Quit harassing me Merry. I don’t know what’s got into you.
Not what’s got into me – what’s got into you.
Oh it’s like that is it? Pointing fingers, name calling and blaming blame.
Do you realise what you’ve done?
Of course I do. I just brought you back a tender, juicy steak and chips from the other side of infinity, and instead of thanks I get abuse because you got Burgundy instead of Beaujolais. Pathetic if you ask me. It’s such a disappointment to see that you’re as petty minded as everyone else. You may have annoyed me before but I never for a minute doubted your integrity or your higher purpose.
Oh
Now I see you for the hypocrite you really are. I feel gutted, really gutted.
Ah, you must be...
?
...
Oh, if you think enigmatic non sequiturs are going to put things right, you’re sorely mistaken.
Sorely mistaken
Sorely
Merry, what the hell are you doing?
...
Oh God. Cut it out. I’m not falling for your cheap diversions.
...
Just because you’re able to manipulate the quantum field... it doesn’t make you a better person. Not one iota.
...
That’s it, I’ve had enough of your theatricalities. I’ll be seeing you.
...
Idiot. He thinks a bit of levitation’s going to...
...
Well that’s saved me the trouble of having to leave the room. Dorothy, I wonder if you can hear me? Do-ro-thy, I love you even if you are nought. I want to be with you more than anything else.
Oh how sweet.
Hey, get out of here Merry, i don’t want to see you ever again.
Changing me for your dotty nought are ye?
How far you have fallen Merry, making sport of others, mocking even love. What’s Dorothy ever done to you? Why this petty minded chauvinism? Jealousy perhaps? So sad to see you in this light.
See me? Where?
You know what i mean. Could you kindly quit Cheshire catting me. Get a body. I do not consent to this kind of invasive malingering. If talk with me you must then at least have the decency to be physically present.
I... I can’t... you banished me for ever Zigismund.
Zigismund? You don’t call me that, only Dorothy.
Oh it’s like that is it? Well I’ll be off then.
Finally, I thought he’d never...
Oh one more thing Ziggy.
Damn cheek! What is it?
You still owe me a bottle of Beaujolais.
?! You’re off your rocker... y'lost your mind.
Which one?
Quit being facetious Merry. You had your damn steak and chips plus an excellent bottle of
Burgundy! Don’t, i don’t want to hear another word about that diabolical excrescence.
Er... Reality where are you when i need you? Kindly remove this Cheshire distortion from my presence.
Reality, Zie has to abide by the rules, august and honourable though your presence undoubtedly is. There remains the not inconsequential matter of a contractual codicil that requires immediate remedy.
What on Earth are you on about? Contractual codicil my foot.
No Zigismund, nought your foot.
Hey, what the hell! Ow! What have you done Merry.
Nothing whatsoever.
Then where the hell’s my foot gone?
Oh that. I see what you mean. A bit awkward i agree trying to stand around and chat without a foot.
Grrrrrr!
Well you’ve still got one at least.
Grrrrrr!
Come on Zie, you can do better than that. Surely after all you’ve been through you’ve figured out that Grrrrrr with 6r’s isn’t the sound required to grow back a Cheshired foot.
Merry, that’s enough, I don’t want to hear another word.
Your wish is my command. Mmm mmm mmm mmm nn zhh vruh
Or sound. No quit fooling around in this despicable manner.
Dspkbl? Whts wrng? Nnt mmmy fflt.
Yes it is. It’s always your fault. I don’t know which corner of hell you crawled out of but it’s high time you crawled back.
Thnkss uh bnch.
But kindly put my foot back before you leave.
Cnt.
What do you mean you can’t. Of course you can you twisted goat hoofed demon.
Ghht hhffd! Rrrrrg.
Oh so you’re sensitive to goat hoofed are you? I wonder why? Perhaps it’s true, perhaps you really are a demonic spirit sent to beguile: leading me astray all this time with your pseudo-intellectual quantum sophistries. Oh God, I see it clearer and clearer, the fool i have been to take your theories at face value. What a cutty sark dance you’ve led me these whiles. Old Nick himself must be proud of you.
Cut it out Zie.
