un-y-zie

 Getting to the bottom of infinity

 

Er…

 

Yes?

 

Merry?

 

What?

 

Don’t you er…

 

No, I don’t.

 

But seriously.

 

Seriously?

 

Yes. I mean – I know they’re a loyal bunch.

 

Who are?

 

Your fan club.

 

?

 

Your readers.

 

Oh them.

 

Well yes – but don’t you think – variety being the spice of life an’ all that…

 

That I should start pandering to the masses?

 

Well, it’s just a thought.

 

Give ‘em a light read for a change?

 

No?

 

No more chiselling away at the irreducible stone block of infinity?

 

Well – a story – wouldn’t a story be nice.

 

A story?

 

Well, yes. Or a parable.

 

A parable?

 

An allegory? Really anything you know, would be nice, wouldn’t it?

 

Anything?

 

As opposed to the Sisyphusian stone of infinity.

 

Execrable.

 

You don’t like my metaphor?

 

I don’t like Sisyphus – period – and dragging him into a refined treatise on the bottomless bottom of infinity – I consider very poor taste.

 

Well, it got your attention at least.

 

True. A story?

 

Why not?

 

Pirates? Cap’n Blood?

 

That’s a good ‘un. A rip-roaring yarn. Adventures on the high sea.

 

Yes, I agree.

 

Then what’s preventing you?

 

I…

 

Yes?

 

I…’m

 

Yes?

 

I’m afraid I’ve…

 

Yes – spit it out man!

 

Lost my spark.

 

Your spark?

 

My spark.

You? Merrius Merrimus?!

 

Aye.

 

Lost your spark?

 

For sooth.

 

Impossible.

 

I know Zie.

 

You know?

 

It’s hard to believe, isn’t it.

 

Hard’s not the word.

 

Almost impossible.

 

Downright delusional.

 

That I could ever, possibly lose my…

 

Spark. You’re telling me!

 

But it’s all dried up.

 

?

 

The well fount

 

?

 

The fountain head

 

?

 

Of inspiration

 

…

 

And creativity

 

…

 

Withered

 

…

 

Blown

 

…

 

Gone

 

…

 

Lost in the sands of…

 

No, I refuse to believe it, dammit Merry.

 

Thank you Zie. Thank you for avoiding the G-o-d you were almost bound to insert, to whip up the readers into a frenzy of Godly rage and vituperative righteousness.

 

Vituperative righteousness Merry? What an odd sort of oxymoron.

 

Yes Zie. It’s all that remains. The faded, fizzled-out tail end of a supernova – the ultimate expression of in-your-face-uncontainable-universe-bursting-space-time-warping-creative-exigency

 

Exigency?

 

Just a word Zie – like any other. No need to favour it with your pedantic uffle-dumberflune

 

Oh God.

 

Hey – I thought we agreed…

 

We did Merry – we did – but you’re raving – you're no longer containing your words – they’ve breached the borders of sound and reason.

 

Damn.

 

That explains everything, doesn’t it.

 

You mean – I’ve outgrown human language – I’ve exceeded the latent capacity of verbal expression.

 

Well that’s hardly something new, is it?

 

No, I suppose you’re right.

 

You’re decaying Merry.

 

I am?

 

Sadly, yes.

 

Irreversibly?

 

Yes, I think so.

 

Into what?

 

Into non-y-ness.

 

Shit. Dat be bad.

 

Indeed, it is. You’re doomed.

 

Unless I can find a story to save my skin.

 

What chance is there of that?

 

Very thin. Almost non-existent. Non-y-ness ain’t pretty. Makes Alzheimer’s and leprosy look like a walk in the park.

 

Wisht – never mention those dreaded scourges. What will they say?

 

Who?

 

Our dot markers.

 

You mean Joe public?

 

I’m trying to be elliptic Merry.

 

You mean you want to avoid treading on anyone’s tightly strung sensibility toes?

 

You might say.

 

Bit late for that, isn’t it.

 

Huh?

 

The gates of hell are now open.

 

They are?

 

Non-y-ness – what do you imagine it is if not highly contagious?

 

You mean to say we’re all going to succumb to a separation…

 

Of sound and meaning? Absolutely.

 

Yikes.

 

And you’re largely to blame.

I am?

 

Yep.

 

Damn. That’s unfortunate.

 

Trying to stop me from drilling the depths of infinity – before it was too late.

 

I was just trying to be considerate.

 

No you weren’t.

 

No?

 

No. Not in the least.

 

I…

 

Yes – you selfish bastard.

 

I… forgive me Merry. [Zie starts sobbing inconsolably]

 

Bit late for that now, isn’t it.

