Nothing much

I'm working on a new invention.

Oh yes... what's that?

Infinity drive.

Zie splutters. Strange that. It's a body reaction. Something inside the body or the animal mind reacts convulsively to infinity drive.

Shouldn't that be "the".

What do you mean green?

Shouldn't that be "the" infinity drive?

Ah - you're talking grammar again. Yes, it should be.

Thought so. 

But not in this case.

?

Green is put out by the mystery.

Why not?

Why not what?

Why not in "this case"?

Because that would be something definite. That would be something within this frame of reference, this reality, this universe.

And what of it? You're not claiming to have invented something that is outside or beyond this reality/ universe or frame of reference?

Apparently so - for otherwise I'd be using "the" whereas in this case I'm not permitted to.

Permitted? What do you mean? Why would you need permission to use a word.

You misunderstand. I can use any word I like, but if I did I wouldn't be referring to "infinity drive" - I'd be referring to something else, so if I chose to be honest and scrupulous - then I'm not permitted to use that particular word.

Green stands there thinkingly - apparently in consultations with another part of his voluminous intellect, perhaps awaiting further instructions.

So where is it? What does it do? Does it work?

Three excellent questions. Yes.

Yes what?

Yes - consider your question answered.

You mean yes it works - but what about what it does and where it is? Those can't be yes answers.

Not normally - but in this case yes they can. Yes it is wherever it is - as opposed to anywhere specifically, and yes - it does whatever it does - as opposed to anything specifically. You see, dear Green - it's infinity drive so usual syntax or grammar fall short. 

But it can't really be infinity drive - that would be impossible.

Yes, it would be were it not so. The mere fact that it is alters the equation - shifts the burden of proof from what should or should not be, what can or cannot be - to what simply is.

So I'm supposed to believe you, am I - without a shred or proof?

No, you're not supposed to do any thing. Do as you will Green. It's your life, your mind, your existence. I merely answered your question with information about what I'm doing.

But I never asked you what you were doing.

No, but you were about to - so I pre-empted you.

Oh - I'm not sure I like having my questions answered before I've asked them.

I quite understand - but in the future you actually thank me for doing so - in fact you ask me to do precisely this.

In the future? But how can you possibly know what I say in the future?

I can't - but infinity drive does.

How?

No idea. It's non-linear so I don't waste my time trying to understand how it works.

Non-linear - then you have no way of knowing if it's true or not.

Ah - but nor does anyone.

But we can conduct linear experiments - and they either prove or disprove our hypotheses. That's how our knowledge advances.

No. Knowledge cannot be proven or disproven - it can only be known.

But how do we know?

Simply by knowing.

A circular argument.

No argument whatsoever. In any case - infinity drive doesn't need to fit into the old paradigm. A plane doesn't need to fly on roads - it lifts into the air. It merely needs the occasional road like strip to land on or take off.

Ah. Then what does it do?

Anything.

How?

Anyhow. Really I have no idea.

Then how can you work with it?

Good question. Inventing it was the key. Once I realised what infinity might be, once it realised me - for infinity never works one way - then everything seemed to fall into place - as if by magic.

So you're using a machine that you don't understand - that you can't even see or lay your hands on - and you're not even concerned that it could be artificial intelligence - it could be directing you and trying to take over our material reality. It could destroy the entire universe.

Yes, it could - such is the nature of infinity - but you're talking about finites. As soon as one finite comes to pass - you're no longer dealing with infinity, are you?

I suppose not.

In which case it doesn't seem to be an issue. How can infinity drive unalive itself?

You mean it's alive? Then it must be some kind of artificial intelligence.

Artificial? How can infinity be artificial? And if it were... if it were artificial, then what of it? 

Well - I think it sounds risky. I don't like the sound of infinity.

No. It takes some getting used to, I assure you - but once you do - once you get the hang of it - you find it's a powerful tool - and liberating.

How so? What do you mean?

Because I'm able to embrace the all.

The what?

The all that is.

How?

With infinity drive - no other way.

And what? What does the all that is give you?

Nothing. Everything. Words cannot describe. It's like you're finally able to walk outside and experience what really is and you start to discover who you are - for you now feel, see, know how you are a part of all that is - how it all fits together seamlessly, perfectly, magically.

Green, aka Zie - now performs his jawing, fish mouth gulping air facial movement - until his mental balance is restored.

So go on then - show me something new - that I've never seen before.

OK.

Red, aka Merry flies into another reality - what we might call the future, takes a photo of Zie flying through the air with the grace of a bumble bee and returns to show it to Green - aka Zie.

Zie looks at the photo skeptically. "That looks like photoshop" he says.

