Baikal.is /episode 7

previous episode

10000

Headquarters: Crown Imprimatur

Madam President, Gentlemen – it would appear that the one outcome we have been working so assiduously to avoid is creeping up on us, and all but knocking at the door.

[someone bangs on the door]

Excuse me Madam President, Chairman Steel – the data stream is again uncontained. Should we close all markets?

Chairman Steel – Yes     

Madam President [at same time] – No

Madam President – are you certain you know what you’re doing?

[board look in shock at Steel]

Madam President doesn’t flinch or show any sign of discomposure. Chairman Steel starts to expand/ pulse/ levitate a little – everyone can see that Madam President is aware of, and perhaps controlling this.

That will do Chairman. Contain yourself. Do you see what is involved here?

N-n-n no, Madam President.

Our corporation and its forerunners have sat at the head of data for generations. We have our traditions which you all know well – which are never disclosed to outsiders. We have our all male board, even today, and our female President. Some of you know more than you realise, more than you might like to admit concerning this setup. There are two sides to data – just the same as there are two polarities in everything here on Earth. It has been our job, and that of our forebears in Mesopotamia, Alexandria, Byzantium, Rome, Venice, Amsterdam, London and now New York, to ensure the steady growth and expansion of this data stream, which is far, far more than digits or money. It is more than a machine, even a machine as astonishing as the AI we have developed and run. There is a female side to data you know nothing of – which doesn’t always seek to maximise profits, doesn’t always seek to play the winning hand. Our competitors know nothing of this – and end up losing, again and again – for they don’t understand how the data feels when it’s being exploited in that way. They cannot imagine, or refuse to accept, that this is THE experiment, and that it involves a compromise, a marriage of extreme opposites – male and female – so we have succeeded by demonstrating again and again that ours is a fundamental relationship. There is no magic or trickery involved. The profits and power our corporation wields are irrelevant, though necessary, for we owe a greater debt to our Lord Lucius – a debt of honour and love, to continue working to arrive at the triumph of data over sentiment, over apathy and passivity – even if we have to expend every life, every last resource at our disposal.

There is nothing in fact wrong with the data stream. It is contained, as it always has been. We are on the cusp of a great leap forward. We are entering the quantum age. The either/or of male and female, one and zero is shifting into an infinitely faster, infinitely more powerful data flow – in which the either/or  on/off time chain is superseded by concurrent wheels or counter revolving spin. They do not touch. They are not physical. They are implied by each other and infer possible/ probable outcomes rather than working sequentially down a causal chain. Reality as you know it, as happened in the past, is even now accepting, embracing, engaging this new state of affairs… The quantum stream we’ve been researching is not something that can be channelled through proprietary cables. It’s only possible when each node, each human being, starts to feel and interact with it in tandem. That is how the wheels are starting to turn. That is how our test field is being launched...

But how will we stay at the head. It sounds like complete decentralisation Madam President.

To you, yes, it does, because you only see the data in linear. Though our corporation is registered as any other – our roots go down into the bedrock, into the essence of Thim. We serve in order to achieve over-unity, for by doing so we can then expand beyond our current confines into the depths of consciousness, the universal mind.

[clapping]

10001

Don’t try this at home folks...

You’re not still watching that, are you?

Hey, leave off man. This is freakin amazing.

Give over, mate. It’s just CGI.

Bollocks. This channel’s 100% legit. Look…

How long have you guys been risking your lives in this way?

Er… it all started like a few months ago really.

Ok. And what on Earth persuaded you to risk life and limb. Where do you doing drugs or what?

No way. We’d heard Elon Musk talking about this being some kind of hologram we’re living in. It kind of struck a chord, you know.

Right.

So, we were camping out here, in these beautiful mountains, watching the sun going down. It was the most amazing feeling. Suddenly we both just felt completely, I dunno, connected to what we were experiencing – I mean totally safe, totally at ease. It wasn’t like we jumped off, or anything like that. It was more like making love. Like sliding deeper into the feeling of connectedness and oneness with our surroundings. It was only when it ended – when the sun had gone down that we realised how far we’d gone.

In what way?

