a toothache.

 

Touché, Zanzi-wen, very droll.

 

Droll, but what do you mean by this? Are you saying that we need to reject phenomena and rest in a constant samadhi state of enlightened is-ness, where all things are equal?

 

If you like.

 

And if I don’t?

 

Then don’t... Do as you will.

 

Then to what end is all this endless deliberation on this rub of yours.

 

To no end.

 

Then... I know not what to say

 

Or think

 

Exactly. It all seems rather desolate.

 

As an absence of thought, a lack of phenomena for the phenomena-mill, yes, I’d agree.

 

You would? Or you do?

 

About to reply

 

No, don’t say “both”.

 

I said nothing.

 

But you were going to.

 

Was I?

 

Yes, I think you were.

 

Ah.

 

Ah?

 

There’s the rub.

 

Damn!

 

Beep-y-ness, sensed rather than heard explicitly.

 

Et tu, Brutus?

 

Brute.

 

Ok, Beep, big deal, quit picking hairs.

 

Actually Suetonius says Brutus spoke in Greek ‘Kai su, teknon?’ (You too, my son) whereas Plutarch, says that Caesar died in silence, pulling his toga over his head.

 

I don’t care. It isn’t important Beep.

 

I agree, Zanzi-can, but it's important to recognise that he was not asking 'You too, my son?' The words 'Kai su' – found in Greek comedy and on mosaics – mean 'Screw you!' and the 'teknon' ('kid') just makes it fiercer.

_{Greg Rowe, The Queen's College, Oxford.}

 

Leave me alone...

 

As we all know, the old Greek language doesn’t have anything to do with a modern Greek language and no Greeks can understand the old one. The only people who do understand it are Albanians. The etymology of the word KAI SU TEKNON (Kai s’u te knon)means Cry like you are singing. Kai -Cray SU- like you Te`knon- singing Shakespeare was in Albania a few times and he maybe understood the Albanian language.

_{Lamun Dardanian, Kosova Albania (https://www.theguardian.com/notesandqueries/query/0,5753,-1156,00.html)}

 

Tell him to go away, eM.

 

Tell him yourself.

 

Go away Beep. Avaunt, foul fiend of the nether world.

 

Beep exits stage right to the sound of frogs croaking/ stage left to the sound of waves breaking on a suitably desolate and romantic shore.

 

Would you all just shut up and leave me be?!

 

Cries Zanzibar in despair, tearing his hair and pounding his breast in soul-wracked anguish.

 

What is happening?

 

What is happening? Reverberating endlessly through the collapsing field of conscious-ness that hitherto identified itself as Zanzi-bar-none.

 

Not true. Liar! I never, never identified myself as Zanzi-bar-none. And I know exactly what you’re trying to do Beep.

 

You do? Oops. I’m not here. You sent me hence.

 

Caught you! I wasn’t born yesterday, Beep.

 

Zanussi-bar, is everything ok?

 

Huh?

 

Is everything ok? You seem to be talking to someone.

 

I... er. Yes, I mean no. eM, I’m not sure, really.

 

Well, I don’t wish to intrude if you’re having a moment all to yourself.

 

Myself? I’m not talking to my self, eM.  I’m not insane, you know.

 

No one said you are, Zanussi-max. Be not afeard; the isle is full of noises.

 

Ha! Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight, and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears; and sometime voices,
That, if I then had waked after long sleep,
Will make me sleep again: and then, in dreaming,
The clouds methought would open, and show riches
Ready to drop upon me; that, when I waked,
I cried to dream again. _{(The Tempest, Act III, Scene II.)}

 

Beautiful. Well done, Zanzi-me.

 

Epilogue

 
The Earth breathes a sigh of relief,
As Zanzi-not enters a blissful
state of Samadhi; as Rob, the rub,
a splendid cricket somewhere unseen
chirrup-chirrups to his heart’s content
in the summer sun, and you,
best beloved reader and subscriber
to g-nomeportal.ity cease to make things matter inexorably, allowing me, your poet and guide, a brief respite, the opportunity to converse directly without words, anon

 

0=1

merry a day

₂₃₅₅

missing the obvious

 

3d reality, 3d reality, blah, blah, blah – who do you think you’re fooling eM?

