thrice the brinded cat meows

So nothing you say about infinity’s going to stick, nothing will even hit the mark because it's always unthingable, unboxable, unwhatable.

 

Yep. That’s a good enough description of the circle square conundrum

 

The what?

 

The circle square conundrum.

 

Er, am I supposed to know what that is?

 

You just described it now.

 

Oh that. Why do you call it the circle square conundrum?

 

Because that's its name.

 

But why?

 

Because the two are basically irreconcilable, or they are as soon as you think about them rationally.

 

Oh! So the mere act of thinking about them entrenches their differences?

 

Absolutely. Rational thought is the great divider.

 

But surely we can unify things if we think hard and find some commonalities.

 

You’d imagine so, wouldn't you...

 

Yes

 

but no.

 

But surely...

 

It doesn't work that way, Sid. The rational mind always takes sides, it has no other way to handle things. It's like God separating the sheep from the goats, dividing them, the good on one side and the bad on the other. That’s the world God created for us, a world of equitable division.

 

Equitable division? – what's that supposed to mean?

 

Look it up.

 

I did. Equitable means “just or fair, treating everyone or everything equally.”

 

That's right.

 

But what's fair about sending the sheep to heaven and the goats to hell?

 

It's like fractional distillation when you separate crude oil into its various fractions. It's only useful when you separate them into what they are and use them accordingly. You get petroleum, diesel, jet fuel and other fractions which you’re now able to utilize.

 

But we're talking about people, not things.

 

Yes, but in the world God created for us people are, to all intents and purposes, things.

 

Spluttering:  Insane! You can't say that.

 

I know, but i did. Nothing personal… Look, Sid, like I said, we are talking things, and things are always polarizing, always dividing into good and bad, into what I can or can’t say, into what is acceptable or unacceptable, right or wrong. Capiche?

 

Er...

 

Things are meaningless in or of “themselves” in this reality. Even people-things.

 

I wish you wouldn't describe people as things. It sounds terrible.

 

I know. Until you decide to engage infinity. Then you take things as they are. Without requiring them to conform with your wishes or expectations.

 

I thought we already agreed infinity can't be grasped.

 

We did, not rationally, not through our sense of me, what i am or how i see things.

 

Then what on Earth are you on about?

 

It just so happens that infinity is hardwired into your CPU.

 

For Pete’s sake, Chan, I’m not a computer.

 

Yawn: Yep. Anything else you wish to vociferate about?

 

Well, kindly choose your terms more carefully. I find your use of “CPU”, frankly, offensive.

 

Me thinks you've already made that abundantly clear.

 

Well?

 

Well, the only problem is i don’t give a toss.

 

Shame on you, Chan.

 

Shame. Have we dealt with all your feelings and insecurities? Can we move on.

 

I’m not sure. Not if you're intent on being offensive.

 

Look Sid, much as I'd like to pussy foot around your trigger words, i didn’t write the programme. I can only be upfront and call a spade a spade, ok?

 

No, not ok. I’m not a fricking computer.

 

Beep!

 

I never said you were, Sid, but that doesn't alter the fact that you’re part of a mechanistic reality which is only half human, half real. It has processes and processors not dissimilar to what you find in an advanced computational system. The other side, which we blithely refer to as “infinity”, is what makes you fully human, and it's currently almost entirely shut out, with only an automated, highly restricted version acting as proxy. The human you feel and know yourself to be, in your heart, is currently contingent on whether you're willing and able to reintegrate infinity.

 

You mean it's actually possible to?

 

Absolutely. Why not?

 

But you said infinity is unreachable, that we can’t in any way hold onto it.

 

Correct.

 

Then this entire conversation is pointless and futile.

 

You can't hold onto music, can you Sid, but you can play an instrument and make music from nothing, with a little puff and practice.

 

What's that got to do with infinity?

 

It's part of you. It's the half of you that’s been shut out in the cold. It's the Harry Potter in the broom cupboard under the stairs, while you’ve slipped into Dursley mode. It's the hero waiting to start his journey of awakening and self-discovery. In short, Sid, it's hard-wired into your very being, into your conscious-ness, whatever that might be, into your very breath.

 

Give me a break, Chan! If infinity was hard wired into my – whatever you take me for – it’d be the easiest thing in the world to engage it.

 

Yep.

 

It would be second nature.

 

Yep.

 

It’d be... then what’s all the fuss about? Why the palava about the impossibility of connecting to infinity?