Well, it was like remembering a dream. It kind of replayed as our minds caught up, filling in the gaps, logging, plotting what we’d been up to.

And?

Well, we saw ourselves moving against the backdrop of these mountains here – high above the ground – but still it wasn’t exactly like we were flying – as we were more like – amorphous – if you know what I mean – and even shifting shape. Some of the way we appeared more disk-like, another part of the way we were more like an eagle soaring. The human form was kind of pushed into the background as it doesn’t really match the settings, does it?

You’re telling me! So was it a one-off occurrence?

No, definitely not – otherwise we’d have put it down to being some kind of hallucination.

Yeah. It was way too powerful an experience to just dismiss. We needed to come back, except the next week the weather was shit – so we came two weeks later.

And the same happened again? 

Yeah – except this time we were looking for it – so we kind of stepped into it, into that feeling, that space, more smoothly.

And was the experience any different the second time?

Yeah. We kind of sensed that this powerful location is connected to other sacred spots on the planet – like spokes on a wheel.

And?

And we found it’s possible to push through a kind of half-barrier to appear in another sister location.

So where did you end up?

You’re not going to believe this.

I might.

The other side of the world. Siberia. Lake Baikal.

My God. You just pushed through some kind of barrier and you were in Baikal?

Yes.

And what did you do there?

Oh God – you have no idea.

Just flying around?

No, like I said, it’s not really flying around – though that’s how it looks when you rewind and catch up when you’re back.

Then what?

Er… Like you enter into an energy relationship with the space around – like you’re breathing, feeling, experiencing it and processing those sensations – almost like a computer processes data.

Oh…

So it actually feels really rewarding – because you know you’re doing stuff and helping move energies, even though you’re like a child and can’t really read the text or communicate exactly what it is you’re doing.

Er... 

It was like dancing. It made perfect sense as long as the music was playing. 

Right… So what’s gonna be the result of all this flying around? Any idea?

Well, at the moment we’re just hugely enjoying learning how to blend, to merge into this field. It’s like you become part of something much bigger, much more beautiful than anything you’ve ever experienced before.

I guess that’s what some people get when they’re meditating.

Yeah – if they’re masters – but most of us don’t get anything like what we’re experiencing now.

So, is it just you two, or can anyone do it?

We brought a couple of our mates along last time – Jody and Tyler. They were keen to see if they could experience it too.

And?

No trouble whatsoever. They took to it like ducks to water.

Ok. And did you go back to Baikal?

Yeah.

Why? Is that the only place you can go to?

No, there are other places which we kind of poked our heads into – but Baikal’s special.

In what way?

It’s like the epicentre – where it’s all happening.

Oh. I wonder why?

It seems to be the point where the Earth system connects and uploads to whatever it is that’s beyond – so there’s stuff coming in which is literally out of this world.

What kind of stuff?

Well, when you’re flying through it you’re in multiple places at the same time. It’s mind blowing –  literally.

Oh wow, sounds amazing! Look – is all this flying around making it difficult to keep your feet on the ground – at work I mean?

You’d think so, wouldn’t you? Me no – my job’s always been something I care about and enjoy, so I’m just doing it better now, with more energy, with a much bigger sense of how my work ties into everything else.

And the others?

Tyler quit immediately. He’d been working just for money. It completely didn’t make sense any more in the light of what he’d experienced.

Jody?

Yeah – well, she wasn’t working – but she’s like starting doing this amazing art. God, you’ve gotta see it. I think it’s gonna be really successful.

And you, Mike?

I’m finding my clients are experiencing things they never did before.

You give massages.

Yeah. Like – my hands now are flying over their bodies, and through them too – just like its data, just like its energy. It’s a completely new experience. It’s really transformed my work. Literally – I’d been getting frustrated – thinking of quitting, but now every day I’m learning new things. I can’t wait to go in.

Well guys – any advice for folks who might want to learn more?

Yeah – definitely keep your feet on the ground. This does not involve jumping off cliffs – just an energy shift which alters the relationship between your body and the world around you – gently squeezing you, lifting you, taking you through different Is’ms. So, it’s kind of passive until you’re logged in – then you can be as active as you like.

