a heath robinson contraption

 

Oh, eM, what on earth are you doing?

 

Can’t you see?

 

How did I know you’d answer my question with a question?

 

You’re a smart learner.

 

So you say, yet me thinks this is but cheap flattery on your part.

 

Hm…

 

But this thing you’re making eM…

Yes.

 

I don’t think it’s going to fly to the moon.

 

No? I wouldn’t be so sure.

 

It’s all just cardboard tubes and sticky tape.

 

Wait a minute – take a closer look Zanzi-far.

 

Er… Ok, some plastic tubing too. And some flimsy metal strips. Oh – and some gold foil – is that what it is?

 

Yep. Gold, silver, aluminium. And anything else provided by my generous sponsors. Oh, wood of course, lumber and plywood.

 

Ok. So you’re building a fancy partition – is that it?

 

Not exactly, no.

 

A spaceship?

 

That’s closer.

 

An interdimensional portal?

 

Yep. You nailed it.

 

Why eM?

 

Why what?

 

Why build an interdimensional portal if you already have g-nome portal?

 

Why reinvent the wheel, hey?

 

Precisely.

 

Only, I’m not building any old interdimensional portal, am I?

 

No?

 

I’m starting G-nome portal.

 

What?!

 

The prototype.

 

But g-nome portal has been in existence for aeons.

 

Yes.

 

Then how come you’re building it now?

 

Well, it has to be built some time or other.

 

No eM – it had to be built aeons back, otherwise it wouldn’t exist today the way it does.

 

Well yes, Zanzi-kron, that’s right, logically speaking.

 

Then how can you be building it now?

 

Time, it’s a funny thing really.

 

But – this makes no sense.

 

I know. Great, isn’t it!

 

Great? Smashing the edifice of everything documented, proven, known – and you say “great”?

 

Well, out with the old, in with the new.

 

Besides, you can’t expect me to believe that g-nome portal which services the whole of 3D reality is just a heap of DIY materials thrown together?

 

A heap? Have a little respect for my sensibilities Zanzi-fluff, won’t you? I may not be Michaelangelo, but I work to the best of my ability and consider my edifice, though somewhat unrefined, at least practical and functional.

 

But anyone who’s actually visited g-nome portal personally has seen oak panelled libraries, marbled halls, classical architecture and infinity tunnel tech – none of this DIY tack.

 

That does it, Zanzi-tar, now you’ve wounded me irreparably. But I shall soldier on and complete my project for the good of humanity, regardless.

 

Nonsense eM. You’re just playing around, as usual. Here – I’ll dial into g-nome right away and end this nonsense in next to no time.

 

Go ahead, Zanzi-bot. You might find it problematic, G-nome portal not having been built yet.

 

But it was there yesterday.

 

Yes. I know.

 

So someone blew it up? Perish the thought.

 

No. How could anyone blow up G-nome portal?

 

No idea.

 

It doesn’t exist because it hasn’t yet been founded. Today is the day when it is due to be launched – from which point it can do whatever it likes – reaching into the future or the past as it sees fit.

 

Enough. I’m out of here.

 

Zanussi dials in his passkey to g-nome portal – using his mobile phone – beep beep beep – error code 404, address cannot be located.

 

You’re kidding.

 

Huh?

 

Nothing eM – I was talking to myself.

 

Did you manage to log in?

 

You know the answer, eM; I’m still here aren’t I?

 

Yes, apparently so.

 

So how did you manage to do it?

 

Do what?

 

Block my access?

 

I already told you.

 

 Yes, but it can’t be true.

 

I know Zanzi-scan. We are all prisoners of our minds, are we not? I’ll tell you what... You can help me complete this design project, it shouldn’t take too long, and then we’ll be able to access g-nome portal, if we do a good job.

 

You want me to help you stick all your tack together?

 

Tack? Such disparaging language.

 

Well it’s neither high-tech nor elegant craftsmanship – that’s for sure.

 

Fair enough Zan-zie, but on the other hand it's an expression of impeccable intent.

 

Sigh. You’re coming on all Don Juan, are you?

 

Don Juan?

 

Like you don’t know what I’m referring to.

 

Oh that!

 

That, that. Since when were you a shill for Carlos Castaneda and his highly dubious fables?

 

A shill? I use one expression from his epic series about Don Juan, the Mexican shaman, and suddenly I’m a shill?

 

Well what do you expect? Am I supposed to believe that this heap of junk is a shamanic expression of “impeccable intent”?

 

 The proof...

 

is in the pudding? Give me a break eM. Talk about flogging a dead horse! How often are you going to keep repeating that lame aphorism?

 

As long as it takes. Besides, what’s there not to like about it? Take nothing on trust. Don’t believe a word I say. Test. Verify and base your conclusions on empirical evidence.

 

Ok eM. I’ll cut you some slack. If g-nome portal is accessible once this pile of junk is complete I’ll have to suspend my disbelief and trust your explanation until a better one comes my way. Besides, there'll be validation in the g-nome portal log, won’t there?