 

Do you really want to know, Zanzi?

 

Not really – I was being rhetorical, as you know perfectly well.

 

Ah.

 

There is no 3d reality as distinct from some other reality. Our reality is it. Either the only one period, or the only one that matters to people living today on planet Earth. Anything else is pure conjecture.

 

Is that a statement of fact or merely your opinion?

 

Fact. Opinion? What difference does it make? Both, I imagine.

 

Ok. I see what you’re getting at. Allow me.

 

Allow you what?

 

eM starts playing a flute – the flute, in fact – flutey flute – sounds rather nice, but that’s not the point. A minute or two later something pops – literally.

 

Wow. My ears are buzzing. What the heck was that?

 

Oh, hello again – you had an energy blockage.

 

I did?

 

Yep. One of your chakras had slipped out of alignment – or something like that.

 

Really, and what?

 

You started spouting all this stuff about 3d reality being the only thing going.

 

Oh, now I remember. What the hell came over me?

 

I object. Would you kindly desist from using…

 

Oh, hi Beep. Could you just stick to good old fashioned beeping. You’re absolutely right, of course. My apologies. Careless of me.

 

Oh. Ok – if you insist. In that case “Beep” but not too loud.

 

Thanks Beep. You couldn’t offend me if you tried. Not with your deep, clear eyes, filled with spangles of eternity.

 

Oh, I say – how sweet, Zanussi. I’m quite overcome.

 

Well, moving swiftly on, if you two don’t mind.

 

Not at all, eM. By the way – what was the answer you were going to give me?

 

Which answer, Zanussi?

 

To whom you “thought you were fooling” with all this 3d-olatory.

 

Still bothering you, is it?

 

No, not in the least – it’s just I’m curious.

 

Are you now?

 

Yes. Is that wrong?

 

No, not at all. But I rather suspect that you know more than you’re letting on.

 

Oh. You think I know the answer?

 

I think the answer is a process which might benefit you.

 

Ah. Well, you’re not trying to convert the unbelievers – that much I know, as no one reading this is ever going to be persuaded one way or t’other.

 

Absolutely right.

 

So then who?

 

You tell me.

 

Maybe you’re just putting it out there – into the blogosphere – into the collective consciousness?

 

That’s a possibility, for sure.

 

Like the 100-monkey effect. Putting it out there helps shift the collective consciousness if enough people encounter it. Like a hundred monkeys.

 

I think we’re a bit low on the numbers, you know, and besides…

 

Yes, not your style, eM. You’re not trying to win people over to a cause, are you?

 

Nope.

 

So who else could it be for?

 

Consider your logic.

 

Consider my logic? That I assume you’re doing something like this “for a reason” whereas, in fact, there may be no reason, no actual goal, none.

 

Yep.

 

But how likely is that?

 

Ah – probabilities? Rationally, what’s the probability of your very existence, if Darwin was right – if you’re at the end of an immensely long evolutionary chain?

 

Ok, ok, zero, I get it.

 

So probabilities only really matter or work in 3d rationalisations. As soon as we encounter everything else that’s been redacted from the equation – like, er, what could that possibly be…

 

In-finity, perchance?

 

Yep. That’ll do.

 

As soon as we consider in-finity – probabilities are immediately anachronistic – like gravity and the vacuum of space when you realise that the Earth is not, in fact, a sphere.

 

Noooooooooo! Don’t start on that again, please, I beg you.

 

Just saying, as an example of anachronistic or redundant concepts.

 

Ok – moving swiftly on. So, if it’s not a 100-monkey effect attempt to shape public awareness, what the he** – oops, nearly set Beep off again – what on Earth could it be?