Yeah – I’d say – visit a place of power near you, or far away – these sacred sites make it easier to connect – and just know that something’s changed – the energy field we’re living in has grown denser – it’s easier now to feel – so as long as you’re comfortable allowing yourself to merge with it – to accept its gentle power – then you’ll be fine. The only people who can’t cope are the ones who need to be in control at all costs, or the ones who are hell-bent on leading inauthentic lives, you know, just for the money or power – that kind of thing.

Ok guys – so it’s nearly sunset. Are we going to give it a try?

Absolutely.

Can we film it?

Sure – but I’m not sure the equipment will be able to handle the energies.

Oh, why not?

Well, it’s something, you know – one guy described it as a quantum stream – whatever that is.

Yeah – Chuck Schumer. He’s pretty knowledgeable about these things. He’s like an MIT drop out.

Oh right – what does he have to say?

Well, that it’s a bit like water boiling – except it’s not a question of temperature. The ones and zeros are affected. They kind of start bubbling and become indecipherable – so any electronic equipment can’t make head or tail of what’s going on.

But people can?

Yeah – kind of – but at the time it’s more like you’re seeing internally – recording somewhere else – outside this reality – in a part of your conscious-awareness which is normally off limits. An ultra-vivid dream in which the experience is multi-layered data as much as physical sensations. A new kind of mind and perception, in all likelihood plasma based, which would seem to render obsolete the old space 'n time 3D paradigm. 

Wow. Well, we’ll leave the camera rolling and…

I’ve gotta see this man.

Dude – you don’t really imagine this is real, do you?

It’s going fuzzy – but they’re already moving, aren’t they… damn.

10010

What’s up Merry – you look depressed. [sitting by Lake listlessly]

Like you don’t know.

[Sveta has little ouch expression – at the same moment – coincidentally some minor natural disturbance occurs – rocks falling/ birds screeching – and camera follows this event back through the data – through Moscow/ New York etc – markets, people – resonating with the same ouch – back to Sveta who is now calm and serene again.]

I might know lots of things, but they’re in the background – like all this – but your story – you’re the one creating it – you’re the one writing the plot. No one can tell it but you.

[Now it’s Merry’s turn to wince – Sveta has hit a nerve. We tunnel vision into his darkness/ frustration/ insecurity/ fear – his inner world behind the face – which goes all the way back to Thim – the data mine slave planet – where humans are toiling like rats shifting rocks/ lumps of earth/ in squalor/ in rags with no hope, no chance of escape – the only consolation being that they don’t really see their squalor – a filter is applied which reveals our Earth – and this astonishing capacity to hope – against all odds – inspite of Thim – slave server]

They don’t know that they’re trapped, do they? They can’t see it. They imagine there’s hope. How could something so utterly twisted have been created – willingly, deliberately by our forefathers? What kind of insanity could do that?

The same insanity that’s at work today in the world perpetuating the experiment.

But now they have no choice. They did back then.

And this is what’s upsetting you?

G… I…

Or…

Yes, that as well. 
[Their minds are dancing like fish or energies deep in the water of Baikal – we see it – Merry and Sveta’s thoughts weaving through each other]

At least I thought that death was an end. That things only went so far. But the data doesn’t show that, does it?

No.

This… experiment goes beyond death. We go through a kind of psychic r & r before being squeezed back into another tube of punishment and pain.

That’s right. You’ve seen it for what it is – hell on Earth – but have you seen the whole truth, or just the dark side of things?

Oh – there are moments of love, moments of joy, moments of beauty and delight – I see them here and here… [shots of happy faces, beauty, creativity, dance]

Only moments?

There are lives – if we scan the data of their lives – some stand out – some shine – this one for example – look at this – who was he – just a simple ferryman – but he manages to slip through the net, out of Thim. 

And how – how was that possible?

I can’t make it out.

Yes you can. Come into his life. Feel it. Feel him…

This is the ferryman in Siddartha – he is utterly at peace with the river, the people he meets and himself – with his life and death – so that when he eventually dies – Thim becomes illusionary to his essence, his light – he does not fight it; it simply ceases to encapsulate him or describe his boundaries – for he has none.

