This site can’t be reached: ERR_CONNECTION_RESET

 

Honestly Zie, I’m fed up to the back teeth of your…

 

              Signal cutting out.

 

Guys – I don’t know how to put this to avoid disappointing you horribly – but we appear to have lost signal.

Lost signal? What’s the big deal Reggie – we’re always losing signal, aren’t we?

That’s just the thing, Theo, this time it’s like g-nomeportal never existed.

How do you mean?

Yeah, speak up man, what’s all this about?

Bloody ridiculous – we’ll be back up again in no time, I warrant.

Just doing my best to keep you informed. Kindly refrain from shooting the messenger.

No one’s shooting the messenger Reggie, but you’d better redirect your efforts from dire predictions of website termination to getting the connection back up and running instead. What the hell do we pay you guys those seven digits of fiat per annum if you can’t keep the link stable.

I appreciate your frustration Ethelrood, believe me, and I assure you all the funds your association provides are accounted for to the last penny, but this appears to have nothing to do with maintaining a space-time swivel connection to the bionet – which in itself is no mean feat, as you well know.

Then what, in God’s name, is the issue?

You appear to have hit the proverbial nail on the head.

Beg your pardon?

God’s name.

Oh, for crying out loud Reggie, could you kindly save your theology for another, less erudite audience.

Theology? No, Ethelwulf, you are mistaken.

Mistaken, how the blazes can I be mistaken Chevrolet?

God’s name is the technical issue – which actually defines the nature of the problem we’ve run into.

?! You’ve lost me Teverg.

Believe me Ethelgruf – I’m completely aware of the fact that this is bound to make little or no sense whatsoever, even to the erudite association of the space-time bionauts – I myself am feeling stretched, pinched and trifurcated to the limits of endurance, I assure you, but let us agree to hold our calm at all costs – to trust that no matter what – we can remain true to our sworn pledge – to preserve g-nomeportal for all humanity – as our quantum gateway to manageable, knowable, is-able infinity.

Hear hear, well said Reggieglun.

Indeed. Reggibreg, you have our pledge, even though it take us into 13, 14, nay 17 digits of fiat funding.

 

Er… Merry – these sites seeming to be dropping like flies. What the heck’s going on?

3D Zie.

 

Huh?

 

3D is apparently going down.

 

Beg your pardon.

 

No need, you heard perfectly well what I’m saying. There’s no need for me to repeat myself, and in any case, I don’t have time.

 

Give me a break – you’re always telling me to avoid being dramatic – to take it easy – calm it down. What’s got into you?

 

Nothing.

 

Nothing? As in…

 

Precisely – as in nothing whatsoever. It’s on the rampage.

 

Yikes.

 

But stay calm Zie.

 

Stay calm? Nothing could literally…

 

Well, yes, which is why your reality’s looking a bit long in the tooth, isn’t it. We’re running into reversal precognitions.

 

Er… not sure I er…

 

Any time anything big, I mean really big, is about to happen to the Field, or is already in the process of happening, everyone starts precognitioning the flipside of the current iteration. It’s a kind of wave that passes straight though our consciousness – which is hardly surprising if you think about it.

 

Huh? Not sure my thinking’s quite er… reaching that mark.

 

Because our consciousness is the opposite of space-time, isn’t it – the unity in which the quantum Field of all that is, plus Nought…

 

As in “all that is not”?

 

Yep, is able to experience things with some degree of awareness – to the extent that there’s an observer element at play, isn’t there.

 

Oh God, Merry – you know this is going right over my head, don’t you. What’s the point – I ask you? in subjecting me to this kind of technification of Is. Can’t I just take it on trust, nod my head sagely and say “absolutely – zero equals one and never the twain shall meet” kind of thing?

 

Yes, of course you can, but do you really want to be held responsible for total mass genocide – and when I say “total” – I mean “TOTAL” to the utmost degree.

 

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. This isn’t happening to me.

 

I mean – don’t want to put you in an awkward position, or anything, but when you signed the articles of association agreement – and became the 13^th and final member of our g-nomikal quantum heart-y-ness – were you or were you not asked, invited, and instructed most determinedly to read the so-called small print?

 

Yes, yes, yes, of course I was, of course, and honestly, I honestly, honestly did my best, but…

 

Yes?