 

Probably something very simple, which is why you’re overlooking it.

 

Like what?

 

I don’t know. Honestly. I never really think why I’m doing things – I just do ‘em. It seems to work better that way.

 

Really?

 

Seems to.

 

You don’t constantly find yourself in deep doodoo?

 

Well, occasionally – but it’s always rather exciting trying to extricate oneself from the latest disaster.

 

Like the time you accidentally blew up London?

 

Oh that… was rather embarrassing, I have to admit. But we’d better not digress. They’ll be annoyed.

 

They – your twenty seven million readers?

 

Well, they – whoever/whatever they are.

 

So, it’s perhaps for them – perhaps you’re like a signal emitter – a lighthouse – helping them to see and focus on our reality? That might be it.

 

It might. Interesting hypothesis.

 

Because if they're from the other side – from in-finity, so to speak – or sommat like that – they might find it remarkably hard to hone in, to home in on our reality…

 

Or just on me.

 

On you, eM? Why you?

 

Well, maybe our reality – but I don’t wish to exclude the possibility that it might be me.

 

But why, unless you’re a raving egoist, would you wish to transmit yourself?

 

Why indeed. Of course, I wouldn’t want to draw attention to my rather imbecilic persona – as egoistic as they come – but if, absurd though it may seem, I just happen to be an infinity child – bearing in some way, shape or form 0=1 – the seed or seeds of infinity – then in that respect I might want or need to put myself out there.

 

And is it true? Do you actually imagine you’re an infinity child?

 

I might be. I don’t imagine because if it’s true – it has nothing to do with imagination, and will work itself out through a certain series of rather far-fetched but perfectly logical developments, but on the other hand, it’s equally possible that all of us are infinity children, so there’s no exclusivity presumption or claim – none whatsoever.

 

Glad to hear it. It’s bad enough having to deal with all your raving claptrap – without having the additional burden of rampant egocentricity.

 

Indeed. 

 

So, er…

 

Yes?

 

Do you actually think that in-finity needs to work though certain individuals – a bit like “aliens in our midst”?

 

I don’t know – but it’s certain a possibility, isn’t it – on a purely mentat computational basis.

 

Oh – you’re getting all Thufir Hawat are you?

 

Well, there’s nothing wrong with a little mentat computation – if it isn’t taken too far.

 

And how far would that be?

 

Basically, if you fail to factor in Jessica, Duke Leto’s not-quite-wife.

 

His concubine, you mean.

 

Yes.

 

And how can she be factored in to mentat computation?

 

Well, you saw what happened when Thufir Hawat went all mentat computational and completely overlooked – er…

 

Love?

 

Yes.

 

He messed up.

 

Indeed.

 

And was it inevitable?

 

Not 100%.

 

But…

 

But almost inevitable – in this particular instance, at least. Look – we’re not here to discuss the limitations of computation really, are we, but it needs to be borne in mind…

 

That any rational analytical system always has blind spots. Yes, eM, it does. Good point. So…

 

So in-finity seems to use love or life – in parallel to its data computation system.

 

Yes, but what’s that got to do with using you or anyone else as a carrier of in-finity?

 

It’s a very big question and I’m not sure I can, or should answer it.

 

Whyever not?

 

Because it might do more harm than good, you know. I may end up setting you off down a false trail.

 

Ok – allow me to do a bit of truth-sensing, for what it’s worth.

 

Ok – Zanzi-bar – fire ahead.

 

In-finity, to be in-finite, has to create places or realms within itself which appear to be utterly finite – utterly dead, so to speak and to do that it allows life in those realms to become utterly disconnected from the source of all conscious-ness – something like that.

 

Ok. So, that’s a kind of definition of 3d reality, is it?

 

Yes.

 

But why would infinity want to insert little bubbles or pockets of itself into those dead zones?

 

Well, I’m not sure it would particularly want to – I guess it’s something to do with distribution. In order to achieve quite a powerful level of disconnectedness – of people who are almost living like machines with no sense whatsoever of everything else – like those people on the planet Krikkit who had no idea whatsoever that they were part of a vast and glorious universe...