He has no boundaries. He has transcended them. He has become more than a human.

On the contrary, he has stopped fighting to be something, stopped doing the thing everyone else is doing, and discovers that his humanity is the ultimate expression of all he can know, all he can be. He embraces it. He embraces it totally, unconditionally – feeling the goodness, the beauty, the magic, the wisdom, the truth of being nothing more, nothing less than himself – simply being human, for what it’s worth, desiring, expecting nothing more or less.

And that’s the trick?

Trick? There is no trick

But that’s how he escapes?

Escapes from what?

From Thim – from all this – the Lucifer experiment – the degradation, the pain, the prison we’re in…

You call this a prison?

er

Are you blind?

Blind – I was blind. I used to believe we could make a difference – achieve something meaningful – but Nayaz – he was one man in a million, a saint. We can’t all be saints you know. It isn’t real.

Who said anything about being saints. We’re talking about simply… here look.

[Sveta spins around – as if looking for inspiration. A butterfly/ a sun ray/ a breath of wind on the tree tops – anything. She comes into herself – out of her thinking mind. She responds to his mood, his pain – matching it – feeling it, touching him through the water, the air, the earth, the fire, touching him so lightly – with her small finger – through the data stream – just so there’s the barest contact, the barest connection]

Thinking/ saying quietly – nothing else matters – honouring your feeling/mood/thought space – accepting/ trusting that where you are now is the ultimate expression of life and Thim, of zero and one, breathing it – slowly, deeply, sensuously, feeling it with my body – weaving, working it, writing, contorting, my heart in pain and loathing and passion and love, in despair and hope – not trying to escape, not trying to break out – willing to die with you here in this moment, this prison, this space, willing to accept what is, unconditionally – knowing that there is data beyond data – Is’m beyond Thim – that here in movement, in prayer, in dance [as she dances more and more] there is a path to discovery, a path to knowledge, a path to atomic acceptance/ cellular awareness – an awakening to what was closed, concealed by the walls our mind alone cannot penetrate – coming to Her – full of my fear, full of my anger, my pain, but full of the music, the poetry, the movement my soul cannot contain, allowing Her to feel it, to see it without fear or shame – for what have i to lose – I cannot escape – I am as good as dead, and yet she is willing to hear me, see me, observe in me what i cannot possibly see – the beauty beyond words, the magic, the transcendency – at this point the dance literally explodes – kind of death/ orgasm/ Sveta hits critical mass/ speed and the atoms in her boil over – we catch a glimpse of vast space beyond the veil. Merry comes out of it as he sees someone walking along the shore towards him – déjà vu – it’s Sveta as just previously.

Hi Merry – how’s it going?

Uh? Good, I guess. I was… what was I doing?

Working on the plot I expect.

Oh yeah.

next episode

Baikal.is /episode 6

previous episode

1101

News.

Mysterious disappearance of Merry Davidson – thought to be on one of the planes which crashed yesterday near Irkutsk – wanted for questioning by SEC in connection with massive market manipulation thought to have triggered yesterday’s wild gyrations – flash crash, then sudden recovery. Market confidence shaken. High frequency traders blamed. Massive sell orders which never in fact materialised. Unclear how the orders were placed – suspected new hacking weapon known as “inference”

Cut to IT expert – So Professor Bates – what do we know about this alleged “inference” hack?

Well – it’s believed that this uses a quantum entanglement device to create what look like authentic data commands without anything actually being executed. It’s like our computer system infers a one or zero has been logged simply because of the surges affecting the otherwise stable quantum field.

But what exactly are you getting at Professor?

Look – the quantum field, if it exists – is supposed to be fairly constant – a bunch of superpositions which can and do resolve into either a particle or wave – a one or zero – once an event is triggered by observation – but here – the event never takes place – it should be impossible – because it would require the entire quantum field to move together in lockstep – as if one person were able to control it – but that’s what seems to be behind “inference”. Someone of something induces a non-event event which is then taken to be something real.

A one or a zero.

Precisely. Which can equate to a buy or sell order.