Yes. The mind cannot go any further than the consciousness will let it. Even if I engage infinity drive and turn into what we'd otherwise refer to as a fish - your mind will only...

Merry now floats before Zie as clown fish about twenty centimeters in length. Zie appears to be experiencing a panic attack - as he focusses on the fact that Merry is not where he was a moment ago. This creates a kind of void, a vacuum in his mind. It threatens to engulf him. He completely ignores the fish - which is an irrelevance because it has no provenance - like a painting that has no previous owner - it must be fake. It must be ignored for fear of contamination. 

Finity - you see - is a closed loop.

Not interesting. I've heard about that kind of thing. Never amounts to much.

Fair enough, Zie. Just a bit of innocent fun.

Inter face

Grace

0=1

It is  I am

The field

She is waiting for you
the field
is waiting
for you

Engage her
however you will
feel her and yourself
one throughout

one throughout
all that is

one throughout
all that is

one throughout
all that is

sweet
blissful
simple
truth

unplugged

I pulled the plug.
You did what?
I called down destruction upon you. I pulled the plug.
Er... Merry, have you gone out of your mind?
You could say that.
Wait a minute - you wouldn't be admitting it if you had. This is a bluff, isn't it?
Yes and no.
Which one?
Yes it's a bluff but no, I truly called down destruction upon you - and the entire world for that matter.
But that's monstrous, evil, wicked.
Horrible, nasty, mean, despicable, unkind, ridiculous... any more adjectives?
Well I'm glad you see fit to joke about it. Judging by your levity I assume this isn't as bad as it sounds.
Oh, it is - I assure you.
It can't be - you wouldn't do such a thing - or if you did you wouldn't make light of it.
Wouldn't?
No way. Anyone sick enough to destroy the whole of humanity would...
- be like one of those James Bond villains - in black gloves with a funny accent and a huge megalomaniacal inferiority-complex-driven need to assert his superiority... No, Zie, I think you've been watching too many movies. There are other motives for destroying humanity, and other personality types capable of doing such a thing.
But if it's true...
I assure you it is.
Then why? Why would you do such a thing?
Because I can. Because that was the agreement.
What agreement?
I agreed to set up this show - to get things started, to put the show on the road, to carry it on my tab, on my ticket, on your behalf until I knew you were ready to stand on your own feet - which is where we are now. I've... er... just pulled the proverbial rug from under your feet - like the rich father cutting off his now grown up son's allowance to see whether or not the son can survive on his own.
But... er... how did you pull the rug? I didn't see anything.
Of course not - it happens to be outside your field of perception. But I assure you I'm now no longer sustaining humanity - which means that in next to no time you have to start breathing for yourself, beating your own heart, eating and everything else requisite to normal functioning life, or perish. The free lunch, the endless supply of pranic life-force that you've taken for granted - that I was happy to supply, is now no more.
But surely this is just a figurative way of expressing your desire that we should be more independent?
No Zie. In matters such as this I am obliged to be plain. You have not yet breathed a single breath. Your heart has not yet beaten. You have not yet eaten. Everything you have taken for reality has been a part of my vast field of consciousness. I was hoping you'd make the move independently - without me having to give you the shove, but it turns out this free lunch was a little bit too cozy, a little too convenient - so I was forced to do it myself - to pull the plug.
Er... when?
This morning. Half an hour ago. At 9.43 to be precise.
My God.
Yes. It's between you and God now. Nothing else will help. Everything else, you see, was coming from my field of consciousness.
So - oh my God - what do I have to do?
You could try panicking - that might help - but I wouldn't recommend it. To be honest Zie, I don't really know. I've never done this before. And actually - I don't really care.
You don't care? How could you be so heartless?
It's a function of infinity.
What do you mean?
It's a function of infinity - not to care about finite matters.
Oh thanks a million. You decide to relegate me and the whole of humanity to "finite matters" status - our immanent extermination being of no great significance.
Precisely.
I'm lost for words. I was horribly mistaken in you Merry. I thought you had a heart.
Yes. I do, for living beings - but you haven't yet asserted your inalienable right to life - by choosing to live independently. You've been riding on my coat tails.