Hey, I withdrew your speech permit! You’re not allowed to speak.
Correct, but you’ve crossed a few invisible lines attributing things to me which do not belong, which are not mine.
And you’ve done no less by foisting a fictitious contract on me, codicils and all, that i never even knew of still less signed.
Ah, but did i?
Ah, but did i? – pathetic Merry. You know perfectly well i never signed anything when you entered my existence.
Correct.
Then kindly cease and desist from pestering me. Ow... what are you doing?
Nothing.
Well kindly put a stop to it. This is like some horrendous nightmare. First one foot, then the other... Are you intent on Cheshire catting me completely?
Your assuming that I’m the one behind this. There are other forces at work which i have no control over.
How can that be?
Like i said, i can’t unmake a contract you’ve signed.
For God’s sake Merry, i signed no contract.
Then where have both your feet gone?
That’s rich coning from you. You’re just a pair of lips and half a nose.
I... I have my reasons for keeping a low profile Zie.
You’re telling me. Who are you hiding from?
Who did you sign a contract with?
For crying out loud...
...
You’re not trying to say that I’m being affected by what i said to Dorothy?
And what do you think? That you can just declare undying love to the mistress of in-finity and remain unaffected?
But...
In doing so your base zero one pair reversed, like a polar shift when the north and south poles flip.
Oh
Oh indeed. You’ve now noughted everything you’ve ever been, including the universe you just happen to be the centre of.
Oh heck, now you tell me. I didn’t have any idea this was going to happen. But if it’s such a big deal why did she let me go?
Go where?
Home... Back here.
Ah, there’s the rub Zigismund.
Don’t call me that.
Oh sorry, i forgot, only she’s allowed to
Cut it out Merry.
What makes you think this is home?
Well it’s obviously home, isn’t it. I’m back with steak and chips and
Burgundy
Oh heck, you mean to say...
There’s no knowing where you are now.
But... but you found me.
True, but that’s not saying much is it. It doesn’t mean i can get you out of here.
Merry, stop freaking me out ok. As far as I’m concerned this looks just like home except my feet are strangely lacking.
But this is just the start. It’s like a chain reaction. It doesn’t stop with your body or even your house...
Then what?
Which do you think is going to win in a tussle between in-finity and everything in existence?
In-finity of course.
Precisely.
Now, I’m not saying you did the wrong thing. In cases such as the above one should generally follow the heart. But how to avert the big reset, the mother of all zeros, and turn it into a moment of cosmicality?
Huh?
How to use the power of aikido, to roll with the unstoppable onslaught of in-finity and come out on top?
You make it sound like surfing.
Surfing? Ah ha... that’s it, isn’t it!
Isn’t what?
The implosion wave... Instead of resisting it, trying to escape it, we can set up an impulse drive...
Like in Star Trek? You’re kidding!
The impulse drive will be powered up by the implosion wave and instead of nullification...
We’ll be riding at warp speed back into the future.
You bet. Oh wow, this could be amazing.
So what have i got to do?
Do? This is not a doing matter Zie. This requires a different order of magnitude.
Then what?
Pure electric intent coupled with magnetic resolve.
Oh that... la la mysticism and esoteric why-me whyme.
If you have to make light of this... Personally I’d have expected better of you, given all you’ve put me through today.
Today? Do you mean to say it’s still today?
Oh, you know what i mean. Now, let’s get the impulse drive into its ready to fly state.
But i can’t see anything.
It’s a Cheshire drive, isn’t it, until you’re riding the wave at warp speed. Only then will it come into your field of vision, all things being equal.
Oh
Where did i put that spanner? It’s lucky I’ve had the bare essentials lying around for an emergency like this.
You mean you actually have to make it by hand?
Not exactly, but i used to be a Doctor Who fan so i collected an assortment of time junk that could be made into a tardis. In actual fact, your job is to hold in unison the creation you’re now spawning.
Om my God, what do you mean?
Well, you have two great loves do you not?
I do?
Oh come on Zie, don’t be dense.
Er... You mean Dorothy and...
And?
Er... It sounds terribly egocentric.
As it rightly should. There’s no going anywhere without the supreme, transcendental, cosmic ego.