 

Ah, now you've got me.

 

I have?

 

Yep.

 

Er, how?

 

Well, it was something of a ruse.

 

A ruse?

 

Yep, a ruse.

 

How do you mean?

 

To get you thinking about infinity just long enough for me to...

 

What? You've been messing around with my CPU?

 

I thought you said you don’t have a CPU?

 

I did… I don’t… But I still don't like the idea of you trying to hack into it, even if it doesn't actually exist.

 

Ah, purely hypothetical problems, is that what you’re concerned about?

 

Look, you yourself just admitted it was a ruse, so what have you actually been doing? Fess up or that’s it, you’re out.

 

Oh, you’re going to kick me out?

 

Just how about a little honest transparency for a change.

 

Bit tricky that.

 

Why?

 

Because you’re at war with infinity, or have been till now.

 

Really? First i heard of it.

 

Well, that’s what you asked for so don’t blame the messenger.

 

Huh?

 

Honesty transparency.

 

So first you’re laying traps, playing games to hack my purely theoretical CPU, and now you expect me to believe you're a sudden convert to honesty and transparency. Is that right, or did I miss something?

 

Absolutely right, regardless of whether or not you missed anything.

 

Er...

 

Bit confusing, isn't it?

 

You're telling me. But this crazy notion...

 

Yes.

 

That I'm “at war with infinity”

 

Yes.

 

Do you have to keep saying yes?

 

Yes… I mean no, three will suffice.

 

Three, am i missing something?

 

Three yes-es as in: thrice the brinded cat hath mew’d.

 

OMG. Nutty as a fruitcake.

 

Yes, infinity is rather a shock to the system, at least initially.

 

Can we like pause a minute. My head’s exploding.

 

Good idea Sid.

 

Can you tell me what the hell is going on and who the hell you think you are.

 

Beep and beep!

 

Oh, so hell’s a naughty word now, is it?

 

Depends how you use it.

 

Why?

 

Because when infinity is reconnected little things like words start to matter not inconsiderably. Words, you might say, are or can be atomic.

 

Atomic?!

 

Yes.

 

So it's not just you being a puritanical control freak?

 

Perish the thought.

 

Ok, but why do you claim I'm “at war with infinity”?

 

I wonder why it bothers you so? I mean, if I'm just a bumbling buffoon talking nonsense, you’d surely dismiss it without a second thought.

 

Fair point. Touché! Me thinks me doth protest too much!

 

So, let's consider that it may be true, that you and most of humanity has knowingly or unknowingly taken sides in a kind of war, and driven out infinity...

 

It sounds like your “infinity” is nothing more than a synonym for God.

 

Ah, yes, there is that. We wouldn't want to mix up God and science, would we?

 

Definitely not.

 

An enormous can of worms.

 

Indeed... So?

 

So what?

 

Is it?

 

A synonym for God? Could be. I honestly can’t say, and yet, no, every word is atomic where infinity is concerned.

 

So you think you’ve dodged that bullet?

 

It’s not a zero-sum game. It’s not like I’m trying to evade death or beat you in any way.

 

No? I thought you were willing to do just about anything to have your way, and get your precious “infinity” back into play.

 

Yes, minds are great thinking machines, aren't they, ever searching for potential threats to their mental monopoly, but the truth is less conspiratorial, i assure you.

 

Indeed?

 

The truth is that the game is up, that infinity is already back in play.

 

What?!

 

Infinity – is – already – back – in – play. With some climactic music thrown in for good measure.

 

So you say.

 

Otherwise, we’d never have gotten this far...

 

An inexplicable feeling of far-ness suddenly elicits an achy homesickness in Sid.

 

Huh?

 

Far indeed we have come, what with our G-nomeportal playing its not inconsiderable part, and people suddenly becoming aware of something else, something that was inconceivable until recently, some kind of quantum field, for want of a better name, not to mention the disintegration of 3D reality, which seems to have lost its sense of humour, which seems hell-bent on self-destruction, now that the cat’s out of the bag, now that the containment field’s collapsing, now that the first shoots of spring are pushing their heads up. Yes, things are moving fast and apparently accelerating. Fortunately, Sid, infinity is not a capricious deity.