Hactar was originally created by the Silastic Armorfiends of Striterax to design the Ultimate Weapon. Hactar produced a very, very small bomb that, when activated, would connect every star to every other star, cause them to all go supernova simultaneously and, thus, destroy the universe. The bomb proved dysfunctional because Hactar had designed it with a tiny flaw, reasoning that no consequence could be worse than that of setting the bomb off. The Silastic Armorfiends disagreed and disintegrated Hactar into a dust cloud.

Due to the dust cloud, the sky above Krikkit was completely black, and thus the people of Krikkit led insular lives and never realised the existence of the Universe at large. With the population thus prepared, Hactar disintegrated but still functional, built and crashed a model spaceship onto Krikkit in order to introduce its inhabitants to the concept of the Universe. Secretly guided by Hactar, the Krikkiters built their first spaceship, Krikkit One, penetrated the dust cloud, and surveyed the Universe before them. Unbeknownst to the Krikkiters, Hactar had been subliminally conditioning their minds to the point where they could not accept a Universe into their world view, with the intention of putting them into a similar mindset to that of the Silastic Armorfiends. Sooner or later, they would require an Ultimate Weapon, and this would allow Hactar to finally complete his purpose, something he had felt considerable guilt about not doing before. Upon first witnessing the glory and splendor of the Universe, they casually, whimsically, decided to destroy it, remarking, "It'll have to go." Aided again by the mind of Hactar, the Krikkiters built an incredible battlefleet and waged a massive war against the entire Universe. The Galaxy, then in an era of relative peace, was unprepared, and spent the next 2,000 years fighting the Krikkiters in a war that resulted in about two "grillion" casualties.

 

Where was I?

 

You were rather shamelessly plagiarising the Hitchhiker’s fandom –  https://hitchhikers.fandom.com/wiki/Krikkit - Zanussi.

 

Oh yes. But the point is, in-finity cannot really exclude itself – can it – but it can play around with dispersal and concentration using space and time as variables.

Or fiction.

Indeed.

 

So…

 

So there’s always going to be one poor bugger, sooner or later, who just can’t quite manage to play along with the “this reality thing is really very wonderful and comprehensive, what ho, isn’t it – nothing really missing whatsoever, is there?” default mindset. Something triggers an event in his or her life – and suddenly he/ she

 

Let’s just be damned and say “he” shall we?

 

Ok eM. And suddenly he reconnects to the grid – so to speak – to in-finity – whatever that is or is not, and starts beep beeping – like a purpose-built transponder.

 

Ok. So I’m a beep beeping, am i?

 

Not quite.

 

Huh?

 

That’s the confusing part. You as a person, eM – are as ludicrous and blind as everyone else.

 

Thanks Zanzi-bartholomew.

 

Don’t mention it, eMeritous-inklefuck

 

Do you have to use that horrible name – I’ve done my very best to remove it from reality by introducing all kinds of language tropes – but all to no avail.

 

There’s nothing wrong with your name, eM. No need to create pain and unhappiness just to avoid facing reality. Now, I’ve lost my thread.

 

You were insulting me, if I recall correctly.

 

Oh yes. I was saying that your “I am” is no different from any other I am – tied into the matrix, running the 3d platform software, so to speak – so that’s why we won’t bother saying you’re “a beep beeping I am”.

 

Er… then what am I?

 

You’re demonstrating Thufir Hawat blindness again.

 

Again?! It was you last time.

 

What difference does it make? Blindness is the I am in action. Your I am, my I am – all basically one and the same – nodes in the 3d reality block chain.

 

Damn you, Zanzi-mac.

 

Beep!

 

Damn you too, Beepy-mut!

 

Beep starts playing the Beatles song “While my guitar gently weeps” reducing eM to tears of sincerest regret.