Oh... I thought it was just me.
Which it is. It’s just that you’ve not yet realised what your me really amounts to.
Huh?
Think big Zie. Very big. Pop up past peta and zetta orders of magnitude to the giga yota scale, or thereabouts.
You mean to say that I’m as big as...
The universe? Where else do you think it came from? They can’t just appear from nowhere, you know.
Oh, i always assumed
Yes, but right now you have about seven seconds before the implosion wave hits and nullifies everything you’ve ever been or known, so kindly hold the two loves in perfect evenness: on the one hand Dorothy your bewitching contractual bridget...
Bridget?
Oh, you know, soul bride, and everything else...
Er...
Everything you’ve ever known and loved, starting with yourself, your life, including humanity, the Earth, trains, planes and real ale...
I thought you said the implosion wave’s hitting in seven seconds?
Oh God, i nearly forgot. Quickly... Deep breath, Om, slowing down the time stream, decoupling, unphasing, desyncing, release, hold, mmm, that’s better. Now where were we?
Loving two sides evenly.
Ok, as the time wave implodes into you these feelings are going to intensify exponentially. Prepare to feel the exteme rapture, joy, pain and despair of all that love ever can, was and ever will be.
Is that all?
... while i get the tardis powered up. Kansas city is going bye bye, as they said in...
The Matrix. And you can assure me...
Focus, no time for assurances. Your everything and nothing are now collapsing, spinning into the zero point you yourself constitute. Only the two sides of love can keep you afloat to ride the maelstrom, to surf the time vortex back into inf-inity.
Oh... oh... oh... oh... oh... oh... oh
A puff of smoke and Zie is gone.
Seventh heaven... Right, here goes for nothing... Impulse drive 0=1 destination unknown, wherever, just as long as Zie’s waiting for me with two feet and a bottle of Nouveau Beaujolais. Now full steam ahead Marigold, we have a lovestruck Romeo riding the time wave of an imploding universe to catch before he crashes into the Mandelbrot beetle at T minus 42 to the power of zie vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvrm
Ah, music to my ears! There’s life in the old dog yet...
To be continued
Not what’s got into me – what’s got into you.
Oh it’s like that is it? Pointing fingers, name calling and blaming blame.
Do you realise what you’ve done?
Of course I do. I just brought you back a tender, juicy steak and chips from the other side of infinity, and instead of thanks I get abuse because you got Burgundy instead of Beaujolais. Pathetic if you ask me. It’s such a disappointment to see that you’re as petty minded as everyone else. You may have annoyed me before but I never for a minute doubted your integrity or your higher purpose.
Oh
Now I see you for the hypocrite you really are. I feel gutted, really gutted.
Ah, you must be...
?
...
Oh, if you think enigmatic non sequiturs are going to put things right, you’re sorely mistaken.
Sorely mistaken
Sorely
Merry, what the hell are you doing?
...
Oh God. Cut it out. I’m not falling for your cheap diversions.
...
Just because you’re able to manipulate the quantum field... it doesn’t make you a better person. Not one iota.
...
That’s it, I’ve had enough of your theatricalities. I’ll be seeing you.
...
Idiot. He thinks a bit of levitation’s going to...
...
Well that’s saved me the trouble of having to leave the room. Dorothy, I wonder if you can hear me? Do-ro-thy, I love you even if you are nought. I want to be with you more than anything else.
Oh how sweet.
Hey, get out of here Merry, i don’t want to see you ever again.
Changing me for your dotty nought are ye?
How far you have fallen Merry, making sport of others, mocking even love. What’s Dorothy ever done to you? Why this petty minded chauvinism? Jealousy perhaps? So sad to see you in this light.
See me? Where?
You know what i mean. Could you kindly quit Cheshire catting me. Get a body. I do not consent to this kind of invasive malingering. If talk with me you must then at least have the decency to be physically present.
I... I can’t... you banished me for ever Zigismund.
Zigismund? You don’t call me that, only Dorothy.
Oh it’s like that is it? Well I’ll be off then.
Finally, I thought he’d never...
Oh one more thing Ziggy.
Damn cheek! What is it?
You still owe me a bottle of Beaujolais.