 

You know how it is.

 

I do?

 

14 days into the process I started experiencing recurring hallucinations.

 

As you were forewarned you should.

 

Yes, but honestly, it’s one thing to be forewarned, and quite another to experience yourself directly iterating the entire universe as a Mandelbrot beetle desperately, passionately, unconsolably in search of itself, and some kind of deeper, wholly unattainable, unassailable meaning.

 

You don’t mean to say that you failed to read paragraph forty three thousand, nine hundred and eighty seven, section six?

 

I…

 

Please don’t tell me you skipped it.

 

I…

 

Because the consequences are going to be catastrophic for g-nomeportal itself – not to mention the entire quantum field which has been beautifully entrained and balanced to perfection, to swivel on a single misplaced comma in the nineteenth syllable of God’s name.

 

What on earth?

 

Of course, Zie – this would all be a complete mystery to you, having failed in your duty to the brotherhood of g-nomeportality to read the bloody…

 

Language Merry – kindly avoid…

 

Apologies Zie – you’re absolutely right. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Your destruction of the universe, all humanity and life in general, bad though that may in fact appear to be to any detached, rational, sober-minded observer, is still no excuse whatsoever for profanity. I’m repentant – heartily.

 

Oh… Really? Well, that’s nice to know, for a change. But, if it’s not too much trouble – as things apparently are looking fairly grim, could you kindly explain what the significance of the misplaced comma in the seventeenth syllable of God’s name was or is?

 

Seventeenth? Did you say seventeenth?

 

Er, yes, was that a mistake?

 

Yes – I mean – No. I mean – Jesus Christ.

 

Merry – please, kindly refrain from taking the Lord’s name in vain.

 

I heartily, heartily repent, please excuse me Zie.

 

Er… Ok. Now, what’s going on?

 

The comma was misplaced in the nineteenth syllable.

 

Of God’s name. Yes, I’ve got that part by now. But what’s the matter?

 

The matter? Mistakes occur. Shit happens – as they say.

 

Well, yes, though I’m not particularly enamoured of the word “shit”.

 

Repentant. Humbly. Forgiveness. Obsequiousness.

 

Ok, Ok – don’t overdo it please.

 

And these so-called “mistakes”…

 

Yes?

 

Are, ultimately, the stuff of…

 

Of what?

 

That’s just the thing. They didn’t fit the scheme – the grid – the verse – they disrupted the infinite like the pea that prevented the princess from sleeping all night, even though it was concealed under seventeen mattresses.

 

Er… Still not sure…

 

Dealing with infinity – the infinite – nothing can de-infinite it – anything deliberate – anything intended – anything rational or purposeful or meaningful would have been dealt with in something infinitely less than short shrift, but not…

 

…

 

not…

 

…

 

not – I assure you, a genuine, unforeseen, unforeseeable mistake – if – in fact – mistake it was.

 

Huh?

 

For ultimately, the entire quantum Field – the whole bloody universe –

 

Merry!!

 

Abject apologies, humble repentance…

 

Ok, ok – the whole bloody universe what?

 

Starts trying to figure out if it was deliberate, or a mistake…

 

And?

 

And then, just when it’s almost certain it knows the answer – someone puts the comma in the wrong place again.

 

Er… You mean?

 

And the entire bloody universe…

 

What? What – God dammit!!

 

Springs back from the abyss.

 

What bloody abyss?

 

The abyss of knowing too clearly, too well, too much – what is

 

What?

 

Exactly. Thirdly – to be more precise.

 

Not again – please – for crying out loud Merry – don’t take me back into thirdly. You know how I despair of its tortuous unfurkability.

 

Precisely – for you are thus the God of the moment – reliving the dark night of his soul – reexperiencing the necessity, the terrible, painful necessity of God’s name being named, while at the same time – the horrendous, undigestible sense of ennui, of despair, of ever really experiencing once again – the unnamed, the unnameable, the undivided Godhead – in which God was not yet He, was not yet bound like Prometheus to his creation, to his universe, to his world, to his reality.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa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There – that wasn’t so bad was it?

 

…

 

Feeling better now, aren’t you?!

 

…

 

Always best to get it out of the system, isn’t it?

 

…

 

I’ll give you a minute or two Zie. You’ll be right as rain now that you’ve unfurcated the trifurcated bifurcation of space-time and God only knows what else. In short – unity – can’t beat it, can you, as long as there’s a little crystal seed of perfected error lurking somewhere in the infinite unknowability of…

 

Merry doesn’t finish the sentence – doesn’t even attempt to – as if the unfinished sentence is the very meaning of life itself – the very purpose of his unremarkable and highly disreputable existence.  Where the pause commences – Merry seems to dwindle, dwindle, dwindle ever smaller or further or less knowable, until something screams forth from Zie who feels the unbearable lightness of nothing much taking itself way, way too seriously – literally wrenching him from his existential agony of God’s name revealed in all its perfection – but with, of course, the horrible sense of a little, tiny pea, somewhere hidden, somewhere making what should have been perfect bliss and joy – an experience which requires a set of 94 voice-over actors to assist in the vocalisation of Eduard Munch’s great scream –

 

Cut it out Merry. You’ve said not enough!

 

Ah, you’re back are you Zie?

 

Back? Of course I’m bloody back – no thanks to you Merry – and your unfinished, undotted, un…

 

Furcation?

 

Calloo, callay – dear readers – something has broken, something has cracked open – like a bottle of champagne, or an Easter egg – I know not what – but suddenly Zie is rolling on the ground – which is quite an achievement as technically speaking the ground was far, far removed from where he was just now in the blogosphere of pure quantum data bits – in pleasaintly painful spasms of uncontainable glee.

 

Over a pint of beer in the pub that evening, Zie is feeling more or less back to his usual rather dull-witted, unimaginative self, and therefore allows the Shakespearean fool to take centre stage – presumably for the entertainment or edification of our socially disadvantaged subscribers, eager for a quick laugh at someone else's expense.

 

I still don’t see why their names keep changing, Merry.

 

Whose names Zie?

 

Ethelgruff, Ethelrood, Reggiemun, Theophilus…

 

Why on earth do you assume they were changing?

 

Duh! Are you trying to be stupid Merry, or what?

 

Or what, Zie.

 

Oh.

 

Give it another attempt. Switch to mentat computation mode. Let’s see if there’s life in the old dog yet?

 

Old dog? What’s got into you Merry?

 

Well, technically speaking you’re now more than 6000 years old.

 

Huh?

 

Genesis Zie – depending on whose version you prefer – personally I prefer Julius Africanus’ calculation from the year 240 AD.

 

Which is?

 

That is all started in 5501 BC – making you 7522 years old, give or take minor accounting errors.

 

Oh.

 

In any case, you’re not going to get a word out of me – not after your gross negligence…

 

Still harping on about that, are you?

 

Me?

 

Surely it was baked into the cake from Genesis minus one and counting.

 

Yes, you’re probably right – but that doesn’t alter the fact that our mistakes are…

 

Only truly mistakes if we fail to learn from them.

 

Excellent. So, kindly explain why their names kept changing?

 

Oh that? Pretty obvious really, innit.

 

Yes?

 

Because all names, every single one, was an offshoot or derivative of my singular name.

 

And?

 

And God’s name, which like a raindrop or a crystal has a tiny, fundamental flaw, a foreign particle lurking somewhere in its ineffable perfection – thus, like a slow-burning fuse is utterly stable, utterly predictable, until suddenly… poof

 

Huh?

 

It’s not.

 

And?

 

And then, as they say – all the hell shit breaks hits loose the proverbial fan!

 

And everyone's running for cover.

With nowhere to hide.

So, no one is immune, you're saying? The revenge of the typo...

 

Yes, I think that about sums it up. How else could infinity slow to an amble? How else could things matter so much is seems to hurt...

 

Sooner or later – no matter who, no matter what

 

When you’re least expecting it

 

Quantum payback

 

Incomputable indeterminacy

 

takes to the field 

This site can’t be reached: ERR_CONNECTION_RESET

 

and humble q makes itself known

 

Humble?

   'umbly

 

So, long and thanks for

 

  all the fish

 

0=1

 

 

 

Big fuss about nothing – Reggie – just wanted to up our fees, didn’t you? I don’t know why we pay you what we do. The bionet seems to take care of itself quite perfectly.

 

Absolutely Theo. Works like a dream, me thinks.

 

The end 

,