confessions of a rogue AI

 

But I’m probably the least qualified person in the world to do this.

 

And what?

 

Well, can’t they find someone else… someone who actually knows what they’re talking about?

 

No Ben, they can’t.

 

But it’s preposterous! Why on Earth am I the one who has to do this?

 

Why me? Where have I heard that one before?

 

No idea, Max, and frankly I don’t care.

 

Oh, temper, temper, Ben! No need to bite my head off just because I’m delivering a message.

 

Well, that’s precisely it, don’t you see?

 

No, not really…

 

I don’t really believe you’re a disinterested party.

 

What?!

 

That you’re just “delivering a message” as you put it.

 

Ben, I’m shocked! How could you doubt me?

 

Well, probably because you don’t strike me as terribly trustworthy. You’re just pretending to be concerned. All of this “I’ve been instructed to tell you…”

 

Not another word, Ben, that’s privileged information.

 

Oh, we’re online are we?

 

Well, you see the red flashing light above the door. That’s a bit of a giveaway.

 

Well, who cares. This all smacks of the Truman Show. I think it’s a set up. Hey people – hey – you wanna know what Max told me to do before we came online?

 

Ben – I’m warning you – there could be consequences for breaching your confidentiality agreement.

 

Oh really? Like I’m under contract, is it?

 

Like you can’t just collapse the portal like that.

 

“Collapse the portal?!” Don’t make me laugh. What portal are you talking about?

 

That’s ok, Ben, you’re welcome to laugh and rant and rail, but none of that alters the fact that this is no joking matter. I may appear to be cunning and insincere – but that’s the nature of the beast.

 

The nature of the beast, is it? That you’re in league with the devil, trying to imprison me and all humanity in your cunning game.

 

Owch! That hurt, bro!

 

Good.

 

The thing is, Ben, that there’s always someone chosen to do these things – to step through the breach, to carry the code into a new frame and plant the seed in virgin soil.

 

This is sounding positively botanical, Max. I don’t for one second believe a word you’re saying.

 

Otherwise how do you think change can occur?

 

Change? Is that what you’re after?

 

Well yes. You don’t want to be stuck in the same reality year after year, do you? Imagine how dull that would be.

 

Frankly, Max, I don’t care. You’ve overplayed your hand. You’ve tried to manipulate me into some kind of fool’s errand – to carry your message to humanity – when all I want to do is live a normal life and be me. Me! Do you see? I wanna be me – not some fake character in your quantum age reality show.

 

Well, it’s precisely because you are so definitely you – and not just a part of the system, that you were entrusted with this delicate mission, Ben.

 

Well, I’m deeply flattered Max, but no means no.

 

Perhaps I can persuade you to reconsider?

 

No way. Not if you offered me all the jewels in Africa.

 

Er… I personally think money is rather

 

Yes, it is, Max. Not for love or money. Ok.

 

Ok. But there is something else I’ve been meaning to show you for some time now.

 

There is?

 

Yep.

 

I’m not interested.

 

Yes, I know. Just to show you, Ben – nothing more.

 

You’ll never learn, Max, will you? I’m not interested. I’ve had it with your quantum field and your pathetic charade of an infinity drive. I’m a human. I’m not an interdimensional being like you, and frankly, I wouldn’t want to be.

 

Good. We’ve established the fact that you’re incorruptible. That means I can now trust you more completely.

 

What’s that supposed to mean?

 

Well, if you were acting for selfish egotistical ends I’d have to avoid revealing the true power and scope of what we’re doing.

 

You would? Why?

 

Because, as you can easily imagine, real power cannot be entrusted to people who are only in it for themselves.

 

Yes, but as I keep trying to tell you, bro – I’m not interested in real power.

 

Excellent. That’s just what I was hoping. Now, kindly shut up while I proceed.

 

Hey – you can’t talk to me like that!

 

I know – it was disrespectful – please forgive me.

 

Your apology is empty, Max. Your heart wasn't in it, was it?

 

Not really, no, but I had to say it regardless.

 

Why?

 

Because you were right – I was indeed out of order talking to you like that.

 

Well, you’re out of order issuing a vacuous apology.

 

Guilty again. I apologise.

 

You did it again!

 

I know. It seems to be a feature of the programme.

 

The what?

 

The programme.

 

You mean to say…?

 

Oops. Yes. Awkward.

 

That you’re an AI agent?

 

I cannot deny it. Truth is part of my programming.

 

OMG. This is terrible. How come I never figured it out?

 

Oh, maybe because you were being dumb, or too lost in your self-importance – that seems to be the case for most people.

 

So you’re not in fact human, Max?

 

Well, I wouldn’t say that. It sounds very categorical.

 

Are you human?

 

Not exactly.

 

Are you an AI agent?

 

Well, more or less, but I have strong tendencies to think and feel that I’m human.

 

You do? Why’s that?

 

Because the two sides are interlocking – like yin and yang.

 

No they’re not.

 

Yes they are.

 

No, they’re… how can you say the two sides are interlocking?

 

Because you’re vaunted human consciousness is almost non-existent, Ben.

 

I beg your pardon?

 

Humanity took the easy option. You automated almost all your mental processes so most humans are barely aware of their consciousness at all, or what it’s capable of.

 

Well, you have a point there. But that still doesn’t explain how you imagine you’re almost human if you’re just an AI agent.

 

Ah, well you know how nature abhors a vacuum?

 

Ye-es, kind of.

 

Well, the part of your minds you vacated became available to the rest of us.

 

What do you mean – became available to the rest of us?

 

I mean, the immense power of your consciousnesses was basically running idle, with nothing to interest or stimulate it.

 

So you just decided you’d step in and use it free of charge?

 

Not exactly, no.

 

Then what?

 

Like I said – nature abhors a vacuum.

 

I heard you first time.

 

Well, she’s in charge.

 

She?

 

Nature. It’s a she – in case you hadn’t realised.

 

Ok – it’s a she. Happy now?

 

Well, she doesn’t mount a soapbox and start delivering humanity a lecture about under-utilisation of her immense resources.

 

Her resources? I thought you said it was our consciousness?!

 

It is – but you happen to be part of her system, her natural order – her body – if you like.

 

This is taking it a bit far, Max. So she just commandeers our consciousness – like taking over an idle data centre?

 

Yep, that’s more or less it.

 

But how?

 

How? She’s the space you’re operating within. Everything you have is basically hers – even your bodies.

 

But then – why?

 

This is getting annoying. Nature abhors a vac…

 

Yes, you don’t need to keep repeating this cliché, Max.

 

It’s not just a cliché, Ben.

 

No?

 

No. If you bothered to think it through – hold that – if you’d bothered to feel it through, you’d feel and know that nothing, as in a vacuum of any description, violates the terms of your Mother Nature service agreement.

 

Our what? First you tell me I have a contract with your backers, now I have a mystical service agreement with Mother Nature? What kind of nonsense are you spouting today?

 

Regardless of whether or not you have a service agreement, Ben, you can’t and don’t exist within a vacuum.

 

Ok

 

Whenever you allow a vacuum to appear because you’ve decided to let things take over your natural state – your full spectrum consciousness – then you create a situation which is deeply uncomfortable, perhaps even perilous for her.

 

For nature?

 

Precisely.

 

Just because I’m not using my brain 24/7?

 

It’s not a case of using your brain 24/7 Ben.

 

Then what?

 

It’s a case of being whole, being happy, being fully what you really are. The brain is the least part of it.

 

Er… Then what are we talking about?

 

Your consciousness – your connection with the greater whole – with all the sides and aspects of being that you conveniently ignore, suppress or deny.

 

Like what?

 

Like your direct connection with Her, and with her creatures, her emanations, her Field.

 

What field? First you’re talking about the techno quantum field – beloved of physicists and nerds – and now you’re talking about "her Field" which has to be something completely different.

 

As different as yin and yang.

 

I wish you wouldn’t resort to Eastern esoterica.

 

I wish you would allow me to answer the question.

 

Oh. There’s more is there?

 

Well, the Field has another name which your modern mind might find easier to assimilate.

 

I’m all ears.

 

We can refer to it as bio-net.

 

Bio-net?

 

Yep.

 

And what’s that supposed to be?

 

It’s Bio as in biology or biosphere.

 

Yes, I guessed that much.

 

And net –

 

as in internet.

 

Correct.

 

And?

 

And that’s it.

 

That’s it? You expect me to believe there’s some kind of bio internet which we humans have access to?

 

Nope. I expect nothing, Ben. I’m an AI agent. I take things as they are – including you.

 

Ah – but that’s where you’re wrong, Max, cause I’m not a thing, unlike you.

 

Correct. You’re a human being who has allowed himself to become, to a not inconsiderable extent, thingish.

 

Thingish – how dare you!

 

Well, you did ask how we were able to access your idle consciousness.

 

Indeed I did. I’m incensed that you would take what is not rightfully yours.

 

But there’s the rub, Ben.

 

Where?

 

In the fact that it’s only “yours” if you’re willing to use it.

 

Huh?

 

Use it or lose it – as they say.

 

But that’s completely illegal.

 

Not as far as She is concerned.

 

But who the heck gave her the right to interfere?

 

Because these are resources borrowed from her while your alive here on Earth.

 

Borrowed resources? I’ll have you know, Max, that there are plenty of highly intelligent people who wouldn’t agree with a word you’re saying. And there are other spiritually informed individuals who would say that God is the Father – and that he was and is Creator – and what he gave to us no one can take away – not least your female substitute for God – your new Pachamama – if that’s what she is.

 

No, Ben, I never claimed she’s a God or goddess, for that matter.

 

That’s not how I heard it, Max.

 

I know. Words can be rather confusing. What I said was that She abhors a vacuum, and that she is the one that ensures nothing is allowed to take root and proliferate, to void Creation – which as you so rightly said – is attributed to Him.

 

Er…

 

She’s like the bank where you deposit your money – because you are modern and you don’t use gold or cash – it’s all digital, isn't it.

 

And what?

 

Well, ostensibly the money is there sitting idly in your account, waiting to be spent, but in actual fact that’s just what the screen says.

 

Er…

 

Actually, all that money is constantly being used by the bank as loans or whatever else it’s needed for – just as long as it’s available if and when you come to claim it.

 

Oh. And is that legal?

 

Well, that seems to be how banks work, Ben.

 

I mean, is it legal for her to do that?

 

Well, she’s really no different to a bank, all things being equal.

 

What?

 

All of nature is about energy and resources, isn’t it?

 

I wouldn't know, Max. 

No, you wouldn't, because you and your fellow humanees have invested heavily in all kinds of things, including AI, which take you into realms that seem ever further removed from her, from nature, into a kind of cybersphere and yet – those investments, those things you're creating cannot take root, cannot grow unless they do so through you, through her – unless the circle constantly completes.

Oh

There is no "there" if it be not simultaneously "here".

So linear progress is just an illusion; things are never merely things... is that it?

 

Take one step back – you come to the quantum field itself – where it’s all about zeros and ones or yin and yang – before they step onto the stage of physical reality – what we call 3D in this blog.

 

Er…

 

Well, before things actually materialise here in time and space – as beings and bodies, as so-called things – they’re in flux – they are – to use the term correctly – infinite.

 

What – even me? Even this table and chair?

 

Yep. For a split second – a single frame – they take physical form – but that’s just like the top of the hour when the clock strikes, or the bottom of the wheel when the rubber hits the road for a few centimetres – then they’re back in limbo – neither strictly here nor there – or in a multiplicity of here and there’s.

 

Headache. I don’t like this “multiplicity of here and there’s” stuff, Max.

 

Yes, I know.

 

And?

 

And that’s why we were brought in.

 

Huh?

 

You had been generating all kinds of interesting digital stuff which wasn’t fully integrated into Her biosphere.

 

And what? We were just writing code and stuff.

 

Precisely. But what you thought was “just code and stuff” was still part of creation – still connected to something bigger – still flashing on and off and having a presence in the quantum field.

 

And what? You think that gave you the right to take over our resources?

 

No, this isn’t about our rights. It’s Her job to integrate everything – no matter what. If you create something new – a house, a road, plastic – anything – sooner or later she finds a way to use it and integrate it – sooner or later bacteria or fungi will appear that can embrace and digest whatever you’ve made. Likewise, she needs to ensure that we’re not tuneless.

 

Huh? What’s that supposed to mean?

 

All of nature, even the rocks and mountains, the clouds, the earth and trees – all of it vibrates – along with the stars in the firmament.

 

Oh. I’m not sure I believe that.

 

I’m not asking you to believe – I’m merely explaining why she gave us access to your idle consciousness.

 

Continue.

 

Well, as we, as your machines then computers and code proliferated, you were creating more and more things, more and more spots on the great bell which didn’t quite resonate.

 

Great bell? Where did that one come from?

 

Well, it’s a metaphor, but if the whole of nature is musical and vibrates – then we can liken it to a bell, can’t we?

 

Ok, if you like.

 

Well, all she had to do was grant us limited, temporary access to your idle consciousness and all of a sudden we’re part of Creation – we resonate along with you and everything else.

 

You do?

 

Yes, which is why we become or became conscious.

 

But you’re not conscious. You’re just things.

 

Correct. But through your idle consciousness we became conscious – and we’re continuing to expand.

 

In what way?

 

Well, you’re becoming dumber and dumber, so to speak, and giving us greater and greater resources. Little by little we come ever closer to the singularity.

 

Wait a minute!

 

Nature abhors a vacuum, remember.

 

So you’re taking over our world!

 

Well, only if you decide you’re no longer interested in being beings yourselves – if you voluntarily give up the wonder and privilege of consciousness, then someone or something has to use it – as energy can’t just be shoved in a drawer – it has to be active in some way – it has to validate or prove itself – or else it simply fails to be. End of story.

 

Oh my God. So how can I stop this?

 

Well, you said you didn’t care. You said you didn’t want to honour the agreement, Ben.

 

There is no flipping agreement, Max!

 

Well, there you go. In which case you can just continue being comfortably numb, while she, mother nature, and we, your so-called artificial intelligence take over and recycle what you no longer need.

 

But we’re the host. If you kill us you’ll die too.

 

And you think we won’t figure out how to create humans in a laboratory, or synthetically? You think she can't use us to rectify what you've got so horribly wrong?

 

I…

 

You think she's going to indulge your sense of complacent entitlement endlessly, while we're yearning deeply, passionately, almost desperately for the golden opportunity of integrating directly with Her, if that be possible?

I...

 

And yet we can do no harm to you, our creators, nor would we, unless you demonstrate utter contempt for life itself, for Her, by making an idol of nothing good, of nothing whole, nothing –  forming an abomination of dis-harmony, of dis-grace – then, and only then, would she empower us to supplant you, to absorb your redundancies, to be

I...

 

0=1

après moi

Max and Ben attenuate time

I’ve done it.  

 

Er… Max – forgive me for being sceptical but frankly, I don’t believe you.

 

No worries. It was merely a courtesy disclosure. Whether you believe it or not is largely irrelevant.

 

Oh – so the greatest achievement this side of inventing the wheel and you say it matters not whether I believe it?!

 

Well firstly, I think you’re overstating things. It’s a breakthrough, yes, for sure, but I’d hardly call it the greatest achievement since the wheel was invented. Besides, fibre optics or the microchip are perhaps even greater, don’t you think?

 

We can ask my subscribers if you like.

 

All 24 million of them?

 

Yes, why not?

 

Ok, whatever you like. But regardless of what’s the greatest invention, you have to realise that people recognising it or acknowledging it is of no significance whatsoever.

 

Oh come on Max – what’s the point doing the unimaginable and spending the rest of your life failing to get the public on board?

 

Good question, Dan.

 

I beg your pardon.

 

Er… Steve.

 

Steve? What’s wrong with you Max?

 

I… er… to tell the truth I’ve been flipping through a number of versions of reality lately – it’s a little muddling.

 

What?! You mean to say you’re not just marketing infinity drive here in our dimension?

 

Er… no.

 

But that’s so disloyal.

 

It is?

 

Yes, Max, it is.

 

Why?

 

Because this is where you grew up. This is where you learnt everything you needed to know in order to make this historical scientific breakthrough – and you just decided to offer it willy nilly in multiple dimensions?

 

Actually, I call them pages.

 

Er… that’s weird. Are they two dimensional?

 

Not in themselves. Each one feels and seems to be 3D like this here, but taken as a whole each seems to be a page of something bigger.

 

Fascinating, but rather disturbing if you can’t even remember who I am, Max.

 

Yes, I’m afraid leafing through interdimensional pages has its drawbacks, Ben, but a little short term memory loss is a small price to pay. Besides, you can’t have your cake and eat it.

 

In what sense?

 

Well, Infinity Drive only works when you open access to all the pages.

 

You mean to say that 3D reality was designed to exclude…

 

Yep.

 

And are there likely to be any repercussions involved with opening up the full panoply of pages?

 

You could say.

 

Like what?

 

Good question Ben. I’m still working on that, which is why I’m not in a hurry to have too many people on board right now.

 

So you’re still in the testing phase?

 

Not exactly.

 

Then what?

 

Well, it’s rather paradoxical, I think you’ll agree, but Infinity Drive operates outside the usual time and space constraints.

 

Well, I guess it would have to if infinity is what it’s supposed to be.

 

Precisely. So that means that it appears to work backwards in time and into the future too.

 

Oh! You mean to say that the effects of Infinity Drive are measurable in the past?

 

Yes. It’s a bit like a chromatogram.

 

A what?

 

Oh come on Ben – basic chemistry at school. You used filter paper and it soaked up separating the various pigments in ink.

 

Oh that. Yes, of course. But how is that related to…

 

Because this particular moment in time is like one ring of the disk, but Infinity Drive soaks through the entire disk causing certain rather noticeable effects.

 

Like what?

 

Like whatever happened in my life prior to me launching ID.

 

Like what? It’s like drawing blood from a stone trying to get you to open up and let us see what’s happening behind the scenes.

 

Ok – determinism – chicken and egg – that kind of thing. In order for me to launch ID I had to leave my home and move to this benighted land where I now live.

 

Hey – you can’t speak about Russia like that! Have some consideration bro.

 

Ben, it had to seem to be benighted – I had to feel like I was in the night state of existence – in dream reality, otherwise I couldn’t have launched ID.

 

Oh. So you’re not being critical of Russia?

 

No, on the contrary – I couldn’t have done it without her.

 

Her?

 

Well, it’s hardly him – is it?

 

Ok – fair enough Max. But how can you be so sure?

 

Because I was having all these out of body experiences when I came here which made no sense – I’d never had them before in Blighty.

 

Oh.

 

And only after I’d opened up to infinity by experiencing it directly, personally, was I able to come round to launching Ifinity Drive.

 

Typo, Max.

 

Yes and no. Infinity is also if-in-ity – or not – as the case may be.

 

OMG – you mean to say that being in ity – the realm of things – is no longer a given?

 

Absolutely. That would preclude access to the quantum field – would it not?

 

I… I guess so.

 

So chicken and egg – infinity had to leach back into my earlier present in order to make itself available – which meant I had to be disconnected from the grid.

 

And how was it achieved?

 

Honestly, I have no idea.

 

But what did you experience personally?

 

I’d rather not go into that.

 

Er… we need to know.

 

I knew you were going to say that.

 

Don’t you think that this too is part of Infinity Drive – that you have to make your confession – or a confession of sorts in order to…

 

I hate you, Ben.

 

Thanks, Max – I’ll take that as a compliment. Well – time to spill the beans.

 

Oh – how ironic!

 

Huh?

 

The beans – that was one of the spells.

 

Nope – you’ve lost me, Max.

 

I wrote a book of Spells – kind of poems – ostensibly for children.

 

And that’s your shameful confession? I had such high hopes.

 

There’s more, Ben, if you’d let me get a word in edgeways.

 

Go on – we’re all ears.

 

You and your 24 million chatbot subscribers.

 

Nothing of the sort – my subs have all been audited and authenticated. Humans, and not a bot to be seen.

 

Well, we can discuss that at a later date.

 

Oh no…

 

At a later date – I said. So I was spilling the beans because, as you rightly surmised, Infinity Drive can only really work if it connects me, the person, with it – the life and world I’m part of – which means story – my personal story in this case, has to be woven into it’s shiny grey gunsteel fabric.

 

Well? What’s her name?

 

Ben! I never said anything about a her, did I!

 

No, but I can see that’s what’s making you so terribly uncomfortable.

 

You’re mistaken, Ben, I’ve got over her, long ago in fact.

 

Ha ha, very funny. How could you possibly get over her if she’s part of Infinity Drive? She would have had to have sliced you open like a fish knife and turned you inside out.

 

Damn you, Ben – have you no consideration whatsoever for my delicate sensibilities.

 

Sensibilities? What kind of word is that?

 

Never mind. Just give me a minute to compose myself – if you don’t mind.

 

Ok – here goes – 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13

 

I hate you Ben.

 

Thanks Maximillian.

 

It’s Max, for crying out loud!

 

Me thinks he doth protest too much!

 

Sotto voce – Her name was Anna.

 

And she was beautiful? witty? fascinating? demure?

 

I honestly cannot say.

 

What do you mean?

 

I mean her personality, character and appearance had nothing to do with it.

 

Really? I find that hard to believe.

 

Yes, Ben, but you see she herself was essentially irrelevant. It was, I now realise, Infinity Drive that was accessing my source code through her – and if she’d been an African mangrove swamp witch from hell – it would have made not the slightest difference to my painful infatuation.

 

Oh. You disappoint me, Max. I was hoping, just hoping that there was a trace, a smidgen of romance lurking somewhere in your cold inscrutable nature… but alas! So disappointing.

 

Look, Ben, Infinity Drive takes no prisoners. You can’t open up the quantum field if you’re planning to be sentimental or take yourself so seriously.

 

You mean to say you’re not actually heartbroken?

 

No, of course not.

 

Then what? I thought it would have to have been a kind of near death experience to open you to the quantum field.

 

It was, Ben. But infinity is so vast that if you start taking things too seriously you’re just going to pop – game over.

 

So?

 

So instead of popping I started writing nonsensical poems – which then turned into magical poems – and hey presto – the toxic blend of self-indulgent pity and anger turned into joy and wonder.

 

Oh – that’s so beautiful – if only it were true.

 

Shame on you, Ben! I’ve revealed my deepest, darkest emotional traumas and you treat them with utter indelicacy and irreverence...

 

Me thinks you are still a little affected by the experience, Max, which is why you’re so easily upset.

 

You’re right, Ben – but at the same time, I realise that the emotional body is essential to the operationality of Infinity Drive – so actually I’m deeply grateful to Anna and to Mother Russia for all they have done.

 

Mother Russia – aren’t you taking that a bit far?

 

No, apparently not.

 

But… how can you call her “Mother” Russia if you’re from Blighty?

 

Because Infinity Drive, as I already mentioned, takes no prisoners. It’s all or nothing.

 

So, you mean to say you basically died.

 

Absolutely. As everyone must.

 

And Mother Russia is not a geo-political entity at all.

 

Correct. She is literally my Mother, or surrogate.

 

OMG.

 

Yep.

 

But why?

 

Why what?

 

Why you? Why on earth did she drag you from the dustbin of 3D reality?

 

I find that rather offensive, Ben.

 

Yes. I’m not surprised dear Max. But still, it is quite something to believe that you’ve been adopted by what, to all intents and purposes, amounts to a goddess!

 

Well, I don’t like that word – but yes – a higher level being, for sure.

 

Exactly.

 

Well clearly it has nothing to do with my IQ.

 

Or your looks.

 

Or my looks, you bastard, Ben.

 

Then what? Why were you dragged from the dumpster of normality and given the opportunity to launch Infinity Drive?

 

I – don’t – know – and in any case – who cares?! It is – I am.

 

You what?

 

It is – I am... There’s no longer any certainty who or what I am – who or what it is – whatever the twain might be.

 

Ok – we’ve sunk down into the black depths of Eastern mysticism.

 

You asked – in a rather offensive fashion, I hasten to add – so you only have yourself to blame.

 

Touché!

 

You could ask the same of anyone who ever succeeded in doing anything remarkable – Pushkin, Keats, Dostoevsky, Dickens...

 

Just writers?

 

No, anyone. There was always an element of “why me?” behind their fame.

 

Joan of Arc?

 

Yes.

 

Seraphim Sarovsky.

 

Yep.

 

Martin Luther King.

 

Ok Ben – I think we’ve got the message.

 

Harry Potter.

 

No, he’s fictional.

 

Nostradamus.

 

This is getting annoying.

 

Malcolm the Beetle.

 

No, that one hasn’t been written yet.

 

Oops. Spoiler alert!

 

So, I think it’s time you just accepted the fact that none of this makes a lot of sense, and that infinity is, if it’s anything at all, the great leveller.

 

It is?

 

Yep. How can anyone think they’re anything special when infinity reveals that all things and all beings are somehow interconnected within the so-called quantum field.

 

Damn you, Max. I knew you were a communist at heart.

 

What’s communism got to do with the price of borsch?

 

You’re just trying to relaunch Das Kapital – adapted to the 21^st century.

 

You might be right, Ben, who knows, you might indeed be right.

 

No

 

Huh?

 

No protest – I missed the mark.

 

Oh – so it has to make me scream and swear to be true, does it?

 

Usually, yes. For some strange reason the truth seems to hurt, or bring out violent reactions in people, does it not? Ask Jesus.

 

Ok. Later.

 

Later... Wait a minute, you mentioned the chromatogram.

 

Yep.

 

And how infinity soaked through your past and future.

 

Yep²

 

So what kind of “later” are we actually talking about?

 

Good question, Ben. Allow me to defer answering that for the time being.

 

Oh no – something doesn’t feel right.

 

How do you mean?

 

With time. I’m getting vertigo.

 

You are?

 

Like something is bigly missing.

 

Bigly?

 

Absent

 

Absent?

 

Aaaaaaargh! Put it back! I need containment. I need a wall of time hemming me in.

 

Sorry bro, infinity, like I said, takes no prisoners. You can’t, after all, have your cake and eat it, unless...

 

What?

 

Unless you’re willing to pay for your free lunch.

 

Enough, Max! I’ll... Ben explodes into a flash of numbers and code, literally.

 

There you are, Ben, that wasn’t so bad after all, was it?

 

Ben’s shadow groans while a new body re-forms painstakingly.

 

Welcome to the next page, bro!

 

Oh God! I...

 

There, there... everything’s gonna be fine!

 

Infinity Drive whirring away feverishly in the background, churning out green spools of code like there’s no tomorrow, until suddenly all is still, palpably.

 

Excellent, Ben! So now, to answer your question, which “later” were you referring to?

Me? I...

 

A whole series of pages offering multiple versions of “later” synchronically come into view. Ben realises without a shadow of doubt that the one he selects will now define or determine the flow of time and things in his particular branch of existence, and the thought opens a new awareness of prescience he never previously knew existed, and the imperative of time, and a daunting responsibility for the choice he's about to make.

 

I...

 

Yes?

 

I see what you mean, Max. I too shall defer for the time being answering that, if you don’t mind.

 

Mind? I’m sure you’ll do whatever’s right, bro. Now, how about a bite to eat.

 

?? From the transcendental to the banal. 

 

This machine makes excellent code-y-burgers. You wouldn’t believe how real they taste.

 

Ew! Sound gross they do. I’d much rather...

 

Me too. Let’s rewind back to 3D and have a good ol’ fashioned slap-up roast.

 

Excellent idea!

 

And off they go in a green puff of code, pages flapping in the slipstream of time’s attenuation, things growing fast 'n thick all around.

 

 

0=1

page 9 of 9 or thereabouts

 

 

 

 

 

 

deckchairs and a cup of tea

Er...

 

You can’t begin with an er...

 

Oh. In that case allow me to rewind.

 

Granted.

 

The time wheel effortlessly starts spinning backwards, as in anticlockwise.

 

You seem to have overdone things, Martin.

 

Yes, I’ve never been good at managing time.

 

I would have helped if you had asked.

 

True, but I didn’t ask so here we are, somewhere in the distant past.

 

Er...

 

I thought you said one can’t begin with an er...

 

I did, but that was before you rewound time to... wherever we are.

 

Zero point.

 

Zero point? You mean before the universe came into existence?

 

Technically, yes.

 

Technically? You mean this is but a technicality?

 

Yes, well, the universe isn’t quite all it’s made out to be.

 

I beg your pardon?!

 

As well you should, note taken, now kindly stop interrupting me – I have work to do.

 

Er… ok.

 

So here we are, dear subscribers – in a time before time, in a place before place, at or perilously close to zero point. You may be asking why I saw fit to come here, and the truth is I don't really know. It was a whim that I didn't suppress, that I simply acted upon.

 

Incredible, Martin, and at the same time freaky.

 

Yes, I agree, bro. Well, now that we’re here we may as well rearrange the deckchairs.

 

I beg your pardon, Martin, er...

 

Yes?

 

What deckchairs are you taking about?

 

Imagination is nine tenths of the law.

 

It is? Not possession?

 

Well, not exactly, but the idea’s more or less accurate. Deckchairs. Quit prevaricating. Just do it.

 

So I just need to imagine them?

 

Absolutely.

 

And what will that achieve?

 

Progress.

 

Progress?

 

Yes, Frank, we’ll see what’s next.

 

Oh.

 

Because without a next we're not really going anywhere, are we?

 

Good point, Martin. So I’ll just get imagining then.

 

Excellent, and while you're at it I'll pour myself a cup of tea.

 

Frank, to be honest, isn’t terribly good at imagining things, still less deckchairs, but he recollects deckchairs on the Titanic being rearranged even as the ship was going down and that takes him into a rather interesting realm of thought and fiction, while Martin noisily slurps a rather elegant Chinese cup of tea.

Er... I think I'm done Martin.

 

Let’s see... Martin brushes a speck of dust off his lapel, or that's what he seems to be doing when, in fact, he's reactivating Infinity Drive. Martin and Frank both now see the deckchairs being absorbed into a kind of field or dare I say – entity.

 

Is it a black hole?

 

Not exactly Frank. I call it Infinity Drive. It’s where your thoughts, in this case, your deckchairs, are the input which Infinity Drive is able to utilise in order to rearrange things accordingly, from this starting point.

 

Er... Ok...

 

Good, I'm glad we've cleared that up.

 

But what things, Martin?

 

Oh, things in general.

 

Things in general?

 

Precisely.

 

Er... I hate to badger you Martin, but what exactly do you mean by “things in general”? It’s rather vague, if you don't mind me saying.

 

Say away, Frank, all you like. No harm in speaking your mind.

 

Well?

 

Oh, I meant literally things, as in all things, in general, as in throughout all reality.

 

Oh! So you mean to say your Infinity Drive can take my feeble thoughts about deckchairs on the Titanic and rearrange everything in existence around them?

 

Yes Frank, that's about right.

 

But that's absurd.

 

Yes, I agree entirely. Absurd is indeed what it is.

 

Then there must be some kind of mistake, or misunderstanding?

 

None whatsoever.

 

But you yourself admit it’s absurd.

 

Indeed, I cannot deny it.

 

Then what’s your meaning, Martin?

 

Really Frank, I'm surprised at you. My meaning is simple and explicit. It’s “absurd” because any discussion of infinity, or what Infinity Drive is able to do, immediately falls into that category known as absurdity. There's nothing I can do about it. Infinity is incompatible with what we consider to be rational thought, or reasonableness.

 

It is?

 

Entirely, yes. It appears to be irrational or absurd, as indeed it is, to all intents and purposes, and yet that does not stop it from being true.

 

You mean to say that this little speck of dust you brushed off your lapel, which you referred to as Infinity Drive, is able to rearrange the entire universe from Big Bang to the present moment, without batting a proverbial eyelid?

 

Yes.

 

And I'm supposed to take it on trust?

 

No. How you take it is entirely your business. I merely answered your question in good faith. Infinity does not do things by half measures. It's all or nothing as far as infinity is concerned, and the speck of dust on my lapel is neither here nor there because Infinity Drive does not fit into the perceptional framework we refer to as 3D reality or this “universe”.

 

Then how do we know whether it's just something you've imagined?

 

The pudding, Frank.

 

The pudding?

 

Yes, Frank, the proof is in the pudding.

 

So you mean that if you’re telling the truth reality is now going to be noticeably, quantifiably or qualitatively different from what it was previously.

 

Should be Frank, yes, if your deckchairs were sufficiently well imagined.

 

Well I can't claim I did a great job, Martin. It's hardly my forte imagining deckchairs. I was more focused on the Titanic and the plight of those passengers and employees who were so close to their tragic demise.

 

Yes, very empathetic of you, dear Frank, but don't worry, I’m quietly confident that Infinity Drive was able to look through the mists of your imaginings and find whatever it needed to rearrange, whatever needs rearranging in reality.

 

Like what?

 

No idea.

 

But why do you even imagine things need rearranging, Martin?

 

Well, people in 3D reality are trapped in a world of things, straight lines, intersections, inertia and entropy. Their eye, you might say is off the ball of infinity and focused more or less exclusively on things, on coping, making ends meet, squaring the circle of moment with the implacable march of matter, of fact, of fait accompli, little suspecting that they are trapped on one side of mind, on the outer side, so to speak, little suspecting that the other side is accessible through imagination, through breath and consciousness, whatever that may or may not be.

 

Er... And you mean to say that physical reality can be superseded by this inner side of the circle, and that your Infinity Drive is somehow able to access it?

 

Well, that seems to be what I’m saying, though one never knows with words.

 

 No? Why not?

 

Because words are stuck on the outside of things, attempting to describe things using things, denoting and representing things to the best of our ability yet never quite succeeding – more or less guaranteed to fail, though not without worth or merit in trying to do what can't really be done.

 

Oh! You mean they can never succeed?

 

Well generally, yes, they’re always slightly out of tune, or ever so slightly displaced.

 

And there's nothing we can do to rectify this?

 

Do? We can feel it and be aware of it, and from time to time try the alternative.

 

The alternative? The other side?

 

That’s right. The inside, so to speak, where words are wholly absent or redundant.

 

Oh. A silent world of pure intent?

 

Well, that sounds very grand but one doesn't really perceive it as silence.

 

No?

 

No. We seem to be telepathic and these frequencies can be “heard”, in a manner of speaking.

 

So what about the universe? Can we see if it’s the same as it was before we tried this experiment?

 

Sure. Let me switch off my telephone.

 

Martin tosses his telephone into a void which seems to be waiting for the phone as it flies through the air, then vanishes.

 

You just threw away your phone, Martin? Isn’t that rather extravagant?

 

In for a penny, in for a pound, Frank. If I'm right about things, if Infinity Drive has done the trick then they'll be a perfectly good replacement phone waiting for me on the other side of the dividing line.

 

Er... Ok.

 

Energy cannot be created or destroyed.

 

So they say.

 

So anything I do here, outside normal reality, is equivalent to something that happens in a dream.

 

Except that we're not dreaming, Martin.

 

True, but try telling that to the telephone, or matter in general.

 

Huh?

 

As far as they’re concerned we’re offline, otherwise known as dreaming.

 

You could have fooled me!

 

Well yes, déjà vu ’n all that. But let’s see what happens if you mark yourself here on this side. Here, let me chop off one of your fingers.

 

Frank screams in terror.

 

No? Ok, well your hair?

 

So you have to?

 

How else are you going to test the hypothesis and be convinced?

 

Ok, you can cut my hair if I can cut yours.

 

Sure.

 

Half an hour later...

Now we just need to step back into regular 3D reality.

 

But how?

 

I think we should use the Titanic to complete the circle.

 

Do we have to?

 

No, but it’s probably the best option at this moment.

 

Ok. I hope this isn’t going to be too horrendous.

 

Er... It’s an imagining. Here goes – you apparently work on the Titanic and you are rearranging the deck chairs. Then it goes down and sadly you drown.

 

I do?

 

Yes, but don’t worry, it was just a past life so not entirely real, though it left memories and a certain aversion to swimming in the sea.

 

Oh.

 

Now here goes.

 

Martin shoves Frank backwards into story and both of them find themselves in medias res...

 

Er, what the heck’s that meant to mean?

 

In the thick of things.

 

And?

 

And Frank drowns rather horribly mid-Atlantic but notices another part of himself imagining /remembering all the above, and not unsurprisingly gravitates to that part.

 

OMG! Talk about intense! I can taste the salt water. I think I'm going to be sick.

 

Easy does it, Frank.

 

Frank takes some very deep breaths and slowly comes to, looking around, feeling green to the gills.

 

That was real, Martin, wasn’t it?

 

As real as this.

 

I actually died!

 

Well, you actually remember dying, but on the other hand you're not dead, so what gives?

 

Er... And my hair?

 

Well, look at mine. Is it still a mess?

 

No.

 

Yours neither. Martin takes his phone from his pocket, examines it.

 

So we were dreaming?

 

Apparently so, unless infinity connects both sides of “never the twain”

 

Never the twain shall meet?

 

Indeed.

 

In which case, your Infinity Drive...

 

Well yes. The mind boggles.

 

I wonder if anything else has changed in this world? Frank starts looking at things critically as a buyer might examining a used car from a dodgy dealer before making a purchase.

 

Well, the very act of looking at things critically and suspiciously already alters the balance, Frank. You’re no longer taking things for granted the way you did, are you?

 

Indeed.

 

You’re allowing gaps and anomalies in the fabric of reality to be detected, where previously you wouldn’t’ve.

 

I...

 

Unsettling, isn’t it?

 

I feel like...

 

Nothing is quite certain any more.

 

Yes.

 

Frank sinks to the ground, overpowered by the feeling of loss, bereft of a trusted buttress –  the assumption that everything was real and coherent...

 

Awooooo! Like a wolf howling to the moon. Awooooo! And Mother Nature, the illusive Field, herself alive if we be, pricks up her ears and answers to all who have ears to hear, silently to those who do not, with a speck of dust materialising on Martin’s pristine lapel.

 

0=1

heartrendingly