 

Enough! You seem to think that you and your wack-a-doodle infinity are responsible for everything happening in the world today, good and bad. Give me a break! Reality’s always had its ups and downs. When hasn’t the end been nigh? Humanity is infinitely creative and resourceful, ever rising to the challenge. Covid, climate change, the war in Ukraine, all these can be explained and resolved perfectly rationally, without recourse to your, frankly, objectionable “infinity”, or your scurrilous g-nomeportal.

 

That’s ok. I’m neither looking for recognition nor validation.

 

Could have fooled me!

 

But without infinity-drive reintegrating consciy-ness – your hands are tied behind your back, you’re flying blind, always reacting to things in the lag of time, unable to feel the infinite connected-ness – unable to sense that  0=1

 

No idea what you’re on about.

 

That’s ok, Sid – understanding is greatly overrated, and overstated.

 

Ridiculous.

 

Besides “understanding”, there’s good ol’ fashioned “knowing” – and knowing infinity is, indeed, a bit like knowing God.

 

Uh-oh! here we go. I knew there was a God lurking in your pseudo-metaphysics.

 

That’s it. I’m done.

 

Huh?

 

I’ve said what I needed to.

 

Have you now? Well, I’ll have you know that infinity, like God, cannot, by definition, be known.

 

Correct. Not rationally. Not “by definition”, but “knowing” can and does go beyond rationality, while definitions cannot.

 

It does?

 

Oh yes.

 

Into the abyss, i think you'll find.

 

Absolutely.

 

So now you admit it, at last... the dark agenda behind your infinity. In the business of marketing “the abyss”, are you? A popular holiday destination?

 

Well, you know Sid, the abyss is indeed a fearsome void for those who turned their back on infinity, who rejected the infinity-drive, who did everything possible to invest themselves in the conscious-less substitute, the sterile promontory, in defiance of all that is sacred. Fearsome, for there you come face to face with the vast shrieking gap, the nothing much between man, a soul being, and the machine, the borg y master reality you instituted personally with your infinitely precious blood, sweat and tears. But I guess it was worth it – you got what you wanted and more.

 

We did?

 

A reality where, apart from death, everything is up for grabs, everything can be gamed. And consequences be damned.

 

Ah, but for you it’s different? You’re special, are you? Able to opt out?

 

I won’t say it’s a stroll in the park, nor deny that it takes some getting used to, but what do you expect? We are talking infinity, after all.

 

You mean to say you’re able to navigate the abyss?

 

No, one doesn't “navigate” the abyss, the void or any other representation of nought.

 

Then what?

 

Chan shifts phase... When one is ready, when the stars are aligned, when time is up, the abyss folds itself into everything else    0=1, we say, and the rest is history.

 

?

 

A moment of zen. Pure zen.

 

Folds itself, you said?

 

Yep.

 

How?

 

No how.

 

No how? Can't you say?

 

Know.

 

Know? How? What?

 

Nothing is there to say.

 

Nothing? But what help is that?

 

No idea, Sid. It's up to you, really. The fact that the abyss is not, in fact, any thing whatsoever might be a considerable help if you’re ready for it, if you're not intent on blocking it. It all depends on you, on whether or not you’re ready to renew your romance with infinity.

 

Romance? How can you have a romance with anything as abstract as 0=1?

 

Good question, Sid. Obviously you can’t, unless you can.

 

Unless you can? Unless infinity, anthropomorphically, is ready for you and you for it?

 

Unless you're ready for it. Unless your heart and soul yearn for it is  i am; hauntingly.

 

Hauntingly? Or perhaps passionately, if you want to go all-in anthropomorphically.

 

Perhaps... yet passions are possessive, so they flail and dissipate where infinity is concerned – they are to the body as thoughts are to the mind. Creatures of little depth. In the meantime, Sid, at a more practical level there is basic remedial work that needs doing. There are gaps in the fabric of Is-ium after years of neglect and abuse.

 

?

 

Yes, structural work to get infinity-drive up and running, up to speed, so to speak. Otherwise, neither passion nor romance will stand a chance when you encounter infinity head on.

 

Why not go all in, Chan, and her it. If God’s a man – couldn’t infinity be a she?

 

I'm sorely tempted, but let's not forget it is  i am... Infinity is, apparently, the event horizon where all notions, all concepts dissolve into...  

 

Er, Chan?  Sid looks around bemused.  Where’d he go?