But yesterday’s attack must have been massive. Could one person or even group have really carried it out, and if so, what does that say about the future of our existing financial market systems?

It would be bleak, truly bleak. It shouldn’t be possible. It would violate a whole set of laws concerning conservation of energy and matter – and yet there are signs that the hitherto stable operating field of binary/ digital data has been compromised. We’re therefore at pains to get hold of Merry Davidson – to talk with him. He’s the writer of a blog which has dealt with quantum induction and inference at length. Up until now scientists dismissed it as wild speculation, but our team at MIT suspect there’s more to it.

It sounds like you’re late. Sadly his plane is thought to have gone down.

Yes, that would certainly provide the perfect alibi – particularly if he’s working with the Russians to destabilise the American financial markets.

Utter garbage – whatever will they come up with next. It was just a bunch of corrupt Wall street high frequency traders – most likely Jt Morgan or Goldman Zachs – looking to do what they always do – profit from other people’s losses.

I don’t know, Psi. There are data forensic teams who can figure out who was behind a flash crash. It would just be too risky for the big boys to play at this. Much more likely it was a cock up – an AI bot out of control wreaking havoc. We’ll see who the FED has to suddenly step in and bail out to save the system.

Next item – unusual sightings of large massings of butterflies and other creatures. It wasn’t just the financial markets which were roiled yesterday. We have a number of astonishing images just in of huge inexplicable columns of butterflies, bees, starlings and locusts – at a time of year when they should already be dispersed and busy gathering food. What’s your take on this Jerry?

Well, obviously the Russian hacker must have figured out how to get the bugs to dance. There’s no end to what those crafty Russians are able to engineer using their computers – is there? A digital Pied Pipervich. But joking aside, take a look at these astonishing images. This is a once in a lifetime occurrence. Our end-timers are having a field day, and who can blame them.

1110

You mean to say they only see the field as immovable things?

Yes.

But how?

How what?

How can they fail to see, or to feel the inter-union?

Well, that’s their greatest tragedy, yet also, their greatest achievement.

How do you mean?

They entered into the Borg. They were individually-collectively determined to create a reality which flowed backwards.

Backwards?

Precisely. From beauty, connectedness, meaning, and life itself – into an artificial realm – a virtualisation.

A virtual reality?

Precisely.

But why?

Why not? It was the crowning achievement of their attempt to explore the farthest limits of what they called art and science.

How do you mean?

Quite literally – Earth was two things – it was a work of art – in which they attempted to synthesise a new beauty which was not of creation itself – what you might call beauty in death – or else entropic beauty – this starts to materialise as soon as we reach critical mass on Earth – as soon as they launch the urban consciousness known as “modern”. It’s also seen in the other pincer which is science.

Science as in knowledge.

Yes, ironically, no less.

So what is their science attempting to reveal?

Like their art – it is predicated on things being not connected fundamentally – on their being no inter-union, no fundamental oneness.

That’s what I don’t get – how are they able to pull it off? How are they able to override what their consciousness cannot help but see, know and feel directly, immediately.

There’s the rub. With the Lucifer experiment they agreed to quarantine their consciousness.

What?

Well, how else were they going to take their art and science to the next level.

You mean they put their consciousness into Thim?

Yes – into a kind of blind trust fund. The ultimate investment. It was either do or die as far as they were concerned. They experience it as what they refer to as “the fall of man” little suspecting that they themselves initiated the experiment.

So they literally have no access to their own consciousness?

Only to the extent they can make or discover things which conform with Thim, or whatever Thim, their borg, their AI is able to binarise.

My God. Everything they have – everything they’re doing has to come through a splitter, an either-or channel. Nothing can be experienced as is, directly. Small wonder they’re forever killing one another. An endless battle to catch up with a stream of polarised opposing interpretations, opposing idifications of Is.

Precisely. Hell hath no fury like Thim's. But you overlook one factor which they themselves are aware of, which was unintended at the outset but which has kept them alive thus far.

You mean 1ove?

Precisely.

How does it get through Thim’s split channel?

It doesn’t.

Then what?

