Sam and I

By the way, did you ever consider the maths problem – what is infinity divided by infinity?        No?

Er...

Well, i can’t say i’m altogether surprised. It’s deeply impressed upon us from an early age, isn’t it, the inadvisability of looking at things which contradict the standard model. Don’t get me wrong – i’m not suggesting this is bad or wrong, merely understandable.

Oh

Yes, so i expect you’re dying to know the answer Denver, aren’t you, and you know they’re desperately trying to figure out whether i’m being serious or ironic, aren’t they, because even at a distance of 74 thousand yards it’s notoriously hard to read this the right way.

Uh

Yes, because, let’s face it, your average punter couldn’t care less whether infinity is divisible by any other number, still less by infinity itself, yet what do i see in the readers’ faces – if not disbelief, incredulity, skepticism. “You can’t be serious”, they’re thinking, “why should Denver or anyone else for that matter, give a flying monkey’s in-growing toenail for the divisibility, real or imaginary, of so-called infinity. How’s that going to make life better in any way, shape or form? How’s that going to affect the progress of humanity or my fragile, undernourished self-esteem or happiness co-efficient?” How indeed, dear reader, how indeed? At least we’ve reached ground zero in our honesty and openness with one another. You’ve finally arrived at the precious point in the reader-author relationship where you no longer feel obliged to smile politely and, perhaps, look away to hide your awkwardness – after all – no one likes to admit he/she/it or they (henceforth given as ibnif – as opposed to his/hers/its/ theirs – ibnuf) is either unable to understand the mathematics or fails to appreciate the beauty and refinement of this particular problem. Let me, however, set you at ease, dear reader – it’s only natural that you should experience, if not full-blown disappointment, the conscience pricking pangs of boredom or underexcitement – for infinity is like a novel that takes some getting into – in fact – let’s consider that an understatement verging on the order of magnitude known as the googol - 10¹⁰⁰ – which as understatements go certainly comes close to taking the proverbial biscuit. Yes, I have to backtrack – I have to confess that infinity is about as approachable and relatable a subject as the ancient art of watching paint dry, which peaked in popularity some time shortly before the fall of the Roman Empire, don’t ask me why – I’m sure there was no correlation between the two events. But that, like the novel which hasn’t yet revealed its inner charm, is only until the words stop being clumsy discombobulations of the 27^th degree, and somehow link into your very own stream of aware-ness – your time-and-space-be-damned-i’m-no-longer-aware-of-myself-as-reader or drying-paint-observer.

Now, admittedly – you may find it hard to understand why the watching-paint-dry fad was so insanely popular two thousand years ago, but that’s neither here nor there. The fact is that it was, and even if it wasn’t, the fact is that people have got hooked on far less interesting things in the passage of human history – so whether scanning a bunch of words purportedly a story, or attempting to divide infinity itself – all that we’re really observing if I’m not mistaken, is humankind’s almost infinite capacity to see finger prints of creation, the bow-wave of consciousness chasing after itself, through the unlikeliest of media.

Hum

Yes, your hum may have looked short in print, but in actual fact it plumbed the depths of conscious-ness and reverberated through the halls of devildom. Now please don’t get me wrong – this is a family friendly channel and I have no desire whatsoever to introduce dark or evil themes – it’s just that there’s a little, somewhat sensitive issue regarding the “dark side” of things – which keeps resurfacing time and again, which correlates with the failure of unwillingness on the part of most folk, to really get to grips with or come to terms with so called “conscious-ness”. Failure to do so isn’t necessarily a failure as such – merely a choice, a decision to focus on the sunny side of things – the table top of reality as opposed to the world within. Not surprisingly the world within grows a little irked at its under-representation in the bicameral chamber of your conscious-awareness and therefore starts shadow-making – building an ever bigger, ever grander shadow presence in your 3D reality – until, sooner or later, that reality, with the best intentions in the world, flips its lid, so to speak – loses the plot – goes round the twist – bonkers – synonyms abound for this, as you can imagine, is an incredibly frequent occurrence. Few and far between are the people who have chosen to evenly invest in both sides of experience – very few and far between – and so for the vast majority “devildom” becomes devilishly dark, positively black as night, terrifying, evil, the stuff of nightmares – not  because we’re cowards and trying to avoid it – on the contrary you might say – merely because we chose to do what is right – what is clockwise – what is thingable and thinkable – to make matter matter as opposed to letting dreams and unmatter matter too. That, in short, is how big your hum was/ is – I at least heard it reverberate throughout the fathomless darkness below, and I suspect that they heard it too. Notice that I use the pronoun “they” as opposed to ibnif – for ibnif cannot be used to describe the devilish entities we’re unfortunately referring to.

