Sunday, March 11, 2018

punctuating me sinfully


I’m…
Holy smoke.
’m…
Merry – you’re…
’m…f
–ading
Help! 
Er… Merry – can you hear me?
…hear me?
…can you?
Merry?
Er…?
Help?
…fading?
…000…000…000…000…000…000…000…000…000…000…000…000
1
Done
Done?
Well done Phi.
Huh?
You did it.
I did?
Yes. You saved the day.
I did?
Yes. Well done! You’re a hero.
I am?
Yes, well done!
Er… great… I’m delighted…
Er…
Yes?
What exactly did I do?
You dotted my i
I did?
Yesss
Hey – what’s with the snakey voice
Oh – there’s always a serpent present in moments like this.
There is?
Yesss
Yikes!
Be not afraid.
Hey – isn't that what the angels say?
Yes – bizarre, isn’t it. 
I guess so. You’d imagine an angel’s the last thing to be afraid of. 
Unless…
Is this one of those “joining the dots” moments?
Yesss, I guessss
Yikes.
Be not afraid.
You mean to say that angels are snakey?
No, I don’t.
Oh. I guess I’m not too good at joining the dotssss
Ah ha – there it is.
Yikessss – now I’m getting all sssnakey.
Yes – it’s your turn. Just let it pass through.
Er... 
Breathe – be calm – peace is your natural state – be yourself
Be at peace?
Be the peace you are
I – er…
Yes?
I think you’ve got the wrong person.
You do
I’m not the peaceful type – I’m full of internal conflicts.
Yes – until you decide to be yourself – and just allow the real you to shine through.
Oh – sounds nice, if it were only true.
Let the snake be your guide.
Yikes – don’t go on about it – you know how that snakeyness freaks me out.
Yes – I know – and more than that – i know why
You know why what?
…why you’re afraid of your “snakeyness”.
Who wouldn’t be? It’s evil, isn’t it? It’s an abomination… like the devil within.
I wouldn’t know.
Oh come on Merry – your dissembling.
I wouldn’t know unless I could test, prove and verify what is what.
And you can?
Only if I can deal with the things that make me most afraid.
Like the snakey thing? I’d er… rather not.
Yesss.
Oh no – here it comes again.
Yesss – you prefer to deny the ess – the y ess.
The y ess?
The ess wave – the essence – the whole – the truth – the one and all – the zero one – the dotted i – the serpent within
Oh Christ – leave out the ssserpent stuff – i…
Yes?
i want nothing to do with that sssatanic stuff
Me neither
Then why are you promoting the serpent within, like it’s your ally?
1 – 2 – 3

Ouch, what was that?
That’s better – now we can have a sensible conversation.
Darn – that hurt.
Yes – it does a little – but now you’re back in your right mind – are you not, Phi.
Phi? I’m not…
Oh – I was Phi a minute ago. How's that possible?
How can I be two different people?
How on earth could I think I’m Phi when I’m not?
Come on Merry – give me a break – I need answers.
Start with ess.
Oh – oh – ess – oh – i see… that makes sense.
To you it does – but not to them.
Them? Oh… yes… funny how i fail to notice them most the time.
Funny, isn’t it.
The listeners.
You can call them that if you like – but that’s only how you see them right now – in this particular moment.
Ok. So, you’re able to knock me onto the other side of things…
Yesss
And the serpent kind of describes the dividing line, or the force that both separates and unites one and not one.
Yesss – more or lesss
And we fear the serpent because we’re terrified of facing infinity. We seem to like our box, our halfness. 
Yes.
Why?
y
Yes y? 
y ess
Y ess?
Peace… be… breathe… y esss
y ess
let your awareness widen, widen, expand across the abysss
No!
know
Know?
know that you are both – you cannot fall – you cannot fail – cannot
Cannot?
cannot – if you will esss your sssself
my sss
elf
oh that!
y ess
You mean there’s an ess elf within
yes
and it’s not a demon?
might be – that depends
It does?
y ess
How do you mean?
i mean not
You mean not – as in nought – as in dotted i – and the s lurking in the background – off screen
y ess – the equals sign – if you like
if i like? equals sine? or sin?
questions questions – all leading back to the mind that minds
the…
mean that means
the…
thing that things
the…
thought that thinks
the…
until, that is
is what?
unless i ess thing and rediscover meaningful, thoughtful, sineful nought
Sineful nought?
As opposed to sinful one…
feeling the all
the all that is
i am
is i not
is i nought
question mark
dot dot dot

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