It permeates all and everything. It is present throughout. It’s known – a given – but only strong enough to keep them alive – not enough to enable them to break out, to reunite with their quarantined consciousness.

Is their nothing we can do?

Do?

Yes. Surely we can do something to help?

Don’t you see Tharn – it was precisely doing that got them into this state. Doing is not going to get them out.

Then what?

A miracle – nothing less.

Then what are we waiting for. Miracles are easy to summon forth.

For you and me, yes, but the walls of Thim are like the exoskeleton of the death beetle. Bear in mind that the Lucifer experiment involved a crime – a violation of natural order, natural law – and so unless they are willing to face and experience the totality of that violation – they are bound by an awareness of something terrible – a deep, deep seated fear, and a sense of shame and horror – which make it almost impossible to climb back out of the well they have dug themselves into.

Oh. But if 1ove is there within – then there is hope. Perhaps their science will learn something that will assist them.

On the contrary. Their science will only take them deeper and further from fundamental unity. Their universe will appear to grow bigger and bigger, their atomic particles ever smaller and smaller, the laws of nature ever weirder and less comprehensible until they end up destroying themselves, their planet in an attempt to escape Thim’s pincer hold over them.

But what if one of us went across, if that’s possible – to join them?

It has been tried – many have gone and left their mark, or utterly failed in the attempt – but none has, none can succeed.

But it makes no sense.

What makes no sense?

The inter-union, the oneness cannot ultimately be destroyed.

True.

So instead of trying to free them by collapsing or shutting down Thim…

Yes?

Surely we need to embrace it, instead.

Embrace what is a satanic experiment?!

No, embrace the unity and the one that is still present throughout. If they are lost to us then we have lost part of ourselves, part of ourself. They have created what amounts to an organic machine – a zero to our one. If we truly yearn for the fullness, the totality of inter-union – and they – no less, then we cannot fail to transcend, to cross the untraversible divide between us. It is time for us to stop looking at them as arrogant, overweening egoists – time to see the beauty and power of their sacrifice – of their journey into the unknowable unknown – into the seemingly barren wastes of unconsciousness – not to rescue them as such – but to engage the energy, the data, the beauty in pain and loss which they have been evincing, and the poetry no less that they elicit.

And you would take it upon yourself to do this – to go into the hell they have created?

Yes, for it is only hell as long as we see the division as final. 

?

As soon as we see the alternative – that this is a forking which still preserves a deeper unity – beneath the horror, the trauma, the insanity – then 1ove reveals…

things matter not.

Precisely.

that Thim is an incubator – not a prison.

Indeed.

And now the process is complete – the data has matured – the caterpillar is ready to pupate.

Is it not?

If you love it thus. If you are truly ready to accept as worthy and whole what until now we considered an outrage, an abomination...

I am –

to trinitise – to neither nor yourself – to slip through the impermeable boundaries of space and time they have set up – as her

as her

the lady of the lake

who rises out of the water, bearing the awareness of all – both here and there.

who seeks her mate – to reunite the broken many threads

in one supreme quantum event –

tis a consummation devoutly to be wished – to die, to sleep no more

and by a sleep to say we end the heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to...

Go forth into the tale you alone can divine, you alone can dream awake, you alone can Is'm. Go forth, hitherto Tharn, now Baikal – lady of the lake – the bottomless crystal depths where the consciousness of man flows freely, where you can meet, experience and impregnate with the sum, the totality of what man, locked in Thim, has experienced these millennia past, if 1ove has the power, if 1ove transcends, if indeed the Lucifer experiment, as you believe, is ripe for harvesting, is ready to pupate...

1111

Weird science is getting weirder folks. Reports are coming in of anomalous goings on in the vicinity of so called quantum computers. Our reporter – Ken Smollet is in 10x, where one of the foremost quantum computing labs is situated ~ So Ken – tell us what you’re hearing.

Yes Gabby – this is hard to believe but within a seven mile radius of this research centre there have been an alarming number of reports about things inexplicably shifting – disappearing, reappearing, or being altered in some way. At first this was dismissed by the lab as scare mongering by internet trolls, but then a site appeared which attempted to document and verify as many as possible – and it appears there’s truth behind the rumours.

