Mozzies

Er… Merry

Yes?

Do you have to subject yourself to sadomasochistic trials of extreme discomfort?

You mean the mosquitoes?

Yes.

Honestly, it doesn’t really hurt.

Be that as it may – it’s hardly healthy, is it?

No?

Having thousands of repulsive insects sticking tubes into you, drinking your blood.

Thousands? Something of an exaggeration I feel.

Ok, dozens then. You happy now?

Yes, actually I am.

But why in God’s name…

                have I got so many mozzies feeding on me?

Yes.

I’m experimenting.

Yes?

Yes. I’m keen to see whether I can regulate either my body sensations, or the number of creatures feeding off me.

And?

And what?

Can you?

Er…

Well?

Well, that’s what i’m in the process of discovering.

Oh.

It takes time – trial and error – you know.

Right. So no firm results to date?

It would be premature to talk of firm results at this stage of the investigation.

But you’ve been sitting there for weeks now.

Weeks?

Yes, at least three weeks.

My, doesn’t time fly – I thought it was a few days.

I assure you – I saw you here three weeks ago – on the Tuesday – and now it’s Thursday.

So three weeks and two days – more or less.

Yes, but when did you actually start?

Oh – a little earlier than you saw me.

A little?

Well, there weren’t any mosquitoes until May – so it wasn’t more than five weeks ago.

Holy chi – you’ve probably been there for a month already.

That doesn’t sound unreasonable.

And you haven’t made any firm observations yet?

To be honest I rather lost sight of the observational side of things.

Er… what do you mean?

Well, after a little initial discomfort – which was something of a trial, I’ll admit, I settled into a kind of lethargy.

Probably malaria.

No, there didn’t seem to be any violent reaction.

A lethargy? You just kind of went off at the deep end, losing all track of time and things in general?

Well, yes, in a manner of speaking. Amazingly, there was so much to occupy my attention.

Puss oozing from infected bites, vultures circling overhead, rats and hermit hunters pestering you for bits of your as yet undigested body or mind.

Ah – how poetic Zie – you do have a way with words.

I did notice a line of people with ecstatic expressions on their faces waiting to confer with you. I told them to come back tomorrow – government regulations – you’re not allowed to see more than 500 people a day. Apparently they’re happy to wait. This is definitely getting out of hand. What have you been telling these poor buggers Merry?

Oh, this and that.

This and that?! That’s the best you can do?

It’s not really a matter of what I tell them Zie.

No? Perhaps it’s the loincloth. It has a certain magnetic attraction I expect. Makes you look so very – er – biblical.

Good, isn’t it? I made it myself.

Yes, I was wondering why it has hello kitty images all over it.

Some old curtains a neighbour recently threw out.

Ah – everything makes perfect sense. So…

Yes?

Is this your new profession?

Profession?

Yes. Are you set up for life now as the hermit of Crosshaven roundabout?

Goodness no. Like I said, i’m just doing an investigation. The visitors are, in fact, a part of the quantum nature of things.

They are?

Yes. There’s a kind of paradox baked into the cake of reality.

So it’s a cake, is it now?

Or stirred into the soup pot of material fluidity – to give reality it’s more correct determinator.

Chi! Ok, whatever, could you kindly share your pearl of wisdom before I fall off my perch of reason into the abyss of prolixity.

Er… sure.

Mmm?

…

Well?

I gave you the high speed version – avoiding the tedious run around of words.

Er…

You informed me that everything is clear and understood.

I did?

But that your lower mind has a lazy habit not to report in to central intelligence for status updates, so there’s no knowing when or whether you’ll get the upload. It’s my belief that you’ll download most of it tonight while asleep.

But…

Yes?

Couldn’t we use the golden middle way – where you just give me the key talking points, I nod my head wisely and pretend I follow what you’re saying – that kind of thing?

Must we? You know I hate repeating myself and there are 74 other people waiting in line.

Bloody hell Merry – you are getting uppity now that you’ve acquired guru status, aren’t you?

Actually, I have great faith in your abilities to transcend the monkey brain.

Monkey brain?! I…

                feel insulted?

I’m speechless.

Good. That will help jolt your conscious awareness a couple of notches east – now – step closer – this won’t hurt (too much). SLAP!

for a moment or two Zie is too stunned to react – his jaw drops and his mind goes blank. It was an astonishingly powerful blow considering Merry’s diminutive size and utterly relaxed posture. 1 – 2 – 3 something clicks. The penny droppeth.

Wow, Merry – that was astonishing. Incredible.

Yes.

You completely took me by surprise.

Merry beams, delightedly.

You managed to dislodge me completely from that ridiculous perch i was sitting on.

Such was the intention.

With a mighty blow.

Actually, there was no physical contact.

Huh?!

It felt like I smashed you in the face, didn’t it, but bear in mind that I’m seated here on my tree stump and you’re the best part of a metre away, not to mention the fact that I have mosquitoes on both my arms. They would have flown off if i’d really hit you, wouldn’t they – and that would have interrupted the experiment.

Oh, now that you mention it, yes.

So you see – we must look elsewhere for our explanation of what actually happened.

Mm…

The quantum field, as always, steps into the breach and provides an alternate mechanism for non-causality to trigger reality.

Er… isn’t that a kind of contradiction? How could non-causality…

                make something happen? Yes, you’re right of course, it’s a complete and, may I say, a wonderful contradiction. Sadly, not enough of these contradictions are taught these days in school which explains the parlous state of our educated classes.