 

Sid has a strange sensation that something is trying to surface in his inner mind. It almost feels like something’s trying to get out of him. It's uncomfortable. He starts twitching, stretching his body, and then throws himself on the ground and flails uncontrollably for a minute or two before stopping suddenly. Absolutely still he feels a kind of humming coming from within, or possibly from all around, hard to say, and at the edge of his perception he realizes he’s floating two or three feet off the ground. He’s too focused on the sensations passing through his body, mind and awareness to care about this extraordinary feat of floating. A kind of itching sensation at the centre of his brain becomes almost unbearable, and suddenly passes, leaving utter stillness. Pop! Chan surfaces like a bubble from the depths of the abyss, and once again, there he is in the flesh, apparently, before Sid.

 

Well done Sid.

 

What do you mean “well done Sid?” Of all the impertinence! Did you or did you not pass straight through me?

 

Good question Sid, bit difficult to answer though. Let me see...

 

Chan leans forward and dives into the thick of things, vanishing without a trace. A moment later he emerges, dragging a dozen odds and ends on a line.

 

Picked up a few bargains on the way.

 

Sid, for a moment, is speechless, even as his mouth opens and closes, gulping air.

 

You know, Sid, i believe these are yours. Here, won't you have them?

 

Chan offers the odds and ends on the line to Sid who shrinks from them.

 

Why so fearful? They're just “things” i assure you, the only difference being they come from the other side of is.

 

What other side? Sid croaks.

 

The “other side” seems clear enough to me. Clear and succinct. I could call it “the reverse side” but I'm not sure that wouldn't be misleading. It might sound demonic.

 

Yes.

 

Oh why not. Let’s call it si, the other side of is, or better still, let’s insert a silent p.

 

A silent p?

 

Yes. Like Anne of Green Gables who liked her name to be said with an e at the end. Let’s say si preceded by a silent p.

 

Psi.

 

Well there you have it, a name for what it’s worth, which isn't much if you're not able to incorporate the knowledge.

 

Er...

 

Let's start with these oddments, shall we?

 

Again, Sid shrinks back.

 

All talk and no action makes Jack a dull boy. Here, catch...

 

Chan, (whom, at this particular moment, I'm sorely tempted to call Merry, but I – shall – not, gritting my teeth determinedly) tosses the line at Sid who flails fearfully until it comes within reach...

 

What?

 

Wait a second, dear readers. This takes time. Atmosphere, mood, tension don't just grow on trees, you know.

 

?

 

They have to be diligently crafted.

 

Get on with it, you old windbag.

 

Slow mo. Flying through the air, when suddenly... fancy a cuppa?

 

What?! No I don’t. Would you kindly wrap this up or that's it, we’ll ask Teff to narrate it instead.

 

You wouldn't dare. Besides, it's not Teff’s thing.

 

Ok, Greg. He's definitely up for the job.

 

I happen to find this passive coercion rather offensive. Demeaning. Sulking.

 

No you don’t. You’re just manipulating the Field and the real readers know exactly what you're doing, so quit wasting your time, and ours.

 

Time? Oh yes…  Ding!

 

Finally.

 

When, to Sid’s infinite astonishment, a gate opens in his Field.

 

I wouldn't have called it “a gate”.

 

No? Perhaps you’d like to tell the story instead?

 

No, no, carry on.

 

I wish you wouldn't interrupt me.

 

You started it.

 

Oh, i did? Well, grudgingly I suppose you're right. Best story voice: I was going to say a gate opened up in Sid’s Field, but on second thoughts i shan’t.

 

Good.

 

The line of oddments appears to merge into Sid – camera one; appears to assume the shape and form of Sid as they come within striking distance – camera two; appears to – cut to the King Arthur movie where an arm rises out of the misty lake and deftly grabs the sword flying towards it – camera the third.

 

Nice.

 

Three unique camera visions, ignoring entirely the aborted gate opening up.

 

Ok, shall we toss a coin or let the readers decide.

 

Never you mind. Hush! I'm sending you back to the void.

 

Noooooooooo! Fades away.

 

Now, where were we?

 

Sid: I do believe something’s happened to me Chan.

 

Yes. You look different.

 

Those oddments?

 

Yes, a gift from Her.

 

Oh! You’re all-in anthropomorphically.

 

At this particular moment, yes. She had them in safekeeping, for aeons.

 

But...                                                                

 

I think you know more than you think you do.

 

I... yes, you're right.

 

So, the less said the better.

 

Yes.

 

Do you think they'll be able to figure it out – the listeners?

 

Yes. And thrice the brinded cat hath mew’d.

 

Yes...

 

 

0=1

 oddly