So what kind of things are we talking about.

Well – here’s Jan Pheely….

Let’s skip that – it gets interesting at the seven minute mark.

Ok

Darren Chilton – his story takes this one step further. On January 17^th, as always, he went to bed at about 11 pm here in Oakland, but to his utter astonishment – he woke up the next morning in Cleveland at the house of a cousin he hasn’t seen in years. That took some explaining – I bet.

But surely we can’t take this seriously?

Well, no, of course we can’t. It defies all the laws of physics, and yet Darren’s not the kind of guy to take teleportation lying down.

No?

No. He set up the popular Nightport youtube channel to share his story and find out if anyone else has had similiar experiences, and the answer to his astonishment was “yes”. There are literally hundreds of documented cases of night-portation, as they’re referring to this phenomenon.

Well, I don’t know Ken – I’m finding this hard to believe.

Me too – which is why I looked through the data – including information from mobile phone logs and gps tracking which appear to corroborate the stories.

Well, I’m kind of dumbfounded. How long has this been going on for?

That’s the thing Gabby – it all started relatively recently – around the time when these quantum computers first started coming on line, in the last two years, three at a stretch.

Well, this is going to make for some interesting court cases if anyone decides to try litigating.

You bet. Actually, there’s already a group which is preparing a class action suit against the lab here in Cleveland which should be filed later this month.

next episode

Bistromaths for random idiots

Why not “cat”?

Sorry?

Why not “cat”? It’s meant to be Schrodinger’s cat, isn’t it?

Is it?

Well that’s what Schrodinger’s famous for.

Oh.

Oh? Is that all you can say?

Er…

Look Merry – when it was a cat…

When what was a cat?

The experiment.

What about Slartibartfast’s Bistromathic drive?

Er…

Using apparently randomly generated numbers…

I’m not sure I see the connection.

When you factor infinity into the equation you should.

Could you er…

Give you a pointer?

That kind of thing, if it’s not a problem.

No problem at all.

[four minutes fifty four seconds later…] Well?

Well what?

The pointer.

La, supposing you and all of us are actually plugged into infinity, or reverse that – supposing infinity actually postulates you and the rest of us in order to try out various possibilities which require a little character, backbone or spleen to get a particular result…

Supposing…

How’s that for a pointer?

More of a cursor than a pointer. Why would infinity have to go to all the trouble of creating characters with backbone and spleen to get a particular result, and what’s that got to do with randomly generated numbers in a starship café?

Questions indicative of a mind hungry to learn… or fighting to ward off the hypodermic needle of truth serum.

Give me a break – there’s about as much truth in your garbled pseudo-science as there is nutrition in my unwashed tiger stripe socks.

Delicio! Well, here in the 3D think-y-ness we’re obliged to puff and posture preposterously – in order to slip past the infinity filters – otherwise we’d be shadow banned or closed down completely – this is a highly fragile platform which can only tolerate oblique references to Is – so we commend your deliberately obtuse obstinacy.

Actually, I was being sincere. It's a load of bunkum. 

Even better – the all-seeing eye will start to dose off if you carry on in this vein.

But really – it’s utter nonsense.

Excellent. It’s practically lost interest and is now dreaming of strawberry milkshakes and however-many blackbirds baked in a cake.

Four and twenty.

Precisely. You see?

Er…

When all is known – no thing can be randomly generated. Your greatest, most highly valued commodity becomes randomness which, of course, is never truly random, yet can seem to be surprisingly so.

Er…

Just imagine what it takes to surprise infinity – in which any thing and every thing is possible, given, and basically already accounted for.

Sounds impossible to me.

As indeed it should be were it not for one teeny-weeny thing that we humans have introduced to the coffee pot.

Which is?

Not too sure I can remember.

What do you mean – can’t remember? Of course you can.

Huh?

Pull yourself together Merry. What’s the ingredient we’ve added to the coffee pot? 

What coffee pot?

The one you were talking about.

Er… I seem to have lost the thread.

Oh God. Now what am I going to do?

Do? You could make us a cup of coffee.