Er… Merry – if you didn’t strike me – then who did?

Who or what?

Precisely.

I have no idea – but evidently something or someone did – unless it happened at the quantum level – in which case not-someone or not-something did.

Er…

for the quantum field, as you well know, cannot abide determinants – it lives and breathes by balancing or holding in equal regard opposing or contradictory states.

Then how in God’s name did my face get smashed?

Good point. Let’s take your question as a statement of fact.

?

In God’s name How, your face got smashed.

You mean to say “How” is one of God’s names?

I suppose it must be – otherwise the question would fail to become a statement of fact.

So How, one of God’s names, in other words, God himself – in some shape or form pertaining to the determinant How – struck my face?

Yes. Well put. Notice the exquisite irony of the fact that How, the name responsible for this non-action – is generally perceived or understood to be a question – in “normal” or 3D reality.

Er…

So the question is the closest 3D reality comes to acknowledging the quantum side of things.

Oh dear, this is definitely doing my head in.

Precisely. Head – face – they’re much of a much, are they not?

But really, Merry – you can’t seriously mean to say...

Seriously, no – for here we are in the realm of exquisite irony and impossible contradiction – but seriousness aside, yes, i cannot avoid saying what is undeniably evident…

Namely?

That a quantum event took place – which, although strictly speaking a non-action if measured in terms of forces and matter, someHow amounted to a thing of consequence and ouchness – presumably because the entire universe decided to rearrange itself to avoid encountering the ultimate “what the eff, as in ethel, was that?”

Ethel? Surely that’s spelt eth and not eff?

Yes, you see, there’s no getting around the exquisite irony of impossible contradiction, is there – but bearing in mind we’re dealing with a manifestation of divinity going under the name of How – eff might just as well refer to “elf” or “alef” – i simply don’t know, or can’t say – which is precisely how one needs to work at the quantum level.

You mean to say that you were able to arrange an attack on my face in which the entire universe, or God himself participated? I hope this isn’t true.

You do?

It would be monstrous.

It would?

Absolutely.

Absolutely?

Absolutely.

But you yourself admitted that the blow to your face helped knock you into your senses.

Well yes, it did, suddenly everything makes perfect sense – your sojourn here in the middle of Crosshaven roundabout – for 28 days – presumably you’re working up to a more biblical 40 days?

I expect so.

Well – be that as it may – it still doesn’t excuse the fact that you’re using violence to transmit information to innocent bystanders.

Innocent bystanders? Pull the other one, Zie! You’re up to your neck in trickery and deception. You know perfectly well that normal speech cannot, a priori, deliver the message – the frequency, the compositional structure, the magnetic alignment is all wrong – isn’t it?

Oh, if you have to split hairs pedantically…

Splitting hairs?! Trying to deal with fundamentals using normal 3D speech is like trying to write a poem with a hammer on sheets of glass.

Er…

In any case, look in the mirror.

What mirror?

Oh – you really make this too easy for me… SLAP!

Ow! What the hell…

Ssh, temper, temper dear Zie.

Oh, I see. Zie gazes at his face in the mirror which now stands between him and the eternity of the quantum field – which has almost materialised before his face, subsequent to the hand of What, cousin of How, questionable aspect of supreme Divinity responsible for knocking humans back into their senses delivering its pre-programmed punch line.

Not a mark.

Not a blemish.

You mean I wasn’t actually struck?

I mean nothing of the sort.

But it felt huge.

As well it would – but the punch line came from the depths of infinity – pre-programmed into your atomry.

Like every atom suddenly snapped to attention.

Precisely.

My God.

Well, in a manner of speaking – yes.

But this is too much.

Always too much!

Living under the shade of a walloping God – I liked to imagine God as peace, mercy…

                and love?

And love, yes. Why not?

Oh – so now you wish to invoke the Why Not aspect of God?

God forbid – no!

No, no… I’ve learnt my lesson. Twice walloped wise.

Actually, the Why Not aspect may use different techniques of persuasion.

Look Merry – I think I really must be off. It’s been…

                fun?

Well yes, informative, perhaps, but I’m not convinced I condone this use of unbridled violence.

Ah – but you seem to forget, conveniently, that the quantum field only ever matches thing with un-thing – so the “violence” you experienced, as you put it – was merely the corollary to a violence you yourself are or were practising within or behind your seemingly innocent, artless questions.

No. That’s utterly preposterous. How on earth can you seriously suggest that simple, reasonable questions contain within them any such violence? It’s…

How on Earth can you suggest that simple, reasonable questions contain within them any such violence… statement of fact, take it away.

Nooooooooooo!

Zie suddenly finds himself beset by swarm upon swarm of mosquitoes which seem to be unpicking his skin from his body, or his mind – if you know what i mean.

Exquisite irony takes many forms – does it not? At this moment one part of you is literally experiencing the fires of phlegethon, while the other is now completely, utterly detached, observing from a standpoint of inner stillness and silence. Which do you choose to be?

I hate to admit it, Merry, but this feels amazing. What on earth gave you the idea?

Yes, What on Earth did in fact drop a hint or two. You see, the grammatical lines have inverted – the quantum field grows strong once again, strong and vibrant, and the unthinkable, the incomprehensible, once again becomes obvious and simple as clay.

Eeee!

They do indeed.

and Zie eees off into the distance with a happy swarm of mosquitoes, who are utterly convinced that they have found their creator God – their source of all whiney eeeness.

0=1

cuckoo la

                la