testing Mr Edwards' sanity

 

Yes, infinity is problematic. One of the problems is that it doesn’t fit into one reality.

 

Er… how do you mean?

 

Well, 3D reality for all its faults presents a unified operational platform. You can run your “me” avatar without needing to fly off into other worlds or dimensions.

 

And in your case that isn’t possible?

 

Sadly, no, it isn’t. A momentary glitch as the matrix screen freezes revealing…

 

So, practically, what does this mean?

 

It means that other becomes a major and persistent factor in my experiences.

 

Well, I still don’t see what the problem is.

 

Other is a bit like Carl Jung’s shadow or Sigmund Freud’s id. While you’re in 3D it can be fairly comfortably suppressed and ignored, for most people at least. 3D is designed for that.

 

But in your case?

 

But in my case that’s no longer an option. The other is a bit like junk DNA, which is only junk until you start expanding beyond the limitations of 3D reality and suddenly there’s way more of you than you hitherto realised.

 

Oh.

 

Yes, well whether it’s the chicken or the egg that comes first – either you have to start getting familiar with the suppressed shadow or id because other can’t be handled exclusively by the regular, sanitized 3D version of me, or infinity starts stirring in your timbers, making you painfully aware of other parts of yourself which don’t seem to fit into regular space-time

 

You mean 3D?

 

Yes, I suppose so. Whichever it is, you find yourself balancing with one leg in 3D and another in contact with other frames which are beyond your ken, which disrupt your ability to process logically.

 

In what way?

 

They’re outside any thing you’ve ever lucidly experienced, behold: a Nokia telephone seems to grow fuzzy and morph into a canyon, then a plimsoll, next a series of feelings and intentions being experienced by penguins intent on exploring the Horse Shoe Nebula therefore they are almost impossible to perceive or comprehend.

 

Oh. So you can’t see them?

 

Not really, no. They mostly filtered out, to preserve one’s sanity.

 

Then how do you know they’re there?

 

Good question, Mike. At first, you don’t.

 

So it could all be imaginary?

 

Absolutely, except that experiencing the other makes it clear that the original 3D you started with is absurdly limited and incomplete.

 

Oh! How can you be so sure?

 

Because, all of a sudden you’re coming into contact with things that start to solve real life problems and empower you.

 

How do you mean?

 

Like if you were sick.

 

Go on.

 

Well, every phenomenon – even sickness – has a kind of hyperlink attached which you can follow if you’re willing to get the bottom of it.

 

Really?

 

Absolutely.

 

So what does it entail?

 

You follow the link.

 

And?

 

And it takes you to the root cause, or one of the root causes of what you’re experiencing in 3D as “sickness”, or a physical problem with your car, your central heating, or your finances.

 

And?

 

And that root cause isn’t, cannot be in 3D reality.

 

No.

 

Why not?

 

Because in 3D you’re dealing with a closed system – an encapsulation, a physical representation of something incomprehensibly vast and complicated.

 

Really?

 

Yes, and the encapsulation can’t really be fixed in the very system or frequency band which is responsible for maintaining your encapsulation.

 

Oh.

 

To fix the imbalance you need to go to the full, unpackaged version of yourself – which exists across a number of different dimensions.

 

Really?

 

Really.

 

And this can be done?

 

Naturally – if you’re willing, or able, to handle the disorienting effects of infinity.

 

You say “disorienting” but what exactly do you mean?

 

I say what I mean. There are all these other frequency bands or dimensions in which parts of you exist – which need to be visited and experienced from time to time if you’re to keep evolving and reintegrating. The only problem being that they may contradict or undermine the 3D core component of what you are or who you be.

 

And that wouldn’t be a good thing, would it?

 

You’re dead right, as Mary says.

 

Mary – who’s she?

 

My mother.

 

Oh – you have a mother, do you?

 

Ha – and what do you think I am – not to have a mother?

 

I don’t know, Ed, I never thought it through – it’s just

 

What?

 

I don’t know how to express it.

 

Spit it out, Mike.

 

It’s just you never quite seem human – more like an overgrown child with a bit of bird and tree thrown in.

 

Excellent answer, Mike.

 

Thanks bro.

 

And why is that, do you think?

 

Why is what?

 

That I don’t quite seem human.

 

I don’t know… It’s a feeling. It’s visceral. But I never really joined the dots together – not when I’m able to see and touch you – you see, Ed, it’s a contradiction.

 

At this precise moment the number cloud streaming down Ed and Mike’s mind displays are almost perfectly matched, synchronically.

 

Right. Well, that’s what happens when you start giving more and more time and attention to the other.

 

You mean you turn into an alien?

 

Yes and no.

 

Er…

 

You turn into a version of yourself which reflects the greater reality – the bigger me – not because you’re trying to be clever or powerful.

 

No?

 

No, that would be a recipe for disaster.

 

It would? How so?

 

Infinity is vast and bewildering. It takes no prisoners.

 

Yikes!

 

Precisely.

 

Then how do you handle it safely?

 

At first, at least, you only proceed to visit other frequencies by invitation – as and when the need arises.

 

Like when?

 

Like when you’re sick – or feeling an insurmountable inner-barrier.

Ah. So instead of going to the doctor, is it?

 

Yes, look at the screen Mike. The easy vertical flow of green digits becomes arrhythmic, hinting at darker, deeper patches, other currents welling up, trying to push their way through. Suddenly one of those starts transmitting a pirate signal on part of the screen, images n’sounds from another world inducing a sensation of nausea, of vertigo. Ed allows himself to pulse with this arrhythmia, and the two appear to harmonise and equalise.

 

Yes. Instead of going to the doctor you follow the hyperlink and find yourself here – for instance.

 

Here?

 

Yes. Here in this dialogue we’re already outside the 3D frequency band.

 

No Way – I’d never have guessed.

 

Well, it is a continuum, after all. Outside the window, descending numbers that in 3D would indicate rocks and plants in a Mexican desert appear to be  exploring human form, playing chess on a bench by the pool, with a glass of beer and smoking contentedly.

 

It’s just – when you referred to other dimensions or frequency bands – I imagined they were distinct and recognizable.

 

They can be – but until you’ve built up your experience base and started consciously engaging other, yourself, you’re going to find it hard to discern one from other.

 

Ah. So I could be outside the matrix but not even see it?

 

Yes, because the matrix has a little stretch and leeway. It might give you a headache or make you feel a bit drunk; you might even forget it afterwards as without activating the id’s other you wouldn’t have the energy to hold that frequency as a memory.

 

Oh my!

 

So it would be consigned to the dream or junk DNA folder, wouldn’t it?

 

Yes, I suppose so. But go on – I want to know what it’s like for you?

 

What what’s like?

 

Visiting other frequency bands.

 

It’s just like visiting any place you might go to.

 

But these places are outside 3D reality.

 

Correct, but once you follow the hyperlink and start to work with your id – 3D becomes porous at the same time your certainties about reality and your Self become more and more equivocal.

 

Oh! So you stop knowing who you are?

 

I’m not sure if that’s what I meant to say.

 

Then what?

 

It might be the reverse.

 

How do you mean?

 

You might start knowing better and better who you are.

 

But you said your certainties about reality and Self become more and more equivocal.

 

Weird, isn’t it?

 

You’re telling me, Ed, but try to explain yourself a bit clearer if you can.

 

Well, you can no longer see yourself as x or y – as this or that – because you realise that you’re part of something infinitely larger – not just part in the abstract sense

 

No?

 

No, you’re part of everything in a more physical sense.

 

How do you mean?

 

It is I am.

 

It is – I am?

 

That’s right. Infinity, like a mobius strip loops over, and now your on the side of who I am, experiencing the self version of things; and now you’re able to experience the what side of things.

 

The what side?

 

Well yes – as far as infinity is concerned – it’s a continuum. It’s like a ribbon that passes through you and every thing.

 

So you start imagining you’re a chair, do you?

 

You’re being slightly reductive, Mike.

 

I’m trying to understand.

 

Yes, I see that, but I was trying to explain how your certainties about reality and self become more equivocal. A chair is a chair and I am me, but supposing I was sick and needed to experience something in a far flung part of my underlying Self – I might return, if I complete the healing process successfully, now able to feel how there’s a kind of energy connection between myself and everything else – chair included.

 

All because you were sick?

 

Well, it’s almost like sickness in reverse, in fact.

 

How do you mean?

 

Because the 3D state of mind and awareness is, frankly speaking, pathological.

 

What?

 

You see things as being disconnected whereas in fact – at the quantum level – it’s much more of a oneness – a pulsating wave form or a unity field.

 

So you say, Ed, so you say – but who’s to say that you’re not the one that’s losing his marbles?

 

Yes, indeed, there’s that.

 

How can you be sure that you’re not becoming enslaved by your id – made to see yourself as an extension of inanimate things – turning your back on basic humanity – given to us by God.

 

Yes, Mike, there’s always the concern that we might be wrong, isn’t there?

 

Yes, but I have the entirety of human civilization on my side to back me up and tell me that I’m not a chair, and that humans are conscious and other things are not.

 

Yes, Mike, you do.

 

Whereas you might be sinking into the morass of pathological relativity – where you just become an extension or an attribute of everything else – your so-called continuum.

 

Excellent criticism, Mike. I shall certainly do my utmost to test for this pathology.

 

But you don’t seem to be too concerned, Ed. That’s what’s worrying me.

 

Like I said, Mike, one’s certainties about reality and Self become more and more equivocal, or perhaps refined – but that doesn’t mean I entirely lose, or lost, my sense of self – nor that I can survive entirely without a sense of self. Each time I venture beyond the Pale – into the other – it’s in a real sense, a battle for survival, on the one hand, but on the other it’s a battle for self-knowledge – stripping away the clichés and gross assumptions, and coming to a deeper awareness of who or what underlies the 3D version of me.

 

But you yourself admit there’s a what component.

 

As you do too, Mike, for you have a body and a mind that requires a functional brain – do you not – in the same way you have and require a house, a bank account, a phone, a job etc – all whats – all parts or extensions of yourself – without which you cannot survive in this wonderful world of thingliness.

 

Oh.

 

I don’t do away with the things by going deeper into self-realisation, I merely refine my relationship to them, insisting no longer that they are merely extraneous, discovering and allowing that they are in some respects fundamental to me, a relationship that extends to the very core of my being.

 

It is I am?

 

That’s right.

 

But to what purpose all these niceties?

 

To what purpose?

 

Yes.

 

To health.

 

To health?

 

Yes, whenever I get sick or old once more unto the breach I go, once more to the dark and foreboding id to continue my studies, to vacate temporarily my iddish certainties and allow the numbers to prime their squares, parenthetically.

 

Ah, you’re a perpetual student?

 

By necessity, Mike, by necessity.

 

Because there’s no other way to keep healthy?

 

Absolutely. The 3D that seems to serve and satisfy most people, for some reason doesn’t work for me. I’m too aware of other and the need to experience myself in other frequency bands.

 

And?

 

And doing so I discover that infinity takes me back to the drawing board again and again, overturning one assumption after another, compelling me to find, to feel once again the unity which beggars belief.

 

I beg your pardon?

 

Well, think about it Mike, it's one thing to talk about underlying unity, quite another to feel and experience it directly.

 

What's so difficult about unity?

 

Nothing, once you harmonise with id.

 

I don't see why I have to go that far. I have no difficulty accepting or believing in some kind of fundamental unity. “All is one” – there, that's a wonderful affirmation, is it not?

 

Is it not, indeed, and yet affirming unity when you are still divided is an exercise in self-deception. It can only go so far.

 

I don’t see why.

 

No, but your body does, and when you're sick you’re brought back down to earth with a thud, or a crash.

 

Well, sickness is natural, isn't it? I don't see how it undermines my belief in unity, or why my belief in unity makes me have to see myself and a chair as one and the same, essentially.

 

Correct, Mike. From your perspective everything you are saying is perfectly reasonable and I have no desire to disabuse you of this position. In 3D reality, unity is a wonderful abstraction which can and often does help individuals to grow deeper in their understanding of beauty, truth or even spirituality.

 

Well, I’m glad we agree on that.

 

Outside or beyond 3D, unity is no longer an abstraction.

 

No?

 

It becomes a practical necessity, without which you cannot advance one single iota.

 

Oh

 

It is – I am, like it or not, agree or disagree, without this fundamental basis it is impossible to integrate all which lies beyond sight, beyond our awareness of the 3D mind, the 3D me.

 

Oh, you do love to overdramatize things, Ed. With you it's always do or die, there's no compromise, no middle ground. Try not to be so rigid and doctrinaire.

 

This is truly excellent advice Mike, but when once again I find myself at the breach, experiencing something rather close to death, the abyss all around. I have to go back to the drawing board of commonality; I have to take all that I am, all that is on the table top of my existence and watch what infinity is showing me.

 

Ah, now I begin to see…

 

You do?

 

You are anthropomorphising infinity, treating it as a god or teacher, when in fact you are merely encountering different aspects of yourself. It's a mild form of schizophrenia. We must nip it in the bud before it takes control of you.

 

Not exactly schizophrenia, Mike, though you're on the right track.

 

Huh?

 

All of us are to a greater or lesser extent divided. “I was in two minds” – you hear people say, do you not?

 

You can't seriously want to deny that you are treating infinity anthropomorphically?

 

No, Mike, I cannot deny there is truth in that, but there is truth in the opposite, no less.

 

In what?

 

In the fact that you treat things as if they are merely things, devoid of mind or consciousness.

 

 

Well, I hardly see how your can expect it to be otherwise.

 

Correct, dear Mike. In 3D reality other is marginalised to the point of non-existence, as is infinity itself. If I treat it as a presence or a being, that is because any it, no matter what, no matter which, is to a greater or lesser extent part of presence or being. But this only starts making sense when you go through the somewhat fraught process of meeting the id and starting to reconcile the unreconcilable.

 

Poppycock, Ed!

 

In any case, Mike, these things only become relevant or important if and when you are no longer able to operate within the bounds of 3D.

 

Well, I and 99.9% of humanity Ed, seem to be doing fine within these “bounds”, as you call them.

 

True.

 

So I think I'll just agree to disagree and wish you the very best.

 

Excellent, Mike, that's the sign of a mature and intelligent thinker. It’s so nice to be able to have a friendly conversation without offending one another, though our views are diametrically opposed.

 

They shake hands, and Mike pulls out his phone.

-          Did you hear all that?

-          Yes.

-          Are they in place?

-          Affirmative.

 

A squad of medics are waiting nearby. As Ed strolls down the leafy boulevard towards them, one of them calls out – Mr Edwards?

Ed looks their way but seems to look through them.

-          Away with the fairies, mutters the medic. Could you come with us please, Mr Edwards. We’re here to provide mandatory medical assistance.

-          Yes, of course. Ed answers in a strangely slow, calm, composed drawl, like he’s from the deep south.

He seems completely focussed on a point behind the four medics and walks towards it. The medics assume he’s coming to them but suddenly they notice that they’re no longer in the same spatial frame as Ed, that he’s walking straight through them until his image fades away leaving a lingering bowl of fruit and a bunch of petunias.

-          Bloody hell, what was that?

-          I dunno…  Me neither…  Er…  Nonplussed.

Mike gazing at the scene incredulously feels a tugging at his heart, as if his old school friend, Ed, just took a part of him to infinity, as if a wine glass had just appeared in front of the LED display, twisting the green numbers streaming down, introducing a much-needed splash of equivocation.

 

 

0=1

certainly