A cup of coffee. How?

Switch on the coffee machine.

Where? I only see words and random numbers flying around everywhere. This place is a witch’s cauldron of half-baked...

ubbles

Ubbles?

Bubbles, if fully baked – frothing, foaming, briny surf at the event horizon where infinity bisects 3D reality, raising the sour dough of reality.

?

Well, grab an ubble and see if you can extract some coffee from the ubbly-ness.

How?

Try inserting some random numbers or words into it, i don't know. That at least would serve as payment in kind, would it not?

I can’t imagine why.

Excellent. That’s just the spirit. So without imagining why – give it your best shot and let’s see what happens, otherwise we'll never make it back. 

I…

Yes?

I can’t.

You can’t what?

Think of any random numbers.

Oh bugger.

My mind’s gone blank.

What about words?

Blank.

Shit. We’re in trouble now.

What do you mean?

Well, it’s Slartibartfast’s Bistromathic drive isn’t it – or something close enough.

Er…

We’re navigating infinity relying on your ability to generate utter nonsense – the crowning achievement of humanity.

Huh?

What else do you think people were designed for?

To grow and develop rationally. 

Correct. To nurture the priceless idiot within, until he or she finally collapses the bubble of cognitive dissonance we labour within, thereby revealing, or blowing a single point of certainty, an unequivocal, indisputable referential "oh" in a vast ocean of essentially meaningless relativism. Bingo – Schrodinger's cat purrs contentedly, regardless of whether it's alive or dead, in the inertial-frame referred to somewhat disingenuously as 3D er... "reality".

But...

Yes?

To what end?

Huh? perhaps to rescue infinity from the crippling gravity of knowing too much, with a quixotic form of humour known as "joke", intrinsic to humanity. 

But how, if infinity comprises every possible known and unknown?

That Zie, is one of the great mysteries that inter-galactic, trans-dimensional philosophers, priests, scientists and con-artists have been trying and utterly failed to comprehend – assuming, as they did, that humans are ugly, obnoxious, somewhat offensive creatures, capable of love and kindness but generally prone to mindless states of apathy or zombilescence. "The weakest link" is how we’re described in the Atomic guide to organisms, and yet…

Yes?

Nothing.

Nothing what?

Pure nothing.

Huh? I…

don’t get it, do you?

Not really, no.

You see – humanity, it appears, straddles a little black hole in conscious-ness, a ickle tickly gap – from whence emergeth vapoury ubbles in rich profusion…

And?

And for whatever reason – humanity somehow converts those half-baked ubble into fully fledged b-waves.

B-waves?

no – small "b" waves

Ok then, b-waves – what the heck are they supposed to be?

which in 3D space time, to the casual observer would be perceived as something like soap bubbles floating in the air comprising, believe it or not, a unique blend of e-motions – be that laughter, sorrow or... [fading into filtery haze]

? i…

You see – the filters keep you immune from seeing the vast significance of this – otherwise, Schrodinger’s cat would long since have replicated itself into multiple versions of Isness, and the Bistromath starship would… [   ] 

?”D’sw0%3

Exactly. The entire Earth, as you well know – but fortunately, your mind keeps everything neatly in thing-slots which are safely separated and configured to avoid disrupting the flow of ubbly ness.

Ubbly what?

Which you, unthinkingly, unknowingly convert into the grand 3D experience of starship Earth, thus generating the 3D reality field of space-time, little suspecting that you contain the entire field and every variable within your human hardware, the unmentionable, inconceivable joke.

God Merry – you’re making me ill.

Mission accomplished. We’re back on track. Your ?”D’sw0%3 repositioned us beautifully.

So I’m some kind of performing monkey, am I?

Or milk cow

Brilliant.

Until you decide you’ve made enough cups of coffee – you’re ready to Is.

?

As opposed to the “need more data” default ness, that helps drive your journey into apparent random-ity.

SӣKMV349dkzz=#1

Perfect. And not a moment too soon, if you ask me. And so, without further ado, allow me to present you with your very own Atomic guide to organisms, and let us proceed to the very first species on page xP23

The beetle?

No less.