?! You’re off your rocker... y'lost your mind.
Which one?
Quit being facetious Merry. You had your damn steak and chips plus an excellent bottle of
Burgundy! Don’t, i don’t want to hear another word about that diabolical excrescence.
Er... Reality where are you when i need you? Kindly remove this Cheshire distortion from my presence.
Reality, Zie has to abide by the rules, august and honourable though your presence undoubtedly is. There remains the not inconsequential matter of a contractual codicil that requires immediate remedy.
What on Earth are you on about? Contractual codicil my foot.
No Zigismund, nought your foot.
Hey, what the hell! Ow! What have you done Merry.
Nothing whatsoever.
Then where the hell’s my foot gone?
Oh that. I see what you mean. A bit awkward i agree trying to stand around and chat without a foot.
Grrrrrr!
Well you’ve still got one at least.
Grrrrrr!
Come on Zie, you can do better than that. Surely after all you’ve been through you’ve figured out that Grrrrrr with 6r’s isn’t the sound required to grow back a Cheshired foot.
Merry, that’s enough, I don’t want to hear another word.
Your wish is my command. Mmm mmm mmm mmm nn zhh vruh
Or sound. No quit fooling around in this despicable manner.
Dspkbl? Whts wrng? Nnt mmmy fflt.
Yes it is. It’s always your fault. I don’t know which corner of hell you crawled out of but it’s high time you crawled back.
Thnkss uh bnch.
But kindly put my foot back before you leave.
Cnt.
What do you mean you can’t. Of course you can you twisted goat hoofed demon.
Ghht hhffd! Rrrrrg.
Oh so you’re sensitive to goat hoofed are you? I wonder why? Perhaps it’s true, perhaps you really are a demonic spirit sent to beguile: leading me astray all this time with your pseudo-intellectual quantum sophistries. Oh God, I see it clearer and clearer, the fool i have been to take your theories at face value. What a cutty sark dance you’ve led me these whiles. Old Nick himself must be proud of you.
Cut it out Zie.
Hey, I withdrew your speech permit! You’re not allowed to speak.
Correct, but you’ve crossed a few invisible lines attributing things to me which do not belong, which are not mine.
And you’ve done no less by foisting a fictitious contract on me, codicils and all, that i never even knew of still less signed.
Ah, but did i?
Ah, but did i? – pathetic Merry. You know perfectly well i never signed anything when you entered my existence.
Correct.
Then kindly cease and desist from pestering me. Ow... what are you doing?
Nothing.
Well kindly put a stop to it. This is like some horrendous nightmare. First one foot, then the other... Are you intent on Cheshire catting me completely?
Your assuming that I’m the one behind this. There are other forces at work which i have no control over.
How can that be?
Like i said, i can’t unmake a contract you’ve signed.
For God’s sake Merry, i signed no contract.
Then where have both your feet gone?
That’s rich coning from you. You’re just a pair of lips and half a nose.
I... I have my reasons for keeping a low profile Zie.
You’re telling me. Who are you hiding from?
Who did you sign a contract with?
For crying out loud...
...
You’re not trying to say that I’m being affected by what i said to Dorothy?
And what do you think? That you can just declare undying love to the mistress of in-finity and remain unaffected?
But...
In doing so your base zero one pair reversed, like a polar shift when the north and south poles flip.
Oh
Oh indeed. You’ve now noughted everything you’ve ever been, including the universe you just happen to be the centre of.
Oh heck, now you tell me. I didn’t have any idea this was going to happen. But if it’s such a big deal why did she let me go?
Go where?
Home... Back here.
Ah, there’s the rub Zigismund.
Don’t call me that.
Oh sorry, i forgot, only she’s allowed to
Cut it out Merry.
What makes you think this is home?
Well it’s obviously home, isn’t it. I’m back with steak and chips and
Burgundy
Oh heck, you mean to say...
There’s no knowing where you are now.
But... but you found me.
True, but that’s not saying much is it. It doesn’t mean i can get you out of here.
Merry, stop freaking me out ok. As far as I’m concerned this looks just like home except my feet are strangely lacking.