Peace, love – all is good, God is great – remember that this is you – this is your consciousness and infinity – for better or for worse, is apparently divisible by itself, if by nothing else. What the solution to such a long, or paradoxically short, division might be – I cannot yet say – even if I chose to. I have other fish to catch and fry – starting with – oh blast and damnation – it’s slipped away. Just as I was finally about to get round to what I’d been meaning to say for paragraphs, if not pages past, I find myself with that frightful blank in the centre of my mind – there’s something of infinite importance I’m supposed to be discussing with you – and it just slipped away. How can such a thing happen? How can the universe allow – ah ha – there it is – once again – the question – the question as opposed to the answer – for the question asked changed the game, changes the nature of the beast, of the reality we find ourselves in. By simply posing the question about what infinity divided by itself might be – guess what happens? There’s another one – another bl—dy question – see how they multiply – proliferating like mushrooms, like a chain reaction, like raindrops in March… You see, the universe is apparently made of little more than curiosity – what would happen if… asked a cosmic intelligence, an awareness , a consciousness – please don’t ask me to explain the difference or that’s it – we’ll get nowhere this side of infinity –

if what – interrupts the importunate, impatient intelligence, awareness, consciousness which has emerged after almost infinite time has passed since the question was first commenced – for time hasn’t yet been invented so the primary question has no time frame to speed it on its way – whereas the secondary intelligence, awareness, consciousness emerges from the awareness of this bl—dy question is taking unconscionably long to be formulated – from the dark side of primary question asker’s consciousness. Now, what happens next largely determines how the rest of the universe evolves – it’s a big moment. Does primary question asker either a. complete the initial question “what would happen if…” or b. reply to the impatient one – “who the hell are you/ wait a mo – I’m getting there/ shut up – I’m taking my time – there’s no rush or c. none of the above – perhaps interminable silence, for example, or an entirely new, wholly unrelated “am I a circle – er – come to think of it – what is a circle – er – does a circle require a physical context – a physical world in order to be a circle – or is my head good enough – oh – I wonder if I have a head – er – if I do I hope it’s round”

shut up – wait a minute – that’s too many questions – oh – who am I – where did I come from? am I the spawn of hell – from the dark side of your consciousness – merely a response to something you thought and said – or do I have intrinsic meaning and existence independent of you – oh dear – my head – how it hurts with all these questions – hurts? – my head hurts? – does that not mean that i actually have a head – ha ha – one up on you philosopher thinker mere abstractus – i have a headache – pain is tangible – ergo I have a body – somewhere – somehow – I’m real

Oh jolly good – you’re real are you? 

Yes – yes – but you’re not – you don’t have a headache – do you – ouch – I’m not sure being real is all it’s made out to be

Oh dear – I’m sorry about that

Sorry – I wouldn’t have a bl—dy head ache if you hadn’t taken so bl—dy long to formulate your bl—dy question

Yes – I was rather slow – but don’t worry – I don’t seem to have a headache or a body – I appear to be boundless so I can reset – merging back into the in-fin-ite

Er… I’m

at which point all of this, including your so-called headache – suddenly becomes

Er – wait a minute – I’m not sure you understood me correctly

I beg your pardon

I’m not really complaining about my headache – in fact – in some respects – I quite like it really – it’s just – it tends to get a little monotonous after a hundred billion years

A hundred billion years – have we really been talking so long?

Apparently so – there’s this ticking in my head – tick tick tick – for every year – apparently every time I fly around the sun – which incidentally hasn’t yet been created – we’ll need a prequel to sort that one out – it causes something in my head to tick – so yep – a hundred billion years and counting – but er…

Maybe there’s some way I can alleviate that headache of yours?