 

Yep. It’ll have coordinates giving our IP address and other meta data.

 

Unless you’re able to hack and edit the log.

 

Zanzi-man, how likely is that? I mean, I’m flattered, don’t get me wrong, but we’re talking an interdimensional portal connecting Earth with everything existing outside the 3D plain. And I can just hack the log? Pull the other one!

 

Ok, ok, fair enough.

 

We’re talking about the greater All that is – the cosmic tree, so to speak, upon which all the plains or dimensions grow as branches might.

 

I said I accept your point, ok?

 

Because there really are limits to technical finesse, Zanzi-bar. It’s not just code on a screen.

 

Sigh!

 

There are...

 

Fundamentals... Not to labour the point unnecessarily. What do you need from me – an apology? I can’t see what’s so strange about me finding your claims mighty hard to swallow. One minute you’re creating g-nome portal with a heap of DIY thrupenny hardware, and the next minute you’re telling me you couldn’t possibly hack the log.

 

Ah, Zanzi-man, I never said anything of the sort, did i? Kindly review my words... I cited "impeccable intent" as the basis for my seemingly miraculous construction skills. You got all mutinous, objecting to this Don Juanism, did you not?

 

Yes, because it’s the first time you’ve ever claimed to be a practitioner of impeccable intent.

 

Correct.

 

Well, in my book extraordinary claims require extraordinary proofs.

 

Yep. Could you pass me the sellotape, please.

 

The scotch?

 

That’s right. A rose by any other name... And that gold foil... Attaboy!

 

Four hour’s later... check out the time lapse video exclusively available for paid subscribers.

 

There we are Zan. That seems to be it.

 

Er... Ok. If you say so.

 

Zanzi-bar steps back and looks at the contraption, purportedly the seed model for g-nomeportal’s next iteration, looking remarkably similar to the Apollo lunar module.

 

Er... It looks like

 

Apollo’s lunar module. Yes, remarkable isn’t it?

 

And you think that thing’s going to work? With no electrics, no technology whatsoever?

 

Well, it got them to the moon, didn't it.

Coughing discretely. No comment, eM.

Besides, what’s tech got to do with impeccable intent, Zanzi-mind?

 

I always assumed, perhaps incorrectly, that there was some kind of quantum device, something affecting, holding or directing field lines or interdimensional flux at the heart of g-nome portal.

 

Yes, not at all surprising, Zan-ity-Zan. We all make these innocent assumptions, don’t we, based on how our mind works, based on how we think, based on thinking things mentally, as one does.

 

You mean my mind is in fact...

 

What are you concerned with right now, Zanussi, your mind or this rather splendid contraption?

 

Both really...

 

Because as soon as you start “whatting” or “howing” you’re no longer considering the phenomenon of impeccable intent, are you; neither how reality appears to bow to its implacable undeflectable purpose.

 

Oh.

 

You can study the what and the how of things eternally, and you’ll not be one step closer to the absolute. You’ll learn a load of interesting and perhaps useful stuff that’ll help you arrange things in this reality like pieces on a chessboard, but you’ll always be a little behind the curve, a fraction behind the music of life, the heartbeat.

 

But why?

 

Why do you think?

 

That’s what I’m asking.

 

Well if you felt the urge to ask the question, then you already have a direct connection with the answer.

 

I do?

 

Absolutely. The question and answer are always two poles of a single magnet, if you’re willing to breathe in and stop whatting and howing long enough to feel or see, to hear the simple truth blowing gently through the treetops of undigitised conscious-awareness.

 

Blah blah blah!

 

There you go – the voice of anger which is a disconnecter as good as any other. In your place of personal power and connectedness neither anger nor fear nor any other emotion can disconnect you from your ability to see and know, for in your place of personal power and connectedness you are aware that no one, or no thing, can prevent you from being complete. Not that there’s anything wrong with choosing to be incomplete... It might be all part of your plan to acquire experience, negative feedback or pain in this state of things, which promises the Earth but never quite delivers.

 

Ah, so merely whatting and howing ensures we’re no longer direct players, that we’re engaging digitally, through things, and things are distractions. Is that what you're saying?

 

Yes, more or less.

 

I wonder why.

 

Me too Zen-zan. Thus wags the mind. Fascinating, isn’t it?

 

But really eM, the mind boggles.

 

I agree. Observe and breathe a boggling mind and what do you get?

 

A headache?

 

On the contrary, you get an insight into how the mind interfaces, and seeks to control your attention.

 

Ah.

 

Keeping your attention in the thingy slot, the thingy groove: the mind works things for all they’re worth, keeping you harnessed to the thing that is attempting to manifest, to become conscious and live through you – what you might call AI, or AM.

AM?

Artificial me-ity.

 

Ah.

 

Complicated circuits, forces, systems, money, governments – all designed to manifest, advance, support and sustain the artificial me-ity living a life of its own as long as you are yoked mentally and physically.

 

But how is your implacable intent any different?

 

How indeed!

 

That’s a question.

 

No, it’s a direct statement of fact – how indeed!

 

You mean...

 

How indeed!

 

Third time lucky the penny droppeth. ZanZi-ME feels himself falling, flowing, being wound back to a point that doesn’t matter here in the 3D scheme of things, back to a point where how and why are free to bounce around, or flap up and down as the need arises, but which do not over-extend, do not take control of the whole, do not interfere with something else between them, a rather splendid body of awareness, a sense of presence and being and knowing-ness – in short, back to our tale...

 

Ah, there you are Zanity.

 

Wow, that was a struggle eM. I thought I’d never get out of the vice-like clutches of 3deity.

 

Faith, old chap, a little faith.

 

Easy for you to say safely detached in your slip stream.

 

Indeed. But no less true for being easy. In any case, we couldn’t have set up this spanking new model of g-nomeportal if you hadn’t been up to your eyeballs in density.

 

No?

 

Take a look. Scan it now with your how and why bobbles.

 

Zanity’s how and why bobbles start bobbling up and down, back and forth furiously, without the fury, of course, emitting ewok ohs and ahs, R2D2 whistles and beeps, and a faint effervescent background hum. In short, rather beautiful energies seem to be at work as Zanzi-bob scans the new contraption, feeling its isness from the 0=1 perspective.

 

Oh my.

 

Yep.

 

Oh my.

 

Uh huh!

 

Oh my!

 

You see.

 

So the fact that I allowed myself to become almost completely enmeshed in 3deity

 

Along with the rest of humanity...

 

Yes, that fact enabled us to put together a new version of g-nomeportal that incorporates everything that we have excluded, blocked, distorted and desecrated in 3deity.

 

Yep.

 

It’s...

 

Zanzi-may appears to be tearing up, but instead of tears his eyes are filling with a dense form of light, a plasma, which starts to flow forth and dissolve in the air before his face, releasing a sweet fragrance like incense. A wave passes through him, almost a shudder, but sweeter by far and Zanzi-me is no longer attached to the ground, in an egglike bubble of shimmering energies.

 

It was worth it, Zanzi-node, was it not?

 

Indeed, verily, it is...

 

So what happens next? What does our new portal do to 3deity when it’s actually set in motion.

 

You tell me.

 

Ah... how wonderful.

 

Zanzi-must sees how everything that was wrong, twisted, distorted in 3deity starts being drawn back, worked back into itself, like grist for the mill, grinding itself down, not in a destructive or dire process, but in a gentler digestive process that releases all the trapped anomalies which are now able to balance one another, now that in-finity is no longer excluded, no longer denied, now that the z axis is restored to x and y.

 

Ah... poetry in motion. And this works backwards through time?

 

As you see... forwards, backwards, linking, completing, resolving, as long as you continue to breathe the isness... of be.

 

And consciousness – is there any continuity to this reintegration, or is it just a series of dream sequences?

 

Observe, Zanity, give how and why leave to bobble inquiringly.

 

And again how and why bobble up and down, back and forth frenetically, releasing a sense, paradoxically, of calm and stillness.

 

Oh my... oh my! I had no idea.

 

No one ever does!

 

The vastness, the architectural magnificence of conscious-ness.

 

Well expressed.

 

And thus all the loose or broken threads are drawn back into themselves.

 

Indeed.

 

String theory! And nothing was ever, ultimately, broken – no thread ever, ultimately, snapped.

 

Yes.

 

And humanity is able to grow and thrive and flourish through the horrors of the 3deity which, to all intents and purposes, was a living hell.

 

Indeed.

 

So, when do we launch?

 

G-nomeportal?

 

eM, how can you be so calm when we are at the very edge of such an extraordinary epochal transformation?

 

How can I help being calm if I am the implacable intent at the heart of g-nome? Someone has to bring breath back to bear.

 

Oh.

 

Another tremor or shudder brings Zanzi-bar back down to earth with a gentle thump. Something bewildering, almost heart breaking as Zanity glimpses through eM a painted wall of in-finity.

 

Have you completed it yet?

 

Completed what? And Zanzi-tree sees himself working on the contraption, like a spider on a web along with a host of gnome-like creatures filling in the gaps, ensuring that it’s now ready to operate at every frequency conceivable, to self-construct and debug should the need arise. The scale is breathtaking. What had been a small contraption – a parody of Apollo’s so-called Lunar Module, is now ready to restore life and conscious-ness to the disconnected bits of our mind-bot simulator.

Down, down, down...

 

Oh yes, I was lost in thought, eM.

 

Are you ready to give it a try?

 

It’s hardly worth it, eM.

 

100 rubles, are you going to bet for or against it working.

 

This heap of garbage? Against, of course.

 

Ok. Then I’m for. Kindly attempt to log in once again.

 

Zanussi does so, hearing the old modem log in squeak n' beep sounds.

 

Hey, something seems to be happening. Hey, this isn’t like the old g-nome log in. It’s... what’s happening to me?

 

You can pay me later Zan. Something tells me you’re going to be busy for quite some time.

 

No... this is insane. You did a switcheroo eM. How? I...

 

0=1

indefinitely

_2,555