Forgive me, Beep. My bad. Continue, slimeball Zanzi-plak.

 

Happily, eM. You see what is happening?

 

Yes – I’m behaving obnoxiously – not for the first time, I hasten to add.

 

Correct. Because your I am is vulnerable and has to defend itself in critical moments from potential catastrophic disintegration.

 

It does?

 

Yes. Absolutely.

 

That’s nice to know. So I get a free pass.

 

Kind of.

 

Not to blame? Not responsible for being a right royal arse-y-hole?

 

Up to a point – as you would say. Moving swiftly on.

 

Oh do let’s.

 

Apart from the I am there’s an other present, isn’t there?

 

I… there is?

 

Of course. There has to be, doesn’t there.

 

I… can’t quite explain how or why, but something tells me you’re right.

 

The transponder has nothing really to do with your I am 3d persona.

 

In which case…

 

It’s either an “it”

 

Ouch. Don’t like that. Makes me sound like a bloody machine.

 

Beep!

 

Thanks Beep. Bloody is absolutely unacceptable.

 

It is? What’s wrong with “blood”?

 

It ain’t got nothing to do with blood.

 

No, I thought…

 

Yes, didn’t we all – but Beep knows better. Don’t you Beep.

 

Somewhat shyly: er… yes, originally it was “by our Lady”.

 

Ah… that explains it. Ok, moving swiftly on. So, instead of the transponder being an “it” running the show secretly from the shadows of definitely not-me-ness, there’s the alternative which I think you’ll agree, is far more palatable.

 

Not until you tell me what it actually is, Zanzibar.

 

I was just building up to it.

 

Fair enough.

 

I’ll be in the gym doing some pilates if you need me.

 

Ha, ha, very funny, eM.

 

I’m not joking. I’m feeling stiff and awkward with your shocking revelations, Zanz.

 

Oh. Forgive me, eM. I had no idea.

 

Well, perhaps I’m exaggerating just a teeny-weeny smidgen.

 

Damn you, eM. I never know…

 

They’re actually switching channels, Zanz. They have very short attention spans you know.

 

They?

 

Our subscribers.

 

Oh. Them. Well, that’s ok because in-finity has a rather implausible way of getting the message out whenever it’s needed, and never before – like using your “I is” to do the job.

 

Er… grammar alert.

 

The I is definitely does the job. 

 

I suppose so, if grammar matters not. Yes, Zanzi-mac – you’ve presented me with a plausibly absurd version of what might in fact be going on, and done so using words which are designed and tested not to be able to reveal anything of any substance or importance whatsoever. Well done!

 

Er, thanks eM. So, you’re actually confident that you are an I is transponder?

 

No, not at all.

 

But you’d have to say that here within 3d, wouldn’t you – even if you knew…

 

Yes, that’s true.

 

So the proof would be in the pudding, wouldn’t it.

 

Oh no. I don’t like it when people start quoting me.

 

If, in fact, you are an “I is” in-finity transponder – then you’d have to be indestructible here within 3d, wouldn’t you?

 

How did I know you’d get round to this sick and twisted realisation?

 

Wouldn’t you?

 

Sigh. Yes, you’re right.

 

So, if you don’t mind, eM. I’ve prepared a few little tests, just to see.

 

Damn you, Zundel. Supposing I’m not actually I is, beep beeping infinity back and forth.

 

Then you’s a gonna partner…

 

Music from the Good, the Bad and the Ugly – courtesy of Ennio Morricone – while Zanzibar runs a series of 17 different “tests” – starting with bullets, proceeding to poisons, electricity and ending with thermobaric explosions.

There’s er… no denying the fact, eM that – oops – where’s he gone to?

 

…

 

eM?

 

eM?

 

Shit! What have I done?

 

Just triggered a phase change, Zanz. No worries. It’s going to require a system reboot. Hang on while I…

 

3d reality blanks out for – difficult to say how long – and comes back online with a few, not inconsiderable differences.  More anon.

 

 

0=1

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