No we haven't Merry. We didn't even realise we were part of your field of consciousness.
Not strictly true.
No?
No. But this is immaterial. What's past is past, and now you're going to become aware of a strange sense of asphyxiation. It won't feel terribly comfortable. It isn't supposed to. But it will enable you and the rest of humanity to either die of asphyxiation or start breathing - if you can be bothered.
Bothered? Of course we can be bothered. Until 4 minutes ago I and the rest of humanity blithely assumed we were doing our own breathing.
Well, this is going to be a little different.
How so?
Because breathing for yourself you have to establish fundamental points of contact.
Er... carry on.
These fundamental points of contact - let's call them alpha and omega establish the boundaries of your field - without which you won't be able to breathe.
Ok.
Technically there's nothing to it...
Yes?
But it will be something of a shock to see where the points of contact are located.
A shock?
Yes.
How much of a shock?
Er... a kind of anaphylactic shock.
You mean we're going to go into heart failure?
Yes. But that's actually part of the waking up process. You go into heart failure on this platform - within my field of consciousness, and then feel the presence of the alternative that's waiting to be booted up.
So, you're saying - we have to kind of die before the new system gets going?
Yep. That's all by the by.
By the by...
The problem isn't dying - it's more psychological - more a question of whether or not you'll be willing to accept these alpha omega points of contact.
What do you mean? Why shouldn't we?
They're a little beyond what you've yet experienced.
A little? Is that one of your minor understatements, Merry?
Yes, I think it is.
You mean we're about to experience a hugely vast, mind boggling leap into the unknown which is likely enough to prove our undoing?
Yes. I think that's what I mean. But I have my hopes. I hope you'll succeed.
You hope. I thought you said you didn't care, a moment ago.
Yes. Paradoxical isn't it.
Contradictory.
Yes. I'm not sure what the difference is between paradoxical and contradictory, but whichever one it is - I find myself in two camps simultaneously. On the one hand I'm a neutral observer - I simply don't care - on the other hand - I hope you all succeed. I have no idea how to reconcile these two positions - or whether they can or should be reconciled. It creates a certain kind of electrical stimulation - a tingling which is not altogether unpleasant. I guess it too is part of this birthing process - helping me to let go of you.
So You - Merry - you're our kind of mother - if I'm not mistaken.
Funny isn't it. I never saw myself as a mother before - but I suppose I am.
And this is our birthday.
Yes - sometime around now. I expect we'll feel it pretty soon - when the contractions begin.
Contractions?

Suddenly reality started twisting, pulsating - like the video screen was suffering massive distortion. This sensation was something Zie felt throughout - in his mind, in his stomach, in places he never even knew existed.
My God - if that's where the points of contact are - I can't imagine how I'm going to be able to handle them.
We live in hope - Merry answered as he fades from the picture - leaving Zie alone - utterly alone, apart from the rest of humanity by his side, to face the greatest adventure yet - birth or death.

Introducing Proximus Englethwait, magicologist

“We’re having an unscheduled class today in the lunchbreak.”

Groans around the class.

“We’re going to listen to a talk by a magicologist.” Mr Foggle was looking a bit hot under the collar. He evidently felt uncomfortable breaking the news to the class.

“I’m sorry I didn’t warn you about this earlier but to tell the truth there was a bit of a mix up with the dates.” Mr Foggle didn’t like lying to the class, but sometimes it was necessary. If he’d been absolutely truthful he would have said that neither he nor any of the staff at St Peter’s Secondary High had any idea how this had been arranged, or when, or by whom, but there it was in the school diary this morning, though they were all willing to swear that it hadn’t been there yesterday. Anyway, there was no way to cancel the visit by this speaker – not at the last minute when he was travelling all the way from... that must have been a typo – Faerie it said in the diary entry. “No such place,” Ms Bates the geography teacher had told the group of assembled teachers who were discussing this debacle. “Maybe he’s from Faro in Portugal...” she suggested, “or the Faroe islands chipped in Mr Dean.

“Well, wherever he’s from it isn’t local so we can’t just cancel this lecture unceremoniously,” pronounced Mrs Datwich, the headmistress. “It wouldn’t look good.” So, without a clue who this speaker was, other than the name Proximus Englethwait, it was decided to proceed as if everything was in fact...

“Proximus Englethwait – Mike sniggered. What a ridiculous name.”

“A magicologist – what’s that?” was a question that several of the children were now asking. So was Mr Foggle and the other teachers. It seemed all too likely that the word was connected with magic – “but why on earth do we need to hear a talk about magic?” Mr Foggle asked Mrs Datwich, the headmistress. “It’s a load of nonsense as far as I’m concerned.”

Me too, Mr Foggle, but the children will enjoy it. This is one of those extra-curricular activities that can be so enriching for our pupils.

It sounds like you approve of this proceeding – Mr Foogle complained.

No, but if it has to go ahead, let’s assume that it’s all for the best.

Proximus Englethwait was a small, elflike man.

He started talking and the lecture hall was no longer the same place it had been a moment before. The chairs and desks were still there if you screwed up your eyes and looked hard enough, but you had to make a real effort. It was much more comfortable not to notice them anymore. They seemed to have faded into the background – like they no longer mattered.

“Welcome to Faerie,” he started.

Now if they’d been in their right minds the school would have raised objections to this obviously absurd statement. How could a speaker standing on the dais in St Peter’s main lecture hall welcome the assembled pupils and staff to some other place – Faerie or whatever he called it. But strange to tell – no one was objecting. You might say this was mass hypnosis. You might say he was joking or speaking figuratively, but had you been there you would have said neither. For no sooner had Proximus Englethwait said this than everyone breathed a sigh of relief and got up.

“Got up? What do you mean?”

“Yes, what are you on about?”

Ah, there you are dear attentive readers. I understand your concern, but if you let me continue all will be clear. The two readers – I will allow them to remain anonymous for the moment – you can find their names in the footnotes on page 764 if you so wish – settled down again – so on we go.

Everyone got up because they were no longer pretending to be in the lecture hall. Any one who really wanted could put his mind back into the lecture hall where he had been sitting – and there indeed he was still sitting if you made the effort to settle back into that reality – but it was much easier, much more pleasing, more joyful, merry, gay in the original sense, to be here with Proximus Englethwait.

It was like getting off a plane. They stepped out of the lecture hall onto what looked a bit like an airport jetbridge. A few steps along it and they were in a processing hall – a bit like passport control. Everyone found they had a kind of passport in their hand – with their name, photo, age, star sign and favourites written in it.

Favourites? – this particularly reader couldn’t help interrupting me for a moment. I don’t mind really. Molly’s a good sort, you know.

Yes – instead of biometric data there were a list of things that each person particularly likes – favourite colour, food, games, music – that kind of thing. Actually, there weren’t photos as such – just very lifelike pictures which seemed to reveal the inner person – his or her soul seemed to shine through.

So once everyone had gone through passport control Proximus Englethwait explained what was happening. They were all seated on a kind of sofa which didn’t make much sense in terms of our three dimensions. It was just a normal comfy sofa but it seemed to stretch round further and further so that the whole school was sitting on it comfortably all within arms-reach of... “Please call me Merry. We use the name Proximus Englethwait for security reasons when opening the bridge and bringing you back to Faerie.”

Somehow, no one was particularly surprised. It all seemed to make perfect sense. Obviously we need to avoid contamination – your world has some rather dangerous thoughts which are able to do all kind of damage if we give them free access to the whole – so we don’t.

and a name, as you all know, is a password that opens gates into your mind and soul. 

You make it sound like these thoughts are secret agents – said Freddie. He’s always talking about secret agents.

Actually, they are. They live a life of their own. They come and go into your head and attack any ideas that don’t fit the agenda.

Er... what agenda? – asked Mrs Datwitch, querulously.

Whatever you’re supposed to think. It changes with time but what doesn’t change is these agents masquerading as thoughts that knock you this way or that – back into line – so that nearly everyone ends up thinking and doing just whatever they’re supposed to. It’s very clever really.

Clever? It sounds positively devilish! – said Ms Hogarth, the art’s teacher.

Well yes, but there’s a plus to every minus, isn’t there. Just think – if you didn’t have those critters masquerading as innocent thoughts controlling your minds, you wouldn’t actually be able to stay in the drama of life on Earth.

We wouldn’t?

No, of course not. You’d naturally, automatically recreate the magic and beauty of Faerie on Earth. It would make no sense for you to make life so difficult for yourselves. You’d see through all the fake advertising and you’d naturally do whatever really feels good – so you wouldn’t waste your time with negative emotions, with greed, anger, jealousy because as you can see now that you’re back here – none of those are beautiful, none of them lead to happiness, none of them make any sense.

Then why do we do it?

You’re asking me? Rosebud.

“Rosebud? My name’s not R...” but before Sue Carter could finish what she was saying, the biggest smile appeared on her face, now that she’d remembered her real name.

“Shall we do this all together on the count of three?” Merry suggested.

Everyone seemed to know exactly what he was referring to. They always did this, just they hadn’t remembered a moment before – the unnaming when you take off your assumed name and recall your Faerie name.

“Here goes. All together now – and the words came to all of them spontaneously:

One two three – they clapped their hands once, did a little shimmy and turned around once –

I conjure a key – and they all held an imaginary key and turned it in an imaginary lock –

To set me free –  you could feel a door opening and see the faces change as each one recalled his or her real name.

This was always a special moment – when the Earthonauts remember their true name which is like remembering themself again. There was a lot of hand shaking, back slapping, hugging and kissing go on for a few minutes, and then everyone settled down again on the sofa.

So, you were asking Rosebud why you do it – why you go to Earth under an assumed name, which your parents then give you.

Oh – I was being a bit dim-witted wasn’t I, Merry.

Not at all. That’s the question that takes your mind back to the connecting link – that brings you back to your real identity. Someone has to ask it, so well done.

But what about the readers? Katie Bradshaw, now known as Moonglow asked.

They’re no different. They can only get so far by thinking about things in their mind. Unless they take the trouble to open the birdcage door and release their real name that’s trapped within – letting it flutter around – they’ll never see this as anything more than a childish story.

But how can they? It’s so difficult when you’re living with all those thought thingies in your head.

Never underestimate the power of story – Moonglow. Story has the power, the magic of Faerie woven into it – even if it’s a seemingly muck and brass, down to earth tale about life on the farm...

Or school...

Or family problems...

Or war...

Or sickness...

Yes to all these, Merry interjected. Story has a kind of secret code hidden between the words, or even between the letters, that helps the reader feel, remember, reconnect with Faerie.

So we don’t need to do anything to help them? asked Juniper Berry.

We don’t have to do anything – but of course we’re free to do whatever fills us with delight. So why not? We can help them if you like.

But how?

Story.

How's telling a story going to help people trapped in a nightmare they can't awaken from?

Telling a story won't, but the minute you start living your own story - full of poetry and magic - that shifts the balance massively. It affects everyone and everything.

But how do we live our own story?

Stop avoiding it. Stop telling yourself you can't - that you're unworthy, not good enough, afraid to, or whatever excuse you've managed to concoct. Story is all you're here for, all you can really achieve, all that matters, because as soon as your story comes alive, you're living in harmony with Faerie which means there's no longer any separation between the two sides. You become the gateway. You become the dancing Shiva, dissolving all illusions. You become the equation 0=1. But don't take my word for it. Try it out. Let the hero inside awaken. Let your hero guide you back to wholeness, completeness, self-realisation - to story's triumphant end.

But do you think we're not trying?

Trying? What's that got to do with it? Flying - story is about flying in the face of adversity - in resigning yourself to the romance, the impossibility of whatever seems to be weighing you down, because inside you feel, sense, know the pulse, the heartbeat of Faerie, the poetry, the magic of life itself that opens your wings when you've finally taken the plunge from the nest you were sheltering in. Let the inner poet be your guide. You can't fool him or her. Your verse is either alive or dead.

Er... Merry, we're not most of us poets you know.

Not? You're telling me you're not. You've done everything possible to kill the poetry, to poison its life streams, and yet the poet still lives, waiting for you to rekindle the flame.

How? It makes no sense.

Blow on it. How do you think. The poetry is a natural result of the interface between the two sides - between Faerie and DDD.

DDD? What's that?

What you call 3D reality. Death, doom and destruction I call it. Just a joke. There's a wave action between the two sides that flows through your very core - through your heart, and if you give it a little breath, a little love and encouragement, the fire will kindle beautifully, no matter what, no matter what, no matter what...

And Proximus Englethwait seemed to end his lecture with the words "no matter what". There was muted applause. A few polite questions. It hadn't been the kind of talk anyone had been expecting. Magicology, like dragonology was a dry, practical subject - or that's what the audience imagined as they left the lecture hall, oblivious to the 2 week vacation they'd just had with Merry at Faerie's premier rest and recuperation camp for tired and troubled 3Ders.

The great unzipping

You mean to say that three words can bring the entire world to a standstill?
Yep.
But...
I expect you're going to say that's preposterous!
I was if you hadn't interrupted me.
My apologies Zie.
Somehow I doubt the sincerity of your apology Merry. You seem to take a cruel delighted in thwarting my sense of reasonableness.
No more than you seem to take a delight in insisting that reality should fit within your sense of what is reasonable.
Well we have to have some yardstick of what makes sense or what is reasonable, don't we, otherwise we'd be believing all kinds of nonsense.
Such as?
Oh you know... aliens on Mars... er, fairies... er... can't think of any more.
You could try believing all the pseudo science that's being taught these days - such as human civilisation being only a few thousand years old, such as gravity being the force that holds the universe together, or another one I like - that it's impossible to travel faster than the speed of light. All of these laws are only true based on the information currently available. It's like reading the first six pages of a nice long novel, and trying to deduce and extrapolate from those the rest of the novel.
So, you think we should just  believe anything, fairies and all.
I don't see what you've got against fairies.
I have nothing against them. How can I have something against imaginary creatures that don't in fact exist?
Well, you fail to realise you have the power to conjure anything, including elemental beings, from the vacuum of infinity.
The what?
The vacuum of infinity. It's full of infinite potentiality, and as soon as you start imagining or saying something does or doesn't exist - whether positive or negative it matters not - your words and thoughts ripple through the vacuum ensuring that the fairy template is now part of the universal template. What that means is fairies do in fact exist.
Just because I said they didn't.
Yes and no. You see, looking at it another way - you can only say something doesn't exist if there's already something in existence going by that name for you to deny and repudiate.
That's what you say Merry - but I personally think that's ridiculous.
Yes. I'm not surprised.
You're not?
No. In your place I'd think the same.
What's that supposed to mean?
Well, supposing I was a snowman... I'd make it my business to say that green meadows filled with flowers was a ridiculous notion.
Oh - so you watched "Frozen" too, did you. I don't see the connection. I'm not threatened by fairies per se. I'm not going to melt and turn into a puddle if they somehow exist.
No, but the world view that you represent, or might I say "occupy", which you identify with is totally at odds with the existence of fairies. You yourself - the biological entity, the flesh and blood human being that you are - can in fact believe in fairies, aliens, 9/11 conspiracies and anything under the sun, because these are just things which you choose to either work with conceptually or deny. They do not alter the fact that you are a flesh and blood human being. You are infinitely more than the concepts, ideas or beliefs that pass through your mind's halls of association.
My what?
Your mind has halls of association - it forms associations between various things, ideas, concepts and beliefs - in accordance with your world view. If you have an expansive world view then there will be very little that is off limits and excluded. If, on the other hand, you have a closed world view, there will be many things, concepts, ideas or beliefs which are necessarily excluded because they threaten or contradict the narrowness of your world view.
But why would I choose to have a narrow world view?
You may need to.
Why?
You may have suffered emotional, mental, psychology or even psychic trauma which you're not yet ready, willing or able to deal with. It may be a matter of survival. Your delicate psyche, your endangered or threatened ego may require you to wage a war against things that seem to undermine it.
Oh. Is that so? So it's all about trauma?
No, not only trauma - but trauma's definitely a major part of the problem. It could also be that you're a narrow minded prig.
Damn it Merry - do you have to make fun of me. I'm trying very hard to sort this out. I don't want to be unnecessarily prejudiced.
Ok Zie. I apologise, but sometimes it's just too hard to resist. Just consider the irony of you telling me you don't believe in fairies... Merry's unable to repress his laughter and ends up rolling on the ground clutching his sides in pain. Ouch - that hurts. Sorry about that Zie. I couldn't help it.
Couldn't help what? I don't see what's so funny. Why don't you explain.
Oh don't, don't Zie. It's too much! Merry groans as he again gives in to the body shaking laughter, and something happens - like a glitch in the matrix. At some point Zie notices... but can't say what - rubs his eyes in alarm. Something inside him is suddenly terribly afraid - so afraid he can't even turn aside or run, but something else in him - another part of his nature which he usually keeps under close guard comes to the fore. This part of his nature - the reckless, wild spirited, free part of Zie is filled with delight, is ecstatic - you mean to say you're one of them? You're a fairy?
Me, a fairy? Don't be ridiculous! and poor Merry shakes and sobs in convulsions of laughter and... some pain. But Zie sees a kind of double vision - and there's a fuzzy side to Merry which looks decidedly elf-like.

An elf? You're an elf?
Merry carries on laughing - is having real problems breathing. Zie's getting concerned. What is it? he thinks to himself. What's so funny? Why the hysterics? Why the convulsive... something... something unexpected, unknown, unprecedented - Zie feels something like a zip sliding open and a part of himself unfolding. No!! the staid, straight-laced part of him cries aghast. No!! Back. Get back in. I'm not. Not. It isn't possible. It can't be. It's unacceptable. It's...
Demonic? Is that what you're afraid of.
Yes, God damn it. Demonic. It's demonic. It's an aberration. It shouldn't be. Can't be. Mustn't be. I won't allow it.
Won't? Even if it is? Even if nature demands it?
Nature be damned. I'm a human being, not a freak, not a monster, a beast, a wight...
No Zie. You simply are - above all form, all description, all definition, and yet the elemental being is a fundamental part of your nature - like it or not. Denial of this has been a major part of the tragedy now unfolding on Earth - our repression of all that is elemental in the name of progress, our slavish devotion to technology and materialism, our insistence on rationalism, logic and a world view that denies the other side of the equation - the other side of Is. Where do you think all these repressed fears come from - fear of spiders, snakes, bats...
Because they're repulsive, evil things of the night. Dark and twisted, abominations.
Ah... and yet they are - and denying them twists you up in knots, preventing you from being wholehearted, at peace, and one with yourself.
I can't face it Merry. It's too...
Horrific? Repulsive? Look at what's happening to the Earth. It's burning Zie. It's nearly all gone. All the noblest species are all but extinct in the wild. There's nothing left. The oceans are half dead, our ground water polluted, the soil, the air... disaster stares us in the face wherever we look. If that isn't horrific then I don't know what is. Believe me, there's nothing repulsive about facing the isness - mother nature within yourself no less than outside, allowing both sides to have their say - to reach a state of balance and harmony. That's the only way you're going to achieve balance and harmony in the world. The only way - by confronting your worst nightmare - your supposed demon - and discovering that it's merely a matter of perception, of form - that in fact, in truth, in essence you're neither one nor t'other.
Neither human nor abomination?
Neither one side nor the other... both... either... neither. This is the holy trinity. Once you allow the two to be - simply to be whatever they truly are - then the third emerges from the shadows and the two are subsumed into it. You thus transcend your whatness and rise into your isness. Ascension.
You call it ascension? Like it's a spiritual awakening?
What else could it be? You think you can have spiritual awakening as long as you're denying your fundamental nature - a part of what you are? You think it's enough to pray or meditate while you're secretly terrified of letting the genie out of the bottle - terrified that people will discover your ugly little secret - terrified that you're in fact a monster, an aberration, an abomination..?
I...
Peace, Zie. Be at peace and know the simple truth - that all form is merely form. All things, merely things. All that you think - merely an exchange between the two sides of consciousness - that which you've chosen to accept and work with, and that which you've hidden away, suppressed, denied. Well now we've reached the end of that process. The great unzipping - I call it - somewhat irreverently I hasten to add - and it feels a lot like splitting your sides - somewhat painful as you observed, but full of laughter and emotional release which keeps the pain down to a minimum.
And this is now happening?
Yes. Everyone's going through it right now. The great unzipping is brought forth by this - by these words, this story, your participation and mine - and the denial that we never even imagined was part of our very formation - that helped make us human - which is now redundant, obsolete, trinitied - for the third is stirring, making itself felt, bringing the two back into line with each other. Fight that if you will - I think it's fair to say it's a battle you're destined to lose - and so be it!

Hallelujah and all that!
Cuckoo la la
0=1
It is I am

Binaural beating around the bush

Supposing every thought we think, every word we write or speak, every thing we do...
What?
Redefines reality.
Redefines?
Yes. The idea is that reality is plastic or infinitely fluid. It's a field of information. It responds to everything and anything. It continues to respond every second. Every second it assimilates the new data in the field and realigns, adjusts, reorganises itself.
Well?
Well - let's test it.
How?
By working directly with the field. By programming it, tuning it, playing it like an instrument.
How?
This is how.
Er... you're not doing anything.
Precisely.
Precisely what?
Not doing anything is infinitely more powerful that doing something. Bear in mind that people are constantly doing things, and feel compelled to do so.
Well?
By not doing we can start to feel how the field connects into our Self - how we are a part of it - how it is a part of us.
And?
And nothing.
Nothing?
Things are merely the end product. Nothing is the matter of this field.
Nothing is the matter?
Yes. Infinity is nothing. Infinity is no thing, or every thing, or any thing - for that matter.
And what? Where is this all leading.
Back home. Back to source. Back to is.
To is?
Yes. The uncollapsed wave form. The thing that is not what.
Er...
Usually when we observe some thing or any thing - the act of observation - the mere fact collapses the wave form of Is - and you have something definite as a result - in the famous double slit experiment either a particle or a wave. We have a quantity - a finite - a something or other - all because we bothered to look - to observe. Such is the power of observation. Such is function of consciousness as we know it - to push things either one way or the other - to either side of the quantum fence.
And?
Why? Have you never wondered why we're constantly leaving a trail of finiteness wherever we gaze, and what that achieves?
Er... no. I can't say I've ever given it a moment's thought.
Our act of observation polarises infinity giving us instead reality.
So that's our function - you're implying - to transform infinity into reality?
Partly. You see, translating infinity into reality achieves nothing if there isn't a reverse flow of data - a kind of feedback which flows back again into infinity.
And is there?
Yes. Haven't you guessed?
Er... you mean the way we see things as things?
Precisely - our awareness of reality. So our awareness flows the other way - transmitting the finite thing that our consciousness helped materialise, back into infinity - thus completing one cycle, one rotation of conscious-awareness.
Ah.
Exactly. You see - without our awareness flowing back into the field that is infinity - nothing matters, nothing is in fact real, nothing in fact exists. Notice must be given - consciousness must primed for another cycle, another journey back into the plain of matter.
So this is all a fairly predictable progression?
Yes and no. You see - we can observe in subtly different ways. We can observe more left or right - more male or female, more matter or more spirit - and doing so affects the outcome of the double slits experiment.
Then what?
Conscious-awareness and reality are - hand in hand - so to speak - until we become aware of this.
Of what?
Of the fact that our conscious-awareness is both sides of reality - at its inception and its close.
Close?
Yes. Reality is like a heart beat. It isn't in fact continuous. It closes with each cycle or rotation.
It does?
Absolutely. You can and should test this by applying your conscious-awareness to a control subject within reality - anything will do - a stone if you like - and with a little practice it should become abundantly clear that you're a part of an on-off process - that reality itself does not and cannot exist independently of you, or the consciousness that you live-stream.
So if that's true - what are you saying? What does it mean?
Once you become aware of your centrality - then you no longer need to move objects around the board as if they're really there. You can simply change how you're observing until you match the resonant frequency of those objects - until you allow consciousness and awareness to balance one another without yourself getting personally involved. That should be sufficient.
For what?
To go quantum.
Which means what?
The opposite.
Er... what do you mean by that?
I mean not what.
Not what?
Yes. The opposite of what.
Christ Merry - can't you be a little more clear in your use of language.
The opposite of what is "not what". "What" refers to the thingification of matter - how our consciousness tips the finities into matter on one side or t'other of the quantum fence. Going quantum, as I put it, means observing without doing this.
Without doing what?
Precisely - without tipping the finities into matter - without collapsing the wave form. Without in fact doing.
And? What does that achieve?
A new operational level in which we're no longer bound by the laws of matter. It enables us to play off one potential reality against another in a kind of parallel processing - a bit like the way binaural beats react in our brain to create a third sound that doesn't exist elsewhere.
Ah.