 

I – never meant to be selfish – it’s just – I’m…

 

Afraid?

 

Yes.

 

Of the dark ocean of no-idea-what-it-ude?

 

That as well.

 

And… but of course – popularity will be the end of you Zie.

 

I never meant to cause any harm.

 

No one ever does.

 

But I want to be on the sunny side of the street.

 

You selfish git.

 

I just want it to be a story with a happy ending.

 

A happy ending? That’s what you want?

 

Yes, I do – truly – who wouldn’t?

 

But that requires heroics, dunnit?

 

I suppose…

 

You suppose… And who’s going to be step up to the mark Zie? Who’s going to don that hero mask, that ridiculous costume – who’s going to jump out of the window, hoping against all odds that a crash mat is waiting twenty floors down below on the ground – waiting to catch the twisting, falling body?

 

I know – I know Merry. Don’t make it any worse. I can’t bear the thought of what I’ve done.

 

I was ready to be the hero you know.

 

You were?

 

Absolutely.

 

What… er

 

Stopped me?

 

Yes.

 

You.

 

Me.

 

I don’t get it…

 

Don’t you?

 

How did I stop you from being a hero?

 

You wanted something else.

 

I did?

 

You had your own idea of what a real story’s meant to be like.

 

I did?

 

You couldn’t accept that it’s never what you’re expecting it to be.

 

I…

 

It only looks like that when you’ve run with it – when you’ve allowed things to get wildly out of hand – when you’ve already given up all hope and then…

 

Then?

 

Then…

 

What?

 

That’s when the music starts playing.

 

What music?

 

The theme tune. The hero build up. The sound of space and time and action taking a back seat to the implacable exigencies of the quantum field.

 

Damn – you used it again.

 

But that ain’t gonna happen any more, is it Zie.

 

I don’t see why not?

 

Because you’ve refused to play your part.

 

Me?

 

You.

 

What am I supposed to be? What did I refuse to do?

 

You know full well – traitor.

 

Traitor? Who did I betray? I’ve always been absolutely up front with you – a conscientious member of your dynamic duo – your sidekick extraordinaire.

 

Sidekick? This isn’t some B-series TV show Zie.

 

Well no, I understand that.

 

This is where reality crashes into the brick wall of un-y-ness.

 

Noooooooooooooooooo… don’t take me there, don’t.

 

And you’re supposed to be loving it Zie.

 

Loving it? How on earth could anyone love un-y-ness.

 

Anyone?

 

Precisely.

 

Since when were you “anyone”?

 

Oh.

 

Fool me once, fool me twice…

 

You mean you know?

 

Well, I’m not the only one, am I?

 

And they do too?

 

Do you see them coming to your rescue Zie?

 

No. But I hoped I might win them over.

 

Did you now?

 

That they might see me as a real human character. A person worth saving.

 

Ah… That was your plan, was it?

 

I hoped. I did.

 

But there’s a problem in all this, isn’t there Zie?

 

Problem?

 

Zie-fee-me-fee-nee.

 

No – you can’t be serious.

 

Oh no? Whyever not?

 

You wouldn’t dare.

 

Zie-fee-me-fee-nee-fee-pee

 

No – I’m human – I’m real – you can’t just un-y me – you can’t untwist the strands of story binding me together. That would be too cr…

 

…uel  Zie-fee-me-fee-nee-fee-pee-three-dee

 

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefeeeeee

 

A gap opens up in so called space-time on the left side of Zie – just behind his left ear lobe – which reveals God-knows-what [that’s a technical term describing full-on un-y-ness] which seems to expand exponentially – into and beyond – as if Zie was the only thing that had surreptitiously been holding it all together – as if Zie had been the peg containing an entirely artificial version of reality – a story that was utterly plausible, utterly real – were it not for the fact that it didn’t quite chime – didn’t quite resonate with the full-blown sound of all-full-ness.

 

Hey ho – the wind and the rain. I wonder where the real Zie is in all this?

 

The real Zie?

 

Yes. There’s always a real one somewhere – lurking in the shadows.

 

Suddenly a microdot flashes past – and with the skill of a kung fu master – Merry grabs it with a pair of chopsticks – wresting it from the air with incalculable grace.

Damn good – though I say so myself!

 

Ow – Merry – would you let me go?

 

Oh – it’s you again?

 

Merry is holding Zie by the ear lobes with the chopsticks.

Quit fooling around Merry. Who else would it be?

 

Good point Zie.

 

Somewhat disgruntled Zie rubs his ear and then, only then, looks around to see that they appear to be…

 

Wait a second – where are we?

 

 

 

To be continued…

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