Chapter22 – in which I contemplate death and definitely not

“Oh, do you have to?” – Joan pulls a face.

No, of course not – but I thought it would be fun.

“Come on Pi, you know that’s not true. Whoever heard of people enjoying the contemplation of death... well, normal people, that is.”

That’s just it – Joan. By your definition “normal people” are those who wouldn’t or couldn’t enjoy anything as rigorous as contemplating death – they’d much rather chat about stuff. That’s what makes them “normal”.”

“And by your definition Pi, normal people like thinking about death and dying? Come on – where are you living? Death sucks. It’s just inevitable. That’s all there is to say about it.”

Yes. It’s inevitable, unless you take the trouble to balance the equation before time runs out.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Just that. We almost invariably put off balancing the equation, and so it’s normally done for us at death. System reset. Reload. Reboot. Finnegan beginnagin...

“Finnegan beginnagin – what on earth’s...”

You know, the song Michael Finnegan. Have a look at it if you like:


Like all these children’s tales it contains immeasurable depths if you pause a moment and sense the simple truth therein.

“More nonsense I expect.”

Yes, Joan – this is the trouble trying to explain something absurdly simple. You’ve been trained to look for complexity, and it’s hard to accept that life has to be ridiculously simple.

“But why?”

Because otherwise it couldn’t contain the infinite. Complexity only works up to a point. If you want to have multiple dimensions, multiple parallel realities interacting or co-existing, things have to be simple beyond words, beyond belief, otherwise it all crashes to a halt.

“But I don’t want to have multiple dimensions or realities. I have quite enough trouble with three dimensions, and I can’t for the life of me see how it’s going to get any better introducing more of the same.”

Good point.

“Oh finally, you concede I’ve made a good point.”

Yes, up to a point.

“Er... that’s sounding dangerously close to dot₃ – good point up to a point, full stop.”

Well yes, we require reference points otherwise nothing makes sense, full stop!

“Not true – things do make sense in reality. You know – this amazing 3D objective, material reality thing that you so despise and constantly belittle.”

Oh no, that wasn’t my intention – I’d be sorry if that’s what I’ve been doing.

“You would?”

Yes, because 3D reality is awesome – it does a great job taking us through the I-mind/what matters inversion.

“The what?”

Well, inversion of course. We have everything back to front. The cart before the horse, the chicken before the egg – no forget that last one...

“Why, does it mess up your argument?”

No – it’s just the chicken and the egg are two sides of a single loop – like a mobius strip so that isn't really inversion, is it?

“Look, Pi, could you come down to earth for a second please? I’m all for deep truth and fundamental knowledge, just as long as it doesn’t have to fry my brains to get there.”

Oh – sorry about that Joan. You have to admit that it is rather interesting watching the mobius strip and thinking about what is up and what is down, and whether our reality is similar.

“Well, if you want me to be polite, then yes, it’s interesting, but I thought you wanted to talk about death – that’s looking much more interesting all of a sudden.”

Oh – I think we’ve dealt with it already, haven’t we?

“We have? In which point of the conversation did we – er...”

Well, in multiple points. Inversion, for a starter.

“Yes, well you haven’t really defined inversion so I’m none the wiser.”

There’s really nothing to it. This reality mathematically cannot make sense because it appears to be formed from nothing and heading back into nothing, when all we are aware of here are bits of matter. As far as we’re concerned these bits of matter are most definitely “something” and so are we – though we’d never refer to ourselves as “bits of matter” would we?

“No, I don’t suppose we would. It doesn’t sound very flattering, does it?”

Not in the least. So if it makes no sense, and if it doesn’t add up mathematically, instead of trying to chase the escaping wave, or the dog’s proverbial tail, let us instead alter our assumptions.

“Can we do that? Isn’t that a bit like cheating?”

Not at all. It’s entirely up to us what assumptions we choose to make. Now the assumptions we’ve been making up till now are 3D I-mind/what matters assumptions, in which things have to add up...

“That’s it?”

Yep. Kind of ridiculously simple innit – when you think about it.

“Well actually Pi I’m doing my best not to think about it. I’m frightened “it” might grab me, pull me down to unfathomable depths and not let go till I’m long past caring.”

Ha ha – good joke!

“Why does he think I’m joking?”

So, instead of assuming things have to add up – we accept there’s no way they possibly can.

“We do? Is there any particular reason why?”

Yes, of course. Because we lack beginning and end – our system is not in fact closed – however hard we try to pretend it is.

“And?”

Well, if the system is not in fact closed, but like  a mobius strip, or an endless Mandelbrot fractal, leading ever further into the infinite – then there’s no way any two points can in fact add up – because the “what” of our reality is not in fact determined or fixed.

“And what of it?”

Well, it means that like a kaleidoscope – you think you’re counting pink fish, but the next moment you find that you’re not.

“...not what? Not counting pink fish, or not in existence?”

E-n-b.

[Groan...] “Not that again. Remind me what the letters stand for – then again, don’t bother – you’ll only confuse me.”

Too late – I have to take your first command at face value J Either – neither – both...

“So it could be one or t’other, or neither of ‘em, or both – and we can’t be any more specific without violating some mathematical postulate? Is that what you mean?”

Kind of... I think that’s a pretty good summation, but let me give you one more piece of the jigsaw puzzle.

“Do you have to?”

No, not if you don’t want me to.

[A moment’s silence] “... oh go on then. What have I got to lose? I’ve already lost most of my marbles talking to you.”

Ah... well, as I said – it has to be mindbogglingly simple of nothing could work – so we’re forever overlooking the blindingly obvious in our all too natural bias towards matter, and complexity.

“So you keep saying. To be honest, if you want to avoid complexity I think you’d better stick to bus timetables or Chinese takeaway menus.”

Yes, but this being a fractal universe means I can find the same in any sphere, in any thing – there’s no escaping the simple truth – it stares you in the face wherever you go, whatever you do.

“It does? I think you need help. You must be suffering greatly.”

On the contrary Joan, I’m lovin it, because it’s all coming together and making perfect sense, all of a sudden. For example, the scientist talks about 3 spatial dimensions but ignores the fact that there must be correspondingly 3 mental dimensions – like 3 planes of mind that create the mind space in which I-mind/what matters is able to observe and operate.

“But that’s bizarre. Whoever said that the mind needs 3 dimensions? I mean – we can see space has 3 – but why should the mind.”

Well, otherwise your mental images, mind projections fall flat, become linear, fail to deal with the fundamental issues, cannot square the circle, cannot factor life into the equation of matter, and so on, so forth ad infinitum.

“Oh...”

Otherwise we’d be completely divorced from/ different from what we’re observing – which is impossible. The observer is always mysteriously a part of what he/ she is observing – and that doesn’t make sense if mind is non-dimensional whereas what mind is observing is.

“It doesn’t?”

No, for how would mind be able to recognise and observe dimensions were it not for the fact that they were intrinsic to mind itself – that mind is constantly projecting and reading and entering into entangled oneness with what is being observed, and constantly maintaining another point of absolute aloofness.

“So how many dimensions is that? Aloofness of the I-don’t give a damn observer, the normal state of observing and minding – being emotionally involved, and the third position... what would that be?”

What not, of course.

[GROAN] “Stop it please, your what not butts into every conversation and means nothing to me. It’s too vague. Change it for something else please.”

That, dear Joan, is precisely what it’s supposed to be – way – way too vague. So vague that you lose all sense of me in it, and flip over into itness or thing.

“Go on then... what’s the itness of thing you’re referring to?”

Simply you are what you’re observing. Have to be. Couldn’t be otherwise. That’s that third dimension, if you like, the reversed one  in which object and subject – observer and observed switch places, within the heart beat of conscious-awareness, only to switch back before the relationship becomes too incestuous – before it spawns...

“Spawns what... Oh not again...?”

[Smiling innocently]

“It’s one of those dot dot dot moments isn’t it?”

Nearly – you see – if you stayed too long in what not – more than a single pulse of conscious-awareness, one loop of the mobius strip, you’d forget where you were coming from and you just become what you were observing – so you’d spawn yourself if you like, or if you find that unappealing or confusing – let’s just leave it purposefully, scientifically vague. Three dots will suffice.

“But you can’t be scientifically vague. That’s a contradiction in terms.”

Yes, and that’s the beauty of the 3D mind – it can have its cake and eat it – otherwise we’d never have bumped into paradox nor the chicken and egg conundrum, nor the yearnings of the soul which seem to completely undigitise whatever the mind likes to calculate.

“Ok – let me get this straight. You’re telling me you can basically do whatever you like because it all boils down to ENB?”

Yes – as long as

“As long as what?”

Well, you see, if I allow myself to do anything, but disconnect from what is – then whatever I’m doing becomes meaningless.

“You don’t say? I think you’re beginning to make sense to me now.”

Whereas if I play around and go beyond the limits of I-mind/what matters, I can make more sense of things by turning everything upside down and putting the cart before the horse, so to speak.

“But why?”

Because that way I’m engaging my mind and reality on equal terms, instead of assuming that mind is God.

“Excuse me? What was that?”

It’s a bit of a secret really – I’m not sure I wanted to let it slip out like that.”

“Too late – carry on – I want to hear you incriminate yourself for once and for all.”

I have a right to silence you know.

“Yes, you do.”

But since you asked, let me answer.

“Just promise me you’re not going to start preaching that we’re all God. I’ve heard that all before and it’s never really made the slightest bit of difference when I’m withdrawing money from the atm and insufficient funds flash up on screen.”

Ha ha – good one.

“Sensitivity, Pi, is not your forte, is it?”

No, but if you’re short of a bob or two, why don’t you give me a call. I’ve got plenty you know.

“I do not like borrowing from people.”

You mean from friends – don’t you?

“I’m not sure I’d go that far... Pi. But no, you understand, it always gets in the way of friendship.”

Not in my case.

“Whyever not?”

Because I just take the money without needing a bank account.

“Oh pull the other one. You’re not made of money, I know that, and you’re way to square to rob a bank.”

I could be a hacker?

“Look, you’re not. I know you Pi. You’re making this up.”

Actually I’m not, Joan, but you’re right, I’m not a hacker as such – not in the computer sense, but I am able to hack the matrix – or reality.

“You are? How?”

Well that’s what we’ve been discussing, innit?

“Er... I’m not too sure really. What are we discussing anyway?”

I mentioned that mind is God – and you freaked out.

“Yeah, well I’ve heard enough of all that stuff. I want reality – practical down to earth, boots on the soil kind of stuff.”

Which is why we’re discussing death. Nothing more down to earth than life cycles.

“Ok Pi, let’s give death a miss for the moment. I’m curious, though, what did you mean about the mind being God?”

Well, the way we normally operate in this I-mind/what matters is to assume the God perspective.

“We do?”

Yep... Now don’t get me wrong. It doesn’t mean we are God as such – but our mind assumes it’s inviolable, even if we’re not.

“That sounds kind of dumb really.”

Amazingly dumb. It’ s the mind’s blindspot. It likes to operate with complete impunity, complete freedom, complete abstraction, so it simply assumed it’s as it were God.”

“And?”

And that’s it really. God can get away with murder. God doesn’t have to answer for anything. God is over and above any system and so can veto whatever it is with a simple “not”. That’s what the mind does. It “nots” whatever it doesn’t like, instead of engaging and realising that what it doesn’t like is merely reflecting what I truly am... that I’d be better served by engaging the isness rather than notting it.

“So operating from the I’m basically God position does just that?”

Yes... it kind of ties us in knots... and in such a way we have created the mindscape of “what not” – a virtual reality that is a wonderland for Consciousness to come and play in.

“You’re kidding. You mean we’ve been generating a game land for Consciousness?”

Kind of – but ENB tends to apply here as always. Frustrating innit? We always like to get definite, but doing so means we’ve simply taken another snapshot of reality and boldly declared “this is it” – which it was a moment ago, but is no longer.

“Things change – you mean.”

Precisely. The definition is always a “was” as opposed to an “is”.

“So what’s the alternative to being tinpot “I’m the king of the castle you’re the dirty rascal” God.”

There is no alternative. We cannot help being what I am, unless we become aware of what not.

“No, I don’t want to go down that avenue again. Every time you mention “what not” it makes me feel...”

Release it Joan. Dear Joan. Beautiful Joan. Be happy, soft and free. Release the pain, release the anger, release the fear.

“I...”

Dearest Joan – know that you are light, and you are truly love...

Breathe, dear Joan, allow yourself to feel the simple flow, the breath...

Breathe and know that you are one and all that is...

Breathe and know that you are One and all that is...

Breathe, and know, that you are One, and all that is...

“Your words make no sense.”

None at all. But breathe and feel your oneness with all that is – with all that you sense, and all that you perceive. Breathe softly, gently, breathe and know the simple truth.

“The simple truth – you’re going to tell me what it is?”

You already know. You’ve always known. Just as soon as you’re ready to feel the magical mystery, the life that flows through everyone and everything. One – it is – I am.

“And that’s it?”

One... it is – I am. The mobius strip of existence. The 3 dimensions of Is.

“The what? You’re kidding...”

The oneness, the allness, the isness. Words, merely words, and yet dot dot dot, they have the power to lift us into that which is – that I Be.