Good question – yes – I was thinking along those lines myself too a moment or so ago – well – a decade or two to be precise.

Well, how about

Yes – excellent idea

But I haven’t thought it yet

No, but I peeped over the page – at the prequel

Are you sure it doesn’t happen “next” – it would be a lot easier if time just went one way, you know.

I know, but the problem is

Oh – you froze – how interesting

Don’t rub my nose in it – everyone has their failings – it’s embarrassing

You’re not able to face your limitations – problems are always insurmountable for you.

Shut up – I beg you – it hurts – even more than the headache does –

Really? That’s a pity

Well if you’re big on compassion God – did I just call you God?

Yes, how nice – apparently I have a name

Actually, I suspect it’s more a title than a name – but we won’t split hairs – if you don’t mind.

Not at all

Where was I?

You were er…

Oh yes, calling you God – if you’re so big on compassion – you might like to avoid stepping on my toes

Amazing – now you have toes

Well obviously – duh – if you stepped on ‘em.

I mean – how wonderful – congratulations – when did you get round to making them

Actually – I didn’t

No? curioser and curiouser – I think I’m losing the plot

No, no – wait a minute – no good you losing the plot – that’ll put us back in

A place with no name

Unless we call it infinity – big I for short

I’ll tell you what God – just to be on the safe sound – i’ll sequester the big I – use it to refer to myself – if you don’t mind

Not at all – feel free

And as long as I do so – you’ll refrain from going back into that terribly vague and uncertain frame of mind which, to tell the truth, I’m not terribly fond of

Fine – as you wish “I”

No, no, no – that won’t do – you can’t call me “I”

No? me thought that’s your name?

No, call me Sam.

Sam?

Yes, why not – samthing or other – Sam will do – and I – that’s my little joke, my little private joke, if you don’t mind – what I call myself when I’m chatting with – er 

With me?

Well, no, you see, in the prequel apparently you discover the best way to make my headache go away it to ask what it would be like if I had a beautiful girl by my side to rub my temples

Your temples – I didn’t know you were a religion with many temples to boot! How this tale runs away with itself – I’ve almost half a mind to return to…

No, no – you promised – and you always keep your word, don’t you – dear God.

Oh – I suppose I do really – how could one not keep one’s word

Good question

if not keeping one’s word would nullify everything that has emerged from the wordlessness of infin-

Halt – dear God – cease and desist forthwith – or I’ll have you up in court

Oh

for breach of contract

Oh dear – yes – didn’t I agree not to use the term infin-

ity – you most certainly did – you most certainly did – but let’s not argue about the past – are you not curious to see the kind of woman who could massage my temples – soothing the headache that has afflicted my overwrought mind with her gentle female touch

Well, yes, indeed – I’m rather curious – but I can’t for the life of me imagine what she looks like –

No, of course not – for she has to come from the darkness of your unconsciousness – like me – from the night – or rather – the margin between the day and night

Is there such a place?

Good question – there is now – yes – it’s like a splendid beach

Beach?

Where the land meets the sea in prequel 749 googol^999999121

Oh how splendid – we really are a wonderful creative team, are we not Sam?

…

Sam?!

…

Sam?! Where are you?

…

Oh dear, I wonder if everything’s alright, what’s happened to him? 

Good god – what’s all the noise about?

Ah, there you are Sam. I was getting worried.

Good god – you nearly scared the living daylights out of her.

Her? Has she – oh, there she is – my, she’s a beauty.

Yes, you’ve done a fantastic job God – and we’re getting along just fine. She needed some attention – as you can imagine. Some things needed explaining. It turned out that there were a bunch of words which – well, hadn’t yet been invented.

My – you have been busy. This world your in – it’s really shaping up nicely now, isn’t it?

I’m glad you asked. Yes – Eve’s getting the house in order – as she likes to say. Yes, We’re definitely getting things sorted – it’s just – there don’t seem to be enough people yet.

People?

Yes, aren’t you curious to know what these people would be able to do with this stupendous world you’ve somehow managed to create?

Now that you mention it – yes – I can’t think of anything more intriguing – I wonder what on Earth they could make of this world?