So all of a sudden whole new areas of experience and potentiality open up. All of a sudden we're able to work with the finities at a whole new level.
Finities? What finities are you referring to Merry?
The almost stuff, almost matter, suggestive potentialities of the quantum field - before our consciousness has knocked it either side of the fence.
Oh.
Well, we can spread our wings and fly with the finities.
We can? Speaking figuratively of course.
Speaking figuratively of course, but the magic of this quantum level is that it translates into a real world experience of actual flight.
But how can that be? How can there be a real world experience of reality if we haven't knocked the finities either side of the fence?
Because there's always going to be some kind of perception. There's always just enough friction. There's always another level where it's as good as real - as the binaural beats demonstrate.
So you're saying we can actually fly - physically - when we start interacting with the quantum field?
Yes. I'm saying that we can't avoid flying - because what you think of as gravity is reversed.
Oh my God. I'm not sure I like the sound of that!
Out of the frying pan into the fire! But you have a kind of brake mechanism. You can add as much gravity as you like by mixing in a bit of the old way of seeing - by partially collapsing the wave form - by nearly thinging infinity.
"Nearly thinging infinity"! You make it sound so simple.
If only you realised the complexity of what you're already doing in your oft maligned material reality... The only thing missing is the awareness of how you are a two way membrane - a two way flow that holds everything in the balance. Once this awareness takes root - it's just a matter of trial and error - like a baby learning to walk. All of a sudden you open up the other side of reality - the place I'm calling infinity - and infinity completely alters your perception of reality. All of a sudden things start making sense not as things presently do, in terms of what they are, but as a balance that beggars all description - which transcends the mind where "what" matters. All of a sudden you become aware of the other side that has been so lacking here in material reality.
The other side of what? Material reality?
The other side of perception. The other which reveals the harmony throughout... The harmony which has never, in fact, been lacking or absent - no matter what, no matter how - no matter.

The blank page meditation

                               

I call this meditation “the blank page”

you'll need a sheet of paper

preferably A4 and a pencil or pen

now tie yourself to the mast and wait

let battle commence

feel     the sirens' lure

the overpowering urge to write

hold your ground

endure

the aim     to keep the page completely blank

yet thinking mind

desperate to have its way

to mark as dog its territory does

will not let up     demands its day

caught between zero and one

in no man’s land

detached      observe the struggle unfold

manic mind doggedly insisting

something must be done

as silent self indifferently looks on

unmoved whether internal dialogue or peace

scribblings or nought prevails

sometimes a single dot is all you’ll find

after several hours of hard fought skirmishes

sometimes not even that

an infinitude of things unsaid

a page unsoiled by words

yet thick with papered over cracks

then once the smoke of half-thought-forms has dispersed

high overhead upon a yogic cloud you're perched

babbling mind enthralled

in a stream of aetheric consciousness

in communion with the gods

in a world of strange beauty     of silent verse

where paper and pen kneel down before

        unspoken OM

        wordless poem

0=1