But this is just the start. It’s like a chain reaction. It doesn’t stop with your body or even your house...
Then what?
Which do you think is going to win in a tussle between in-finity and everything in existence?
In-finity of course.
Precisely.
Now, I’m not saying you did the wrong thing. In cases such as the above one should generally follow the heart. But how to avert the big reset, the mother of all zeros, and turn it into a moment of cosmicality?
Huh?
How to use the power of aikido, to roll with the unstoppable onslaught of in-finity and come out on top?
You make it sound like surfing.
Surfing? Ah ha... that’s it, isn’t it!
Isn’t what?
The implosion wave... Instead of resisting it, trying to escape it, we can set up an impulse drive...
Like in Star Trek? You’re kidding!
The impulse drive will be powered up by the implosion wave and instead of nullification...
We’ll be riding at warp speed back into the future.
You bet. Oh wow, this could be amazing.
So what have i got to do?
Do? This is not a doing matter Zie. This requires a different order of magnitude.
Then what?
Pure electric intent coupled with magnetic resolve.
Oh that... la la mysticism and esoteric why-me whyme.
If you have to make light of this... Personally I’d have expected better of you, given all you’ve put me through today.
Today? Do you mean to say it’s still today?
Oh, you know what i mean. Now, let’s get the impulse drive into its ready to fly state.
But i can’t see anything.
It’s a Cheshire drive, isn’t it, until you’re riding the wave at warp speed. Only then will it come into your field of vision, all things being equal.
Oh
Where did i put that spanner? It’s lucky I’ve had the bare essentials lying around for an emergency like this.
You mean you actually have to make it by hand?
Not exactly, but i used to be a Doctor Who fan so i collected an assortment of time junk that could be made into a tardis. In actual fact, your job is to hold in unison the creation you’re now spawning.
Om my God, what do you mean?
Well, you have two great loves do you not?
I do?
Oh come on Zie, don’t be dense.
Er... You mean Dorothy and...
And?
Er... It sounds terribly egocentric.
As it rightly should. There’s no going anywhere without the supreme, transcendental, cosmic ego.
Oh... I thought it was just me.
Which it is. It’s just that you’ve not yet realised what your me really amounts to.
Huh?
Think big Zie. Very big. Pop up past peta and zetta orders of magnitude to the giga yota scale, or thereabouts.
You mean to say that I’m as big as...
The universe? Where else do you think it came from? They can’t just appear from nowhere, you know.
Oh, i always assumed
Yes, but right now you have about seven seconds before the implosion wave hits and nullifies everything you’ve ever been or known, so kindly hold the two loves in perfect evenness: on the one hand Dorothy your bewitching contractual bridget...
Bridget?
Oh, you know, soul bride, and everything else...
Er...
Everything you’ve ever known and loved, starting with yourself, your life, including humanity, the Earth, trains, planes and real ale...
I thought you said the implosion wave’s hitting in seven seconds?
Oh God, i nearly forgot. Quickly... Deep breath, Om, slowing down the time stream, decoupling, unphasing, desyncing, release, hold, mmm, that’s better. Now where were we?
Loving two sides evenly.
Ok, as the time wave implodes into you these feelings are going to intensify exponentially. Prepare to feel the exteme rapture, joy, pain and despair of all that love ever can, was and ever will be.
Is that all?
... while i get the tardis powered up. Kansas city is going bye bye, as they said in...
The Matrix. And you can assure me...
Focus, no time for assurances. Your everything and nothing are now collapsing, spinning into the zero point you yourself constitute. Only the two sides of love can keep you afloat to ride the maelstrom, to surf the time vortex back into inf-inity.
Oh... oh... oh... oh... oh... oh... oh
A puff of smoke and Zie is gone.
Seventh heaven... Right, here goes for nothing... Impulse drive 0=1 destination unknown, wherever, just as long as Zie’s waiting for me with two feet and a bottle of Nouveau Beaujolais. Now full steam ahead Marigold, we have a lovestruck Romeo riding the time wave of an imploding universe to catch before he crashes into the Mandelbrot beetle at T minus 42 to the power of zie vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvrm
Ah, music to my ears! There’s life in the old dog yet...
To be continued