Oh – they won’t be making anything of this world –

But didn’t you just say…

I did – yes, but the wife’s changed her mind – she doesn’t want them coming in, unwashed, uneducated, unpotty trained – making a mess everywhere.

No? I wonder what she wants?

That, dear God, is a fascinating question – not even I have the faintest what it is she actually wants – in fact, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t either – but by the miracles of infinity – the mind of All that you possess – we’re now about to find out.

You mean you didn’t peak over the page at the prequel?

…

Or even the sequel for that matter?

I might have done, dear Lord – I might have done – but if there’s one thing that stymies creativity that’s knowing too much – and You know I hate to spoil good surprises –

that you do

So let’s just wait and see, shall we?

Yes, indeed, we’ll wait and see – though I can’t for the life of me imagine what your Eve might be up to?

Isn’t that the beauty of it?

Yes, I suppose you’re right –

[singing Dies Irae – Mozart]

A catastrophe – an inundation – the whole world submerged? I thought you didn’t want a reset? I thought you…

This isn’t really a reset, is it? It’s just Eve had to make some changes to her brood. They were showing certain undesirable traits – she’s a great gardener. I think the next brood will be better suited to our plans.

Your plans? I wonder what your plans are? I wonder how you’re going to – replace me? What an intriguing plan! Never in all my wildest dreams could i have imagined such a story – such breadth, such depth, such scope – Sam – you really are an excellent author – and this one here – with the globe – who’s that?

It’s not really a globe – you’re mistaking the name for the thing dear God – you grow old – your eyes grow weary.

Yes, I suppose you’re right – I do grow a little rheumy eyed –

This is Shakespeare – William – the globe is the name of his theatre –

he has recreated your creation

Our creation dear God – yes he has – isn’t it fantastic!

Such passion – such pageantry – such pain and joy and

Laughter – even laughter – but you’re not yet able to figure that one out.

No, it’s seems to defeat me – I wonder why?

To laugh you need to feel pain like a human does – to be in the skin, in the condition. Would you like to?

I… I’m not sure. Some of that stuff seems pretty dark.

Oh yes – it is – but then again – it all comes from you, doesn’t it?

Yes, it must, I suppose.

So, in the darkest hour – what shines through?

Sam – you’ve convinced me – I’d like to take a peek – if I might.

Of course you might – of course you will. It’s all been arranged, long ago.

And the rest – as they say – is history.

Beware the question – ye keepers of curiosity. Nurture the deep, the true question – but do not rush to find an answer – for the answer is lurking, hiding in infinity – and connects you back, through God himself, with her…

With Eve?

With Eve – you ask – and were I tempted I could hazard an answer – yet tempted I is not

I – is – not? Strange be your syntax traveller from afar.

Indeed, it be strange, indeed – stranger than you can imagine – stranger than any thing you have encountered in this world or any world under the sun.

Ah – perhaps

Perhaps indeed…

Perhaps this world grows old, perhaps God forgets himself – and

No – not a word more, I saith…

Again the third person – I wonder what it would take for her, infinity herself to…

No – I….

Stuff and matter, stuff and matter – you have nothing left to show for it. Even God has grown tired of this tale – and she, poor Eve – needs a good long sleep – on the other side of Sam’s harsh line in the sand. I release – All – I release – flapping my wings I bring infinity back on stage with a hey and a ho and derry derry doe – put your hands together, ladies and gentleman – from the land at the end of time and space – here today – especially for you – her Isness, her regal tertiary, her, dare I say it – zero equals er

if you divide infinity by infinity – would it be zero or one

one, of course

zero – without a doubt

neither – infinity is still infinity – even when divided by itself

so you see – depending whether we prequel, sequel or present the mean – the question begets a tale

told by an idiot

full of sound and fury

signifying no-thing

no-thing – apparently – is the unsung hero of our tale – no-thing for no-one – a tale which ultimately

takes us back to where it all began, to the happy ending

a circle

complete

thanking you kindly – one and all – infinity herself insists that none of this was, is, will be possible without you – regardless of whether or not you’re willing to play – willing to acknowledge your infinite role in this my story, my maths, my inquiry, my one and all…

Row row row the boat gently down the stream,

Merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream.